BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (190 page)

"But it ain't - your goose is cooked." Gert went to the refrigerator, "Want some milk?"

"Shanna! This is your fault! I'm probably not even pregnant."

"You are!" All three women sang out at the same time.

"It doesn't - work that way!" Vivian stressed.

"Hell it don't! Last I checked, all it takes is a loaded cock an' a waitin' egg!" Gert shocked all three stating.

"Momma!"

"Mama Gert, you too much!"

Sylvia's forehead was on the table rolling back and forth.

"What? Don't be surprised at me, be surprised at this one, she the one don't know how it works!" Gert defended.

"Mama Gert, I know how it works, I mean - it's doesn't work that fast, it takes time." Vivian explained herself.

"Naw darlin', it only takes one time, a good swimmer and a egg. And unless things have changed, I'm certain my Jake's got plenty of swimmers - and you're fertile too? Off the pill? Hell, Shanna get these two babies showers scheduled, we might as well do'em at the same time. I'm gone get me my pretty lil'chocolate babies, oooh I can't wait! I just can't wait!"

Vivian sat with her chin on her hand, tsking them, feeling sad, feeling guilty because here they were rejoicing over her, when she couldn't get Meribel off of her mind, and said so, "You all should be ashamed, I may not even be pregnant, and here, Meribel in the hospital after losing one for sure, it's just wrong." She was about to cry, in fact her eyes filled with tears.

Seeing her that way after the reminder of Meribel, Gert came to the table and took a seat, sighing, "Vivian Cooke, that was just mean - I needed that ray of sunshine from worrying about my Meri. I talked to Derrick this morning, the doctor pressing him so, he's gonna have to tell her. In fact, I'm thinkin' by now, it's done. Makes my stomach ache - I swear - every time I think of her knowing she lost a child. She not gone take that well, I just know she not."

All were quiet now, thinking about Meribel.

"I'm sorry mama Gert, I should've known, I just-..." Vivian started, feeling hot and flushed all over.

"No, don't be - it's just the way it is. Sorry as I am about what they going through, I still can't help but feel the sun on my face, knowing you might be now. And my Sylvia, all my girls havin' babies - well - 'cept you." She looked at Shanna, smiling once more.

"Sorry mama, I'm in no hurry - I have a business to build and a brother to pay back."

"Shawn ain't thinkin' 'bout you girl." Sylvia assured her.

"Even so, I have to pay'im back."

"And you talkin' about doing my wedding for free?" Vivian protested.

"Not completely free, I will be using it for my portfolio and promos."

"Em, well - still, I think we should pay you."

"Vivian Cooke, I have spoken - enough about that. Momma, you gone call Derrick, check on him?"

Gert sighed, in all honesty, she didn't want to, not yet. She knew that she should, but if she heard anything in his voice that was wrong, she'd be forced back on that road again, because there would be no way to ignore any child of hers in pain, especially the kind of pain he would soon be facing, if it wasn't done already.

"Not yet I haven't."

"Mama Gert I'll get Shawn to call and check on him, okay? Don't you worry, you have enough with all the kids here."

"Oh they no bother, ain't no babies among them, Joseph-..."

Speaking of whom, walked in asking, "When are we going? Sasha sent me to ask." He stood in the doorway, peering at the three he would be leaving with, impatiently. He and Sasha were on the front porch, with their little overnight bags packed, ready to go to their uncle Shawn's and Auntie Sylvia's house.

Sylvia smiled, "Okay, we gettin' ready to go now." She answered smiling, turning back to Gert, "Soon as I get home, I'll call and check on Meribel, have Shawn check on Derrick." She promised.

"Please do, even though, I need to be seeing about my own child."

"Mama Gert, Derrick and Meribel aren't children, and we're all family, we take turns seeing about each other; it'll be back around to your turn soon enough." Sylvia stood saying.

"She's right momma." Shanna came to her feet agreeing, Vivian following suit.

"I just wish they were closer, thank goodness you all here now. Family is supposed to be together, so that when hard times, difficult times hit, we can all move in close to protect the ones injured until they heal - animals in a pack got sense enough to know that, but we humans - we always got to be off somewhere - alone. Oh well - don't you all mind me. Thank you so much Sylvia for taking on Sasha and Joseph, they get bored with their brother's off helping Jake, or their granddad in the barn."

All had moved to the front porch; soon as Sasha heard their voices, with her little brother leading the way, she was up on her crutches, anxious to go. Seeing her making her way towards the stairs, Sylvia couldn't help laughing, "I take it you ready to go?" She joked with Sasha.

"Yes please! I love you grandma, see you later!" Sasha answered, saying her goodbyes.

"You be good baby, don't hurt yourself." Gert returned, bending down to give Joseph a hug and kiss goodbye.

"We'll be back later sometime grandma, if you need us, call." Joseph invited, precocious as ever.

"I'll try and remember that, have a goodtime!" Gert called out, waving as they loaded up into Shanna's Jeep and were soon off.

*

Madison, Wi.

Derrick never felt so alone as he did sitting forward on the sofa, in the basement of his home, elbows on his knees, fingers entwined, silence all around him. His children were gone, his wife in the hospital, and a baby dead. All the ones to come, dead. He couldn't get passed that. After Meribel's reaction to the news, he didn't think they could get passed it. Who was he kidding, he felt he didn't deserve them getting past it. He'd failed. The one primary thing that had always been at the top of what their father had drilled into them, he let pass and his wife paid the price for it, laying in a hospital broken and torn, forever damaged by it, simply because of him. While he sat unable to move, he was aware that he should be at the hospital right now; there was a counsellor there, for them, to help them through this - to help them through losing a baby. To help them cope with Meri's condition; whereas before his lack of an act to protect his wife, his family - she'd been just fine. She'd been pregnant with his child. If he could somehow erase that one tragedy from his mind, he might be able to pull through. He slumped back on the sofa staring at the news playing on the TV - the volume down low - nothing in the world meant anything to him right now, because he felt paralyzed, immobilized by an event that didn't have to be. His stomach started hurting again, that large knot forming in his chest once more, causing his heart to pound, hurt, his ears to ring. All these years he'd avoided being what his father tried to make him into, so as not to kill anyone, only to end up, killing his own unborn child. That's how he saw it. That's the way it felt to him, as if he'd taken the small embryo in his own hands and then squeezed - until there was no life lift in it - only to open that hand and see it's blood on it.

Derrick bolted upright, trying to catch his breath - he couldn't breathe. He stood from the sofa - walking in circles - trying to get his heart and breathing back to normal, flexing his large strong hands over his head, gripping his hair, fighting the need to rip it out, the blood he never wanted to see on them, was there anyway - his baby's blood. He strode towards the stairs, up them and into his kitchen, grabbing the keys to his truck, he took off.

*

Jake had showered, eaten and now lazed comfortably across his bed watching TV, pillows propped up beneath him while trying to listen to his fiancée at the same time. Vivian sat against the headboard of the bed, one leg crossed, the other stretched out with Jake's hand beneath her thigh, squeezing and caressing it on and off. They'd gone over the list of persons to invite to their wedding and the reception. Jake wanted invites to give to all the guys he worked with and his boss and stated they could handle all the rest - between her, his mother and Shanna working it out. Next, the ordeal of her wedding dress.

"Jake, uh - what about my wedding dress?"

"What about it." He murmured distracted, thinking he'd done his part, after all, he'd asked for invites.

"It's not free."

He glanced up at her, "Em - not free as in, how much?"

"That's why I'm asking you, my father is not going to spring for our wedding, definitely not for my wedding dress."

"I hadn't figured he would."

"So, then - I'm no longer working, had I worked up until our wedding day I -..."

"Stop! Let's not bring that back up, it's done, you're not working. I accept my part in that, how much we talking?"

"Shanna said there's a beautiful bridal shop in Madison where I could get a gown from as low as - uh - $500 dollars to-..."

"F-f-f-five hundred dollars?! Holy shit! You're only wearing it one time?! What the hell?!"

Vivian went quiet, staring at him, no expression, just quietly staring, saying nothing more.

He lay staring at her, and realized that was probably a no-no considering he made her quit working, thus, she would now have to settle for less than what she might have gotten had she been working. "Sorry." He murmured, "Okay, give it to me, $500 to what?"

"Maybe I'll just pull a potato sack over my head, how would you like me then?"

Jake smiled, "A potato sack? You baby? Hell, you'd make even that look the fashion."

Her face returned again to the silent stare.

"Hey, don't look at me like that, I said, $500 to what? Didn't I say that? What does that mean? Give it to me, I'm ready, that's what it means. Don't be sitting there looking at me that way, so come on - lay it on me."

"I'll just hit goodwill - see what they have." She grumbled low, feeling ornery, lip poked out.

"Holy shit Vivian Cooke! I'm sorry, come on, how much?!"

She sat back against the headboard, crossed her arms over her breasts, feeling sorry for herself that she even had to bother asking him, and once more, started crying. Jake sat up staring at her. "Oh come on, I said I was sorry, why you crying?"

She wouldn't speak to him, just swiped the tears as they rolled.

"Vivian!?" He growled.

She looked at him, eyes pooled with more tears, "I've sacrificed everything for you, Jacob Patrick McPherson! Everything! I gave up a damn good job! I moved from a place I lived all my life! And against my better judgement, I'm letting you attempt to impregnate me-...."

"T'huh, try hell baby, I'm gettin' it done!" He scoffed.

She stopped again, if looks could kill. Face lowered, eyes glaring up at him, the stare was back.

"Sorry - I'll shut up, go on - as you were saying."

Again, she set her jaw stubbornly, sniffed because she was coming up from a bit of tear shedding.

Jake grunted at her, gesturing with his hand for her to continue, shook the bed in a mild tantrum, grunted again, making faces at her. "Vivian - if you don't-..."

"Don't interrupt me again then."

"Jesus Christ, are you gettin' touchy, cry baby."

She slammed the invite book she had on her lap onto the floor about to spring up from the bed. Jake jumped to his knees grabbing her back, "God almighty, I can't say anything right! Okay, I'll zip it, have at me, go on - not another word."

"I'm done, not saying anything else."

Jake whimpered, "Please Vivian please - give me a break, I won't say another - another - uh, insensitive, uh - uh - non-understanding word - promise." He coaxed her back down to the headboard, putting her back where she was. Bracing on the bed, he retrieved the large photo/invitation book and put it back on her lap. This he did with her eyeing his every move and then moved back to his side, laying on it, propped once more on his pillows, eyes gazing up at her in rapt attention.

"Okay, my darling sweetness."

She snarled at him.

"Vivian! Go on!" He growled.

"How much can I pay for my wedding dress!" She asked, deciding to get right to the point.

"Give me the range you started."

"$500 to $2,000 - could go higher, but I won't - I'm certain I can find something in that range." She started, staring down at him. She could swear he was turning a deeper hue of red even though he was maintaining his gentle and calm expression.

"Okay." He said.

"Okay what?"

"That's your range."

"You mean it?"

"Take my mother with you - she'll see to it."

"I don't want her to pay for it."

"She won't be, I'll be paying for it, but she has all my money, so she'll see to the purchase."

"Oh - how much money?"

"Oh no, that's my little secret! You just worry about your dress! And - whatever else you'll need to get yourself all dolled up for it."

Vivian decided she would leave it at that. Sniffing once more, she leaned back quiet and opened the book to the invitations. Her eyes rolled to his, he was still staring up at her, looking right into her eyes, "You okay now?" He asked.

She nodded, "Yes, I'm okay."

"Good, anything else?"

"The invitations, I narrowed it down to..." She opened the book to show him what she liked, "...these three." He looked at them a few moments and finally reached over tapping the one he liked.

Vivian smiled, "Good choice, I like that one too, that's the one then."

"Phew! Thank goodness, so ah, since I've recovered so well, what do I get for choosing the right one?"

Vivian smiled, "What sir, do you want?"

He flashed the broadest smile, his eyes sparkling, making her burst immediately into laughter. Taking him by surprise, he shook his head, "I swear woman, your mood changes like the wind, landsakes! Anyway, let's go out tomorrow night, I wanna take you to one of the places I go, line dancing, live band playing, it's not a dive, but nice."

"Oh my goodness, country music huh?" She engaged forgetting her earlier displeasure with him.

"Yeah, you might get to like it."