Breaking Love (Full Hearts Book 2) (28 page)

“Whoa, Megs, I don’t even know what to say,” Harper replied with a sigh. She had been sitting at her desk, gazing out at the Manhattan skyline for the past fifteen minutes as her best friend poured her heart out about Ian’s visit the day before.

“It’s really strange, you know? It was actually a good thing for me. It made me realize there really is no part of me that is in love with him anymore. Up until now, there was always a nagging question in the back of my mind. I wondered if Ian ever recovered, if we could pick up where we left off and be a family again. But now I see that could never happen. It’s a relief to know that.”

“Yeah, I guess. Do you think maybe that nagging question has been what’s kept you from giving things with Luc a fair shot?”

“I don’t know. I suppose part of me wanted to hold out in case Ian and I could make it work for Elliott’s sake. Stupid, really. The eternal optimist hidden under the cloak of a jaded pessimist.”

Harper smiled, thinking about how accurately her friend had just described herself. “You know, Megan, that might be the most insightful thing I’ve ever heard you say. I think deep down, most pessimists are really just people who are afraid of being vulnerable to life’s disappointments.”

Megan laughed. “Have you been hanging out with the Dalai Lama, by any chance?”

Harper laughed with her friend. “No! I’m just getting really insightful in my old age.”

“Well, if you ever give up the magazine business, you should write a book of wisdoms,” Megan teased.

“Yeah, yeah.” Harper brushed off Meg’s compliment. “Back to you. Does this change things between you and Luc?”

“No. Definitely not. There is no way anyone could make that work. That whole thing is long over.”

“Hmm. Too bad. I really think you’d be perfect together. It’s just a matter of logistics, you know.”

Megan groaned. “Listen, it’s much more than that. Luc doesn’t want to be married any more than I do. He has his life, and it is far away and would never be right for me or for Elliott.”

“I’m not saying it would be easy, but I think it would be worth it. I called him last month to yell at him, you know,” Harper admitted.

“What?!”

Harper spoke quickly. “Don’t get mad until you hear me out. I
may
have assumed he had ended things, then called and threatened to cut off his dick. He told me you sent him away, I apologized and we said goodbye.”

“Ohhh, Haaarrrppperrr. . . .” Megan whined. “Seriously?”

“I’m sorry! I was only looking out for you. You’re exactly right for each other and you both know it, deep down. You’re also both too stubborn to admit that you need each other. You know, he told me he’s in love with you.”

“What?” Megan’s voice was quiet.

“He told me he’s in love with you. At least, he’s pretty sure, but he’s never felt this way before so he can’t say with one-hundred-percent accuracy. If it were me, I’d be on the next flight to Paris to go get him. I’m just sayin’.”

“If you were me, you’d know why you couldn’t risk it.” Megan shut her eyes tightly, as if that would shut out what she had just learned.

“Megan, I’m going to say something that might make you mad, but you need to hear it. And since you’re already pissed at me right now, I might as well say it. I’m worried you’re going to teach Elliott that he should be afraid to take chances in life, and that he’ll never get married or find happiness.”

Megan growled at her friend. “You’re right.”

“I am?” Harper’s voice was hopeful.

“That made me mad.”

“Oh. Damn. You’re not going to stay mad at me too long, are you?” Harper sounded worried.

“I’m really pissed, but I’ll get over it.”

Harper gave it one last shot. “Think about it, okay? There’s a reason you met. You could save each other, Meg. It could be everything you both need.”

“I have to go. I need to stop at my mom’s before I pick up Elliott from school. I’m looking after her orchids for a few days. I’ll talk to you later, Harper.” Megan sounded completely drained of all energy.

“Okay. I’m sorry. But think about it, alright?”

“I better not. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Bye.”

* * *

“Mom, these are beautiful!” Megan took a long whiff of the white roses displayed on her mom’s kitchen table. “There must be eighteen of them!”

Helen beamed in the direction of the flowers. “Two dozen, actually. That Charlie, I don’t know how to take him. Every time I try to thank him, he claims he found them in the trash outside his house.” She laughed. “Honestly! That man.”

“Sounds like it’s going really well.” Megan smiled at her mom.

“It is. I like him a lot.” Helen grinned.

“I’m so glad for you, Mom. He’s such a nice man. Now, show me how to keep these orchids from dying a horrible death while you’re off cavorting in San Diego with my neighbour.”

* * *

“Hello?” Megan cradled the phone under her chin as she finished spreading jam onto a piece of bread with a knife. It was late in the evening and she was trying to get a head start on the next day by making Elliott’s lunch for school.

“Meg, it’s Ian.” His voice was quiet.

“Ian? Oh, hi.”

“I just wanted to call to apologize for the other night. I was way out of line.” His voice was full of regret yet again.

“Oh, Ian, let’s forget about it, okay? It was just a really emotional moment between us. I’m fine, though, I promise.” Megan’s voice was soft as she spoke. She had turned and leaned against the counter to give him her full attention. The lunch could wait.

“I don’t know what came over me. . . .” He trailed off and paused for a moment. “Actually, I do. I just couldn’t stand to see you cry like that. I didn’t know what to do, so I kissed you. For some reason I thought that might stop you. I’m so stupid sometimes.”

“We don’t need to talk about it, Ian. I knew why you did it. We were both just caught up in the moment, I think. We’ve been through a lot together and we’ve never really had a chance to say goodbye, you know?”

“Yeah, I do. That’s exactly it.” His voice brightened.

“I know you’re with Georgie now, and I really am happy for you. I just want you to stay clean and healthy so you can be a part of Elliott’s life. A good part of his life.”

“Me too. I’m really happy with her, actually. I know you and I can’t ever go back to the way things were, but I really love Elliott and I want to see him a lot more. I didn’t realize how much I’d really missed out on until I saw him. He’s just getting so big. And he’s a great kid, Meg, and that’s all you. Everything good about him is from you.”

“He’s the best of both of us. Some of the most wonderful things about him are from you. He’s such a talented athlete and he’s adventurous, sometimes a little too much so, and he gets this little gleam in his eye when he’s about to play a joke on someone that is pure you.”

“Yeah, but I mean his values and his manners. The things you get from being raised right. That’s all you. I owe you for taking that all on, Meg, and managing it on your own while I’ve been missing. I don’t think there are enough ways I could ever thank you for that.”

“Just stay clean, call Elliott every few days to talk and come and see him as often as you can. That’s all I want.”

“I will, Meg. I’m going to be a good dad from now on.”

“I’m really happy to hear that. Now, I better go. Call back tomorrow to talk to Elliott?”

“I will.”

“Excellent. Good night, Ian.”

“Good night, Meg.”

The late afternoon sun softened the blue sky, bringing a pink glow to the mountains in the distance. Elliott ran around the playground with his cousins while Megan stood at a picnic table with her sister-in-law, Lenna, as the two prepared supper. Charlie and Helen watched over the kids as Mark started the portable barbecue to cook hamburgers.

Mark and Lenna had come to Boulder with the kids for spring break. Megan clipped the tablecloth onto the old wooden table and was unpacking the condiments from the cooler when the first whiff of the cooking meat hit her nostrils. Her stomach churned as a wave of nausea hit her. Her face grew pale with a sickly green colour as she steadied herself, taking a slow, deep breath to try to recover.

“But I don’t know. Maybe I should wait another year before going back to work full-time. I mean there’s no. . . .” Lenna’s voice trailed off as she glanced up at Megan’s face.

“Megan? Are you okay?” she asked quietly.

Megan’s eyes met hers, now looking dull as another swell of queasiness overtook her. “No,” she replied softly. “It’s the smell of the barbecue. It’s making me sick.”

“Come on, let’s go for a little walk and get away from it.” Lenna put a gentle arm around Megan, careful not to put any pressure on her as they moved toward the lake together.

Megan suddenly lurched forward to a nearby garbage can, emptying the contents of her stomach into it with three violent surges. Lenna hurried back to the table and grabbed a bottle of water and a napkin. She was back with Megan in seconds, pouring the liquid onto the napkin and handing it to her sister-in-law to wipe her brow and forehead.

“That was sudden, Megan. You seemed fine a few minutes ago.” Lenna’s voice was full of concern. “Here, have a sip of water.”

Helen, seeing what was happening, hurried over to help. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

Megan was feeling a little better as she sloshed the water around in her mouth and spit it into the garbage can. “I don’t know; that hit fast.”

Lenna turned to her mother-in-law. “She got sick as soon as she smelled the barbecue. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were pregnant, Meg. That’s how you were with Elliott.”

* * *

Megan lay in bed that night staring at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. She was alone; Elliott had been invited to stay at his grandma’s to be with his cousins. Megan had managed to act casual enough with Lenna and her mom, brushing her temporary illness off as something she had eaten. Helen gave her a long, questioning look when they all parted ways at the park but said nothing.

“Shit! Shit! Shit,” Megan muttered as her eyes followed a beam of light created by a car passing her house. The room went black again as the sound of the car faded, leaving her utterly alone again. Tears streamed out of her eyes and down the sides of her face, falling into her hairline. A single drop managed to find her ear, bringing an itchy, wet sensation. She did nothing to stop the tears or wipe them away, but instead lay perfectly still, allowing them to pour out. Her throat held a lump so large that it had become difficult to swallow.

Panic consumed her. She was pregnant with Luc’s baby. What she had thought was just a vivid dream had actually happened. On the way home from the park, she had mentally calculated when her last period had been. It was more than two months earlier. That wasn’t the most unusual thing for her, however, as she had never been what she’d call regular. She had pulled into a drugstore on the way home and purchased three different brands of home pregnancy kits, all of which had confirmed her deepest fear.

Megan was already on her own with Elliot, and now, if she decided to go through with the pregnancy, she would have another mouth to feed. This time, she would have a difficult time explaining how that baby had gotten there. How would she explain it to Elliott? What would she say to the other moms at the school? What would she tell Ian? How would Luc react, finding out he was going to have a child in the world?

More and more fears and questions of how this would affect her life swirled around in her brain at a furious and unyielding pace. She cried until her eyes no longer had anything left to shed and her head pounded with the pain of it all. Sleep. She needed to sleep. Tomorrow she could figure out what to do. The answers would become clear in the morning.

* * *

The next morning found Megan sipping tea on her back deck, trying to let the warmth of the sun ease the tightly-wound ball of tension in her stomach. She was pregnant, and even though Luc lived in France, she had started to wonder if there might be a chance for them. Her mind wandered to her conversation with Harper. Luc had admitted to Harper that he had feelings for her. Megan knew without a doubt that she was completely in love with him. She hadn’t been able to get her mind off him, even before she knew about the baby. But loving someone wasn’t really enough. Both people had to
want
to be committed to each other.

Harper’s words came back to her.
There’s a reason you met
 . . . 
You could save each other. . . .

She thought of Luc, starting at the beginning of their relationship. It had only been a few months, but in that short time, she had felt more adored than she had ever thought possible. He had taken care of her and Elliott with such ease and seemed to be so genuinely happy to be with them. She could picture him laughing with Elliott and smiling at her with that look that made her feel like she was the only woman in the world. On top of all of that, he had proven that he would do whatever was necessary in order to protect not only her but Elliott as well. He had set aside his own happiness to make sure her little boy wouldn’t get hurt. Surely that had to speak more for his character than his own insistence that he would never be what she needed. He
had
been exactly what she needed, time and time again. If love was proven through one’s actions, he had certainly left no doubt that he was capable of real love. Maybe he could be a good father for the baby, even though he didn’t want to settle down with her.

Megan stood and walked back into her house, knowing what she needed to do now. She would email him. He deserved to know that she was going to have their baby. He could decide from there on what he wanted to do about it.

Luc woke with the same empty feeling that had followed him everywhere he went for the past several weeks. He threw on some shorts and running shoes, then stepped onto the treadmill in his home office. He needed to clear his head before his meetings and running would be the best way.

As he started off at a light jog, his mind wandered to Megan and what she might be doing at that moment. It was his latest obsession and it was the most torturous one he had ever entertained. He would calculate the time in Boulder and then imagine what Megan was doing. Right now, it would be the middle of the night for her. Was she in bed with Ian right now? The image tore at his already shredded heart, causing him to pick up the pace to a full-out run, as though each powerful stride could carry him away from the pain of losing her.

Staring out the window in front of him, he took in the familiar sight of the Parisian skyline. Rain fell lightly over his city, the dark clouds looking as though they would be settling in for a long stay. They suited Luc’s mood perfectly. He felt dark and empty and angry. He was angry at himself for not being more than he was, for not being capable of something as simple as love. He had had everything in the palm of his hand, and he had let it slip through his fingers because he had been too frightened to just admit the truth when he had his chance.

He glanced over to his desk, seeing the little green soldier crouched near his computer, aiming at him. Luc was overcome by a sudden pang of regret. Elliott. Luc thought of Elliott’s questions the morning he had left. It was all so uncomplicated to a child. Luc was rich, he could live anywhere, so why not with them? Luc could see now that it could have been that simple, but it was too late now. Megan had moved on without him, and there was nothing he could or should do to try to win her back.

Luc heard a sound at the front door. It was Simone, letting herself in, a habit he wished he had not allowed her to get into in the first place. It definitely blurred the line for her of what she was to him. He continued to run, pretending he hadn’t heard her. A moment later, she knocked on the open door of his office. He turned and gave her a little nod. He could feel her staring at him as he slowed the machine down to a stop and got off, mentally making note of the fact that he should wear a shirt on workdays.

“Here,” she said, throwing a hand towel to him, her eyes shifting from his broad shoulders down to his abs. He caught it with one hand and began to mop his forehead.

“Thank you,” he replied. “How are you?”

“Fine. What’s wrong? You look like you’ve been brooding again.” There was something about the way she said it that smacked of disgust. She knew he had come home from his last trip to the US upset.

“I’m fine,” he replied curtly. “I’m going to have a quick shower, and then you can fill me in on today’s agenda.”

Simone was standing in the doorway, and he had to brush past her to exit the room. He avoided looking at her as he walked out. She plunked herself into his chair and turned on his computer, drumming her fingers on his desk restlessly as she waited for it to boot up. The image of his glistening, sculpted body, dressed only in shorts, filled her mind. He was just down the hall, naked at that very moment, showering. Simone ached to strip down, step into the shower with him and let her hands run over every magnificent inch of him. She could feel herself becoming wet with desire, which happened more often than she’d care to admit when it came to her boss.

She opened his email inbox, seeing that he had received a message from Megan. She listened for a second and could hear the shower still running. Opening the email, she could feel her heart in her throat, knowing this was both wrong and risky. She just had to know what Megan wanted to tell him.

Dear Luc,

I am writing because I have some news that will shock you, and I want to give you time to digest it before we speak. I have just discovered that I am carrying your child. I found out yesterday and am probably experiencing the same feelings that you will now that you know. I’m completely terrified.

I have wrestled with the idea of not allowing this life to grow inside me, knowing that things are over between us and that this will complicate both of our lives in ways we never wanted. I can’t bring myself to end the pregnancy, however. I didn’t realize until I found out about it that I very much want another child, a brother or sister for Elliott to love and who will love him and be his family when I’m gone.

I know this will not be welcome news for you, and I want to assure you that I don’t expect anything from you. I don’t want your money. I will add your name to the birth certificate only if you want me to. Otherwise, I will put Unknown. I am raising one child alone; I can manage two just as well.

I think of you every day, of how you used to look at me like I was the only woman in the world, of how tender you were, how you were so good to us when we needed you. And I chased you away, making you pay for Ian’s mistakes. I have regretted it every day since you left. I’m so sorry.

I won’t contact you again after this email. If I don’t hear from you, I will know that you don’t want to be a part of the baby’s life.

Yours,

Megan

Simone quickly selected Mark Unread on the email and sat for a moment, shocked at both what she had just done and what she had read. Her fingers shook a little as she made a decision she knew she needed to make if she was ever to have a chance with Luc. She deleted the email, then opened his deleted items and cleared them from his account. Her heart pounded in her chest as she looked up at Luc as he swept through the room buttoning up the sleeve of his crisp blue dress shirt. His hair was damp and he smelled clean and utterly intoxicating to her as he stepped behind his desk.

“What are you working on?” Luc asked.

“Just clearing up some trash for you,” she replied, smiling up at him sweetly.

Megan shut down her computer. It was late evening and she had been finishing up edits to some baby photos she had taken earlier in the week. She was unable to concentrate, staring at the adorable little child on the screen, so content in his father’s arms. The sight of the two together tugged at her heart mercilessly. It had been twenty-four hours since she sent the email and she knew Luc would have seen it by now. It had taken her most of the previous day to draft the note—thinking about it, writing it, rewriting it over and over until she finally pressed Send.

He would have been getting up for work soon after she sent it. He should have contacted her by now. Unless he needed time to think. Every
ping
of her computer caused her heart to skip a beat; no matter how she tried, she couldn’t stop thinking that maybe it was his answer. As the evening wore on, every car that drove past her house could have been him. He would have had time to get here by now, and if he
really
was in love with her and they really stood a chance, he would come to her.

Try as she might, she couldn’t shake the fantasy from her head. She could picture him getting out of a cab in front of her house, rushing to the door with a bouquet of flowers in his hand to pledge his undying devotion to her. She stood at the living room window and sighed heavily. That was one fantasy that she could not afford to entertain. She was disgusted for allowing herself to daydream like that. Each passing minute she didn’t hear from Luc meant it was less and less likely she would get the happy ending she hadn’t really believed in in the first place.

She knew her email had said she wouldn’t try to contact him, but she just had to know. Maybe he hadn’t gotten the email? She decided to text him to figure it out. Megan picked up her phone and tried to think of what to write. She looked her text over several times before pressing Send, her heart thumping wildly in her chest.

Luc, it’s me. I wanted to know if you’ve been thinking about us.

She waited a full five minutes, trying to leaf through a magazine, before allowing herself to look down at her phone again. When she did, she saw the message light flashing. She held her breath as she swiped the screen on her phone and read his message.

What’s to think about? I’m afraid I have absolutely no interest in getting involved in that type of mess. Three is always a crowd and never fails to disappoint.

Megan gasped at his response. “What the fuck does that mean?!” she exclaimed to herself. “He has absolutely no interest in that type of mess?”

She paced around the living room furiously, working herself up into a full-on rage. “What happened to ‘call me if you need anything ever, I will come’? That
fucking
liar!”

She furiously pounded on the screen of her phone.

What. The. Fuck. Is that what you’re really made of, Luc? Here I thought you actually gave a shit about me, and it turns out you’re just a coward who runs as soon as things aren’t perfect.

* * *

Luc sat up in bed staring at his screen in disbelief. It was seven in the morning, and he had been woken up by the buzzing of his cellphone when Megan’s first message had come through. He was tired from being out late at Cloud the night before and was in no mood for drama, especially from a woman who had moved on. Now she was accusing
him
of being the bad guy? And a coward, no less?

“She must be fucking crazy,” he murmured to himself. “Why the fuck would I want to be in the middle of that?” He texted back without thinking.

I don’t know what your problem is right now, but you should just move on with your life. You’ve decided what kind of family you want, and I don’t want any part of that. What sane man would?

* * *

Megan actually growled when she read his last message.
How dare he? How fucking dare he treat me that way! He gets me pregnant and then asks me what
my
fucking problem is?

She dialed his number four times, ready to let him have it, and then hung up four times. She knew calling him would be a mistake. She was a ball of fury right now and would only end up screaming at him.

Oh God, I wish I could have a glass of wine right now! I bet he’s having a drink. He’ll just go on drinking wine and port and Scotch with his perfectly ripped abs as I sit here unable to drink, getting fatter and fatter until I can’t see my own fucking feet! That son of a bitch! Three’s a crowd. Fuck him.

She stomped to the kitchen, opening the pantry cupboard and digging around until she found a bag of potato chips. “Perfect. Salt!” she exclaimed angrily.

Tearing the bag open, she shoved a handful of chips into her mouth, spilling crumbs onto her shirt as she chomped down furiously. As fast as she could, she crammed in another mouthful and another, until the bag was empty. Now she felt sick as well as angry. The chips had not calmed her the way she had hoped they would. Apparently they were not powerful enough to turn Luc into a decent human being. She stared down at her cellphone. He was still an asshole.

In a surge of hormones and desperation, Megan began to weep. She plunked herself into a chair and sobbed until snot ran down her face. Until that moment, Megan hadn’t realized how attached she had become to her new dream of her and Luc making a family. In the past twenty-four hours she had let herself believe that everything was going to be alright. Luc would come back as soon as he knew about the baby, and they would get married and live happily ever after. Instead, he had decided that three was a crowd.

The next morning Simone sat alone in a café along the Seine, picking at her breakfast. It was her day off, and she had decided that getting some fresh air might make her feel better. She hadn’t slept more than two hours the night before and had gotten out of bed with a horrible sense of dread. She had no appetite after having crossed a line that, until the day before, she had never considered herself capable of crossing. For some time she had pushed Luc’s women out of her way, but never like this. It had always been the one-night-stand or the overly ambitious waitress who had set her sights on Luc’s money. Simone had always considered it an act of love toward him. She was making Luc’s life easier, less complicated.

But yesterday she had let her love for Luc deal a death blow to her sense of morality. She had done something so cruel she didn’t know if she could live with herself. She had deleted Megan’s email, knowing that Megan was not likely to attempt to contact Luc again, and that he might never know he had a child. As she sipped her coffee, she tried to tell herself that she was saving him. He had never wanted children. If Megan had been stupid enough to get herself pregnant then it was her own problem, and she didn’t need to ruin Luc’s life along with her own. Deciding there was nothing she could do about it at this point anyway, Simone pushed away her breakfast and left, leaving a small tip on the table.

Outside, it was a sunny and warm day. Her favourite time in Paris, late spring. The streets were crowded with tourists and cars rushing around, but she loved it. It normally made her feel alive to be part of the romance and the glamour that was Paris. She loved to see the look of awe the tourists wore. It always gave her a smug sense of satisfaction to know she had grown up in this beautiful city and knew all the secrets they would never know. But today was different. Her heart was heavy with the burden of betrayal. She had done something unforgivable. If Luc found out, it would be the end for them. He would hate her.

She walked along the Left Bank with her coat folded over her arm, barely noticing the heat of the sun on her body or the beautiful surroundings. Walking past a newspaper stand, she turned her head, and what she saw stopped her dead in her tracks:
Style
magazine.

“Oh shit.”

She had completely forgotten Harper would find out Megan was having Luc’s baby. It would be only a matter of time before Harper would come after Luc, and it wouldn’t take him long to question whether Simone had deleted the email from Megan. He would remember how she had run Megan off when she was in Paris and would certainly start to suspect her. She somehow needed to make sure he would never know what she had done. She could deny it, but she would need to find a way to make her denial believable.