BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (196 page)

"Fuckin' left mine too, rushing to catch shithead here!!"

Chucking, unfazed, "Aaaah, life's a bitch ain't it? So sit back and shut up." Shawn ordered.

"Yeah, it was your damn turn any fuckin' way! Shit first happened, I was on the scene pronto, you could have did this on your own, fuckin' bully!" Jake carried on.

"You're starting to sound like a goddamn woman - we'll stop and get you some cheese with that whine! Keep it up, I'll be droppin' you off at the next Kwik-trip!" Shawn blasted back.

"Don' fuckin' call me a woman, I'm-..."

"Can you two please, chill!? I think both of you are a bit too old for this. We're already on our way - so let's just wait until we get there! Shawn, if he's alright - I'd be willing to drive us back, dad, if he's not alright, he needs us! Either way, that's where we're heading." Ben fussed at them, silencing the two for the moment.

Shawn looked at Jake in the rear view mirror; Jake flipped him the finger, Shawn flipped him back. Of course all went quiet as Ben sat looking out of his window at the dark scenery whipping past, Crystal on his mind, her boys on his mind, Victor, on his mind. Dread, for some unknown reason was working him over. It was so bad, he almost doubled over from it. He couldn't say why he felt shitty, but he did; his guts were tied in a knot, it very well could be due to the fact that he had a feeling he was losing in this battle to win her. He sat thinking about how crazy life was in all of it's irony. Here he'd been - wanting more than anything in the world, to know his
realfather only to find connected to him, someone that would change who and what he was forever more. Funny how, in the face of possibly losing her; of losing the chance to build a life with her; all that he thought, meant the world to him, now - suddenly, didn't mean as much. Having Shawn in his life now, had certainly brought him that extra little bit he'd wanted, however, the feeling of being content, settled in his life and happy, was no where in sight. He honestly thought finding out the truth about his fathers would do that for him.

Not so.

He could only wonder at how it was possible that a mere woman, a slip of a young, fresh, energetic girl could grip so deeply within a man, to end up consuming so much of him? What was it in them, rather, in the
one -
that could do this? That could make a man feel what he was feeling right now? Nothing about himself, felt the same as what he used to feel, before Crystal. It was as if his actual physical chemistry had altered down to a micro degree with her around. His mind went to the few times that he'd stolen a kiss; immediately her scent rushed in on him from memory, filling his nostrils, his head. He wanted to experience the sensation again, he wanted to have her so close, pressed up against him, beneath his nose, so he could breathe her in deep while holding on tight. He knew that it must be love, it had to be; he'd never been to bed with her, but he knew, that he would give up anything he possessed to have her - to have her boys, all his own. He gave a slight smile, he knew, their lives would be filled with laughter, adventure and travel. He wanted to take them everywhere, to see everything. He thought about when he took Isaac and Darren with him to do the photo shoot. He'd talked to them all the way there, with Isaac asking him question after question and him eagerly answering him. He was so smart, inquisitive and fun, often making him throw his head back in laughter watching the expressions on his face and thought process. They were both eager as he let them know that he had to work, and he needed their help, or else he couldn't do it without them. Isaac had been raring to go, and Darren had been the only one to give a fit now and then., yelling at him, telling him,
"No!"
Even so, once he met his friends, and introduced them to his little helpers, by including them in on it, they ended up being more of a help than he ever imagined. Especially Isaac, he would tell him what to tell the couple and sure enough, he had walked up to them like a miniature director, telling them how to pose. His friend and girlfriend enjoyed it as well. Darren passed him things as he asked for them, while Isaac gave the nod if a pose looked okay or not. Because he fully included them, they had been no trouble at all. When they finished, he took them to McDonald's for Chicken Mc-Nuggets and then by his moms to meet her. No crying, no fits. All they did was talk to him, and he talked back, praising them, asking them for favors, which they readily gave. They were so much like their mother, smart, eager, and charming. Only problem, their father was Victor Prescott, and if
he
had his way, he would take them away from him. Now that he'd spent so much time with them, having bonded with them, he didn't want to lose them either. Ben sat wondering if he was nicer to Victor, would he let him go on spending time with the boys? It was one thing having to lose Crystal, but the boys relied on him. They would expect him to come to them if they needed him, he didn't think he could bear it if he was forced to ignore them, they would never understand what was going on. The idea of them thinking that he didn't want to come to them, that he had turned away from them, to never look back, made his stomach hurt right then, his eyes welled up - he knew what that felt like, true or not and he could not do it to them.

Finally, the silence was broken.

"You okay?" Shawn couldn't help but ask him.

"I don't know, gut feels weird - must have eaten something that doesn't like me." Ben answered, sniffed.

"Want me to stop and get you something for it?" Shawn asked.

"No - I'll be all right - I guess - maybe." He went quiet again, and then said out of the blue, "She's gonna go back to him. Maybe not this week, or next week, but - she's gonna go back, I can feel it."

"Is that what's on your mind?"

Ben didn't answer right away, and then, "Yeah, it is."

"Well, she won't, there's no reason to, she knows she's better off without him."

"He's not going to leave her alone. Hell, she were my wife, I wouldn't leave her alone either."

Shawn clinched his jaw muscles, running his hand through his hair. "I'll just have to keep talking to her, find out what she's thinking, feeling. I sure as hell, don't want her going back, he's no good for her, I don't care what he says, what he promises, he's weak."

"Doesn't really matter what we want, does it? How weak you think him, they have history, they have two sons, no, it really doesn't matter what we say, or think." Ben murmured softly, and then, shocking Shawn and Jake, "I wish I'd never met her, never saw - her face. I wish I never - saw - the look in her eyes that day so long ago. She, she was so hurt, so broken. I wish, I'd never spoken those first words to her, or - or seen her smile ... see her, up to mischief, playing, hear her - infectious laugh." He paused thinking about all the little things about her that immediately reeled him in; both men, his fathers, sat stunned, unable to speak, they thought he might be done, because he'd gone quiet, when once more, "I wish I'd never danced with her, we - fit - flow so smooth together - I wish - I wish I didn't know that. I wish I never held her that close to me, watching her move. I wish I'd never seen her, feel so free, move so exotically, so - sensually. I wish, I wish I'd never - held her hand - in mine..." Ben paused, swallowing the growing moisture in his mouth.

"Ben...?" Jake called his name softly, realizing what was happening right before their eyes.

"... and I wish - I wish - I'd never walked with her, talked to her, gotten to know who she really is. I've never met anyone like her, to have gone through what she has, you'd think she'd be feeling sorry for herself. Not my -..." He paused to correct that, "...- not Crysta'Bella, no - not at all. She makes no excuses, no. She just - just gets on with life, determined - to get done what she sets out to do. To be right, to do right. I should have - never - gone there - to L.A. with you ... I shouldn't have - it was a mistake." He reached up feeling the impression of the wedding band they won under his shirt - determined that he would wear it forever.

Shawn felt his face burn from his words, realizing just how deeply he'd fallen for her.

"You know what, If I - know that about her, all those things about her - you better believe he knows. He'll never let her go, I know he won't - he'd be insane to." He went quiet and a few seconds later, they heard him sniff. He reached up, squeezing his eyes to clear away the moisture there, sniffed again.

Jake didn't know what to say, hearing Ben that way. It stunned him to hear just how deep he'd dived in for her, he knew that it was there, from their talks earlier, but this was deeper, raw, fierce - gut deep.

Shawn reached over and squeezed his shoulder. "I know you love her, I know you're afraid - but she won't go back to him, I don't even think she loves him, not really love him, no, it'll be fine, you'll see. She has everything she needs, right there, with us. Right Jake, huh?"

Jake looked up into the mirror to see his brother's eyes on him, he smiled, "Yeah - she just needs some time, and he'll get tired once he knows it's really over."

Ben said nothing more, he'd dismissed their words already. He figured that maybe they were too old to realize how much energy a woman like her was worth expending to
get
- not to mention, to get
back. Even so, the good thing was, at least there was time, maybe not much, but some time. In that time, he would be her friend, he would be to her what she needed most, and in the meantime, he would take advantage of what time might be left to spend with Isaac and Darren. He would be glad for that time, to watch them, encourage them and witness their silly antics that made you see why having babies, little ones, was a joy and a wonder to behold. He didn't know where, or how - but somewhere in his future, he hoped to have one or two of his own; the idea of having one to nurture from birth, thrilled him to no end, bringing a smile to his face. Yes, whatever time he had, he would use it to the fullest, and use it right, so she could see, would know - how much they were made for each other.

*

At the house, things had settled down, Angela and Sasha were in the room, watching movies there, while Joseph slept in the basement on the sofa sleeper with the big screen TV playing softly for him. They'd gotten a chance to talk to their mother, and she reassured them she was okay, and that their dad was okay, even though - truthfully, she didn't know. By the time Crystal left the house to sit out in front of the porch, her mother had gone to bed, talking softly to Meribel.

It was so quiet, so peaceful - and yet, within Crystal, there was no peace to be found. She was glad to see, for now, no Victor. Yet, the alone time was not all that it could be, not as tranquil as she wished, it was missing something, or - someone.

Ben

She missed him.

Right now, she wished he was there, sitting next to her, holding her hand, so they could softly talk as they'd grown accustomed to doing since they'd come together. She loved talking to him, because he listened - he gave his full, undivided attention to all that she would say, hanging onto her every word. Never interrupted her, not when he sensed that she really needed to talk. His way of being intimate with her, was in the way, he held her hand. Both hands flexed open and closed, missing the sensation of his large warm palm closed around them, caressing reassuringly, loving her with his tactile way. She hadn't realized how sensitive hands could be, or how much they could feel, being held, until him. A gesture that might seem simple and of little meaning to some, she realized had all the meaning in the world between them. When Ben held her hand, an indescribable sensation travelled throughout her body until it reached to the core of her brain, where she could actually feel it - and feel something shifting, changing inside of her body - it seemed to flow from her brain, down the back passage of her spine, to infuse her entire being. It was almost like a cooling balm that whispered softly, gently,
'It's okay, relax, it's okay, I'm here, shhhh - no one can hurt you now, I'm here.'
Yes, the sensation said that and so much more, it said,
'Come inside of me, hide here - hide here, I will always protect you.'
and her body responded, it relaxed, it calmed, it could breathe, so much so, she felt if she could just curl up beside him, feel his arms around her, he would sooth her, not touch her; expect anything from her, just caress her until all the hurt, no longer hurt. She knew, if she asked that of him, he would freely, willingly give it, would treasure every moment.

She missed Ben, right then, her awareness of that fact, went deeper than her panic over losing Victor. Suddenly, she realized, there was no labelling, or categorizing, or reasoning for why she missed him, she just had - and now, she realized there was no reason to miss him, none that she could think of.

"Ben... oh, Ben." She sighed his name. She closed her eyes, laid her head back, and conjured images of him, of them in her mind. The first time they'd come to be really aware of one another, when she and Angela had locked Mundo out of the house, and he begged Ben for help, to let him back in. She'd challenged Ben, thinking he would back down, no - not Ben, not only did he not back down, but he scooped her up, to her shock - playfully roughing her up and deposited her out of his way. She'd been stunned, the inside of her stomach had actually squeezed within her. She wondered if that was the beginning? Their many talks - they actually talked to one another, on an equal footing of discovery that both enjoyed. And oh, to see him dance, to see him move, moves sultry, hypnotic and sexy. With a Spanish flare, grace and rhythm that shot straight to the core of her being, beckoning her near, daring her to step up to him, to be handled by him, moved by him, seduced by him. Crystal wrapped her arms around herself, smiling gently as she dreamed of him, the twinkle in his eyes, or better yet, the fire in his eyes when aroused; the fire in his eyes when angered. She hadn't a clue of what it was about him, and him alone, that made her feel so many new and wonderful things, including, this feeling of being a woman, that if she wanted to she could depend on him, rely on him to be all things a woman needed a man to be. She hugged herself and smiled, imagining him there, sitting behind her, hugging her close, talking softly in her ear. She could also imagine them, old and gray, happy and content, sitting together, holding hands, talking, and would still have so much to say. She heard the approach of a car coming down the road, lifting her head, opening her eyes, unwrapping her arms from around her body, she looked to see who it might be, dreading that it could be Victor; hoping that it might be Shawn, Ben and Jake returning.