Bound Together (40 page)
Authors: Marie Coulson
In the time we’d been
together we’d always practiced safe sex. He’d never asked about
contraceptives and I’d never brought it up. As I watched the horror
on his face turn into sheer panic I realized my mistake and held my
head in my hands. Heaving himself out of the tub, he quickly dried
himself off and pulled on a pair of sweatpants that were hanging on
the door handle as I stared at the water, feeling riddled with
guilt. He paced up and down still threading his fingers through his
hair like he always did when he was irate or worried. Carefully
stepping out, I grabbed a towel and wrapped myself in it snugly
before making my way over to him. Holding his face in my hands I
pulled him to me and held him in place, his eyes fixed on mine.
“Shhh. It’s ok.”
Pushing me away he
regarded me coolly. “How can you say that? You could get pregnant
Layla! How could I forget? Shit! I was just so happy to see you, so
desperate to be with you I got totally caught up. Christ how could
we be so stupid?!”
“
Jared, will you stop!
I’ve been on contraception for weeks! So if me getting pregnant is
the only reason you were using condoms in the first place, we’re
fine.”
He froze and stared at me
in disbelief. “Weeks? You mean this whole time you’ve been safe and
you never told me? Why?” Pressing my palms against his bare chest I
shrugged. “I don’t know. You never asked and I assumed you used
condoms with all the girls you’ve been with. I know I’m clean but I
thought maybe you couldn’t take that risk so contraception for me
was a moot point.” He gave me a confused look and sighed deeply.
“Layla, that’s absurd! You really thought I didn’t talk about it
because I thought you might have something? I would never think
that about you. A woman’s body is her own possession and she has
the right to choose whether she uses contraception. It’s never been
my place to ask you. I have always used condoms with everyone I’ve
ever been with and I assumed you were safe too. I get checked
regularly so I know I’m clean. If you tell me you are then I
believe you. I just wish you’d told me before and we could have
avoided the anxiety attack I just had.”
Hanging my head, I stared
at the marble tiled floor as the realization hit me that once again
honesty was not my biggest strength. Why could we never get past
the need to keep things from each other? Ok so this was only a
little secret but what about the next time? If I was hiding
something as trivial as my shot then what secrets could he be
hiding? Would we ever be able to just be truthful and forthcoming
about things to one another? I always rationalized that the things
I kept from Jared I did so to keep him from worrying. But this
time, I’d had the opposite effect. My whole body felt weak as
regret and sadness filled me. This was never going to work if we
didn’t trust each other and right now I’d given Jared every reason
to doubt me.
Holding my chin between
his thumb and finger he lifted my head and his mouth covered mine
as he kissed me tenderly. “Stop it Layla. I can’t stand it when you
torture yourself like this. I’ve seen that look on your face more
times than I’d like to count now and it’s killing me. I understand
why you never mentioned it and I respect your privacy but don’t
keep things from me again. We’re in this together remember? Stop
overthinking and second guessing me it’s getting really frustrating
when you constantly doubt my motives over things. If you have a
question then ask me and I will always give you an answer. No more
secrets, no more lies and no more keeping things from each other.
Understood?” Nodding, I diverted my eyes to the floor again. I
still couldn’t shake the feeling that he was hiding something.
“Layla, I mean it. Stop. Right now. No more guilt trips. You have
to stop doing this to us. Do you want us to fail? Because your
constant doubt over our relationship and commitment to each other
will tear you apart. I know how I feel about you. There is no force
in heaven or on earth that could keep me from you.” Removing myself
from his grasp, I picked up my discarded clothes and walked away
from him into the bedroom. I couldn’t bear to see the hurt in his
eyes any longer. He was right, I was always second guessing him and
for no good logical reason. He’d always given me a straight answer
whenever I’d asked him anything. Like when I asked how many women
he’d been with and he’d freely given me information about his
parents. Holding my breath I asked the question that had been
plaguing me for weeks. “Jared what are all the phone calls about? I
know there’s a woman involved, I heard you in the office. Just,
tell me the truth. I need to know.” Walking towards me he placed
his hands on my arms reassuringly. “Nothing is going on I swear.
It’s something…”
I cut him off. “Something
you have to deal with. Yeah, I know. You get to have your secrets
but I can’t have mine. Got it. Guess we’re not as committed to this
honestly thing as we thought.”
I moved silently around
the room as I pulled my clothes on. Jared stood in the door way
rubbing his temple as though trying to sooth a headache. A headache
I was causing. He exhaled loudly and I could hear the frustration
in his voice as he pleaded with his eyes for an explanation. ”For
the love of god Layla what do I have to do to show you that I’m
serious about us? You want me to buy you a diamond and get down on
one knee? What do I have to do?” Taken aback I stepped away from
him, scrutinizing his expression, trying to see if he was serious.
“Layla I’m not about to propose marriage. You’re twenty years old
for Christ sake. I know I’m going to spend the rest of my life with
you and I don’t need a ring or piece of paper to tell me that. But
if that’s what you need to believe in me, then I’ll give it to you.
Hell Layla I’d give you the moon, stars and oceans if you asked for
them but
please
in the name of all that is holy just stop dooming us to
fail.” Slumping down onto the vintage cream and gold couch I held
my head in my hands. I knew all along the cause of our problems but
not wanting to admit it I’d convinced myself that it didn’t matter.
But the truth was that we really didn’t know each other, we never
talked.
Removing my hands from my
face, Jared crouched in front of me, resting his forehead against
mine. “Layla talk to me, please. You’re terrifying me with your
silence.”
“
That’s
just our problem Jared. We don’t talk. We hardly know anything
about each other beyond the physical. It’s the reason I get mad
when you give me lavish gifts because you have no idea why I find
it difficult to accept them. It’s the reason
you
get mad and scared
when you think about me and Ollie. We jumped in to this too fast
and we just don’t know each other enough.”
Grabbing me by the hand
he hauled me up and dragged me down the hall to the other side of
the house. I stumbled along trying to keep up with him and felt a
little frightened as his demeanor changed from worry to
determination. “Jared what are you doing? Let me go!” Turning the
corner, we stopped outside a door at the far end of a long hallway
that I hadn’t been down before. Gripping the handle in one hand and
me in the other he tightened his grip. “You say we don’t know about
each other right? Well let’s rectify that right now.” The door
swung open and he led me inside, still holding my hand
firmly.
“
Welcome to my
world.”
My jaw dropped as I gazed
around the enormous room I was currently standing in. The walls
were cluttered with news articles, photos, awards and posters.
Endless rows of medals and plaques shone as they sat in mahogany
display cabinets. A dark four poster bed was against the far wall
and a door which led to another equally stunning bathroom was
opposite. Releasing me, he gestured for me to explore. In the
corner was a walk in closet similar to the one in his bedroom
except there were no clothes inside. Instead there were dozens of
brown cardboard boxes and I could smell the dirty scent of dust as
I entered the doorway. The entire room smelled old and musty as
though no one had been there in years.
When I turned around,
Jared was sitting on the edge of the bed with his hand extended out
to me. Walking over, I placed my hand in his and sat next to him.
His shoulders sagged and he stared blankly into the distance. “This
was my room. My whole life up until I was eighteen unfolded in this
room. I can’t say it was exciting or extraordinary but as you can
see, I did ok. Right here, right now we’re going to talk. Anything
you want to know, I’ll tell you and vice versa. So tell me Layla
Jennings, what
do
you want to know?”
“
I want to know
everything. Tell me about the six year old in that photograph
downstairs. Who was he? What was he like? What were his hopes and
dreams?” He chuckled and his eyes danced. “You want to go that far
back huh? Ok. He was funny, well I think he was. He was demanding
and some would say maybe a little spoilt but he was usually quite
tame in his wants. He wanted to be an explorer like Indiana Jones.
He loved spaghetti and jumping in puddles. He hated baths and boy
did he hate girls; they had germs you know. I’d say he’s come a
long way since then.”
I smiled as I thought
about the golden haired little boy slurping Italian food and
pulling pigtails. “He sounds great. So what happened to him later?
How did you end up at college studying business and economics?”
Lying back on the bed Jared folded his arm behind his head and
pulled me down with him with a sharp tug. “Well I stopped hating
girls at about fourteen when I started seeing them more as objects
of sexual arousal rather than irritating cootie carriers. I met a
girl in high school named Hannah and at sixteen I lost my virginity
in the back seat of her minivan. She dumped me that summer and
moved to Oregon with her mom, I never saw her again. The next two
years were pretty much girls, parties and goofing off with my
friends. Then at seventeen my dad started talking about what I
should do with my life but what he meant was that
he
wanted me to take
over the business. I didn’t really have a direction I was planning
on traveling for a year and then going to college but dad said he’d
stop paying my bills unless I was taking a serious career choice.
So I ended up at college until they died. That’s pretty much it.”
Leaning on my elbow, I gazed at him as he lay there staring at the
ceiling. “So what about the rest of your family? You’re grandma in
Hawaii? Aunts? Uncles?”
He let out a long sigh
and shrugged. “I don’t have any. Grandma died when I was fifteen
and my father was an only child. My grandfather had died when he
was young and grandma never re married. I never understood when I
was younger but she always said he’d been the love of her life and
that for as long as she lived no man would ever hold her heart like
he did. I thought it was crazy, but then I’d never been that deeply
in love before. I was just a kid. But now…” He stroked my face with
his fingertip and smiled sweetly at me. “…Now I know exactly what
she meant.” I held his hand to my face and pressed a kiss to palm.
“As for my mother, her family disowned her after she married my
father. They were part of California’s social elite and when she
fell for a small time shop owner’s son, they gave her an ultimatum.
She chose my dad and they cut her off the day she said I do. I’ve
never even met them but I’m sure she had a sister here in Long
Beach.”
“
You never looked for
them?”
Sitting up he pointed to
the display cabinets on the far side of the room.
“
You see all those
awards? Well every time I got one my mom would write back home to
her folks telling them what a wonderful grandson they had. When I
was born she even tried to take me there to see them but they
wouldn’t even open the driveway gates. They never wrote, called or
made any attempt to get to know me. When she died I left hundreds
of messages begging them to call me but they never even tried. I
have no idea if they were even at the funeral, hell I wouldn’t be
able to pick them out of a line up. So why should I bother trying
to connect with people who would never even acknowledge my
existence?” Sitting up beside him I leaned my head against his
shoulder. He’d had so much sadness in his life and the thought that
he had a whole family that had completely abandoned him when he
needed them most, made me sick to my stomach with
grief.
Planting a kiss on the
top of my head, he leaned his cheek into me. “It’s not all bad
Layla. I had a good childhood. My parents loved me and they gave me
the best start in life anyone could ever hope for. Besides, my
story has a happy ending. Wanna hear it?” Lifting my head from his
shoulder I nodded as he gazed down into my eyes. Hooking his hand
beneath my chin, he lifted my face till his lips were so close I
could feel his warm breath on my mouth. “I took over the business
and kept my mother’s shop, turning it into a cozy little coffee
house under a new name. I went in one day to get my usual cup of
coffee and my life changed forever. A gorgeous, turquoise eyed
blonde came crashing into my life and knocked me off my feet. She
was fiery, strong and infuriatingly stubborn. I was hooked. She
stained my shirt and stole my heart right there in that shop and I
haven’t been able to get her out of my mind since. She’s amazing
and I’ve fallen head over heels in love with her. She’s my happily
ever after.”
Launching myself into his
arms, we crashed backwards onto the bed with a bounce. I kissed him
passionately, murmuring between each press of my lips. “You’re mine
too. I’ve never been so happy in my life. I love you so much.” He
chuckled into my mouth and pressed his hands on either side of my
head over my ears, slowing me. Taking control, he snaked his arms
around my back and pulled me close, deepening our kiss. Coming up
for air, I grinned down at him as a boyish smile spread across his
delicious lips. “Ok, your turn. I want to know everything. Who is
Layla Jennings? Where did she come from? What does she like, hate
and everything in between. Go.”
together we’d always practiced safe sex. He’d never asked about
contraceptives and I’d never brought it up. As I watched the horror
on his face turn into sheer panic I realized my mistake and held my
head in my hands. Heaving himself out of the tub, he quickly dried
himself off and pulled on a pair of sweatpants that were hanging on
the door handle as I stared at the water, feeling riddled with
guilt. He paced up and down still threading his fingers through his
hair like he always did when he was irate or worried. Carefully
stepping out, I grabbed a towel and wrapped myself in it snugly
before making my way over to him. Holding his face in my hands I
pulled him to me and held him in place, his eyes fixed on mine.
“Shhh. It’s ok.”
Pushing me away he
regarded me coolly. “How can you say that? You could get pregnant
Layla! How could I forget? Shit! I was just so happy to see you, so
desperate to be with you I got totally caught up. Christ how could
we be so stupid?!”
“
Jared, will you stop!
I’ve been on contraception for weeks! So if me getting pregnant is
the only reason you were using condoms in the first place, we’re
fine.”
He froze and stared at me
in disbelief. “Weeks? You mean this whole time you’ve been safe and
you never told me? Why?” Pressing my palms against his bare chest I
shrugged. “I don’t know. You never asked and I assumed you used
condoms with all the girls you’ve been with. I know I’m clean but I
thought maybe you couldn’t take that risk so contraception for me
was a moot point.” He gave me a confused look and sighed deeply.
“Layla, that’s absurd! You really thought I didn’t talk about it
because I thought you might have something? I would never think
that about you. A woman’s body is her own possession and she has
the right to choose whether she uses contraception. It’s never been
my place to ask you. I have always used condoms with everyone I’ve
ever been with and I assumed you were safe too. I get checked
regularly so I know I’m clean. If you tell me you are then I
believe you. I just wish you’d told me before and we could have
avoided the anxiety attack I just had.”
Hanging my head, I stared
at the marble tiled floor as the realization hit me that once again
honesty was not my biggest strength. Why could we never get past
the need to keep things from each other? Ok so this was only a
little secret but what about the next time? If I was hiding
something as trivial as my shot then what secrets could he be
hiding? Would we ever be able to just be truthful and forthcoming
about things to one another? I always rationalized that the things
I kept from Jared I did so to keep him from worrying. But this
time, I’d had the opposite effect. My whole body felt weak as
regret and sadness filled me. This was never going to work if we
didn’t trust each other and right now I’d given Jared every reason
to doubt me.
Holding my chin between
his thumb and finger he lifted my head and his mouth covered mine
as he kissed me tenderly. “Stop it Layla. I can’t stand it when you
torture yourself like this. I’ve seen that look on your face more
times than I’d like to count now and it’s killing me. I understand
why you never mentioned it and I respect your privacy but don’t
keep things from me again. We’re in this together remember? Stop
overthinking and second guessing me it’s getting really frustrating
when you constantly doubt my motives over things. If you have a
question then ask me and I will always give you an answer. No more
secrets, no more lies and no more keeping things from each other.
Understood?” Nodding, I diverted my eyes to the floor again. I
still couldn’t shake the feeling that he was hiding something.
“Layla, I mean it. Stop. Right now. No more guilt trips. You have
to stop doing this to us. Do you want us to fail? Because your
constant doubt over our relationship and commitment to each other
will tear you apart. I know how I feel about you. There is no force
in heaven or on earth that could keep me from you.” Removing myself
from his grasp, I picked up my discarded clothes and walked away
from him into the bedroom. I couldn’t bear to see the hurt in his
eyes any longer. He was right, I was always second guessing him and
for no good logical reason. He’d always given me a straight answer
whenever I’d asked him anything. Like when I asked how many women
he’d been with and he’d freely given me information about his
parents. Holding my breath I asked the question that had been
plaguing me for weeks. “Jared what are all the phone calls about? I
know there’s a woman involved, I heard you in the office. Just,
tell me the truth. I need to know.” Walking towards me he placed
his hands on my arms reassuringly. “Nothing is going on I swear.
It’s something…”
I cut him off. “Something
you have to deal with. Yeah, I know. You get to have your secrets
but I can’t have mine. Got it. Guess we’re not as committed to this
honestly thing as we thought.”
I moved silently around
the room as I pulled my clothes on. Jared stood in the door way
rubbing his temple as though trying to sooth a headache. A headache
I was causing. He exhaled loudly and I could hear the frustration
in his voice as he pleaded with his eyes for an explanation. ”For
the love of god Layla what do I have to do to show you that I’m
serious about us? You want me to buy you a diamond and get down on
one knee? What do I have to do?” Taken aback I stepped away from
him, scrutinizing his expression, trying to see if he was serious.
“Layla I’m not about to propose marriage. You’re twenty years old
for Christ sake. I know I’m going to spend the rest of my life with
you and I don’t need a ring or piece of paper to tell me that. But
if that’s what you need to believe in me, then I’ll give it to you.
Hell Layla I’d give you the moon, stars and oceans if you asked for
them but
please
in the name of all that is holy just stop dooming us to
fail.” Slumping down onto the vintage cream and gold couch I held
my head in my hands. I knew all along the cause of our problems but
not wanting to admit it I’d convinced myself that it didn’t matter.
But the truth was that we really didn’t know each other, we never
talked.
Removing my hands from my
face, Jared crouched in front of me, resting his forehead against
mine. “Layla talk to me, please. You’re terrifying me with your
silence.”
“
That’s
just our problem Jared. We don’t talk. We hardly know anything
about each other beyond the physical. It’s the reason I get mad
when you give me lavish gifts because you have no idea why I find
it difficult to accept them. It’s the reason
you
get mad and scared
when you think about me and Ollie. We jumped in to this too fast
and we just don’t know each other enough.”
Grabbing me by the hand
he hauled me up and dragged me down the hall to the other side of
the house. I stumbled along trying to keep up with him and felt a
little frightened as his demeanor changed from worry to
determination. “Jared what are you doing? Let me go!” Turning the
corner, we stopped outside a door at the far end of a long hallway
that I hadn’t been down before. Gripping the handle in one hand and
me in the other he tightened his grip. “You say we don’t know about
each other right? Well let’s rectify that right now.” The door
swung open and he led me inside, still holding my hand
firmly.
“
Welcome to my
world.”
My jaw dropped as I gazed
around the enormous room I was currently standing in. The walls
were cluttered with news articles, photos, awards and posters.
Endless rows of medals and plaques shone as they sat in mahogany
display cabinets. A dark four poster bed was against the far wall
and a door which led to another equally stunning bathroom was
opposite. Releasing me, he gestured for me to explore. In the
corner was a walk in closet similar to the one in his bedroom
except there were no clothes inside. Instead there were dozens of
brown cardboard boxes and I could smell the dirty scent of dust as
I entered the doorway. The entire room smelled old and musty as
though no one had been there in years.
When I turned around,
Jared was sitting on the edge of the bed with his hand extended out
to me. Walking over, I placed my hand in his and sat next to him.
His shoulders sagged and he stared blankly into the distance. “This
was my room. My whole life up until I was eighteen unfolded in this
room. I can’t say it was exciting or extraordinary but as you can
see, I did ok. Right here, right now we’re going to talk. Anything
you want to know, I’ll tell you and vice versa. So tell me Layla
Jennings, what
do
you want to know?”
“
I want to know
everything. Tell me about the six year old in that photograph
downstairs. Who was he? What was he like? What were his hopes and
dreams?” He chuckled and his eyes danced. “You want to go that far
back huh? Ok. He was funny, well I think he was. He was demanding
and some would say maybe a little spoilt but he was usually quite
tame in his wants. He wanted to be an explorer like Indiana Jones.
He loved spaghetti and jumping in puddles. He hated baths and boy
did he hate girls; they had germs you know. I’d say he’s come a
long way since then.”
I smiled as I thought
about the golden haired little boy slurping Italian food and
pulling pigtails. “He sounds great. So what happened to him later?
How did you end up at college studying business and economics?”
Lying back on the bed Jared folded his arm behind his head and
pulled me down with him with a sharp tug. “Well I stopped hating
girls at about fourteen when I started seeing them more as objects
of sexual arousal rather than irritating cootie carriers. I met a
girl in high school named Hannah and at sixteen I lost my virginity
in the back seat of her minivan. She dumped me that summer and
moved to Oregon with her mom, I never saw her again. The next two
years were pretty much girls, parties and goofing off with my
friends. Then at seventeen my dad started talking about what I
should do with my life but what he meant was that
he
wanted me to take
over the business. I didn’t really have a direction I was planning
on traveling for a year and then going to college but dad said he’d
stop paying my bills unless I was taking a serious career choice.
So I ended up at college until they died. That’s pretty much it.”
Leaning on my elbow, I gazed at him as he lay there staring at the
ceiling. “So what about the rest of your family? You’re grandma in
Hawaii? Aunts? Uncles?”
He let out a long sigh
and shrugged. “I don’t have any. Grandma died when I was fifteen
and my father was an only child. My grandfather had died when he
was young and grandma never re married. I never understood when I
was younger but she always said he’d been the love of her life and
that for as long as she lived no man would ever hold her heart like
he did. I thought it was crazy, but then I’d never been that deeply
in love before. I was just a kid. But now…” He stroked my face with
his fingertip and smiled sweetly at me. “…Now I know exactly what
she meant.” I held his hand to my face and pressed a kiss to palm.
“As for my mother, her family disowned her after she married my
father. They were part of California’s social elite and when she
fell for a small time shop owner’s son, they gave her an ultimatum.
She chose my dad and they cut her off the day she said I do. I’ve
never even met them but I’m sure she had a sister here in Long
Beach.”
“
You never looked for
them?”
Sitting up he pointed to
the display cabinets on the far side of the room.
“
You see all those
awards? Well every time I got one my mom would write back home to
her folks telling them what a wonderful grandson they had. When I
was born she even tried to take me there to see them but they
wouldn’t even open the driveway gates. They never wrote, called or
made any attempt to get to know me. When she died I left hundreds
of messages begging them to call me but they never even tried. I
have no idea if they were even at the funeral, hell I wouldn’t be
able to pick them out of a line up. So why should I bother trying
to connect with people who would never even acknowledge my
existence?” Sitting up beside him I leaned my head against his
shoulder. He’d had so much sadness in his life and the thought that
he had a whole family that had completely abandoned him when he
needed them most, made me sick to my stomach with
grief.
Planting a kiss on the
top of my head, he leaned his cheek into me. “It’s not all bad
Layla. I had a good childhood. My parents loved me and they gave me
the best start in life anyone could ever hope for. Besides, my
story has a happy ending. Wanna hear it?” Lifting my head from his
shoulder I nodded as he gazed down into my eyes. Hooking his hand
beneath my chin, he lifted my face till his lips were so close I
could feel his warm breath on my mouth. “I took over the business
and kept my mother’s shop, turning it into a cozy little coffee
house under a new name. I went in one day to get my usual cup of
coffee and my life changed forever. A gorgeous, turquoise eyed
blonde came crashing into my life and knocked me off my feet. She
was fiery, strong and infuriatingly stubborn. I was hooked. She
stained my shirt and stole my heart right there in that shop and I
haven’t been able to get her out of my mind since. She’s amazing
and I’ve fallen head over heels in love with her. She’s my happily
ever after.”
Launching myself into his
arms, we crashed backwards onto the bed with a bounce. I kissed him
passionately, murmuring between each press of my lips. “You’re mine
too. I’ve never been so happy in my life. I love you so much.” He
chuckled into my mouth and pressed his hands on either side of my
head over my ears, slowing me. Taking control, he snaked his arms
around my back and pulled me close, deepening our kiss. Coming up
for air, I grinned down at him as a boyish smile spread across his
delicious lips. “Ok, your turn. I want to know everything. Who is
Layla Jennings? Where did she come from? What does she like, hate
and everything in between. Go.”
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