Braydon (30 page)

“Where’s Bray?” he asked, seemingly more alert, his words much clearer than before.

“In the hall, talking to your parents and Sawyer.”

“I fucked up again, didn’t I?” he asked.

Jessie figured it was a rhetorical question, but she spoke anyway. “Want to talk about it?”

“Nothin’ to talk about,” he mumbled, his eyes closing again. He forced them open and stared back at her. “I’m sorry, Jess. So goddamn sorry.”

“What are you apologizing to me for?” she asked softly, trying to keep her voice down so as not to disturb other patients or his parents just on the other side of the curtain.

“I should’ve loved you,” he said, but his eyes closed again.

Jessie’s heart squeezed in her chest. Surely that wasn’t what had sent him spiraling out of control these last few months.

Unable to say anything, Jessie reached for his hand again, holding it gently. His fingers were cold and clammy, but his chest was rising steadily and she found consolation in that.

“Jess?”

“Hmm?” she responded to Brendon.

“He really loves you, you know that? I was a dumbass for trying to get in the way of it.”

Although she understood everything Brendon said, he was still slurring, evidence that the alcohol was still coursing through his bloodstream.

“You’re good for him,” he continued, turning his head to face her and opening his eyes again. “I want you to be happy with him.”

“I am happy,” she told him, not sure what he was expecting to hear.

Jessie’s heart stopped beating in her chest as she stared back at Brendon and noticed a tear dripping down his cheek. “What’s wrong?” she asked in a harsh whisper.

“I don’t know what to do without him there,” Brendon admitted, and an answering tear slipped from her own eyes.

“He’s still there.”

“No, he’s not. And it’s not his fault. We’re adults. He’s supposed to go on and live his life. I’m not supposed to hold him back, Jess. But I’m lost without him there. So fucking lost.”

Jessie was crying steadily now. This man, this incredibly brave, strong man, was breaking her heart with this revelation. Brendon didn’t want to lose Braydon. It wasn’t a woman who was making him do things he shouldn’t; Brendon was having a hard time coping with the fact that he and Braydon were beginning to drift apart.

That explained so much. Oh, God. And now she really felt responsible, because she’d been in between the two of them for months. It was hard not to remember the falling-out at Christmas when Brendon tried to drive a wedge between the three of them.

She was pulled from her thoughts when Brendon started talking again.

“I don’t feel whole without him there. Never have. It’s like part of me is missing. I don’t know what to do about that.”

A soft inhale had Jessie looking up to see Braydon standing on this side of the curtain, his eyes glued to his twin. She felt as though she should give them space, but when she went to pull away, Brendon’s grip on her hand tightened.

“Don’t leave,” he whispered, his eyes closing once again.

Jessie looked back up at Braydon, pleading with her eyes for him to say something. Brendon needed him. Needed his reassurance that he wasn’t going anywhere.

He didn’t speak.

Turning her attention back to the man in the bed, Jessie squeezed his fingers. “I’m not going anywhere,” she assured him. “And neither is Braydon.”

“Yeah, he is,” Brendon muttered, his eyes closed. “He’s gone and fallen in love. Y’all are gonna get married, have babies, and he’s gonna move out. I’ll be all alone again. God, Jess. I hated being alone. I . . .”

Jessie was still stunned that this extraordinarily strong man was falling apart right before her eyes. She knew him as a troublemaker, the comedian, the misfit. He was kindhearted yet astonishingly tough. He shielded himself with that bad-boy attitude, but underneath it all, Jessie could see the softer side of him.

Granted, he’d never opened up to her like this before. Brendon had always made their interactions about sex. Until now, she’d just figured that was all he wanted from her. Listening to him, Jessie knew Brendon had been keeping himself closed off.

Sort of the way she had.

No,
exactly
the way she had.

They were two peas in a pod, both of them desperately needing someone to love them but fearing they would never find that person. While he kept his relationships at arm’s length, Jessie was quick to latch on, to make something of it when there wasn’t anything really there.

That was the mentality she’d had when she got to Coyote Ridge, and she’d gone into this relationship with Brendon and Braydon reminding herself of that all the time. For the first time in her life, she had kept her distance, and now she had to wonder whether she’d messed things up for all of them.

“Hey,” Braydon said thickly, moving over to Brendon’s other side.

Brendon opened his eyes and peered up at his brother while Jessie watched. God, they looked exactly alike, aside from the bruising on Brendon’s forehead. From their chiseled jaws to their full lips, their wide blue-gray eyes . . . If it weren’t for the fact that Braydon had cut his hair shorter in recent months, a random bystander wouldn’t be able to tell them apart.

“Bray,” Brendon said, his voice rough. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

And with that, Brendon actually broke down and cried. Jessie had a feeling the copious amount of alcohol contributed to it, but it was still hard to see. Unable to stop her own reaction to the devastating sight, she cried silently as she watched. Braydon moved closer to his brother, leaned down, and practically pulled him up from the bed as he wrapped his arms around him and squeezed.

“I’m here, Bren. I’m not going anywhere. You understand that?” Braydon asked coarsely. “No-fucking-where. And neither are you. We’re gonna get past this shit, understand? And I’m gonna stay right here until they let you out of this place. Then we’re going home so we can talk.”

Jessie listened to Braydon console his brother, and her heart broke all over again.

Part of her had believed that Brendon had been venturing down this path thanks to that country music singer he was obviously hung up on. But now she had to wonder whether that woman had just been a distraction that had kept him going. With Braydon back in town and spending his time with her, Jessie figured Brendon was trying to cope with his new reality.

And according to what he’d revealed to her, he wasn’t going to do well with having to be away from his twin.

Which meant . . .

She was going to have to find a way to make sure that he didn’t have to.

chapter
EIGHTEEN

“H
ow’s he doin’?” Sawyer asked when Jessie appeared in the waiting room an hour later. It was clear she’d been crying, and Sawyer wasn’t sure if he should be worried or relieved.

“Better,” she told him. “Travis and Braydon are in with him now.”

“Didn’t want to stay?” he asked.

“They need time to themselves. Would you, uh . . .” Jessie looked toward the doors that led to the area Brendon was in and then back to him. “Would you mind taking me home?”

“Did you tell Braydon?” Sawyer asked.

“Yeah. He told me he’d take me, but I really think he needs to stay with Brendon.”

Sawyer agreed. He wasn’t sure why he agreed, but he did. Brendon had hit a rough patch. At the moment, he needed his family to be by his side. Although this had been a long time coming, Sawyer hoped it was going to be the beginning of the end of the cycle. This little stunt had scared the shit out of them all, and whether Brendon liked it or not, they weren’t going to let him be alone for a while.

“Yeah, I’ll take you home,” he told her, and then looked over to where his parents were sitting, talking to Kaleb and Ethan. “Let’s tell them we’re leavin’ though.”

Jessie nodded and fell into step with him.

Ten minutes later, Sawyer was pulling out of the hospital parking lot.

“So . . .” Sawyer felt Jessie’s gaze on him as he let the single word hang between them. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t particularly like the silence. And this was his opportunity to be nosey, although he knew he should probably just back off. Since that wasn’t in his nature, he continued. “Do you know what’s going on with Brendon?”

Jessie was silent for a minute, maybe two, and Sawyer was convinced she wasn’t going to open up to him. Not that he really blamed her. Although she was practically an adopted member of the family, regardless of her relationship with the twins, Sawyer didn’t know her all that well. It was totally for lack of trying on his part.

She surprised him when she said, “He misses Braydon.”

“Because Braydon left town?” It was a logical question, he knew.

“Not necessarily. I think this all started before that.” Jessie’s choked sob stunned him, and he glanced over at her, trying to make out her face in the dim lights from the dashboard. Her hands came up and covered her face as her body shuddered.

“Jess,” he said, not really knowing what he was supposed to do or say at that moment. He reached out to touch her arm, but stopped just shy of making physical contact. Truth was, he wasn’t really good with emotional women.

Up until he’d acquired a couple of sisters-in-law, Sawyer had made a point to stay far away from women when they were upset. Sure, he’d earned a reputation because of it, but he couldn’t do much about that. Emotional women scared the shit out of him.

“I’m sorry. I just . . .” She sniffed and wiped her eyes before dropping them to her lap. “This is all so messed up. And I can’t help but think it’s my fault. If I’d just stayed in Dallas. If I hadn’t followed Kylie down here—”

“Hold up,” Sawyer interrupted, causing her head to dart in his direction. He didn’t take his eyes off the road as he continued. “You came here
with
your sister, right? Kylie came to Coyote Ridge to work on Gage’s house. You were with her when she showed up, if I recall correctly.”

Granted, plenty of things had led up to that little debacle, but ultimately, Sawyer wanted to point out that Jessie hadn’t just showed up out of the blue. Sure, they’d been introduced to Kylie briefly thanks to that questionable stunt Gage had pulled by bringing her to confront Travis without telling anyone. But Sawyer actually remembered being introduced to both Kylie and Jessie officially at the same time.

“Technically, yes,” she said firmly. “But that’s not the point.”

“Then what
is
the point?” he asked just as sternly. “If you’re gonna sit here and try to take the blame for Brendon acting like an idiot, I’m gonna stop and you can walk the rest of the way.”

He did peek over at her then to see that she was staring back at him with wide eyes.

“I’m kidding, Jess. But seriously, I don’t want you to try to take this on yourself. I’m not gonna pretend to know what the hell goes on with those two, but I can tell you, this isn’t your fault.”

“How do you know? Like you said, you don’t know what’s going on with them. And yes, Braydon left because of me. Does that make it clearer for you? Brendon told me that Braydon loves me. So he left.”

Sawyer laughed harshly. “Bullshit.”

He darted his gaze to her and grinned when he saw that she was looking at him indignantly.

“That’s absurd. Maybe men aren’t the smartest fools on earth when it comes to women, but we don’t run away just because we love a woman.” Not that he’d know, because he had never truly loved a woman.

“So now you’re an expert?” she asked incredulously.

“Nope,” he said quickly. “Not saying that, either.” Sawyer took a deep breath. “Look. Brendon did something really stupid tonight. Aside from drinking himself into oblivion, he got behind the wheel of a truck. That’s something we’ve grown up knowing is not even an option. You don’t drink and drive. No matter what.”

“I agree, that was stupid,” she said softly. “But—”

“No buts, Jess. Not in this case. It’s inexcusable. You see, my mother . . .” Sawyer peered over at her briefly to make sure she was listening. “My mother tolerates a lot from us. She’ll be the first to tell you that the seven of us made her crazy growing up. I won’t argue with her, either. But see, there were plenty of times she and my dad talked to us. We listened just like most kids, in one ear, out the other. But there was one specific point that she was insistent we pay attention to. I can remember her talking about it with one or all of us since we were kids.

“The point is, if you’re me or one of my brothers, you’ve heard the devastating story that my mother has to tell. You might not know this, but my mother had five sisters.”

“Had?”

“Three of them are still alive,” he answered. “Two of them died. In a car accident. Together. My aunt Kathy was nineteen when she died. She had been at some college party. Well, my aunt Celeste, who was a couple of years younger, had needed a ride home from a friend’s house. Before she went out that night, Celeste had asked Kathy if she’d pick her up on her way home.”

“Oh, God,” Jessie whispered.

“Exactly. Kathy was well past the legal limit when she drove over to pick up Celeste. On their way home, just a few blocks away from their house, Kathy crashed her car into a tree. According to my mother, Kathy died on impact. Celeste suffered from fatal injuries. She died in the hospital a few days later, never waking up. My mother was barely a year older than Kathy, but she was already married to my dad, so she didn’t live at home. To hear my mother tell that story, I don’t care who you are, you feel her pain.”

“I can only imagine,” Jessie whispered.

“And tonight Brendon got behind the wheel of a vehicle. He risked his own life and the lives of innocent people. There is no excuse. No one but Brendon can accept responsibility for that. He’s just damn lucky he didn’t kill someone. Or himself.”

Jessie nodded, her eyes focused straight ahead. Sawyer let the silence linger for a moment as he pulled onto the back road that led to his parents’ land.

“Jess, I don’t know what’s going on with the three of you,” Sawyer said when he pulled up in front of Jessie’s. “I don’t want to know. I just want you to think this through.” He contemplated what he would say next. He was tempted to leave it at that, but something spurred him on. “I’ve seen the way Braydon looks at you. I’ve never seen him look at another woman like that before. And I’ve seen the way you look at him. It surprised the hell out of us all when he left town. It was bad enough that he left the rest of us like that, but he also left Brendon. They’ve got to work this out between them. In my opinion, it’s about damn time they grew up. They’re thirty years old, Jess. They can’t keep doing this forever. It was bound to happen that one of them fell for a woman sooner or later. I had suspected it would be Braydon, too.”