Breaking Skin (23 page)

She scowls at him before turning back to me. “Any word from your sister?”

“No. Nothing.”

“I’m sure you’ll hear from her soon.” She tilts her head to study me with blue eyes just a shade darker than Cole’s. “Nice seeing you again, Nikki.”

Lily walks past me but turns back for one last parting shot at Cole. “Don’t be an idiot or I’ll tell Mom and Dad.”

Cole rubs his hands over his face as we both watch Lily drive away.

“Did your sister just threaten to tell on you?”

A smile plays on his lips. “She’s always been a brat.” His gaze wanders over me, making me self-conscious.

“I came to see if your agent found anything out.” I turn and look back toward Renee’s house. “But I can go if—”

“Don’t go.” With a heavy sigh, he takes a step back toward the door and says, “Come inside.”

I walk into his large foyer and can’t help but give him a speculative glance. “Is everything okay?”

His shoulders sink a little. “You’re probably wondering what that was about.”

I shake my head. “It’s none of my business.”

He stills, and his focus seems to concentrate more fully on me. It almost looks like my comment irritated him. But the hard look in his eyes disappears as quickly as it came.

“Lily likes to come with me to my doctor appointments. I told her I’m not going this month.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s a bunch of cognitive tests to see if I’m improving or getting worse. If it shows I’m worse, my ex-wife will use it against me in our custody dispute.”

“Do you think you’re worse?”

“No, but that doesn’t mean the tests will agree,” he says, his frustration rolling off him in waves.

“Can I ask you a question?”

His arms go down by his sides. “You can ask me anything, Nikki.”

Despite his openness, I still feel like I’m intruding. Maybe it’s because I don’t like people asking me questions, especially about my family.

“Did you get divorced before or after you started having problems with your memory?”

“Celeste left me after my diagnosis.”

I hoped that wasn’t the case, but I had a feeling he was going to say that. “I’m sorry. That must have been hard.”

“A part of me can’t blame her, especially if I get worse.” He gives me a tentative look and pushes his hand through his hair. “I didn’t explain everything about my condition, Nikki. Do you know what CTE is?”

When I shake my head, he goes on to tell me things I’ve only caught bits and pieces of in the news. Things that didn’t apply to anyone I knew until now. My heart goes out to him as he talks about the injuries he suffered when he played and what the consequences could be down the line. As he relates it all, I can hear the fear in his voice. Somehow it makes him more human, and a rush of compassion grips me.

“Marriage is supposed to be in sickness and in health. First she leaves you, and now she’s trying to take your son away? It’s unconscionable,” I say, unable to hold back my opinion.

His lips press together. I can see the anger burning in his eyes.

“Is there anything they can do if you have CTE?”

“No. The damage is already done.” He scratches the back of his head and angles a speculative look at me. It feels like he has more to say, but isn’t sure if he should.

I watch him quietly, wondering what more there could be when he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet. He opens it up, takes something out, and hands it to me.

Curious, I take a look. It’s a business card for someone named Karl Simmons, PhD, at the University of California San Francisco.

“He came to one of Derek’s practices last year to talk to me. He wants me to go public with my story to spread awareness to kids and their parents. He’s got a team of scientists at UCSF doing research on CTE.”

I hear the wariness in his voice. “You don’t want to do it?”

“I can’t. Not now.”

“You’re afraid of what your ex-wife will do.”

He nods.

I can’t imagine this woman wanting to hurt Cole so badly. “I’m sorry, but she sounds awful.”

Cole looks at me and grins. “She wasn’t always that way. When we met, she thought she was getting a hotshot hockey player. She never figured she’d end up with a disabled wash-up.”

Outrage flares inside me. “Did she actually say that?”

“Things could get a lot worse. There’s no way to know at this point, and I would never ask someone to take that on. I won’t be a burden to anyone.”

He gives me a piercing look. It feels like a warning or an edict, and if it’s meant to scare me off, it doesn’t. It does just the opposite. His pain draws me in. Now I understand him so much better.

“Cole.” I say his name softly and reach for his hand. “No matter what your future holds, you still deserve to be happy.”

His fingers circle mine and I look up into his eyes. I want to kiss him more than anything. I want to be the one to make him feel good this time, to ease away his pain, and I’m sure he can read my intentions.

He stands there stiffly for an excruciating moment before he releases my hand, silently refusing what I’m offering.

Stubborn man
.

He swallows. “So now you know my situation. What are you thinking?”

I smile. “How much you’ve been through and how brave you are.”

My reply seems to surprise him. “That’s because you’re young and idealistic.”

So he thinks I’m too young for him. I’ve gotten that feeling from him before.

“I may be young but I’m not naive. Sometimes I think I’ve seen too much in my twenty-three years.”

His gaze holds mine. “Maybe you’ll tell me about it sometime.”

He just shared so much with me. I’m flattered by how open and honest he was but I can’t do the same. He’s probably used to talking about his life and his family, instead of silently shoving skeletons in a closet that’s already far too crowded. But he grew up very differently from how I did, with a family that loves him and each other. I bet that love is unconditional. If Cole falls, they’ll catch him, and he knows that. Life is different when you have people you can count on.

“I’m not like you, Cole. I can’t talk about myself so easily.”

His eyes narrow. “You think it was easy for me to share any of that with you? I don’t talk about this with anyone but my family, and only because I need their help sometimes. My ex is one of the few people who know because she saw it firsthand, and look how that turned out? I don’t trust easily and I don’t confide in many people, Nikki, but for some reason I find myself telling you things. Maybe I want you to know what you’re getting into, or maybe I just like talking to you. And in case you’re wondering, I never told any of this to your sister.”

It never occurred to me he would. There’s some part of me that knows our connection is different, singular. But I don’t know what that means.

He’s right, though. I was wrong to assume talking for him was easy.

“I’m sorry, Cole. I didn’t realize. Thank you for talking to me and for trusting me.”

Something works behind his eyes. “I regretted sleeping with Renee even before I found out you’re her sister. But now I regret it even more because it’s a barrier between us. Renee and I were two lonely people who used each other for a little while. I’m not proud of it, but that’s all it was, and Renee saw it the same way. But I understand if you can’t get past it. Between that and my other issues, you should probably walk away. It’s your smartest move, and I won’t hold it against you.”

I swallow hard and unconsciously lick my lips. He just addressed the elephant in the room, the
barrier between us
, and he made it seem less insurmountable. If there was really nothing between them, should I let his nonexistent relationship with Renee be the only thing standing between us? When I think of it that way, it seems foolish.

“Then I must not be too smart,” I say, “because I’m still here.”

Cole studies me but can’t stop his lips from curving.

I pull in a shallow breath when he erases the small distance between us, and then I can’t breathe at all when he stands there and just looks at me. His expression is open, his gaze searching.

With a gentle hand, Cole cups my face, leans down, and touches his lips to mine. My stomach somersaults when he slips his tongue into my mouth, making me sigh. It’s overwhelming how instantly a kiss from Cole sets me on fire.

He opens his mouth wider and his arms wrap around me, pulling me into his unyielding embrace.

I want to believe Cole is right about how Renee viewed their relationship. I talked myself into believing him because my own feelings for him are so strong. They’re like a freight train that I’m powerless to stop. It’s not just the outside I’m attracted to—it’s who Cole is inside, everything he is. There’s no running away from what’s developing between us, no denying it. How can I turn my back on something I may never find again? How much more happiness do I have to sacrifice?

The doorbell rings but neither of us breaks away. I know Cole hears it because he stills for the briefest moment before trailing kisses down my neck. I pray whoever it is goes away, but when the bell rings again, Cole groans and presses his forehead to mine.

“I could have an appointment today.” He releases me reluctantly to pull his phone from his back pocket. He looks at it and mutters a curse. “It’s my lawyer. I forgot. I checked my calendar this morning and I still fucking forgot.”

Red dots appear high on his cheeks. He’s embarrassed.

“Hey.” I touch his arm. “It’s okay.”

He nods with a jerky movement and looks angry with himself. The doorbell rings again.

“I’ll give you some privacy,” I say.

He takes my hand and pulls me in for another kiss. “I’m glad we talked.”

“Me too. I’ll be outside later tonight after Langley goes to sleep.”

Cole smiles. “Then I’ll be there too.”

He answers the door before the bell can ring again. Then Cole introduces me to his lawyer on my way out. I assume the lawyer is there about the custody fight, and I give Cole an encouraging smile before I leave.

L
angley and I use my first paycheck from the dance studio to treat ourselves to Chinese food. My phone vibrates at dinner and when I see it’s Deedee again, not Renee, I don’t answer it. I’m sure Deedee assumed I’d turn up in town by now, and since I haven’t, I’m avoiding her.

When the fortune cookies come at the end of the meal, I crack mine open. I’m about to remove the tiny strip of paper when I realize Langley hasn’t touched hers.

“Don’t you like fortune cookies?”

She raises her eyes to mine. “What if it says something bad?”

“They never say anything bad. They just say silly stuff or tell you things about yourself. Haven’t you ever read your fortune before?”

“Mom always asks them not to give us fortune cookies, and if they forget, she never opens them. She says she doesn’t want to know her fortune.”

I look from the cookie to Langley, and it almost seems like she’s scared of it. It’s such a silly thing to fear, a fortune cookie, and the fact that Renee made her feel this way has me defiantly pulling my fortune out.

“You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.” I look at Langley. “See? No big deal, and not really a fortune either. Pretty spot-on, though, don’t you think?”

I grab hers, break it open, and read it. “Good luck is the result of good planning.” When I look up, she’s staring hard at me.

“You think she’s a bad mother, don’t you?”

“What?”

I notice Langley’s distress and my defiance withers. What am I doing? What point was I trying to make here? Exactly the one she picked up on, and I sink lower in my chair because it was wrong.

“I don’t think that, Langley.”

“Are you really looking for her like you said?”

“Of course.”

But that feels like an overstatement. I’m not a detective, and I don’t have the money to hire one. Renee has no close friends, as far as I can tell, and she doesn’t want to be found. Other than calling the police, I don’t know what else to do, and I’m not at that point yet.

If I call the police, what will happen to Langley? Will they let me continue to take care of her, or will they notify social services? It’s only been a week and a half, too soon to panic and do something that may have far-reaching repercussions.

And I have to believe Renee will come back. Whatever she’s going through, she wouldn’t leave her daughter, not forever. I just don’t know how long she would leave her for. Two weeks? Three? A month?

“Kids in school are starting to ask me where she is. I told them she went to Orlando on vacation. That’s where Disney World is. Isn’t it?”

I nearly smile at the idea of Renee running away to Disney World. “How do they know she’s gone?”

“They take dance class with her.” Langley says this as if the answer should be obvious, which it is. Langley was in the class I taught today, along with several of her classmates.

I watched her closely in class today and she does have some talent, although I didn’t see the interest Renee and I showed at her age and that’s perfectly fine. It’s not a life I would recommend to anyone.

“Did your mom talk about going to Florida?”