Draping her arm around me, she pecked me on the cheek. “I say hell yes!” Giving her a hug I sighed. “Hey Amy, how’s things going with you? I mean since you told me about Mel I know you haven’t really talked much about it.” Pulling away from me she sat on the edge of her bed and shrugged. “Nothing to say. She likes guys and I’m hopelessly in love with her. What can I do? I can’t tell her. It’s too risky. I have to just get over it.” I gave her a half smile. I knew only too well how much it hurts to love someone who simply can’t give you what you need. “ And how’s that working out for you so far?” “ Awful. I can’t get her off my mind and whenever I’m around her I hate the way I feel. I feel like I’m not being me, not really. She knows I’m hiding something. She keeps asking me why I’m so quiet lately and when I refused to go out with one of the guys at Delicia she said I was acting weird. I had to tell her he just wasn’t my type and I guess that’s kind of true. He’s not. I want her and I hate it. I’m so confused. I like guys and I like sleeping with them but I love her. How could I not know I was bisexual all this time?” Taking a seat next to her, I draped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her to me. Her head rested against my shoulder as I stroked her hair. She was going through such a tough time. Not only was she questioning her sexuality but she was also in love with my best friend who was certainly into men. “ Sometimes it takes finding that one special person I guess. You can’t help who you fall in love with and for you it’s Mel. There is nothing wrong or unnatural about how you feel Amy. Lots of people these days discover they’re bisexual or gay in college. Don’t hate yourself ok? You’re in love and it’s an amazing feeling. Always be glad you have felt it, even if it is unreturned.” Hearing my own words, I couldn’t help but think of my time with Jared and Ollie. I loved Jared and although he’d hurt me time and time again, at least I knew I was capable of love and that I had experienced being loved in return. Well, I thought he loved me. Ollie had given me so much and I had given him very little in return, yet he thanked me for letting him know he could feel love and what it felt like to love someone. I missed him. Giving Amy a peck on the cheek, I told her I needed to run to the store but truthfully, I just needed some time to myself. I headed for the car and shut myself inside, reaching for my cell phone. I scrolled to Ollie’s number and as it rang I held my breath hoping and praying he would answer. But he didn’t. Listening to his voice on his voice mail made my insides twist and a chill ran through my veins. Surely he couldn’t punish me like this forever? I needed him to come back to me. Soon.
* * *
Amy’s meticulous planning had paid off enormously and as Benny’s began to fill to the point of bursting, I was pleased that her efforts were being appreciated. The senior class was so hyped up about graduating, they had been buying everyone drinks all night and as hostess, Amy was never without one in her hand. Handing me a pink cosmopolitan, she grinned. “What are you so happy about?” She shook her head and it made me suspicious. ”Nothing. Just having a great time. I have a delicious drink, great friends and a party that people will be talking about all year. What’s not to like.” I gave her a half smile and she instantly knew where my mind was at. “You’re thinking about Ollie aren’t you? You know for someone who claims not to have been in love with him you sure are pining like a love sick puppy.” Staring at my drink, I sighed heavily. “I miss him Amy. He won’t even acknowledge my existence. I thought we could still be friends but he’s totally cut me off and out of his life. I just want to see him, touch him and be around him again.” Placing her hand on my arm reassuringly, she smiled. “He’ll come around, you’ll see.” I wanted to believe her blind optimism but I couldn’t. It had been seven weeks and if he hadn’t talked to me by now, I imagined he never would. Sliding into our booth, we joined Mel, Nick and Eric who were busy arguing over the set list for the party. “ I am telling you that no one wants to listen to your grunge shit Eric. I thought we already agreed on modern and classic rock? You know, Bon Jovi, Greenday that kind of stuff.” He rolled his eyes at her. “I told you, Ollie always sang that shit. I can’t hit the notes he can and the songs wouldn’t sound right if you guys sang them. We’ll have to come up with something else.” I groaned loudly in frustration. “Ok shut up, both of you. Eric you can sing a lot of classic rock absolutely fine so stop bullshitting us. Mel, pick some chick rock and we’ll do that. We’ll mix it up and then towards the end we’ll slow it down, ok?” Giving each other the evil eye they nodded in agreement. It was like refereeing children some times. Nick whispered something into Amy’s ear and she visibly stiffened. Giving her a nudge, I mouthed “What was that about?” She shook her head and nodded in the direction of the bathroom. Sliding out of the booth, we made our excuses and I had to practically run to keep up with her as she stormed to the toilets. Slamming the door closed, she ran her fingers through her hair repeatedly. “I can’t do it anymore. I can’t, I honestly just cannot do this.” Grabbing her hands, I forced her to face me. “Can’t what? Amy, calm down and talk to me. What’s wrong?” Tears were in her eyes and I knew. “Mel and Eric are banging each other aren’t they?” She nodded as the warm droplets fell from her eyes and over her flushed cheeks. “Nick says they went out a couple of times and last night they spent the night together at Eric’s place.” Wrapping my arms around her, I held her tightly as she sobbed. “It hurts so fucking much and it shouldn’t. She’s not mine, never has been and never will be but watching them together, knowing what I do now, makes my stomach churn and my heart ache. I don’t think I can be around her anymore. Not until I can get over this thing I have for her.” Taking some tissue from the stall, I wiped her face, trying to clear up her smeared make up. “Amy I can’t possibly try to begin to understand what you’re going through with your sexuality but I do know how much it hurts when the person you love is with someone else. I found out last week Jared and Alicia are a couple now.” She gawked at me. “I saw Felix on campus. He asked me to give a message to Jared and I told him that we weren’t together anymore so he could deliver the message himself. He gives me the creeps. Anyway I was curious as to why they hated each other so much and I found out why Felix hates Jared at least. Alicia is Felix’s ex-wife. According to the article I read, she and Felix divorced after Jared had been sleeping with her. The time frames are so close they had to have been having an affair. Now the two of them have been photographed at bars, social events and one reporter even saw her at his house.” She stared at me with her jaw almost to the floor. “Alicia is Felix’s ex-wife? Oh my god. No wonder he hates him. I mean ok, he’s a little hypocritical because he screwed his best friend’s girlfriend but still, she was his wife. Are they really a couple now? I know they were at Delicia but I thought that was just a date. That sucks ass. Are you ok?” I shrugged and continued to clean her face. “I’m done with it all Amy. I can’t keep killing myself over him. He’s single and free to be with whoever he wants and now that I have rid myself of all that stuff he gave me, maybe now I can move on too. Why should he be able to get over me so easily and I carry on aching over the loss? I won’t do it to myself anymore. Jared who? That’s what I say.” She smiled at me but I knew she wasn’t buying it. Truthfully, neither was I. It hurt, deeply and as much as I hated him, I loved him in equal measure. Tossing the tissue in the trash I smiled at her, trying to seem unfazed by our conversation. “There, all better. You ready to go out there?” She nodded and hugged me. “I know everything seems bad right now Layla but I promise it will be ok. We’ll both be ok. Ollie will come round and I’ll get over Mel. Eventually. We just need a little patience.” The sound of a guitar caught our attention and I smiled. “Sounds like Eric’s firing up the band. We should probably get out there before Mel throws her weight around at him.” Taking my hand, Amy led me out into the heaving bar. The crowd was completely blocking the stage and I couldn’t see Mel up there at all. Maybe she was having as much trouble as I was getting to the stage. I turned around but Amy had disappeared. Feeling rather abandoned I tried to push my way through the hoard of bodies but the sound of a husky, deep and low voice booming through the speakers halted me in my tracks. My heart raced and my breathing quickened as a familiar song began to play. I shoved hard at the people around me desperate to reach the stage. I had to see. I had to know it was real. The words hit me like darts as each left his lips. Reaching the stage I stared up at him. Standing there, caressing his guitar and singing into the mic, was Ollie. Wearing his ripped black jeans and an unbuttoned white shirt, he looked blisteringly hot. Every girl gazed at him dreamily as his perfectly sculpted chest gleamed in the spotlight. He was singing my song; the song he’d written for me at Christmas. He’d changed the music from slow and light to heavy and rocking but the words still held the same emotional message they had that morning. Gripping the edge of the stage I hoped he’d look down and see me but as he continued to stare into the crowd I suddenly felt nervous, anxious, guilty and sick. Pushing my way back through the crowd towards the door I had to gulp hard to stop myself from bursting into tears. He was here. In the bar, singing my song and yet I felt like he was a million miles from me. He was out of reach to me now and I’d pushed him away. Pressing my hand against the wall outside I tried to catch my breath. The music ended inside and the cheers, whistling and screams from the crowd inside made me smile. I loved it when people enjoyed Ollie’s music. He deserved the success, recognition and applause he received and I deserved his ignorance of me being there. Holding my hand to my chest, I could feel my heart beating fast, hard and heavily inside my ribcage. “Little dangerous for you to be all alone out here don’t you think?” My breath caught in my throat. Turning around slowly, I closed my eyes, praying that when I opened them again it wouldn’t be a horrible hallucination. But there he was. Tears threatened as I gazed at his gorgeous face. His warm brown eyes gazed back at me and his lip ring pinched as he smiled. “Aren’t you happy to see me?” I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t find the words. Leaping at him, I enveloped him in my arms and held him tightly as tears began to drip from my eyes onto his shirt. His hands pressed against my back as he held on to me also. “ I missed you so much. I woke up and you were gone. I found your letter but you wouldn’t answer my calls. I thought I’d never see or talk to you again.” His lips pressed against my hair. “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t face a last goodbye with you Layla. I wanted to answer your calls. Every text, email and letter was like an arrow through my heart, knowing how much you needed me to tell you it was all ok but I couldn’t give you that. I thought if I stayed away, distanced myself from you that we could move forward and get past everything between us but it didn’t work. Through my entire journey here I was thinking about this moment. Holding you, being around you and seeing you again. I missed you like crazy.” Burying my head in his neck I sniffled. “You cut me off Ollie. I thought you hated me, that our whole friendship was over.” He shook his head and lifted my face to look at him. “No, I could never hate you Layla. I can’t hate you because I’m still completely and totally in love with you.” Releasing him, I continued to gaze into his eyes. Threading our fingers together he took me by the hand and smiled. “I think we should talk. Since I took off after that night we had, I think there’s a lot that needs to be said. Will you come with me?” I was so happy to see him I would have gone with him into a circle of hell and not thought twice. “I should tell Amy where I’m going.” “ She knows. I told her I was stealing you away. So, will you come?” I nodded and followed him across the parking lot where his beautiful Ducati was sitting, gleaming in the moonlight. I was suddenly aware why Amy had told me to wear jeans for the party. She must have known all along he was coming and the two of them had planned the whole thing. Slipping the helmet over my head, he lowered the visor and placed a kiss against it. My heart stopped at the sweetness of his gesture and yet I was severely disappointed that he had preferred to kiss the plastic rather than me. Once he was all leathered up with his helmet securely in place, he started the awesome machine that was straddled between his legs. It always did something to me when we rode on Ollie’s motorcycle. It was a huge turn on and as I sidled up to him, wrapping my arms around his waist, I grinned into his back. The song ‘Cool Rider’ played in my mind as we sped through the streets. Ollie was the hottest thing on two wheels right now and there was nowhere else I’d rather have been. Since I’d met him, I had a new soundtrack to my life and it was full of heavy guitar and electrifying bass tones. I knew exactly where he was taking me and delicious memories made me smile even more. Euphoria was coursing through my veins. Letting go of his waist I leaned back a little, my head fell back and I held my arms out as though they were wings. I felt like I was flying and it was exhilarating. I could feel the air against my hands, flowing through my fingers and the heat from Ollie’s body between my legs. It was hugely arousing and completely intoxicating as adrenaline surged through my body. Letting go of one of the handles, he caught my thigh and gave it a squeeze, bringing me back to earth and down from my awesome high. I got his message loud and clear. Slumping forward into his back I snaked my hands around his waist again, tightly. Turning his head to the side I saw his eyes and I was sure he was smiling as he shook his head at me.