Boy Meets Girl - Say Hello to Courtship (25 page)

And then one day in heaven, when this life is done, you'll truly be able to see His face. You'll be able to look into His eyes. Imagine that conversation with Jesus. Do you think that on that day you'll question His plan for your life? Do you think you'll have grounds to accuse Him of stinginess or unfaithfulness? Do you think you'll complain that you had to wait so long for a spouse? Or even that you never married?

You won't do any of these things, because in heaven, you'll see and know the perfection of His plan for you. It won't be theoretical. It won't simply be a promise in the Bible. You'll see it as the undeniable fact that it is. What you'll tell Him on that day is that He was faithful. You'll say that His choices were exactly what you would have chosen knowing what you know now.

The Bible tells us that human history will culminate in a wedding (Revelation 19:7). We, the church, will be Christ's bride. At that celebration there will be no regret. No tears of sorrow. No man or woman will watch from afar wondering when his or her time will come. That moment will be
our
time-the time for which we were made. We will each treasure the unique story of grace that God wrote with our lives. And we'll see that this is the wedding all other weddings have hinted at. That this Groom is the One our hearts have always longed for.

Do you believe in
that
day? Then trust God
today.
ft

Ask yourself this: What would it look like for you to live in light of
that
day? What would it mean to live with a radical faith in God's goodness? What would you do differently than you are right now?

Would you stop worrying?

If you're a man, would you call her?

If you're a woman, would you wait for him to call?

Would you let wisdom guide your romance?

Would you stop believing the lies of lust?

Would you end a relationship you know is wrong?

Would you live courageously?

Would you say yes?

Picture your life lived in light of
that
day. Your story has already begun, but today could be a turning point. Today could be the day you choose to believe and obey Gods Word with all your heart.

Our Story Is His Story

Shannon and I love to retell our love story. Not because we're the most dashing or impressive characters. Not because it's the most romantic story we've ever heard. We love it, because it's
our
story of God's grace.

It's a story of how He saved us both from sin, and then brought us together from opposite sides of the country. How He heard our prayers and answered them. How He saw clearly when the future was obscure to us. How He knew with certainty when we were uncertain. How He was working when we were at a standstill.

We love to marvel at God's sovereignty God saw me sitting in church listening to Shannon share the story of how she became a Christian. I couldn't have imagined it, but He knew that two years later we'd be getting married in the same auditorium.

God saw Shannon in the difficult months leading up to our courtship when, struggling with feelings for me, she would

We didn't know, but He knew. He knew all along.

On our wedding invitations we quoted a passage from Mike Mason's book The Mystery
of Marriage:

Real love is always fated. It has been arranged before time. It is the most meticulously prepared of coincidences. And fate, of course, is simply a secular term for the will of God, and coincidence for His grace.

This is what we learned through our courtship. Our love story, like all real love stories, was arranged by God. All the coincidences that made it possible were interventions of His grace. Our story was His story.

In heaven, I won't be surprised if love stories are recounted. But the tales of "boy meets girl" won't be testimonies to the power of human love or goodness. Instead, they'll be testimonies to God's mercy, love, and kindness.

Straight Paths

My goal in this book hasn't been to unveil some method or program for relationships. I don't want reading it to make you passionate about either "courtship" or "not dating." What I hope is that you'll be more passionate about God-that you'll be more confident in His character and more excited about living for His glory.

I don't know the specific challenges you're facing or the pain you feel from past mistakes. Chances are your story will unfold very differently from mine. But Proverbs 3:5-6 gives a promise that is for
all
of us:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

This promise was true in my life. It was true for Shannon. Even though our trust wasn't perfect, God showed us that He is completely worthy of our trust.

With This Ring

After we said our vows and exchanged rings as tokens of our commitment, there was only one more thing to do. It had seemed such a long time coming, but I finally heard our pastor speak the words.

"Joshua and Shannon," he said, his own happiness evident in his voice, "having made a covenant before God and with each other, I, in this moment acting with the authority that has been invested in me by the Lord Jesus Christ and the state of Maryland, pronounce you husband and wife."

Then he paused and smiled.

"Joshua, you have waited so many months for this moment.

And so I did. And the wait didn't seem so long now that she was in my arms.

It's a simple story really

Two people learning to trust God.

Two winding paths that God made straight.

Two straight paths that He chose to cross at just the right time. We watched Him do that. For all the moments of difficulty it involved, we wouldn't trade the experience for anything.

God wants to do the same for you.

Yes, you.

The Creator of romance, the Maker who arranged the first "boy meets girl" in the Garden so very long ago, is still at work.

For a thorough explanation of the statement, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him," I encourage you to read John Pipers books,
Desiring God
(Sisters, Ore.: Multnomah Books, 1996) and
The Pleasures of God
(Sisters, Ore.: Multnomah Books, 1991).

Chapter 3

Eugene Peterson, "Introduction to Proverbs," in
The Message
(Colorado Springs, Colo.: Navpress, 1993), 862.

Chapter 4

John Calvin,
Calvin Institutes of the Christian Religion I,
ed. John tt . McNeill (Philadelphia, Penn.: Westminster Press, 1960).

221

222JoshuaHarris

C. . Lewis in Dr. Bruce Waltke, Finding
the Will of God
(Gresham, Ore.: Vision House Publishing, 1995), 31.

Kin Hubbard, "Lack Of' Pep," in Abe Martin,
Hoss Sense and Nonsense,
(1926), 19.

. M. Montgomery, Anne
ofAvonlea
(New York: Harper and Row, 1985), 277.

Chapter 6

Matthew Henry,
Commentary on Genesis,
quoted in the Spring 1999 issue of the
Counsel on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood Newsletter, P.O.
Box 7337, Libertyville, IL 60048.

Elisabeth Elliot,
The Mark of a Man
(Grand Rapids, Mich.: Fleming H. Revell, 1981), 13.

John Stott, in Alexander Strauch, Men
and Women Equal Yet Different
(Littleton, Colo.: Lewis and Roth Publishers, 1999), 76.

Elliot,
The Mark of a Man,
158.

Chapter 7

Gary and Betsy Ricucci, Love
that Lasts
(Gaithersburg, Md.: PD1 Communications, 1992), 28. Used with permission.

Chapter 8 "All in a Day's Work,"
Readers' Digest,
October 1999.

Chapter 9

Douglas Jones, "Worshiping with Body,"
Credenda Agenda,
vol. 10, no. 2.

John MacArthur,
Commentary on Hebrews,
quoted in
Credenda Agenda,
vol. 2, no. 11.

John White, Eros
Defiled
(Downers Grove, 111.: Intervarsity Press, 1977), 53.

Bethany Torode, "(Don't) Kiss Me," originally published by
Boundless Webzine,
www.boundless.org. Used by permission.

Chapter 10

Joni Eareckson Tada and Steven Estes,
When God Weeps
(Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan Publishing House, 1997), 52-4. Used by permission.

Rebecca Pippert,
Hope Has Its Reasons
(New York: Guideposts, 1989), 102-4. Used by permission.

John Stott,
The
Cross (Downers Grove, 111.: Intervarsity Press, 1986), 60-1.

Ibid., 12.

Jay Adams,
From Forgiven to Forgiving
(Amityville, N.Y.: Calvary Press, 1994), 12.

David Boehi, Brent Nelson, Jeff Schulte, and Lloyd Shadrach,
Preparing for Marriage,
ed. Dennis Rainey (Ventura, Calif.: Gospel Light, 1997), 226-9.

Chapter 11

David Powlison and John Yenchko, "Should We Get Married?" Journal
of Biblical Counseling
14 (Spring 1996): 42. For subscription information, call (215) 884-7676 or visit www.ccef.org. David Powlison and John Yenchko's article is available as a booklet and is entitled
Pre-Engagement: 5 Questions to Ask Yourselves.
To order, contact Resources for Changing Lives, 1803 E. Willow Grove Ave., Glenside, PA 19038 or call (800) 318-2186.

Eva McAllaster in
Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood,
ed. John Piper and Wayne Grudem (Wheaton, 111: Crossway Books, 1991), xxii.

Chapter 12

Mike Mason, The Mystery
of Marriage: As Iron Sharpens Iron
(Sisters, Ore.: Multnomah Books, 1985), 74.

To all the people, whether you agreed or disagreed with I Kissed
Dating Goodbye,
who were open-minded enough to read what I had to say I am honored.

To everyone at Celebration who prayed.

To all my "landlords" who rented me office space: Flower Hill and Rockville Starbucks, Ahnich Khalid at the Corner Bakery, Barnes & Noble, The Original Pancake House, Pho 75, Baja Fresh, India Grill, and Einstein's.

To David Sacks for your friendship and for the terrific pictures that sandwich this book. To Kevin and Megan for modeling on the front cover.

To all the folks who crammed into our living room for discussion groups. Thanks for being honest.

To Carolyn McCulley Jon Ward, Cara Nalle, Eric Hughes, Jeff Purswell, John Loftness, Marie Silard, Janelle Mahaney, and all the people who contributed and encouraged me along the way.

To Rich and Christy Farris for letting me tell your amazing story.

To Travis and Jonalee Earles for your godly example.

To David Powlison and John Yenchko for letting me quote your article. David, thanks for lunch at Taco Bell and for your counsel.

To Bob and Julie Kauflin, and to Kerrin and Megan and Russell, for giving me access to your lives. Bob, thanks for leading worship at the conferences and for always being available to talk.

To my research assistant and friend, Nicole Mahaney, who