BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (186 page)

"Such as?" She asked.

"Community service, DWI classes, AA and anger management."

"Did you have to pay a fine, bail?"

"My dad paid it for me, so I didn't have to give a dime. I was willing to, but he wanted to, so, I let him. Crystal, I'd like to spend that on you, I mean, since I would have had to pay it, maybe we can do something together, go on a honeymoon like we never had - or maybe I could buy you something, something you really want? It's up to you."

"Honeymoon? We're no longer married Victor. As for your money, I don't want your money, give it to your boys, why don't you take them shopping? The other part, ended with us."

"The judge will reverse it, I know he will, once he hears my side. How much I love you, how much I want my family back."

Crystal could only sit and stare at him, lost as to what to say, he was blocking everything she said. "Victor, I think, you need to focus on the boys. Spending time with them, we have yet to arrange a time for you to see them, what about that?"

"I was just with them wasn't I? I'm telling you now, I'm gonna be here everyday! So I'll be seeing them, everyday-..."

"Victor..."

"Wait Crystal, what if - listen, what if - you moved back into the house? And I, left and lived somewhere else a while, until we worked things out. You don't need to be here, you should be in your own home. You won't have to pay anything. I'll take care of it all, house payment, bills, food - while you're in school. Like it was before, only, you won't have to work this time, just finish this course you've started."

Again, all Crystal could do was stare, speaking her mind she asked, "Why won't you let go Victor? You still have your boys-..."

"I WANT YOU! YOU -..." He blasted; frustrated, raking his hand through his hair, hating that he'd raised his voice. He never felt so out of control.

She sat quiet, once more watching him, trying to read him, understand him.

"I want - what I had before. My wife - you Crystal - you are my wife! I've given up everything for you. I wiped my mother out of my life - for you! Doesn't that tell you, that this is all different now? That it's not the same? Everybody deserves another chance Crystal. I mean, come on, look how many times I forgave you."

"Yeah, you did and - look how many times you provoked me. You did it all pretty well, because you even had Mundo on your side, all he knew, was that I was attacking you, he never really knew why, did he? But you used him as well, to make me feel like it was all me, that I was always the problem and not you."

"I - I don't know what you mean?" He glanced from her to the table, feeling his face burn.

"Look at you. That's what sucks about being white - as fair as you are. The fact that you know what you've done, shows on your face. I was so consumed by trying to do all that was right, that I couldn't see. All I wanted was to make you happy but you would say things to me, to make me feel inadequate."

"What?! That's crazy! What things, what things did I ever say?" He denied, trying to fight back from the blush that exposed him.

"I can't just pull it all out here and now, but I did a lot of thinking while I was away. A lot of thinking. And the fact is, you think you're better than me-..."

"Oh that's bullshit, Crystal - come on! I'm in love with you, from the moment I saw you, your mother bringing you into-..."

"Stop! I don't wanna hear that!"

"Why? Huh? Why?" He moved from his chair going around the table to kneel before her, turning her chair around to face him.

"Victor stop it, get up from the floor."

"No - if I thought I was better than you, would I be down here? Huh? You want me to beg you back home? That it? Is that what it's going to take?"

"No Victor! Get up!" She pushed at his shoulders, he grabbed her wrists.

"No, I won't get up, I won't. I love you, you're my wife! I screwed up leaving you at your mother's that day. I should have gone for a walk, calmed down, came back and said, let's go home. Crystal I regret that day, baby I regret it more than you will ever know." He moved in closer to her, parting her knees to get in between her thighs, putting a hand around her waist to her back to pull her in close to him. "We belong together Crystal, don't you feel it, when I'm close to you like this? Feel how my heart's beating." He put her palm against his chest. "Feel it? That's real Crystal, I can't fake that." His hand moved down to the curve of her rear, pulling her forward on the seat as he lifted himself higher on his knees, looking at her lips. "I want you so bad, don't you want me, hm?" He lifted his mouth to kiss at her lips.

Crystal's heart was banging away until she was short of breath. Was it him? Love? Or was it what her body knew he could do? How he could please her? Right away, Ben came to mind, and immediately all effects he was stirring died - almost instantly. She pushed back. "No Victor, you're not gonna turn this into a session of us having sex to mask what's wrong with us."

"Crystal, we're a young couple, we're gonna have problems, it's not gonna be perfect, but this is. Come on, just a kiss." He pleaded softly.

"No Victor, move... I mean it."

He reached up, grabbed her head with both hands, pulling her mouth to his, kissing her hard, his mouth open over hers, his tongue entering, breathing heavy as he took over, trying to make her see what he felt, what they shared. Crystal grabbed his wrists, trying to push him away, but he was strong, really strong, holding her head so she could barely move it. She tried to stand, but he pulled her off the chair to the floor where he was, "No-..." She forced out, trying to turn her head.

Ignoring her, he pulled her beneath him, laying half of his body over hers, "Victor stop it!" She slapped him across the face, not a hard slap because her arms were restricted from giving it more power. He immediately grabbed her wrists and pinned them over her head, tightly with his one hand.

"Now, who hit who? Huh? Am I angry? No, not at all, because this is what we do, isn't it Crystal?" He grinded against her, kissing her neck, down her chest, breathing hard, moving up to kiss her again, "This is how we like it, don't we, a bit rough, don't you?" He kissed her mouth, her cheek, because she was turning her head, this way and that.

"Nooo, stop it - get off! Get off me!" She bucked against him.

He climbed full on top of her, just about crushing her with his weight into the floor that had no give beneath her. Taking hold of her, stretching her arms up further, restricting her movements even more, he grabbed her face and forced himself on her, sure that she would give any moment now. He wedged his knee between her legs, grinding his erection against her groin area, moving down to the juncture of her thighs to rub his stiff hardness against her soft area, as if begging for entry.

Crystal forced her head around, she had to hurt herself to do it, because of his strong unyielding grip, regardless of it hurting her cheeks, "I mean - I mean it Victor, stop it! I mean it, stop it or - nooo, I'll start screa - scream! I will!" She struggled against him, feeling pinned down and helpless, he wasn't listening, just moving against her. She started crying, because she knew, he was too strong for her. Knew that if she screamed, and someone heard, they - or Shawn - would beat the hell out of him. Knew, that if she didn't fight him, he would take her - after all, he'd taken her before in their marriage when she'd tried so long ago after one fight, to deny him. He took her, and she did end up giving in, in fact, she'd actually came, hard and fast from his aggression. Now, she was different from then, this was different, she didn't want to give in, she didn't want this - him this way - but she was scared to cry out because he would get hurt. He was panting and desperate to have her, she could tell, he was always so hungry for her when recovering from a fight. He would handle her rough and ride her hard and fast, not really making love to her, but fucking her so that he could and sometimes did, hurt her. Before, feeling guilty, loving him so much, she would let him, she would take it, but now, everything seemed different. Even this, she realized was an act that made her feel belittled, that made her feel that he was telling her something - that this is what he wanted her for - it was where he found his greatest pleasure. It was his greatest addiction, being able to handle her this way, making her take it - take it hard - the way he would give it to her. She was his sole possession, belonging only to him. Suddenly she flashed back and heard her mother, heard her with her father crying out as well, saying no - trying to fight him off. All of a sudden, Crystal saw that she was repeating the very same actions, some how, some way, she'd become her mother; she remembered it being this way with her parents. She realized that Victor, some how, was her father and she had inadvertently fallen for a man, that was similar to him in very subtle ways, but right now, as he was trying to take her on Shanna's kitchen floor, it hit her like a ton of bricks - he needed their fights to give him an excuse to dominate her.

"NOOO! NO NO NO NO! GET OFF OF MEEE! GET OFF OF MEEEE! GET OFF OF MEEEE!" She was fighting, thrashing around, bucking on the floor, tugging to get her arms free of him. She forced her head out of his tight grip, turning left and right, not caring how much it was hurting. Her sudden, loud abruption of outcries scared him so Victor came to and leaped back off of her.

"Crystal!? Ca-calm down! Calm down - what's going on? I'm sorry - I didn't mean to hurt you! Did I hurt you?" He moved back watching her sob as she pulled her body up to sit, folding her legs before her, her knees up against her chest, she rocked and cried, shaking her head to get the vision, the sound, of her mother's cries out of her head, her eyes pouring with tears. Her hair was a mess, her clothing half open from his efforts to get what he was after from her.

"I want you to gooo, please - gooo!"

"Crystal? What? I'm sorry Crystal, I wasn't trying to hurt you!"

"Yes you were! Yes you were! You always hu-hurt meee! You always hu-hurt meee! Lea-leave me alone - leave me alone! You're - you're just like him!"

"Huh? What? What are you talking about?!" Victor panted, sitting on the floor, watching her rock and cry. "Crystal, what do you mean? Just like who?"

"MY FATHER! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT - I - I married... oh God." She wept, taking deep breaths to get a grip of herself.

Victor's eyes went to the front door, worried about what might be happening outside of it, to fully grasp what she was saying. Too scared and wondering if Shawn was lurking about, he couldn't believe he'd lost it like that. If Shawn were to see her like this - he knew he would have hell to pay. He looked back to Crystal, "Crystal, I'm sorry, calm down baby, I was wrong. I thought, I just thought - we've always been like this-..."

"YOU! YOU! You've always been - been like this! I - I tried to - to love you - and you - you treated me - like -..."

Not sure how to calm her, he gestured with his hand, "Sh sh sh, sh sh - I'm sorry, I said I was sorry. Don't cry, don't cry - come on, get up from the floor, it's okay. I'm sorry Crystal, come here, let me help you up."

"Nooo!"

"Yes, come on, you want them to think we've been fighting, huh? You want Shawn on me? I don't wanna hurt you Crystal, I don't. I swear to you, I don't. Come on, let me help you up. I won't hurt you, I won't go there again, I promise you I won't. Come on, let me help you up." He went to her, treating her as gently as he could - forgetting what she said about her father for the moment.

Trying to calm down, Crystal let him help her up. Her head hurt. He was right. She had to calm down, if Shawn saw her like this, she knew - no one would keep him off of Victor. She didn't want him hurt, while they might have problems, there was still something in her that didn't want him hurt by anyone. In fact, she knew, she still loved him. She was no longer in love with him, that romantic dreamy thing that made her feel she couldn't breathe if he left her, was gone. Now, it was a different kind of love - to see him harmed, she couldn't take it. He helped her into the bathroom. "Wash your face, cool down. You need to - fix your hair too. I'm sorry Crystal, I'm so sorry, you okay? I don't wanna hurt you."

"Leave me alone, I'm okay... just leave."

"Crystal..." He almost whimpered, almost stomped like a child coming down from a tantrum, unable to give in, "...I can't leave you. I love you so much, how can I leave you? Just promise me, that - you won't - do anything else, until - we - we work this out Crystal. I want to work it out, I swear to you I do." He wouldn't leave the bathroom, he had to stay there, stay with her until she agreed to give him a chance - agreed to stay away from Ben.

She stood wiping her face with a cold wet clothe, focusing on calming down. "I'm not making any promises Victor."

"So you're going with Ben then?"

She turned to him exasperated, "I told you, Ben and I are nothing, but friends, that's it!"

"He says different, he says, that - well, you two are close, real close. That you were even closer, in L.A."

"What? He said that to you? When?"

"Today, we almost got into another fight, right out front, your mother came out and caught us facing off again. He pissed me off because he said, I was a loser, and that he was on you like bees on honey - that he would have you, had - in fact, had you - and would take you and my boys, and I would never get you back. I'm in love with you Crystal, I'm your husband, how am I to take that? I guess that's why, I kind'ah, went too far here - the idea of someone else, well - touching you - it drives me crazy, you're my wife."

Crystal stood with her mouth open, stunned that Ben would say such a thing. Yes, they had been close, had in fact kissed, but it wasn't something she wanted him flaunting around, and what if that got back to her mother? After she'd told her she was under control - that they were just friends? "I can't believe he said that to you." She couldn't believe it.

"You don't believe me, ask your mother how we were when she came out. Like I said, I got pissed and he invited me to follow him into the woods, move our cars, so no one would know - so he could get at me, alone - he said. Yeah right, I'm sure he had other plans. And you, trust him, around our sons? He's one way to your face Crystal, but behind your back, he's totally different. I saw that about him today, and wondered do you really know him? I mean, really know him? That's why I want you to move back home, I'll leave Crystal, leave it to you all by yourself. Just you and the boys. At least then, you can think without interference from everyone in your family. And me, well - I'll only come by, when you call me, I promise you."