BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (210 page)

"Ben?! What's going on here? What's wrong with you?" Christine asked, watching him, her concern growing. Quincy rose from his seat to stand beside her.

Ben no longer heard her, all he knew was that his brother was the key to Crystal suddenly doing an about face, he felt it in his guts, the idea of what he might have said to her grew so within his mind, tears filled his eyes with his rage. "Kevin, you're pissin' me off man, open this door!"

"Hey man, get the fuck away from my door banging on it!" Was all Kevin said from within.

The words were like dropping a match on spilled gasoline, Ben burst into rage, "OPEN - THE - FUCKIN'...." Unable to say another word because his adrenaline had taken over him, he stepped back and kicked the door open. With all the interior doors of the mobile home being nothing more than hollow frames with front and back panels of light wood, he kicked right threw it, tearing it up easily to get in his brother's room.

"BE-E-EN!?! BE-E-EN?!? WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' - BE-E-EN!!!" Christine screamed his name over and over, as he rush through the busted door to get to his brother.

"WHAT DID YOU FUCKIN' SAY TO HER??" He raged kicking aside clothing on the floor, sports clutter and a chair to get to Kevin.

Who was moving as far away from Ben as he could get, he'd never seen his brother in this kind of fury directed at him before - seeing it made him panic, "DUDE WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU? WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!! SHE'S JUST A FUCKIN' GIRL DUDE! I'M YOUR BROTHER!!" Kevin shouted at him trying to break through the storm that surrounding Ben. It did little good because he got a hold of him anyway, shouting at the top of his lungs in his face, as he tossed him about the room by the throat, shoving his head into the wall, slamming into his chest, tossing him across his desks, against the wall, "WHAT - WHAT YOU SAY - WH-WHAT YOU FUCKIN' SAY TO HER??? HUH? FUCKIN' TELL ME WHAT YOU SAID TO HER?!" He voice was so raised it scratched his throat, tears rolled from his eyes, his face red and corded with protruding veins, sweating profusely. Behind him, Christine and Quincy forced their way in - trying to get him off of Kevin.

"BEN - LET HIM GOOO! BE-E-EN - THAT IS YOUR BROTHER - LET HIM GO NO-O-OW!" Christine screamed, tugging on her oldest sons shirt, ripping it, scratching him, trying to get him to let Kevin go.

"BEN LET YOUR BROTHER GO! DO YOU HEAR ME - BEN YOU'RE CHOKING HIM - LET HIM GO NOW!" Quincy's voice blended with Christine's. Kevin was hitting Ben in the face, trying to shove him off of him, break his hold from around his throat. Christine rushed from the room, came back with a broom and started slamming it hard across Ben's back, with a resounding, burning [[whack]] - by the third hard blow, the broom stick broke across his back, he turned him loose, turning to his mother, snatching the broom from her hand, shaking, breathing hard, eyes blazing red, holding the broken broom, he stepped back from them. Trying to get a grip of himself, he tossed the broom to the floor.

All were breathing hard, Ben trying to calm down, his lip bleeding as well his nose. Kevin was sweating, trying to catch his breath, his nose and lip bleeding as well.

"BEN WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!! WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS WRONG WITH YO-O-OU - THAT IS YOUR BROTHER!! HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT?" Christine screamed at her oldest son.

He stood with his eyes filled with tears, sniffing back blood and whatever else ran from his nose, glaring at his brother, his back on fire from his mother hitting him to break through his rage. Christine and Quincy stood between them, trying to understand what was going on, staring from Ben to Kevin. While Ben and Kevin stared at each other. Finally Ben spoke up first, "I knew it - you always give yourself - away Kevin - always." He sucked in one breath after another, tears dropping from his jaw line. He reached up, clearing the blood, sweat and tears from his face. "Tell mom what you did - tell her. Tell her, so I can hear it, what you said to Crystal. You screwed with her head, didn't you Kevin? What did you say to her, huh? Please, what did you say?! I trusted you man, I trusted you! You took - everything I've told you - and fucked me over with it!"

Kevin stood wiping his own face, caught as he was, there was no way to deny it, "Come on Ben, you - you only wanted her - to get close to - to Shawn, admit it?!"

"Is that how you did it Kevin? You - you work that logic out - in your own head - to convince yourself of that; that way your conscience wouldn't bother you, screwing her over and me too?"

Christine looked from one son to the other and then back to Ben again, "This about that girl, Crystal?" She asked.

"Yes!" Ben answered.

Christine looked back at Kevin, "What did you say to her, Kevin?"

He stood looking at the three faces waiting for him to speak up, trying to make up his mind whether to give details or not, finally, "Look - she was married already-..."

"Divorced!" Ben bit out the reminder.

"You admitted it to me yourself Ben, that you were scared she still might be in love with her husband! You said it in an email to me, when you were there in L.A. with her! Admit it."

"You had no right - interfering - no right! I want you to know, because of you - she rushed back to him - last night, after you fucked with her head!"

"Maybe it was the right thing to do Ben!" He defended, "You accusing me of fucking with her head, maybe her heads already fucked up, after she-..."

"BEN - DON'T YOU DARE! BACK AWAY!" Christine had to brace her hands out to keep them apart with Ben clearly aiming to attack him once more.

Tears rolling, hating himself for ever confiding the things he did to his younger brother, Ben backed away, "Kevin, I'll never - never - forgive you - for this! I swear to God, I swear to God. Mom, Quincy - from now on, we'll meet somewhere else - to see each other, but - I'll never come here again - not with him here." He swore, pointing at Kevin, he backed up towards the door, turned and made his way back down the hall and out of the house.

"Ben! Wait!" Christine called out to him.

"I'll go to him, just - it'll be okay." Quincy assured her, heading off behind Ben.

Christine turned to look at Kevin, "Why Kevin? Why couldn't you just leave him alone? He's in love with her! You know it, I know you do!"

Kevin refused to answer, moving slowly trying to put his room to rights.

"Does it not bother you Kevin, that you've taken part in breaking your brother's heart? Does it not bother you, to see him in that much pain?"

"He doesn't give a shit about me, why should I, about him? If he cared about me, would he do me like this? What about that? Again, it's about poor Ben, right?"

Christine shook her head, "Oh my God, you're your father, all over again. Just like Jake. Same thing. He couldn't hold back from destroying Shawn's life, and here you are, doing the same stupid shit - to Ben and why? For attention? What? What is it Kevin?"

"Leave me alone, I don't wanna talk about it. I need to straighten up my room."

"To hell with your room Kevin! What about straightening up what's in your head, in your heart? Look what your actions against your brother has done to him!"

"That's smart mom, coming from you - with your history."

She went to slap him, he caught her hand. She snatched it away, tears filling her own eyes, "I've paid for that foolishness, and then some! Which is the very reason, that I know what I'm talking about! Clean it up, this mess with your brother, while you can Kevin, because once the rift between you widens, it's hell to cross it and make things right again." She turned to leave his room and looking at the wrecked door, ordered him, "You go down to the DIY and buy another door!"

"The hell I will, I didn't wreck it, he did! Make him pay for it and fix it!"

"This is still my home Kevin! I and Quincy call the shots here, so it's either you go buy another door and fix it, or - remove yourself from the premises - this is my home, not yours!"

"Fine! I'll pack my shit and leave then!"

"That's up to you." She returned.

"Yeah, so your precious Ben will come back and visit you again - I'm out'ah here! I'm not kissin' his ass! And I didn't break that door! This is proof right here, he comes here, going off on me, breaks into my room, my personal space, attacks me, and you tell me, I have to buy a new door or get out! Yeah, that's real fair - where am I supposed to go?!" He asked, realizing he had no where to go. Ben was at their other grandparents, and he didn't like his mother's mom, and he wasn't speaking to his father either. His uncle Derrick lived too far from where he worked and his aunt Kathy-Ann was no longer there - his grandma Gert had closed her house - and he knew she wouldn't give him the key to it.

Christine had walked away, ignoring him and then second thought went back saying, "I'll tell you what, you can stay if you start paying rent. No more free rides - from this day forward, you pay board - and out of your rent, I'll replace the door."

"Why do I have to replace the door mom?!"

"Because - you - caused - the problem! Ah - and - that's why you were calling me earlier, wasn't it? You were trying to block me from giving it away that it was you who saw that girl last night! Now it all fits! Yeah, you wanna stay here, pay board, we'll fix the door."

"Forget it, no biggie, I'll buy the door, you happy? Okay?"

"Yes, happy - but you're still paying board here from now on. So you get that door and fix it today, and starting next month, no later than the fifth of the month, rent!"

"What?!"

"You heard me!"

"How much rent?!"

"Let's see, you eat here, you use the water here, the electricity here, the heating here, I do all of your laundry - I come in once a week and clean your room, you wash your car in our yard, that's more water, and for the last three months, for some reason, Quincy has been paying your car insurance - he also paid for the tires on that car - he got your alternator fixed, which you promised to pay him back for, and haven't done so yet. Not to mention barrowing money from me and him a few times for gas. Once I sit down and figure up what all of that comes to, I'll let you know - but the free ride - son - is over! Pissed me off for the last time!"

"Shit!" Kevin spat, kicking the pile of clothes on the floor.

In the yard in Ben's car, Quincy sat next to him rubbing his shoulder, squeezing the back of his neck to calm him down, worried about his back. Ben was leaning forward, forearms around the steering wheel, hands overlapping the other where his head lay, sniffing, fighting still to calm down, but there were tears still slipping out, this time, not from just losing Crystal, but also because his own brother dealt the final blow, the hand that made him lose - sending her rushing back to Victor.

"Ben, lemme lift your shirt son, look at your back?" Quincy asked.

"I'm all right." He mumbled.

"Still - let me look." He asserted, careful to pick up the hem of his shirt pulling it slowly up to see it. He winced at the three fiery red, raised welts - one slightly bloody with a open gash tapering off like a deep scratch, he figured it was the one where the broom stick broke. "Come on Ben, come in the house, let me put something on this."

"No, I'm fine."

"I hate seeing you hurt like this, it's just that you were really gone, she was scared-..."

"It's okay Quincy, I know." He turned with tortured eyes to look at Quincy, "You okay? That's all you needed right? After what you've been through."

"I'm fine Ben, I'm just fine. Don't do this Ben, don't punish me and your mom for something that Kevin has done."

"I'm not punishing you, or mom. I'm just not coming here - this is it. We can get together anywhere, go out to dinner, there's lots of ways for us to get together. But him, I want nothing to do with him - I trusted him - I trusted him! It's driving me insane to know what he said to her - I mean, he could have said anything! Because he knows everything - I wish I'd never confided in him - but - I never thought - he would turn on me like this."

Quincy lowered his shirt back covering his welts. He looked around the car, "Any Kleenex in here? You need some."

"In the glove compartment." Ben answered, sniffing.

A moment later, he was blowing his nose, trying to get himself to calm down. "I love her so much Quincy, and her boys, oh if you could only see'em - I miss them too." Ben chuckled, "It's only been one night, but I thought - they'd be there when I got back. How can just one night, destroy everything?"

"You know what Ben, it seems like the end, that the worst ever, has happened, but the good things about tomorrows are, they bring hope, a new day - and greater possibilities. Trust me Ben, I know exactly what you're going through. You know, the only woman I've ever loved has been your mother - since she was 12 years old. All those years, wanting her, watching her, seeing her with someone else, guys, Shawn - then Jake. I called myself insane a thousand times - but I never got over wanting her. I ah, even hated her a few times in there, she had me so frustrated, ashamed, feeling like a fool because - she never even noticed me."

Ben gazed at him, "How'd you hang in there for so long?"

"Because I loved her Ben, I loved her in a way that consumed me entirely. No matter what she did, who she saw, the things she did, I stood on the sidelines just waiting - waiting for her to notice me. I had to leave, angry, frustrated, calling myself every kind of fool, and then, come back - before she actually saw me. That was the day I walked into the Kmart where she worked, you two sitting there. The moment I saw her, everything I ever felt, came back like the rush of powerful waves - because I could see, that she needed me - and you know what - that day, and in my head, I swore to her, 'I'm gonna marry you one day, and you're gonna love me, the way I've always loved you, that I promise you.' -" Quincy chuckled, "Of course, that was all inside my head, but I meant it, I meant every word."

Ben smiled, "And look at you two now, she does you know, love you like crazy."

Quincy smiled, "Emmm, still not as much as I love her, but - I'm happy. Ben, if you really - really love her, this Crystal, the way you say that you do - and she's worth it - to you - doesn't matter what anyone else says, or feels, or believes - only thing that matters is you! How you see her. Believe me, people said things to me about your mother, there was always talk, bad talk. Didn't matter to me, because what they saw in her, was not what I saw in her. I had no choice, but - to wait it out, and you son, you too will wait it out - if it's real. Love is more powerful than people give it credit for, it's never temporary, or convenient for when the time is right. It's not something you can just walk away from, because the power of it, won't let you; no, it will not, no matter how you may try to. It's not a shiny piece of jewelry, or something pretty or handsome, or silky, or sweet smelling; it's a living, breathing, moving, thriving everlasting spirit, that - when it's real - will never let you down. It is the eternal good. When you have that, the real thing, love, in you - for someone else, it never fades - it grows - and when it's unanswered, the rejection of it stabs you like a thousands knives. I know that sounds contradictory, but - you must hang on - and to do that, you also must love yourself. Love for self, that healthy, balanced, sensible kind will keep you sane, keep you growing, thriving, while that love for someone else, keeps you moving, working, striving to show that it's so."