Bound by Trust (7 page)

“Oh,
thank you, thank you.” She planted her lips on his and kissed him, then pulled
back like he’d shocked her. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t
be, I’m not.” Rafe put his arms around her waist. “It wasn’t as bad as you
thought it would be, was it?”

“No.”
Turning her head, she started to pull away.

“Hey,
don’t.” Running his fingers along her jaw, he turned her head back and looked
in her eyes. “I promise if you let me kiss you back, I won’t take it as a free
pass to take you to bed or consider it a sign we are going steady.”

She
turned her head up, looked at him, and licked her lips. He leaned in, and when
she didn’t pull back away, he put his lips over hers. Gently, he pried them
apart and explored her mouth, caressing her tongue with his and savoring the
taste of her.

Moaning,
she ran her arms back around his neck and gave in, knowing she couldn’t deny
that her need for him had increased exponentially over the past few days. All
the while he had been on the couch for those two nights, she’d wanted him in
her bed. Watching him work, hearing the funny little grunting noise he made
when something went wrong, and smelling him after work in sweaty cammies only
served to make her want him all the more. Having him around all the time was
coming to be normal, and she found herself growing to like his presence. She
pushed into him, urging him to take the kiss deeper, and when he did, her bones
turned to putty. Having faced what she’d known all along, she knew if he pushed
for more, she’d give him whatever he wanted. A few moments later, he broke
contact, leaving them both breathless. He kissed her forehead, then touched it
with his. Taking a deep breath, he blew it back out and then looked at her
again.

“The
roof isn’t fixed yet.”

“What?”
Madi looked at him like he’d sprouted horns.

“You
told me I had to toss out my black book, quit acting arrogant, and fix the
roof…I did number one the first day I saw you, I’m working on number two, but
the roof isn’t fixed.”

“So,
would you like to have a real date with me Saturday night after the roof is
finished? Dinner here? I think we know that dancing is a little dangerous for
us at this point.”

“Yes,
but…” He took her left hand and rubbed the spot still visible where her wedding
band used to sit. “Are you sure you’re ready?”

Biting
her lower lip, she looked at his thumb running across her ring finger. There
wasn’t any need to keep using Gage’s inadequacies as a defense mechanism. Her defenses
had been breeched.

“Yes,
I am.”

*
* * *

Thursday
morning Madi went grocery shopping. By the time she was finished shopping, the
trunk and the backseat were full of groceries. Burgers, brats, dogs, ribs and
chicken, the ingredients for potato and macaroni salad, baked beans and
everything she needed to make deserts. Happy men were productive men, and she’d
learned long ago the way to the happy part was through the stomach.

Rafe
showed up that evening, just in time to supervise the offloading of the
delivery truck, for which she was grateful. She was in the middle of watching
pies and cookies to make sure they didn’t burn. As soon as the truck was gone,
he meandered in.

“Something
smells good,” he complimented, taking her in his arms and kissing her. “Are you
Betty Crocker today, Betty Boop?”

“Watch
it. I can become Elvira, Princess of Darkness, in a heartbeat.” Playfully, she
swatted him on the arm.

“I’ve
no doubt.”

“Want
a cookie?” She poked out a platter of snicker doodles.

Every
time he turned around, she was doing something else that made him like her even
more. Most women would have found the nearest deli, ordered meat and cheese
platters, and bought some bread. But here Madi was, baking her heart out to
feed total strangers.

“You
know, you didn’t have to go to all this trouble, Marines will eat anything,” he
said over a mouthful of the delicious treat.

“I
know I didn’t. And that is yet another thing Marines and soldiers have in
common, that whole chow is continuous thing. However, there is no excuse for
not keeping the troops full. Wasn’t it Bonaparte who said something about an
army marching on its stomach? I think he was on to something, even if he did
lose.”

She
never failed to surprise him.

Early
Friday morning, Madi watched as a convoy of Marine-filled vehicles descended on
her yard like they were storming the beaches of some enemy infested island,
ready to overtake it at all cost. Before she could offer anyone a cup of coffee
or a muffin, ladders were leaned against all sides of the house, pry bars were
flying, and shingles were falling from the roof like gigantic black raindrops.

As
much as she wanted to be outside in the sun watching, she’d been banished
indoors to protect her ‘pretty little head from further damage’ as Rafe put it.
Bored silly, she was more than thrilled to see her mother and Meredith show up
at noon to see how things were progressing. Not to mention she was thankful to
have the help. With two of Rafe’s charges busy flipping burgers on the enormous
grill someone had pulled over, she was still trying to get the tomatoes and
onions sliced.

“So,
Madi, it would seem Rafe is becoming almost a permanent fixture around here,”
Meredith said, wielding a knife and running it through a plump juicy tomato.
“Have you two called a truce?”

“Of
sorts.” She sniffed as tears ran down her cheeks from the onion she was working
on. “We kind of have a date later.”

“Really?
Well, it’s about time you decided he was safe.”

“Yes,
well, maybe you should find someone safe,” Madi retorted. “Like that Aiden
Matthews who’s up there on the roof all bare-chested and sweaty.”

Meredith
grunted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh,
come on. Mama, you saw them ogling each other, am I right…” Before Julia could
answer, someone knocked on the door, interrupting the girl talk. “Good grief,
I’ve told them not to do that. Mama, you want to get it?”

A
few minutes later she returned on the arm of an older Marine with leathery skin
from too many years of sun exposure, graying brown hair, and gray eyes.

“This
is the widow you are looking for.” Julia was beaming up at the man. “Madi, this
is Master Gunnery Sergeant Duncan MacCloud.”

“So,
you are the one who has finally put a bridle on McCarthy.” The man stuck out a
big hand.

“Excuse
me?” Madi wiped onion juice on her apron before taking it and shaking it.

“Yes,
you see there are hearts breaking all over the county over the fact that he is
off the market.”

“Really?
Well, I guess he wasn’t lying when he told me he’d tossed out his little black
book.”

By
the end of the day, all the shingles were gone, the tar paper was stripped, and
there were tarps covering the places in the decking that needed replacing in
case it should rain overnight. Rafe had disappeared next door. Madi took a beer
from the cooler in the kitchen floor and sat on the porch with it, drinking and
reveling in the actuality that so many strangers were perfectly willing to help
someone they’d never met. She set the bottle down, leaned back with her hands
on the boards, and closed her eyes enjoying the quiet beginning of dusk.
Nickering so close she’d swear a horse was in the yard, brought her back to the
present. When she opened her eyes, she discovered Rafe was walking up the drive
with two of his horses saddled.

“Want
to go for a ride?”

“Are
you for real? Of course I do.” She bolted up and ran in the house, then
returned after a few minutes in a pair of faded jeans and her ropers.

Rafe
brought the sorrel mare to the edge of the steps so she could reach the
stirrups and once she was seated, he mounted his gray horse and they were off
through the field.

“I
hope you don’t get mad, but Meredith told me about Casanova.” Rafe was riding
as close to her as he could without running into her.

“The
only thing that makes me mad, is that I had to give him up. He was a good
horse.”

“Well,
feel free to saddle either one of these any time you feel like it, and take
off.” He reached out, took her hand, and squeezed.
If I can help it, you’ll never have to give up anything else you love
again.

“Thank
you. And not just for this either, for everything.”

Chapter 6

Madi
managed to sneak away Saturday afternoon to do some shopping after her mother
and sister had gone home. Aiden had finally worked up the nerve to ask Meredith
out on a real dinner and dancing date. Madi was happy for her. She wanted
Meredith to one day be able to let a man in her life again for more than
meaningless sexual relationships. The poor girl deserved to find some kind of
happiness, and Nev needed a father who would treasure her and a few brothers
and sisters.

Wanting
to keep the meal she was having with Rafe simple yet elegant, she decided on
steaks, a nice healthy salad, and grilled veggies instead of a starch. She also
had the man at the seafood counter steam a half pound of jumbo shrimp. Then
she’d gone to the Blue Coconut and purchased a couple of different wines, the
best she could afford. When she’d returned, she found the roof completed and
everyone gone, including Rafe, who was presumably next door. After putting the
produce and shrimp in the refrigerator, and setting the steaks in marinade, she
went to get ready for her first official date, not only with Rafe, but since
before she was married. She felt like a girl again, all nerves and
butterflies—only her butterflies had grown up, too and were now bats.

Showered,
with her hair in a towel, she stood in front of her closet, wondering what she
should wear. Their date was supposed to be casual, a get to know one another
occasion. After much debate, she nervously pulled on a pair of hip-hugging
jeans and a black scoop-neck pullover. She dried her hair and, deciding to
leave it loose, ran a curling iron through the ends, leaving it to fall in big
chunky curls around her face and shoulders. Then she remembered wearing it that
way to the club and debated putting in a ponytail instead. No, she needed to
learn to quit hiding from whatever was happening and embrace it. If she expected
Meredith to trust, she needed to learn to do it as well. A little bit of the
sparkly purple eye shadow that made her eyes pop and a smudge of plum lipstick
and she was ready.

Plodding
back through the house barefoot, she found Rafe showered, dressed, and standing
at the counter, chopping the vegetables she had purchased for the salad. She
could smell his soap and after shave from across the room and his spiky hair
was still gleaming with dampness. Her heart raced and her palms started to
sweat at the now familiar woodsy, musky odor wafting off him. His jeans hung on
his hips and a tight, white t-shirt clung to his back muscles. It looked
especially bright against the tan he’d gotten from being on the roof for two
days. With every stroke of the knife, his muscles rippled. Afraid he might cut
himself, she waited until he put the knife down before speaking.

“I
see you found everything.” She finished crossing the room.

“Yeah,
I hope you don’t mind, I went ahead and got started.” It was then that he
turned and a low whistle escaped him as he looked her up and down. “You look
pretty.”

What
he really wanted to tell her was that she was devastatingly beautiful and would
she please get naked and roll around on the linoleum with him. How subtle that
would be, not to mention strip him of every ounce of trust he’d managed to win
from her the past week. Every time he saw her, it seemed she stole another
piece of his heart.

“Thank
you.” She wrapped her arms around his middle and looked up at him. “You look
pretty good, too.”

With
their eyes locked, they stood that way for what seemed like the longest time.
Overcome with something he couldn’t quite describe, Rafe ran his hands up her
arms, brushed her hair back off her shoulders and gently took her face in his
hands. He ran the pad of his thumb over her lips before bending his head and
tenderly kissing them, then softly taking her bottom lip between his teeth, nibbling.

When
he pulled away and looked in her eyes again, Madi swallowed hard and turned
away. After a moment, he took the back of her head in his hand, kissed her
forehead, and released her.

“I’ll
go check the steaks.” With that he was gone, leaving her there to try to digest
what it was exactly, she was beginning to feel for him.

She
knew the thick-cut rib eyes would be a while in cooking, so she took a tray
from the cabinet, and then located an oversize martini glass. She filled it
with cocktail sauce and lined the edges with the shrimp. With two glasses of
the wine he’d left breathing on the table, she was set.

“How
about a little something while we wait?” She set the tray down on the white
wicker table that she and CeCe used to have tea parties on long ago and far
away, before the world had become so cruel.

“Sounds
good.” He closed the cover on the grill and sat in the chair across from her. “My
burger wore off a long time ago.”

Taking
one of the gigantic shrimp from the glass, she looked around the yard. They’d
done such a good job of cleaning up, she couldn’t even tell they’d been there.
In fact, it looked better than before they had started. The only evidence of
them ever having been there was the new, shiny black roof glinting in the light
of dusk.

Rafe
watched her bite the end off her shrimp, leaving a little dribble of red sauce
on her lip. Deep in thought, she disregarded it as though she didn’t even
notice.

“What’s
going on up there in that head of yours, Madi?” He leaned over and swiped the
sauce off with his thumb and licked it.

“How
much better things are going.” She sighed and chased her bite with a sip of her
wine. “I don’t know when I can pay you back for the roof. I’m sure Meredith may
have already said something, but I think I should tell you myself. Gage was
living a life I knew nothing about. He left me broke. There were bills on top
of bills, and things hidden everywhere, boats and cars. It was ridiculous. And
I’m afraid sometimes it’s not over, and this little interlude of sweet will go
sour very quickly.”

“What
else do you think there is?” Rafe got up and turned the steaks again.

“I’ve
no idea, but whatever it is—I’m not sure I want to know.” She stood up and
leaned against a weather-worn support post. “I never got his personal
affects—the Army claims they’re lost. I keep thinking if I had them, if I had
his diary, I’d get some answers. But then there are days I hope I never find
out.”

“Well,
whatever happens, whenever it happens, you’ve got me and Meredith and your
mom.” Rafe took the steaks off the heat. “We’ll help you through whatever
comes.”

They
ate, talking the whole time like two old friends. It seemed surreal to Madi, how
comfortable she was becoming with him. In fact, it was almost as if they had
known each other for a lifetime instead a short two weeks.

“So,
why don’t you teach school?” Rafe refilled their glasses.

“Well,
that would be nice in a perfect world, but unfortunately with so many schools
having to tighten the purse strings and cut back, music and art programs are
usually the first things to go.” She pushed her plate back and took her glass.
“You know football is so much more important than learning to play an instrument.”

“Sports
have their purpose,” he countered.

“Do
they improve math scores? Learning to read music does.”

“Really?”

“Yes,
kids who learn to read music score higher on math tests than their peers who
don’t. Music opens doors in more ways than one.” She took a drink and swirled
the remaining contents, beginning to feel warm. “And believe it or not, people
go to school on music scholarships. I did.”

“You
know, Department of Defense Dependent Schools has a pretty good-sized budget,
you should check into it.” He left the table to stack the dishes in the sink.

“I
did, but you have to be at the right place at the right time. People hold those
jobs and transfer around for years. Getting your foot in the door depends on
the luck of the draw.” She stood at the sink, looking out. The full moon cast a
white glow over the backyard. “Would you like to sit on the porch and have
another glass of wine?”

He
turned and looked at her, she seemed so at ease, he needed to remember not to
go too fast with her and scare her back in her shell. He had a feeling they had
crossed a long, rickety bridge tonight, and he didn’t want it to collapse under
their feet.

“Are
you sure? It’s getting late; it was a long day for you with keeping us all
fed…”

“I’m
sure.” She nodded her head. “I’m going to get a sweater first.”

While
she was gone, he wandered around the living room, looking at what all had yet
to be done. She still had so many boxes stacked against the wall, he wished sometimes
he were two people so he could do things for her faster. He didn’t mean to be
nosey, but one box was hanging open, and something he’d never noticed before
was now strikingly evident. Just barely visible, above the top of the flap, a
tiny pink bootie stuck out. He had never heard her mention children. He just
assumed she didn’t have any. Looking over the top of the box, he saw it was
filled with a plethora of baby things—sleepers, bibs, and bottles. Everything
looked brand new, as if it had never been used. A picture of an incredibly tiny
red and wrinkled being, wrapped in a pink hospital blanket, lay on top of
everything else. Before he could pick it up and look closer, Madi’s hand
reached around him and eased the lid shut. He turned to see her looking at him,
her eyes glazed.

“I’m
sorry. I shouldn’t have been going through your things like that, it’s just, it
was open, I…”

“It’s
okay. You shouldn’t have been looking, but it’s all right.”

She
fingered the flap, then turned and walked out the kitchen door. Wishing she’d
put that box away a couple of days ago, she felt the grief that overtook her
every year at this time, coming to the surface. She hadn’t wanted to let it mar
her evening with Rafe, but there it was, rearing its ugly head and taunting
her.

Grabbing
their glasses on his way out, he turned the corner of the porch to find her
sitting on the wicker couch with the moonlight casting an ethereal glow around
her. He handed her one glass and took a seat next to her. Leaned over with his
elbows on his knees, he sat, waiting, turning his glass between his hands,
hoping he hadn’t opened another Pandora’s box of hurt for her.

“Do
you have any children, Rafe?” She tucked her feet up under her.

“No.”

“Do
you want children?”

He
hesitated, wondering what this was leading to, or if it was simply more
conversation. “Yes, I do. I didn’t for the longest time, but now I think it
would be nice to have a family. I’m beginning to believe I’ve wasted a lot of
time.”

Sighing,
she turned sideways on the couch and looked at him. Then he noticed the tears
that were beginning to fall down her cheeks.

“Hey,
come here.” He placed his glass on the floor and opened his arms for her. “Come
on.”

She
hesitated, but then crawled into his lap and settled her head on his shoulder,
the slightest whimper leaving her. He set her glass next to his and held her,
stroking her hair and kissing her temple.

“It’s
okay, I’m so sorry, Madi. I didn’t mean to do anything to hurt you. Please
forgive me.”

“I’m
not mad at you.” She sniffed.

“Then
what’s wrong?”

“I
didn’t want to come back here, but I didn’t have a choice,” she whispered.

“Madi,
there are always choices.”

“Not
really.” She took a deep breath. “Not when you can’t see them because none of
them are the answer you want.”

Her
tears ran down his throat as she kept talking.

“I
had to leave her there. Shannon is in Kentucky, and I’m here and now
tomorrow…I’m a terrible mother.”

“What’s
tomorrow?” He knew this had something to do with that frighteningly small child
in the box.

“Mother’s
Day.”

Pushing
aside the fact that he’d let it slip his mind, he made a mental note to call
his own mother and stayed focused on Madi.

“Shannon
is the baby in the picture? She’s your daughter.” He pulled her hair back and
looked into her face.

All
Madi could muster was a nod. She couldn’t speak for the sobs.

“It’s
okay, Madi, cry all you want, I’m right here.”

Finally
she took a deep shuddering breath, and told him what had happened.

“She
was premature. The reason Gage married me was because I was pregnant. He
thought it was the right thing to do, his parents weren’t happy and neither
were mine, but we did it anyway.” She wiped her eyes and kept talking. “He was
deployed and I was six months along. My neighbor came to check on me and found
me on the floor. It was preeclampsia. They did an emergency C-section but it
was too late. She never took her first breath. They didn’t know for a while if
I would live.”