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Authors: M.T. Pope

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BOOK: Both Sides Of The Fence 3: Loose Ends
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“I guess.” I shrugged. That shit was too deep for me. “It’s one big mess, I tell you that.”
“That it is indeed.” A tear slid out of her left eye.
I was silent because I knew that I couldn’t even think of something appropriate to say to comfort her. Few seconds of silence went by and we sat there looking at each other. I decided to break the silence so I could get out of there.
“Okay, now that we are past that. Come and give me a hug. I missed you.” Rebecca came over and squeezed and hugged me like the man she was. I hugged her back since she was my brother. In any form he was in.
After a couple more minutes of chitchat and all that I took off for home. I had Sunday all to myself and I planned on seeing if Alex wanted to hang out a little.
Chapter 17
 
David
A Small World
April 30th 2:55
P.M.
 
“Ump ... ump ... ump.” I was in my office looking out the window at all of the students walking to and fro. I loved my job and my wife. You would think I was happy and satisfied, but I wasn’t. I had been ducking and dodging my past like I was trying to run across a busy six-lane highway. I hadn’t been home to my mom’s house in so long. I just couldn’t do it. There were so many secrets behind that front door, that I just couldn’t bear it. My mom was there taking care of my sickly father and I didn’t want to go and pretend that everything was okay and it wasn’t. I was liable to go in there and try to kill him or something.
Man, he screwed me up
!
My younger brother, Robert, is now a full-fledged woman and that shit blows my mind every time I think about it. I avoided him like the plague, I was just afraid of what he might say or do. I still wasn’t comfortable with a man dressed up as a woman. He was my brother and yes I loved him. It just brought a reality to the fact that our childhood was far from normal. Visions of John penetrating my brother on my father’s counseling sofa filled my head. He was thrusting him so hard that my brother would whimper in pain. John would always make me watch as I had “to learn” how to do him the same way. My father sat at a distance with his manhood in his hand as he watched his lover destroy our futures for sure.
How could a father be a party to that type of abuse?
He should have known the ramifications of these acts, being that he was psychologist.
I sat thinking for hours on end as a college student on the San Francisco shore pondering and rationalizing on how he could be so heartless. I was still clueless. The fact that I am still “seeing” my molester should tell me that I am in need of serious help. But I was not willing to bare all of my personal business to a stranger. After a while of thinking like such, it let me know that my father too must have felt the same way as I did. These personal issues we have are hard to talk or think about and sharing them just seems like too much. The stares of the knowing party would surely kill me alone. I wouldn’t know if they were thinking less of me or trying to help me, so I risked neither. I would carry them to my grave, hoping that my grave didn’t come to me before I was ready.
Tears flowed freely as I grabbed some tissues off my desk to blow my nose and dry my eyes.
“Life.” I blew out a strong breath as I pushed up out of my chair and out of my office door.
“I’m going to grab something to snack on,” I told my secretary as I walked to the stairwell. I decided that I would indeed try to exercise more, so the steps were my new best friend.
I walked across the campus, waving to a couple of students that I had come to know over their years at UCLA. Most of them were men, touched men, to say the least.
I wonder if they knew about me and my secrets
. I shrugged my shoulders and kept it moving toward the school’s cafeteria. I rarely ate here for their lack of taste in their food. And I felt a little more comfortable off campus on my lunch breaks. I could talk on the phone to who I wanted to, mainly John, and not worry about being listened to. My wife was known to pop up from time to time and I just couldn’t risk being caught in a compromising situation. The less she knew the happier we were, so it seemed. I’ve been noticing some changes in her over the last year or so. She was becoming more distant and I wasn’t fighting it. I had my assumptions, but I knew it was mainly my weight and my busy schedule at work. I guess she finally gave up trying to get some attention from me. I had to admit I didn’t have the first clue on how to please my wife physically or emotionally. I tried but I would always feel like I was coming up short on my end. Her distance was my safety net right now and I am going to use it like my life depended on it. The further away she was the less she could see I was falling apart at the seams.
On campus there are numerous eateries and such, like Subway, Taco Bell, Chipotle, Starbucks Express, and KFC, but I choose the cafeteria. I walked into the cafeteria to a small line and an almost empty eating area. I walked up the assembly line–style buffet and proceed to wait my turn. I knew I shouldn’t be eyeing the full meal type food, but my stomach growled for more, so I went on with it.
“Give me a cheeseburger and some of those western fries. Oh, and throw in one of those apple pies as well,” I said, looking at the selections I was picking out and others I was tempted to pick out as well.
“So I finally get to catch up to you,” I heard a voice speak, but didn’t recognize it. I looked up and saw a face that I thought I would never see again. My mouth hung open for a few seconds before I was bumped by the next person behind me. I looked at them and continued to stare at my long-lost older brother.
“Wallace?” I asked like I still wasn’t sure. I mean, it looked like him but older and he had dreads too.
“What’s up David? How you been?” He smiled like he was happy to see me. I was happy to see him too. I waved the next couple of people in line around me so I could get the answers to the questions he asked me out of my mouth.
“I’m doing well. And you?”
“I’m making it,” he replied.
“That’s good.” I had so many questions I wanted to ask him, but I knew he was at work and the line behind me was getting a little impatient with the conversation that was going on. There were two other workers working with Wallace, who was at the beginning of the line.
“Look, I’ll be sitting in the cafeteria for a little bit, I know you have to work, so I catch up with you later,” I said, moving toward the cashier.
“Cool, I’ll see if I can get a small break so we can chitchat a little more before you leave.”
“Okay.” I walked to the cashier and paid for my food. I sat down by a window seat so I could get a view of the trees and the nature that surrounded the cafeteria. I looked at the squirrels and birds that frolicked around the trees, lawn and bushes. They were so carefree and they played as if they didn’t have a care in the world.
“To take your place would be very wonderful,” I mumbled to a squirrel that ran along the window ledge outside of where I was eating. He stopped and paused to clean himself quickly before he scurried off to play again. “But, I know that would be too easy for me. I have to live out the life that I have to the best of my ability.”
After about fifteen minutes of time had lapsed, Wallace made his way over to the table where I was sitting with a big ol’ smile on his face.
“Stand up, man, and give me a hug.” The hug was brief, but I could tell it was genuine by the strength behind it.
We sat down and I just sat there looking confused, because I didn’t know where to start or what to say.
“So you not going to ask me where I’ve been for all this time?”
“Well, it crossed my mind, but I was still in shock about seeing you after all this time.”
“Don’t worry about it. I completely understand.” He laughed. “I was at Mom and Dad’s house and Robert—I mean Rebecca—told me that you worked here. I just didn’t know where to find you.” I flinched a little when he said my brother/sister’s name. I think he noticed, but said nothing, because I noticed how he slightly cocked his head to the side in bewilderment.
“Oh ... no problem,” I said as my eyes darted around the room real quick. I didn’t know who I was looking for, I just did it. “We would have eventually met up anyway since you work here and all.”
“True.” He nodded.
“So you a big-time college professor now?”
“Yeah, that’s me.” I smiled a fake smile. I wasn’t too proud of my position here at UCLA at the moment. Mainly because my closet door with all my secrets in them was creaking open at a steady pace.
“You don’t sound too enthusiastic about it.”
“I know. I’m just a little drained that’s all.” I shrugged a little. “So what have you been up to while you’ve been away?” I never really got to ask him why he left. One minute he was there the next minute I was watching him and his bags disappear down the street.
“Well, little of this and a little of that. Some ups, some downs ... you know ... life.” He rubbed his hands through his hair letting me know he was just as uncomfortable about his past as I was.
“So you married, divorced…got any kids?” I was hoping I had some nephews or nieces I could spoil since I didn’t have any children, but then again I didn’t need that to be hung over my head as a constant reminder of my shortcomings.
“Not married ... widowed.” He looked down at the table real quick like he was hurt by what he just said. It must have been recent.
“Sorry about that. She was a good woman. I’m sure.”
“A good man,” he corrected me. I stammered a little.
“You’re gay?” I asked. I almost smiled. Not because he was gay, but because I didn’t want to be the only one at the table in that condition.... If that makes sense. It also makes me wonder how he got that way too.
Did Dad and John tamper with him as well?
“Yes, I am.” He said it like he was proud. “Been that way all my life.” Everything in me was screaming to ask him if we had
everything
in common. I held off not wanting to give up my secrets in the first few minutes of us being reunited. I still didn’t know if he had a motive or if he was here to genuinely rejoin the family.
“So I hear you’re happily married.”
“Yes, my wife works here with me.” I smiled.
“Cool. Any kids?” he asked.
“No we don’t have any kids.” I said sadly. “We both have been too busy working on our careers to have any.”
I knew that was a lie, but I went with it hoping he believed it.
“Well, it is what it is.” He smiled. “I can’t wait to meet her.”
“Sure. We’ll exchange numbers before I have to get back to work.” He looked at his watch real quick. My eyes darted around the room real quick again. I saw Alex cleaning up and emptying some trash.
“So when was the last time you went by to check on Mom and Dad?
“I’ve been meaning stop by the house to check up on Mom and um... . Dad, but I‘ve been so busy this semester. How are they doing?”
“Well, Mom is going strong. It is Dad that I don’t think is going to make it much longer.” He frowned a little.
“I’ll have to plan a trip for me and my wife to go visit her real soon.” I intentionally left my dad out, because he could rot in hell for all I care.
“Oh ... okay.” He nodded.
“Hey, Professor Andrews. What are you doing in here? You almost never eat in here.” Alex walked over and smiled.
“I know. I wanted a quick snack and I didn’t want to go off campus. Traffic is usually a mess around lunchtime.”
He then turned his attention toward Wallace. “Hey, Wallace, how do you know the professor?”
“We’re brothers,” I spoke up before Wallace could.
“Woooow... . Small world, ain’t it.”
“Sure is,” Wallace and I both agreed.
“So how long have you known my brother?” I asked.
“We were friends of a friend from back in Baltimore, where I was before I came back here,” Wallace interjected before Alex could say anything.
“Oh ... okay.” I nodded.
I wonder if they were fucking too.
I knew asking that question was out of the question. I didn’t need to bring attention toward myself.
“Well, I have to get back to my office.” I pulled out my wallet and gave Wallace my card. “I’m sure you two need to get back to work as well.”
“Yeah, you sure are right about that.” Wallace agreed. “Give me a hug again before you leave.” We briefly hugged again and I made my way toward the cafeteria doors.
Chapter 18
 
Ashley
Warnings
May 4th 10:50
A.M.
 
I sat in the congregation in my church waiting to be called for my solo. I looked around at all of the people in my church. We had about 150 members easily. It was testimony service and I watched person after person pop up and give their thanks for what God had done for them. It was nearing the end and one of the mothers of the church stood up. She was always so quiet and she hardly said a word. She decided that it was her turn before it was time for praise and worship to begin.
“I wanna thank the lawd fo’ one mo day in the land of the livin’. He don’ brought me a mighty long ways now. As I look around this here church, I can say I am truly blessed of God. I got’s me most of my facilities that still functioning properly in this here body of mine. The Lawd been good to me, hear me!” A few people clapped and a few ‘
praise God
’s’ rang out in the sanctuary.
“The Lawd has never left my side. He was with me when my husband left me. He was with me when my son moved away. He was with me when the doctor they ... they diagnosed me with that lung cancer. He was with me when my son was murdered. He was with me when I prayed and prayed to him for a healing in my body.” By this time she was shaking side to side. And a couple of people in the congregation started to raise hands and wave them.
“God ain’t
never
left my side. I stand before ya today five years healed. I’m not talking remission people, I’m talking bout cancer-free. I went back to them doctors and they couldn’t find a cell in my body that was infected wit’ that there cancer. I’m here to tell you that God is a healer and a keeper.”
By this time the organist was playing to her testimony and a couple of people were standing and trembling and speaking in tongues.
She continued, “When you think that you done lost everything and there is nobody around remember my testimony today. God ain’t ever gon’ leave ya nor forsake ya. Praise the Lawd! Praise the Lawd! Praaaise the Lawdddd!”
By this time the whole church was up praising God. I stood up and clapped my hands and praised God too. It was no denying that the service today would be a spirit-filled one.
 
 
At the end of service, everyone was socializing with one another and talking and hugging the pastor for a few seconds. I was talking to a couple of the choir members before I made my way outside to head on home.
“Baby.” I felt a tap on the shoulder. I turned to see the mother who got everybody riled up this morning.
“Yes, ma’am?” I asked, wondering what she wanted with me.
“Can have a word with you in private for a second?” She was so sweet-looking. But curiosity was getting the best of me, but I knew it had to be something about my solo I did today. I got personal accolades all the time. I walked away with her at ease.
She pulled me into the bathroom and locked the door.
“Baby, I got’s a message from the Lawd for you in a dream.” Her eyes were as stern as a cat on a mouse getting ready to pounce.
“Huh?” I got a little nervous.
“Me?” I pointed to myself.
“Yes, Ashley, baby. God don’t make mistakes.”
“Okay,” I said, folding my arms and waited for her to fill me in.
“Baby, I know you may not know me well and I have never said as many as two words to you, but pay attention to everything that I say to you and listen good.”
“Okay,” I assured her.
“I had a dream that you was getting yourself into some heavy mischief and the outcome was not pretty. Ashley, baby, listen to me when I tell ya. The same thing happened to my son and I regret it to this day. I had a dream about my baby and I didn’t pay God no mind and he ended up dead over some foolishness that I could have prevented if I only heeded to God’s warning and told him what God had told me.” Tears spilled from her eyes and down her cheeks. “I thought my baby was innocent and that God must have had the wrong child on his mind. I was such a fool.”
I stood there and pondered all that she was saying to me. I had to admit she was scaring me real good right about now.
“Ya hear me, baby.” She shook me with her hand on both of my arms. “Take heed to the warning. Take heed! God chastises those he loves. Whatever you’re going through let God know all about. Don’t end up like my son and lose ya life, Ashley.”
She hugged me real tight and exited the bathroom. I stood there scared out of my mind. After few more seconds of me washing my face with water, I exited the bathroom. And walked out the church and jumped into my car.
I had to admit the whole ride home I was speechless and confused. I tried my best to shake it off by sleeping, but I woke up to the same uneasiness that I fell asleep with.
“Who is this lady?” I asked myself as I got up and walked over to the computer and logged onto the church’s Web site. It had a list of all of the members of the church and their numbers. This was a volunteer kind of things, so if you on the list you signed a waiver giving permission to have your info on the site.
“Mother Bella Jones,” I read out loud as I wrote the number down. I wasn’t going to use it just yet, but eventually I planned on it. I went back to my bed and laid down. I had a big decision to make.
BOOK: Both Sides Of The Fence 3: Loose Ends
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