BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (42 page)

"Well, time will tell. Now, not to change the subject from Crystal, but uh, I need to ask, there's a Dj blast coming up tomorrow night, Ben said he'd go with me if you let us check it out, that okay?"

"Where is it?" Shawn asked. Mundo told him about the paper ad surrounding the big event and where it would be and of course Shawn had no choice but to consent to it, because he wasn't a little boy and it's what he was looking to do with his career. They went on to the record deals he found, bought a load of music that he was excited about, found some new equipment that Shawn couldn't resist him on, of course with a promise from him that he would be reimbursing him. They left the final place and picked up some rib tips and headed out to the coast because after their time together, Mundo had something else he wanted to talk to him about. It had been on his mind since his and Ben's talk on contraception and sex.

The day was beautiful, the sun was bright, making them both don shades as they sat with their legs hanging over the pier to eat and talk. The smell of the ocean was strong with waves softly rolling and lapping at the beach and rocks. People were milling about behind them - also there at the pier to enjoy the view of the ocean front. Seagulls calling over head, watching for the slightest discard of something that could be consumed.

"Jesse and I came here a lot. Sit, shoot the shit, toss bread, fries off the pier - watching them dive for the smallest scrap." Shawn chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood a bit. Since they stopped at the restaurant to pick up some food, Mundo had grown quiet. In fact, it was the first time since he'd known Mundo, that they'd gone out together, or spent time together, that he hadn't had him in stitches. Coming to that realization, Shawn knew that this was going to be heavy, whatever it was about.

They sat for at least a half an hour, quiet, neither speaking. With each moment that went by, Shawn grew more and more concerned. He turned to look at Mundo a few times, but Mundo wouldn't meet his eyes, kept his out towards the ocean, quietly watching the waves. Seeing him like that gripped Shawn so he could only wonder what weighed so heavily on him that it was taking him this long to bring it up. They were both leaning into the railing, their arms resting on the middle rails. Shawn was willing to wait as long as it took and then finally Mundo spoke,

"You promise to keep this between you and I?"

"Absolutely, that's something you never need worry over."

"In a way, I should keep it to myself, because well - it involves my mother, kind'ah."

Shawn knew then to brace himself, "Don't let that stop you, I can handle it."

"I just don't wanna upset you with what I say."

"This is about you Mundo ... not about me. I'm here for
you
. I can't be if there are limits to what you can tell me. What kind of father would I be to you if you have to fear telling me something that might upset me?"

Mundo looked at him then, "Sometimes - I can't believe you - you really - really care for us the way you do. Why?"

Shawn smiled, "Although I never said it, asked it - I wondered the same thing about Jesse. I couldn't believe that he really - really loved me. Even though everyday, he did things to show that he did, it just - never made sense that he did. I mean, I was a white boy. Arrogant, out to prove something, prideful. I was hard-headed too." Shawn chuckled thinking back, "Jesse used to say, a hard head leads to a good ass kicking." He shook it thinking back, "You know, he kicked my ass one time." Shawn admitted.

"Jesse?"

"Yep."

"Wow."

"For real, it's true. I deserved it. I ah, thought because I could fight so good, that I could handle him you know." Shawn laughed out then, "Man, he kicked my ass, and yet - he didn't really hurt me - not like he could have. He could have messed me up, my stupid ass. It is he, who finished off my training in fighting, in life. He was a Jim Kelly follower, wanted to one day come into the movies and be the, new Jim Kelly."

"Who is Jim Kelly?" Mundo asked.

"You are kidding me aren't you?"

"No, who is Jim Kelly?"

"Jeez you are young. He was one of the greatest black belts in Karate. Also an actor, black and in movies with Bruce Lee."

"Oh I know who Bruce Lee is."

"Then you should know who the hell Jim Kelly is. Jesse wanted to follow in his footsteps. Taught me to block and move, the most important thing about fighting - not getting hit. Anyway, that was just one of the many lessons he taught me, because he truly loved me and I couldn't believe that someone like him, gave a damn about me. After all, I was a white boy, belonging to a race of people responsible for years upon years of oppression to black men in the past, and still today." Shawn paused for thought, then looked at Mundo, "I did not come to grips, with the depth of what he felt for me, until the day he died protecting me. So, I understand where you're coming from."

Mundo nodded his head in understanding.

"I guess, Ben and I are in the same boat huh? Time will tell, right?" Shawn put in.

Mundo smiled, nodding again.

"So, have I put in enough time for you to trust me, with this? With what's on your mind?"

Mundo smiled, "Are you kidding, you my dad - right?"

"You damn right I am. So, come on, spill it."

"Let's see, how do I get this across to you?"

"What's the core of the topic?" Shawn asked.

Mundo sighed, looked at him and stated, "Sex."

"Oh shit - you're not gay are you?" Shawn asked worried.

"Hell naw! Man, come on - forget that! No no no no no - ain't shit in my closet like that, mm emp - man, I can't believe you thought
that!
"

"Well, now days, you never know."

"Man with that, no day, no time, no way - this negro here don't do gay!"

Shawn chuckled nervous and relieved, "Okay then, what else would it be?"

Mundo looked at him in reproach, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Ah come on, forgive me - I had to ask."

"You ain' have to ask that!"

"I'm sorry."

"You
should
be ... gay?! And uh, what if I was, then what?"

"That would take one helluva an adjustment for me, I'll be honest."

"You homophobic ain't you?"

"Nooo, not that bad." Shawn denied.

"Yeah you is, look at you turning all red." Mundo laughed, "It's okay, I won't tell yo' secret."

Shawn scratched his head, "Would you stop - I am not, now go on, we came here to talk about you, or - your problem." He grinned.

Mundo nodded, knowing he'd stalled enough. Trying to find the right words, he just dove in, "I'm having a hard time - gettin' to - well - that point - you know, of ah, having sex, with a girl." He finally got it out.

"What do you mean? Afraid to ask a girl?"

"Naw, my wrap is cool - and uh - there are girls that like me, you know - but ah - a few times when I tried - my ahhh - well - I go soft, know what I'm saying?"

"What? You mean you can't hold an erection?"

"Yeah, that."

"Are you feeling okay? Have you been to the doctor about it?"

"Naw, uh - if I - like - do myself, masturbate - I can go all the way. But if I mess with a girl, its gone."

Shawn sat staring at him a moment, "So you being a virgin - its not from choice."

"Naw ... it's just what I tell other people if it comes up."

Shawn sat a moment more staring at him, thinking and then asked, "You said - when we started, that it had something,
kind'ah
to do with your mother, is that so?"

Mundo looked down into the surf, then nodded.

"Tell me how?" Shawn asked.

It took him another few minutes to think about it, "Don't take this the wrong way, okay?"

"Okay."

"When ah, we get to kissin', and it starts to get heavy - I ah - hear my mother scream - in my head,
nooo - nooo.
"

Shawn stared at him.

Mundo looked up at Shawn, "As far back as I can remember, I never once heard my father, make love to her, the way - you do. It never, sounded the same. Foreplay for them, was a fight, him calling her names, and then, dragging her off to bed. Crystal and I - we used to lay up at night, listening to them - sometimes it would happen, in the middle of the day, my mother trying to fight him off, crying - telling him no. And uh - I can't -... for some reason, I can't get that shit out'ah my head man - tell me how to get that shit - out'ah my head?" He pleaded with tears in his eyes.

Shawn grabbed him by the head, hugging him tightly.

"I just - wanna be - normal - like er'body else - you know?" He sniffed, needing to wipe his face.

Shawn turned him loose so that he could, although he kept his hand on his back, giving his neck a fatherly, squeeze, massage. "How many times, have you tried?"

"Three or four. I don't even try no more. Last time, before we met you. Went to this party, did a little drinking, not much - but I thought, it would help me you know? Not think about it. This girl, really good looking, she was all hot for me you know. We uh, went into the bedroom - was playing around - and uh, she got a little rough with me you know - so uh, I started getting rough back - and you know what - my shit - got harder than ever. It shocked me - scared me so bad, I couldn't go through with it. Not because I wasn't hard, but - because I felt like - I needed the - well - aggression - I needed for things to - get rough, like him. Man ... I think, I'm turning into my father-..."

"No you're not."

"I was there man - how can you explain it? She wanted it rough, and because of that, I was ready. I could'ah did it man, I wasn't even trying to get soft... it was like - just right... what the hell is that?"

"It doesn't make you like your father!" Shawn insisted.

"Then what does it make me man? You know what I feel like, fuckin' wolfman! Like every new moon, I'm changin' - I'm becoming this thing, that I hate. I can tell you right now - I swear before God in heaven, before I turn into him - I'll kill myself first." Mundo couldn't talk anymore. He leapt to his feet and started walking towards the Hummer.

Shawn sat staring as the distance grew between them.

"Godalmighty - bring that sonofabitch back to life - so I can kill him - this time."

Wisconsin...

Giving it some thought, Jake decided not to put in a ten hour day, he'd started at five that morning and after talking to Vivian, thought, 8 hours was enough. He returned from lunch and informed his boss of his plans, letting him know he'd be in late the next morning - but would make it up working later. Considering all the overtime he would be putting in, he was let off with no argument. He'd thought about hitting the highway right after leaving work, straight on to Chicago, but didn't feel comfortable taking Shawn's bike there, besides, he needed a shower and wanted to show up nice and fresh. First however, he needed to check with his mom about the orders she made for the house and also, to get some money. Suddenly it occurred to him, he wasn't so broke, nor so dirt poor. It was a nice feeling.

"Mom! Where are you?" He called on his mobile right before pulling out of the lumber yard, feeling upbeat, sitting on the bike before starting it up.

"I'm at your house! They're setting the traps now, your lights are on, your water is on. You have a busted pipe in the basement which, is now flooded."

"What?! Great!"

"No worries, I had a feeling I should come over and check it and sure enough, I saw rats coming out of the kitchen door and knew. I've got a plumber out here who is draining it now and checking over your pipes. You appliances will be delivered to our house next week Wednesday; with all there is to do here, I thought they'd be safer there in the mobile garage until your kitchen is ready for them."

"Thanks mom, good idea."

"Son, I'm telling you now - you are going to have to get these rodents seen to, you're gonna scare my Vivian into a divorce before you're married. She's not used to roughing it."

"I know mom, that's why I had you call them out. Once the house has been gone through thoroughly by pest control, and I get to finding where they're getting in and fixing that, it'll be fine. Anyway, I'm getting off early to run down to Chicago, goin' to see my girl."

"Wooo hooo, listen at you, that's my boy! You get that girl and don't turn her loose."

"Ah yes, my mother - her very own cheer leader!"

Gert laughed, not at all ashamed, "Say what you will about me, I am not ashamed."

"Well, I plan to have her here in a week and a half as you know, so if the house isn't suitable to sleep in yet, she'll be staying with you guys, or maybe Shanna, we'll see."

"Suits us just fine."

"Look I have to get moving here, I'm broke mom, I need some money."

"I'll have to go by the bank, how much you needing?"

"You know what, Vivian wanted to decorate the apartment and I made her leave the store, told her we couldn't afford it, when in truth, I can."