Breaking Love (Full Hearts Book 2) (27 page)

“You just assumed I’m a total asshole despite the years we’ve known each other. You’ve added insult to injury, Harper.”

Harper sighed. When she spoke, her voice was small. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have blamed it all on you.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. She wanted me to go. I was planning to stay for as long as she needed help with her mom. She realized things were getting too serious and that I shouldn’t stay, so I left. I know she’s right. Better now than later, when Elliott would get hurt.”

“I don’t get it. How are both of you so sure it couldn’t work out? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“How could it work? Would they move to Paris and hang around my penthouse by themselves while I’m working nights and travelling? Or would I move to Colorado and start hosting barbecues for the other soccer parents?”

“You’re a snob, you know that? What’s wrong with Colorado?”

“You tell me. You moved away from there,” he snapped.

“That’s because of my work and my lifestyle,” she retorted.

“So you and I are not that different, then, are we?”

“But I’m happy. You’re fucking miserable, remember? Maybe you would actually love it in Boulder, hosting barbecues. How do you know if you don’t give it a try?”

“It’s not something you can experiment with!” His voice was harsh. “If it doesn’t work, three people will be badly damaged in the process, one of them a very innocent little boy who doesn’t have any say in any of it.”

“Well, now I
know
you were made for each other. You’re both too scared and stubborn to take a risk, so instead you’re going to sentence yourselves to lives of misery and loneliness.”

“We’re just too different, Harper, and neither of us is naive enough to think that we’d be able to make it work.”

“Wrong. You’re
exactly
the same. You’re a couple of idiots too scared to be in love with each other even though you’d be perfect together.”

“Listen, I know you’re just trying to help, but I have to go. I was in the middle of a meeting.”

“Luc, don’t let her get away. She could change your life. You could have it all, Luc. Everything worth having is waiting for you. You just have to go get it,” Harper pleaded.

“In Boulder,” he replied in a clipped tone.

“Does it matter where you find it, if it’s the real thing?”

“I have to go, Harper.”

“Goodbye. Sorry I threatened to cut your dick off. Call me if you need to talk, okay?”

“Don’t worry about it. And no. I can’t see myself doing that. Goodbye.”

Later that night, Megan sat at her computer after having calculated her projected earnings for the next few months. For the first time, she was going to have some leftover money. She smiled to herself, feeling proud of her accomplishments so far that year.

“This calls for some ice cream!” she exclaimed to herself, getting up and crossing the kitchen to the freezer.

The changes she had made to her website had helped her attract more clients. Her new, higher rates didn’t seem to faze any of them, and she realized that this summer she was going to be handling four more weddings than she had during the same weeks the year before.

She thought about next winter and how she would certainly have a little extra money to put aside for Elliott’s education as well as to pay someone to take on all the tasks she hated doing. No more shovelling for her!

Her first impulse was to call Luc to tell him about it, then she remembered she couldn’t. They weren’t together anymore and nothing was going to change that. As she heaped the cold vanilla treat into a bowl, she suddenly felt depressed. She got out a package of chocolate chips and some chocolate sauce, pouring enough of each into the bowl that the ice cream was no longer visible.

Sitting back at her computer, she looked at the numbers again as she slowly ate her snack.
Okay, Meg, get back to being happy already! You’ve done something amazing here. Let yourself enjoy the moment.

Why should not having Luc in her life sully this moment for her? It didn’t change what she had done in the least. And it wouldn’t have been a big deal for a millionaire to find out she was going to have a few thousand extra, anyway. The more she thought about it, the more she convinced herself it actually would have been embarrassing to talk with Luc about it.

By the time she scraped the bottom of the bowl clean, she told herself it was all for the best. It was maybe the one hundredth time she had tried to assure herself of that since they had ended things. She wondered how many more times she would have to repeat that mantra before she actually believed it.

Luc finished locking up the club and decided to walk the twenty blocks to his apartment. It was well after three in the morning, but he was nowhere near ready to face going home to his empty bed. Stuffing his hands into his coat pockets, he strode down the steps of the club, seeing the full moon lending its soft light to the city. The sight brought none of its usual comfort to him. Instead, for the thousandth time since he had hung up the phone after his last conversation with Megan, his mind wandered to that talk. She had as much as admitted that she was in love with him. It was something he knew long before she had said it. He could see it when she looked at him and feel it when they touched. He thought of their last night together, at the possessiveness he had felt when they were making love. He had never in his life felt such a strong need to be inside a woman that he had lost his self-control like that. He had always been exceedingly careful, not wanting to end up tied down with a child. But with Megan that night, he had been willing to risk it. Part of him had
wanted
to make her his forever. His desire for her was so intense it terrified him.

Kicking a rock ahead of him, he followed its path along the sidewalk, then propelled it forward over and over as he made his way home. There was something soothing about this little ritual and he was desperate for some type of distraction. Anything to get Megan off his mind. Taking in a deep lungful of the chilly night air, he swore under his breath at the heartache he bore. He needed to shake this off, and soon. After all, why did he, at forty-one, suddenly think he would want to settle down?

He thought of his conversation with Harper earlier that day. Enough time had passed for him to be over his anger at how she had spoken to him, and now her words were slowly starting to sink in.
Luc, don’t let her get away. She could change your life. You could have it all, Luc. Everything worth having is waiting for you. You just have to go get it.

What if he followed his heart for once in his life? Everything about being with Megan felt more right than anything he had ever experienced before. He thought of her laugh, her smile as she looked at him with those bright green eyes. He could picture her curled up in his arms on the couch in front of the fire—her body absolute perfection, the smell of her hair, the curve of her neck. He could feel her hands skimming over his body, lovingly, greedily, longingly. He could feel her kiss. It was like none he had known before, so soft and passionate. She could tie him up in knots with that kiss. She was the one he wanted for the rest of his life and, deep down, he knew it. There would be no one else for him.

Megan rushed around the house the morning of Elliot’s birthday party. She was a woman on a mission; she needed to get the decorations up, the food prepared and the tidying finished before the guests started arriving. She worked quickly and tried to appear happy and relaxed to Elliott and her mom, but inside she was a bundle of nerves. Her worst-case scenario would be if Ian showed up drunk or high. She hadn’t told Elliott that Ian was definitely coming, even after he had emailed his flight itinerary, just in case he didn’t show. Each time Elliott asked, she would say, “We’ll see. I hope so.”

Checking the time, she realized she had about forty-five minutes to get herself ready. She rushed up to her room to get showered and changed. A few minutes later, she stood wrapped in a towel in front of her closet, hair dripping on her shoulders, trying to decide what to wear. Why did it even matter so much to her? She selected a pair of dark jeans and a silk-blend, draped V-neck pullover with three-quarter-length sleeves in blood orange. She hurried to blow out her hair, deciding to leave it down for the day. Once her makeup was applied, she gave herself a once-over in the mirror, deciding she looked passable. Megan’s heart was in her throat as she jogged down the steps to make sure Elliott had put his toys away.

The doorbell rang as the first of Elliott’s friends arrived. In the next twenty minutes, Megan would greet another fifteen children from Elliott’s class and send them out to the yard to play. It was a warm day and even though they needed light jackets, they all seemed to be having fun outside. The house and yard were a buzz of activity, laughter and yelling as Megan and Helen got a couple of pitchers of lemonade ready. They didn’t hear the knock on the door, but Megan looked up when she heard Ian’s voice.

“Hello?”

There in the doorway he stood, wearing aviator glasses, jeans and a slim-fit, dark grey military-style jacket. He wore his brown hair in a crewcut as usual, and he looked young and healthy as he smiled uncertainly at Megan. In one hand he held a large gift bag, and tucked under his arm was a bouquet of flowers. Megan walked over to the front door, not entirely sure how to greet him.

“Hi, Ian.” She smiled up at him. “I’m glad you made it.”

Ian stared at Megan for a minute, as if seeing her for the first time. “Meg, you look . . . terrific,” he said quietly. He wanted to kiss her, but he didn’t think that was proper etiquette when seeing your ex-wife.

“Thanks. You look great yourself,” she replied warmly. Megan was filled with relief as he took off his sunglasses. His eyes were clear and he looked completely sober.

“These are for the hostess.” He handed her the flowers.

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that . . . Thank you. The kids are all out back. We were just going to bring them some lemonade.”

She was interrupted by Elliott running in the back door. “DAD! You made it!” he screamed, running to his father.

Ian put the bag down beside Elliott and crouched down to scoop his son up in a hug. Elliott held on tight to his dad, burying his face in his dad’s chest and wrapping his arms around his neck. Megan felt her heart twist at the sight of it. Elliott needed this.

“Come on outside! I want my friends to meet you!” He pulled his dad’s hand and led him outside.

* * *

Several hours later, Megan was cleaning up the supper dishes as Ian read to Elliott in his room. She felt tired after the busy day but was relieved everything had worked out so well. This was the first special occasion in as long as she could remember that hadn’t been overlaid with emptiness because of Ian’s absence.

Megan plunged her hands into the hot, soapy water and started to wash the last of the glasses that wouldn’t fit in the dishwasher. She suddenly felt like someone was watching her and she turned her head, seeing Ian leaning against the kitchen doorway, smiling at her. She could see the muscles in his large arms flex as he shoved his hands into his front pockets. He was still as handsome as ever.

Megan smiled back. “Is he asleep already?”

“Yeah, he was pretty tuckered out. Thank you for letting me put him to bed, Meg. It means a lot to me.”

“Oh, well, it means a lot to him too.”

Ian crossed the room to the counter and picked up a dishtowel to help. They stood beside each other, working quietly for a moment as though this were the most normal thing in the world for them to be doing together.

“He’s an amazing kid. He’s more like a little version of a grown man in some ways. Some of the things he comes out with just floor me.”

Megan smiled at Ian’s insight into their son. “He really is very mature for his age. I think it’s from spending most of his time surrounded by grown-ups.”

“I bet. It’s pretty obvious you don’t treat him like a baby and that’s served him well.”

Silence fell over them again as they worked. Megan reflected on how many years had gone by since they had done something as simple as cleaning up the kitchen together. “So, I thought maybe Georgie would come with you?”

“She had to work this weekend. She’s an ER nurse.”

“Oh, that must be stressful.”

“She says it’s hours of boredom interrupted by moments of sheer panic. How’s your photography business doing?”

“Pretty good, actually. I’ve been keeping busy.” Megan rinsed a glass, and Ian took it from her hand, letting his fingers brush against hers for a moment.

“Well, you always were so talented. It makes sense that you would be busy.” There was a long pause before Ian spoke again. “I’ve been sober for over three months now. Been going to meetings every couple of days. Got a sponsor.”

“Wow, good for you, Ian! I’m really happy for you.” Megan smiled up at him, her voice sincere.

“Thanks. I feel good.” Ian looked down at the glass in his hand and drew in a long breath. “Meg, I am so sorry for everything. I just wish I could go back to the time I was injured and refuse anything more than an Advil.” Ian rubbed his face with his hand. “I know that words aren’t ever going to be enough to fix what I’ve done, or how I’ve neglected Elliott and you . . . I just want you to know that things are going to be different from now on. I’m done disappointing you both.”

Megan watched him talk, wanting to believe him.

Ian continued. “I know it’s going to take a lot of time and work to rebuild the trust you had in me, but I intend to do it, starting with supporting you both more financially. I’m making more money now so I’m going to start putting more money in your account each month. I put an extra thousand in yesterday; it should be there by Monday. I know I’ve missed a lot of payments, so if you have a record of it, let me know, and I’ll get caught up.”

Megan let the water out of the sink and dried her hands on the dishtowel. “I don’t have a record of it, actually. There didn’t seem to be a point to it after a while.”

Ian looked over at her. “You had to give up on me. I didn’t leave you any choice. I failed you and I failed Elliott.”

Megan swallowed hard and nodded in agreement. This was the first time he had acknowledged, out loud, any of the pain he had caused. From comments he had made from time to time, she knew he felt bad, but he had never been this honest. She leaned her back against the counter, feeling tears pool up in her eyes.

Ian sighed heavily and drew her to him, hugging her tightly. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, tears forming in his eyes as well. She let him hold her while they both let the full weight of the loss, the regret and the pain sink in.

“I fucked it all up, Megan, and I will never forgive myself for that. I have been a complete shit as a dad. I was a lousy husband too. If I could start again with you, I would do everything right this time. I would take care of you, love you like you deserve to be loved. I would be there for you and our son every day, like I should have been. You gave me everything and I just threw it all away. I missed it all. Our son turned seven today, and I missed everything. His first day of school, the first time he rode a bike, every Christmas and birthday until today. I don’t even know if he still believes in Santa. And I don’t know what any of this has done to him or to you. I’ve ruined three lives, and that’s the worst of it.”

Megan sobbed into Ian’s chest, letting his words wash over her. It was everything she had wished he would realize and say to her. Nothing would take back all the years of neglect and distance, but at least she knew he finally understood what they had done to her.

Ian reached his hands up to her face and tilted her head back, looking into her eyes and wiping away her tears with his thumbs. “I’m so sorry, Megan. I hope you know I never stopped loving you, even when I had nothing to give. I know I hurt you so horribly, and you have never been anything but amazing to me.”

Ian stared down at Megan, seeing the tears stream down her face—tears he had caused—knowing that these were just a fraction of the thousands she must have shed over the years. His heart broke at the sight of her like this. At that moment, he would have done anything to stop her from crying. He pressed his cheek to hers so she wouldn’t see his eyes welling up again. Her tears were hot against his face. Her skin was so soft, the smell of her hair so familiar. Ian let his lips graze her cheek and then find their way to her mouth. He kissed her softly and slowly.

Megan allowed him to kiss her, overwhelmed by the depth of emotion they were both feeling, overcome by his tears. His kiss brought back a flood of memories. The passion, the love, the anger, the pain—all of it was there. He kissed her again, this time bringing his tongue into her mouth, exploring her passionately as he wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace.

Megan pulled back, looking down at her feet to stop him.

“Let me stay the night, Meg,” he whispered in her ear.

* * *

Outside on the sidewalk, Luc stood watching through the kitchen window, Megan in the arms of another man. As the couple walked away in the direction of the living room—or maybe Megan’s bedroom—his heart felt like someone had reached into his chest and was squeezing it relentlessly. The man might have been Ian, based on a photo Luc had seen in Elliott’s room, but from this distance he couldn’t be sure.

In one hand Luc held a large gift bag for Elliott, containing a black hoodie like the one Elliott had picked out for him, along with the complete collection of his favourite comic, bound in hardcover. In his other hand, he had an increasingly tightening grip on a bouquet of two dozen white roses. He had carefully tucked the real estate listing for his new house on Timber Lane into the bouquet. On the back of the listing he had written,
My life is meaningless without you. I will be right here waiting for us to start over. L.

What had started out as the most exhilarating day of his life was now one of the most devastating. It had taken him close to sixteen hours to get to Boulder from Paris. He had gone straight from the airport to the new house to meet the realtor and the inspector. By the time the inspection and all the paperwork had been completed, it was late afternoon. He had decided to wait until Elliott was in bed before going over to Megan’s.

It had been weeks since he and Megan had spoken, and he knew that what he was doing was both completely devoid of common sense and very risky. Although Luc was no stranger to risk, it was the first time he had ever wagered his heart. That didn’t scare him, however; his heart didn’t belong to him anymore anyway. He knew that any chance he had of getting Megan back depended on showing her how serious he was about making things work permanently.

Since making his decision, his heart had been full, his enthusiasm nearly impossible to contain. Only a few hours earlier, his step had been lively and his smile easy as he looked around his new house, planning and dreaming of making it their home together.

This was supposed to be the day that they would start again, except this time they wouldn’t lie to themselves about what they meant to each other. They were in love, and his moving to be near her would finally allow them to speak those words out loud, would allow them to be vulnerable, to take the chance that was theirs for the taking.

Luc exhaled sharply as the pain of seeing Megan in another man’s arms seared through him. He had to fight every instinct that told him to kick down the door and use any means necessary to get that man away from the woman he loved. Luc clenched his fists tightly, his jaw matching them with such intensity it caused his teeth to grind together audibly. He realized in that moment that he would kill for her. She was his. And the sight of another man touching her brought out a rage so intense it was like nothing he’d known in his life.

There was no way he could create such a scene with little Elliott in the house. It would frighten and confuse him and drive Megan away from Luc. It looked like Megan was moving on anyway. He had had his chance with her, but he was too late. Using every bit of self-restraint he could muster, he tossed the flowers in the neighbour’s garbage can and walked back to the car. He drove slowly down the street and away from her, his heart shattered.

If he had stayed another few minutes, he would have seen Ian leave, having been sent away by Megan.