Gently placing me on the bed, he kicked off his shoes and took off his socks. I stifled a giggle and sat up to face him. Looking up into his eyes, I began to unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants. Tugging them down, I ran my fingers gently over the bulge in his shorts. I’d learned firsthand that night on my couch that he was big, very big. Licking my lips I hooked my thumbs into the waist line of his shorts and gently slid them over his thick, muscular thighs. His long, thick erection sprung free and I grinned. It was beautiful. Solid as stone I took it in my mouth. Rolling my tongue gently around the tip, I heard Ollie let out a deep moan. His fingers threaded through my hair as he stood in front of me, rocking his hips back and forth with the movements of my mouth. Sliding my lips up and down his shaft, I gripped my hands around him, creating a mixture of sucking, licking and rubbing. His jaw clenched and I felt him tense. His hand hooked under my chin he pulled me away and gazed down at me. Rubbing his thumb over my cheek he slid his hand behind my head and gently laid me down on the bed. Sliding on top of me he kissed me deeply with a sense of longing. His hands glided down and slid behind my back, releasing the clasp of my bra. Peeling the straps over my shoulders he trailed kisses over my skin as the cotton grazed my arms. Tossing it to the floor, he took my breast in his mouth and rolled his tongue over my nipple. I moaned and arched my back as his hand massaged, caressed and stroked my swollen breasts. Kissing, licking and grazing his way down my body I writhed beneath him. Reaching my panties, he placed a soft kiss onto the cotton at the opening of my sex. I could feel his warm breath on the fleshy lips beneath. It was hugely erotic and yet completely romantic all at once. “ I’ve wanted this for so long I can hardly stand it. You’re so beautiful. Every last curve, line and inch of your delicate skin is perfect. You’re perfect.” His fingers gripped the elastic at my hips and I automatically lifted to allow him to slide them off of me. Once he had disposed of them he continued his attention to my swollen, aching clit. I gasped as the cool metal of his lip ring brushed against my warm skin, the tip of his tongue gliding slowly and gently from the opening of my sex to my clit over and over. He was teasing me and I was going crazy with anticipation. His tongue swirled, flicked and pressed against my clit. I cried out as my orgasm quickly built inside me. I’d wanted Ollie for so long, thought about this moment for so long, that now it was finally here I could hardly control myself. The build-up of months of sexual chemistry and tension was coming to a climactic end at last. I gripped the sheets beside me as my legs and arms grew stiff, preparing for the convulsions of the muscles inside me. I panted harder as his tongue drove me rapidly to the edge. “ It’s okay baby. Let go. I want to give this to you.” His sweet words echoed in my ears as I rocked and ground my hips against his mouth, desperate for my release. My fingers holding on so tightly to the sheet below, I feared I would tear it. Bringing it to my mouth I bit down hard, muffling my loud and pleading groans. His hands caressed and stroked my thighs, heightening the pleasure I was feeling between my legs. Closing my eyes, I stilled as the crashing and thrashing waves of my orgasm rolled through my body. Pulsating, surging and tightening inside me, I cried out his name as tears streamed down my face. His lips trailed kisses from my sex all the way up to my neck where he nuzzled and breathed me in deeply. His hand beneath my head, he kissed me. Never speaking a word, we gazed at each other as he gently slid inside me. Closing my eyes, my head fell back and he took in a sharp breath, almost hissing. Pressing my palms to his back I ran my hands all over his body. His chest, his broad shoulders, the length of his spine and finally resting on his tight, firm behind. He gasped as I squeezed and palmed his flesh in my hands. His hips rocked back and forth unhurriedly, withdrawing before gradually sliding back inside me. His eyes glistened in the light and as I lay there beneath him, I could feel the thundering of his heartbeat. Pressing his lips to mine firmly, he closed his eyes and his body tensed. He was close and I wanted to go to paradise with him. Pushing my hands into his behind I urged him deeper. Withdrawing slowly before gently pushing back inside me, his tip brushed against my g-spot and I gasped. It was heavenly. Our eyes fixated on one another, we held each other tightly, lovingly; as though we were dependent on the other for our next breath. His eyebrows furrowed and I could feel him pulsing and throbbing inside me. “Oh god Layla. I love you so much.” He was breathless and his words hit me hard. As my muscles tightened around him, I was swimming in a pool of lust, need and hurt. His tongue ran over my bottom lip and I moaned as another mind blowing orgasm ripped through me. I bowed and practically levitated off the bed. I cried out his name as he held me close, finding his own release. We were so painfully close that I couldn’t tell where his body ended and mine began. We’d become one sensual, post-coital mess. Panting and trying to control my rapid breathing, I lay there gazing deep into his eyes. Brushing a lock of hair from his face, I pulled him to me for another heart stopping kiss. Rolling onto his side, he wrapped his arms around my waist and spooned me. I could feel his breath on my neck and its comforting warmth allowed me to doze in and out of consciousness. Neither of us spoke. It was too painful and there was nothing left to say. It was over and though we both knew the implications of our night together, I knew he’d needed it just as much as I did. With his head pressed against my back, I silently cried, shuddering as the tears fell down my cheeks. Turning me to face him Ollie stroked and wiped away each tear as it fell without a single word. He lay there just holding me for hours as we gazed into each other’s eyes, until we could no longer keep them open and fell into a deep and sorrowful sleep.
* * *
Reaching out my hand I opened my eyes as it fell on an empty space. I leaned up on my elbows scanning the room but he wasn’t there. Getting out of bed I headed for the bathroom but he wasn’t there either. In a panic I grabbed my robe and flew out the door to his room. Hammering my fist hard onto the wood I waited for an answer but none came. Taking a chance, I opened the door to find it unlocked. My heart shredded into a thousand pieces as I stared at the empty side of Ollie’s room. His posters, guitar, everything was gone. I held my hand to my mouth as tears began streaming down my face. I walked to his bedside cabinet where I found an empty frame where my picture had once sat. It had been replaced with a note with my name on it. Clutching it in my hand, I ran back to the solace of my bedroom. Slumping onto the bed I read it as my body racked and convulsed with sobs. Layla I couldn’t bear to wake you. You looked so peaceful laying there that it seemed the greatest sin to disturb an angel as she slept. I’ve never been good at goodbyes and honestly I don’t think it’s a word I could ever use with you. I can never say goodbye to you Layla, it feels so final and the thought that I will never see you again would kill me. What you gave me last night, I will never, ever forget that and you have no idea how much it meant to me. I hope you don’t mind but I kept the picture. I wanted a reminder of our time together and of you. I can’t tell you how much I’m going to miss you but I couldn’t stay, not now. Spending seven more weeks with you and not being able to touch you, kiss you or hold you in my arms would be agony. I won’t put you or myself through the pain. I always knew you couldn’t come with me but the fact that you even considered it and maybe even thought you could do it, tells me all I need to know. I will love you forever and you will always be my first and true love. I was your friend before I was your lover and I will always be here for you whenever you need me. There’s just one last thing you have to do for me Layla and it’s the most important. Don’t feel guilty . We gave it our best shot and that’s all I could ask for. I don’t regret one moment and you shouldn’t either. So smile, laugh and sing at that god awful bar every Friday. Eric may not look as good as me doing it but he’s a hell of a guitar player. Take care of Amy for me and don’t let her and Mel get into too much trouble, one fuck up in our group is enough and in my absence I’d rather they not take my title. Loving you with every beat of my heart. I’ll see you soon. Ollie xxxxxxxxx P.S I left you a gift in your closet; I got it for you as a kind of going away present. It’s yours whenever you need it. Droplets of my tears fell onto the paper, smearing and smudging his words. He was gone. Placing it on my bed I walked to my closet and found a single red envelope containing a plane ticket a note and a CD. Turning on my laptop I sat and read the note. “ This is an open ticket. If you ever change your mind my address is on the back of this note. Ollie. Xxx” He’d given me the choice. It wasn’t too late but deep down I knew we were done. I didn’t love him and though my heart was breaking because he was gone, I knew it was for the best. The CD fired up and I gazed at it as Ollie’s face, body, guitar and smile filled the screen. He didn’t speak, he sang. I recognized the song. It was one of my favorites. Ollie really had known all along, the video had been recorded only a week after he’d asked me to go with him. I stared at him as he sang the song ‘In My Life’ by the Beatles. His face expressed every word, each heartfelt emotion and the words enveloped me as each one left his beautiful lips. Hitting repeat, I laid there for hours just watching him. I hadn’t even noticed when the sun had gone down. I’d been lying there, watching him all day. Crying, sobbing and just staring at him on the screen. The door flew open and Amy stormed over to me with tears streaming down her face. “How could you Layla!? He’s gone. Just like that and he never even said goodbye before he left. I knew you were going to break his heart. God you really are a heartless bitch.” Leaping to my feet I squared up to her. “I am not a heartless bitch Amy. It’s because I care about him so much that I had to let him go. You think that was easy for me? That I don’t miss him so much it’s tearing me apart? Of course not. But I couldn’t keep stringing him along believing that we had a future together. He’s my friend Amy and I love him the way I love you and Mel. I can’t even begin to tell you how much it hurt me to let him go. But I had to. He’s better off this way before we got in too deep.” She snorted a laugh in disbelief. “Too deep? Layla he was jumping in feet first the moment you met! He’s been in love with you from the very start and you think it’s all just going to go away for him? That he’ll just forget and get over you? Well he won’t. You never forget your first love. It’s the most awful feeling in the world to love someone who can’t love you back. I should know!” I stared at her waiting for an explanation. “What do you mean? Amy do you love Ollie?” She flushed. “No, not Ollie. Someone else.” I gazed at her but she remained silent. She seemed completely embarrassed and a little mortified that the words had escaped her mouth. “ Amy talk to me. What’s going on?” Holding her hands over her face she sighed. “I’m in love Layla. Completely, totally and unbelievably in love. And my poor heart will never experience that love returned.” Pressing my hands on her arms I looked into her tearful eyes. “Amy, tell me, who is it?” Biting her lip she gulped a sob. “It’s Melanie.” I gawked at her, unsure if I had heard what I thought I had. “Wait, what?” Slumping onto her bed she held her head in her hands. “I’m in love with Mel. Oh god. I have no idea what’s going on with me Layla. I’ve always been with men and I like men. I’m totally sexually attracted to them but, when she’s around me I feel, I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s smart, funny, exciting, and sexy as hell. Her eyes are gorgeous and her body, oh my god. I think about doing things with her I’ve only seen in porn. She makes my skin warm and my heart pound in my ears. Her smile could knock me out. I’ve always been a little tri-sexual. I'll 'try' anything once . But it’s more than just sexual desire I feel for her. I really like her Layla. I’m so confused.” My eyebrows shot up and I stared at her in pure and utter surprise. Mel had never had a boyfriend but she’d had her fair share of one night stands and flings, so I was pretty sure poor Amy was barking up a heterosexual tree. “Amy, I don’t know what to say but you know Mel’s not…” “ I know, she’s into guys but I can’t stop loving her Layla. It’s like a force of nature. I just want to be around her all the time. Last night when we were hanging out in her room I thought about telling her a thousand times but if she knew, she’d never go near me again and I couldn’t stand not having her around. Do you know what it’s like to just completely be cut off from someone you have such strong feelings for?” I gave her an understanding look. Of course I knew. “You know I do Amy. I want to tell you it will all be ok but unrequited love, it’s a killer. But I do think you need to think long and hard about this. Telling her could end your friendship and I love you both too much to watch that happen. Not to mention if it leaves you with a broken heart.”