BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (194 page)

He reached past the sink to pull off some toilet paper, tearing off a bit, "Here, blow your nose, dry your eyes - I don't wanna ever see you crying, not with me."

She brought it to her nose, turned a bit from him to blow, that's when he noted something weird about her skin, along her jaw line. He stared at it a moment as if trying to make sense of it. He leaned in closer, and using his thumb, rubbed there realizing she was wearing cover up. Reacting to his thumb on her tender jaw line, Crystal flinched slightly.

"What's - what's this, is that a bruise?"

She looked up at him with wide eyes, realizing her makeup must have rubbed off, looking down at his shirt, there was the evidence to prove it.

"Crystal, look at me, what is this?" He asked turning her chin to check the other side, there was another on the other side, he turned back to the original side, her left, his right trying to rub more of the makeup off to see two more along her jaw.

"Don't Ben." She stepped back from him, her mind racing for an explanation, 'Oh God, what do I say?'

He was standing and staring, holding his own hand up before her, his thumb he mapped to her right jaw line, his index, middle and ring finger would map to the left where he knew his fingers would fit right onto the bruise spots. He stood a moment staring down at her silent, his mind working, figuring, picturing what he was seeing compared to what his imagination was conjuring.

Crystal could see it in his eyes, what conclusion he was drawing, and also, something else, maybe fear - as if he was afraid to ask her, but he couldn't stop himself.

"Don't lie to me Crystal, don't lie to me - where'd those bruises come from?"

She stared a moment, also afraid, she didn't want him confronting Victor.

"Ben, it's no big deal, I'm fine. Let's just focus on us, being friends-..."

"Did he - force himself on you? Try to? Those are bruises from being held, tightly - very tightly - they weren't there yesterday, nor earlier for that matter - so it happened some time today."

"Ben, please I'm begging you - drop it. Nothing happened, things just got a little carried away, but it was over quickly."

Again, he only stared at her, refusing comment.

"Ben... we okay now?"

"We, you and I - will always be okay as far as I'm concerned. But - where you're concerned, I don't know. Right now, I'm struggling with two options - going to check on Shawn and your mother, or going out the front door to that parked car."

He must have looked out to see that Victor was back, she had to derail his thoughts, "What's going on with Shawn and my mother?" She desperately switched, hoping he would let it go.

He stood a moment more, thinking, wrestling with it, and finally, "I see another bruise on your face, ever again, whether you speak to me again or not, I am going to - fuck - him - up! On that, you have my word, my solemn oath, promise and declaration."

"It'll never happen again - he's not like that Ben, this is just-..."

"A bruise from force! If I'm gonna ignore it, we better drop it." He was pissed and opened the bathroom door and stepped out of it as if he could leave what he knew in there.

Crystal took a deep breath in relief, following him out, she asked, "What's going on with Shawn and my mom?"

"Shawn is whipped up into a state over Derrick, they can't find him. Sylvia phoned to talk to Meribel, who is worried about him because he didn't show up for some counselling session at the hospital. She's upset - because she knows now and can't stop crying."

"Knows what?"

"The baby she lost, the operation where she can't have anymore. She's tried to find Derrick, no answer on his mobile, no answer at home."

"Oh man, this is messed up, where are they? Shawn and my mom?"

"In her office on the phone, looking for Derrick." He explained as they made their way to it, to get an update on what was happening. When they entered the office, Shawn was on the phone with Jake.

"Hang on a minute, you're telling me - that because of overtime - a job - you won't go with me to see about Derrick? That what you're telling me? That you gotta work?" Shawn, in high gear, snarled on the phone to Jake.

Sylvia was trying to get him to calm down, had told him she would go with him, but he was refusing to hear her because he wanted her to stay home and chill, worried about her up and down the road, saying that it was too much - ending it with, "No, Jake will go with me." Who on the other end of the phone, yelled, "Fuckin' hell Shawn! He's a grown man! Shit is going on and maybe he just wants some time to think - alone! Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with him!"

"Are you going with me, or not? He's our fuckin' brother, and nobody knows where the fuck he is! Fuck your job! Fuck your bills! Fuck all that bullshit!-..."

"Oh that's fuckin' easy for you to say Shawn! You don't fuckin' owe anybody anything! You're a free agent, your own boss!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT JAKE - FUCK - YOU!" Shawn banged the button to end the call and then the phone down rushing around the desk to head out.

"SHAWN - CALM DOWN! I can't believe you went off on him like that, I said I will go with you, I can see about Meribel while you try to find Derrick." Sylvia tried again.

"Oh yeah, so that two of you end up losing a baby? No chance! You're staying here - I'm not dragging you up and down the highway! I'm out of here!" He rushed by her to get his things on, his mind on Derrick, where he could be. He was instantly scared. This was no minor matter when it came to something this serious - he knew how torn up Derrick was over it and he was not about to sit at home and hope that he was okay, he couldn't do it. Grown or not, his brother was his responsibility - he was the oldest, he had no choice but to go and see about him.

Sylvia stood looking from Ben to Crystal, trying to figure out what to do as they followed him back through the hall to the house. It wasn't easy to keep up with him when his adrenaline was pumping.

Ben spoke up, "I'll go with you, Shawn."

Crystal was scared about Victor being outside, right now was not a good time for Shawn to go out and see him parked there. She rushed to the front picture window, looking out to where he had been parked. She sighed in relief, he was gone - at least she hoped so. Turning back to the matter at hand, she went looking for the kids. They were in the basement, Angela, Sasha and Joseph. The latter two were sitting forward, eyes wide with worry, Sasha's words confirmed it.

"Crystal - what's going on with my dad? He okay?" She was about to cry.

"I'm sure he's just fine Sasha, your uncle Shawn is going to check on him."

"I - I wanna go too-o-o, I wanna go home - check on my dad." Her whimpering turned to light crying.

Joseph looked at his sister crying, then looked at Crystal and he too started crying, "Where's my dad at?"

"You guys, come on, he's fine - really he is."

"Why's my uncle Shawn upset then?" Sasha asked.

"He's just a little worried and he's one of those kinds of people that get stirred up, he's fine - calm down."

"I wanna talk to my mami, can I call her?" Sasha asked.

"Yes, you can talk to her, I'll call her for you - so you can talk to her, okay?"

Sasha nodded.

"Let me go get the number, my mother has it okay? Calm down now, I'll be right back."

Crystal went upstairs to look for her mother to see her out the front door, watching as Shawn and Ben loaded into the SUV. They watched as Shawn backed it off of the curb, correct it and headed off down the road, suddenly breaking.

They moved further down the porch and out into the yard to see why. There was Jake, standing, blocking them, he had a bag in his hand. Walking to the side of the SUV, he opened the door and climbed in. The SUV kicked up dirt heading off down the road, with Shawn, Jake and Ben inside.

Crystal and Sylvia looked at each other next, "If he doesn't have a heart attack by 50, it will be a miracle. How in the hell, do I get my husband to calm down, before he kills himself?"

"Mama, that Chad Withering - the counsellor, he's really good. Let's just hope he's back here by tomorrow night."

Sylvia stood a moment staring off down the road, "You know, if I could commit him for a short period of time, somewhere, away from his family, so that he could be helped, I would. I would do it - because he will not - he refuses, to lay his burden down. He just won't do it."

"He loves them mama, he loves his family - it's just who he is."

Sylvia was ready to cry, and said, "Yeah, well I wish the hell they all loved him that way. Who runs to his fuckin' rescue!" She stormed off back into the house, with Crystal behind her, saying, "Get me that number Crystal, to Chad whatever his name is. I have to save my husband one way, or the other - because it's too much - he's carrying too much. He cannot be everything to everybody! He can't! And I'm not about to lose my goddamn husband because he feels he has to carry the entire family on his shoulders. Don't get me wrong, I understand - I feel hurt for Derrick and Meribel too. But it effects him too strongly, it gets him so worked up, he can't see straight. God forgive me, but it's time for me to tell all about his upbringing and past, his business - about Bart. And Ohhh is he gonna be mad - but - oh well, oh well. I have no choice."

Victor felt it again, the panic attack in his chest that made it hard for him to breathe. It was fear. Fear like he'd never known before. Everything was falling apart. He sat in his car at the light, on his way to meeting Omiyah.

"GOD! What the hell man! Why did I do this? What am I gonna do?" He agonized over the question he kept asking himself. He kept thinking back in his mind to when he and Crystal first separated. How he'd been the good guy then, the
one
done wrong by her, and now, here he was the bad guy? Everyone was on his case, not even Sylvia was giving him a chance to make this all right. And Shawn, he had a feeling there was no repairing things with him, Shawn hated him - end of discussion, he could see it in his eyes.

It was getting him down. He didn't like not being liked, not being praised. In the beginning, he'd just needed a little break, that's all, just some room to sort himself out with her, and now, everything was crazy out of control. He'd let too much time go by being separated from her. Too much. It was as if he'd gone a bit out of himself in that time and now, it was enough, he didn't want to play this game anymore. He missed her, missed Crystal and what they once had. Missed, knowing no matter how bad they fought, they always made up in bed. She was changing on him, he could see it happening. He was trying to figure out how he'd gone from being with her, missing her, waiting for her to get therapy, to going to bed with Jeanine?

His mother! It was all her fault. If she hadn't interfered, things would be different, she, Jeanine had become the turning point for them. She was the start of him losing the hold on Crystal he once had.

Admitting to himself the little things he'd done to possibly provoke Crystal's anger weren't nearly as bad as going to bed with Jeanine, and now - Omiyah. He didn't even like Omiyah, but Crystal had taken off on him. Taking his boys off with her.
They
didn't even want him anymore. He loved his boys, they were a testament, a bond, a link between him and Crystal. He knew he wasn't the best of fathers, but he did love them - didn't he show that by giving her money for them? How many absent fathers were out there? Well he wasn't absent, he was present, had always been present. He'd always supported his sons, seen to them, buying them things. Working nights, sleeping most of the day, he hadn't had much time left for them in that kind of schedule. Besides that, they were little anyway, what else was there to do with kids that age but feed them, change them and don't let them hurt themselves? He did all that - they liked him good enough then, had loved him, calling him daddy and looking for him. It was startling to him, to see that his own sons didn't like him. Now, with this Ben on the scene, everything was slipping away from him. Had it not been for Omiyah, he would have stayed put in front of the house tonight. He didn't give a damn what Rochelle said, calling him a stalker - he wanted his wife back! He wanted his sons back! He wanted things back the way they used to be, when he was the generous one, patiently holding on to make their marriage work, no matter how Crystal burst into anger and struck out at him. He thought about the things that provoked her, they weren't really that bad after all, not so bad for her to hit him, no. Obviously it was just as he thought before, before Jeanine, something was wrong with Crystal for her to come back at him so strong for just telling her the truth about all that she'd been doing. He felt that he was after all, right about all of that - if there was something wrong in what she was doing, it was his right to tell her about it - he didn't see how her misguided thinking, made what he said so wrong that she felt the need to hit out at him. She had the problem and everyone in her family was making it out that he was the wrong party in the marriage.

His only sin was Jeanine, that they knew of that is; problem now, because of her, he'd lost his place of honor. If that weren't enough, his being pissed off at Crystal for leaving just when he'd been ready to bring them back together again, caused him to feel alone, impatient, tossing all thought to the wind, which made him go to bed with Omiyah, again - and again - and again.
'God, I didn't mean to go to bed with her, it just happened! It wouldn't have happened if Crystal hadn't taken off on me! That one is not my fault!'
He agonized and reasoned. The question was, how was he going to get out of this? How was he going to turn everything around so that Crystal would trust him again? Thus putting him back into the position he once was? He thought about how she was today, in Shanna's home. Before that, she seemed to always like it when he made love to her that way, a little rough. Not so this time, she'd actually cried out, screamed at him. It had shaken him up because that was all new to him. Scared that she might turn from him, he'd had no choice but to drop Ben in the shit - he was the last person he wanted consoling his wife. He was fully capable of consoling her himself. He would put a stop to him being with his sons as well - they had a father, and he was fully capable of being that to this boys, before he, Ben came along, everyone had been perfectly happy! No way, no other man was going to be a father to his sons but him. He couldn't help but think back to all the times Mundo had taken over the boys for him, and he'd let him. Because they were all living together at the time - there had been no reason not to. He was doing his part by helping out with them - but now, the entire arrangement was coming back to bite him in the ass as if everything that he'd done for all of them - wasn't good enough.