Breakout (A Dallas Demons Hockey Romance) (17 page)

“And after sushi?”

“Baby, are you suggesting we do something else to celebrate?” he asks.

“I am. I don’t bring out my Zach Attack T-shirt for just anyone you know.”

Niko gets up off the couch and draws me up. “What underwear goes with it?”

“Are you fixated on my panties?”

“Yes.”

I burst out laughing, and he does, too.

“What if I told you I wear little cotton boy shorts with it?”

Niko moves his hand down my back, to my hip, and slowly rubs his hand down the side of it.

“That sounds sexy as hell,” he whispers, bending down to kiss me.

Heat fills me. I break the kiss and cup his face in my hands. “Sushi can wait.”

“Agreed.”

And as we kiss again, I know my life is
right.
Everything has lined up brilliantly. I’m in love. I’m fulfilled at work. I have family and friends who mean the world to me.

It’s all sorted out,
I think in amazement as I kiss Niko. Niko was the final part of the puzzle to fall into place.

And as he begins to undress me, I know life is going to be perfect from here on out.

I’m sure of it.

Chapter 20

The One Online Dating Service Profile Question:
When going through a crisis, who do you turn to for support?

My write-in answer:
Right now the only person I want is Niko.

Kenley unfolds her umbrella before we dash inside Barnes & Noble, and I do the same. It’s Wednesday night, and the Demons are on the road in Chicago. So Kenley and I decided to go out to dinner, grab some coffee, and flip through magazines at the bookstore for girl time.

“Ugh, I hate chilly rain like that,” Kenley says as she shakes her umbrella in the doorway.

I wipe my Wellingtons on the mat. “I can’t wait to get my hands around a gingerbread latte.”

Then I find myself thinking of Niko. Of how if he were here, he’d be holding my hands and trying to warm them up.

Okay, I admit it.
I miss him.

Yes, he left today, and I know it’s something I need to get used to, but it was hard saying goodbye this morning. I know I’ll talk to him later, on Connectivity Video Connect, but it’s like I just found him and now he’s gone.

And I’m ready for him to come home.

“Come on, let’s get drinks,” Kenley says.

We walk to the café inside the store. Kenley places an order for a white chocolate mocha, and I request my drink, and we move off to the side as we wait for the barista to make our coffees.

“I can’t believe we both have the night off,” Kenley says, smiling at me. “Who would have thought we’d both be working these crazy night schedules?”

I nod. “Your schedule has been insane since the day after Thanksgiving.”

“I’m booked solid with parties and holiday chocolate classes,” Kenley says brightly. “And now you’re editing intermission highlights along with the magazine show.”

“Sometimes I still can’t believe it’s all happened,” I say as I unbutton my rain coat. “I was working on a bank website a month ago and having endless dates with
Say Yes to the Dress
at night. And now I’ve got my dream job and a boyfriend. Crazy.”

“And perfect,” Kenley adds, smiling at me. “I’ve never seen you so happy, Lexi.”

I can feel the heat spread across my cheeks. The barista calls our names, and we scoop up our Red Cups. We walk over to the magazine section, with Kenley eyeing up the food related ones while I head over to the women’s fashion section.

I don’t know why I do this. But whenever I know there’s a new issue of
FLIRTY!
out, I look at it. It’s the magazine my birth mother—Cassandra—works for. It’s like the one thread I have left to her that she can’t cut.

I scan the titles and I find the January issue already on stands, even though it’s not even Christmas yet. I park my cup on the shelf and pick it up, my eyes skimming over all the topics like “Your SEXIEST year yet!” and “Resolution Time.” I’m about to open it when my phone beeps.

I fish it out of my bag and see I have a new Connectivity Private Message.

And with utter shock I see it’s from Cassandra.

The air is knocked out of me the second I see her name. I drop the magazine to the floor. I haven’t heard from her since I was sixteen, since that meeting we had in a hotel room.

My hand begins to shake. After all these years, she’s trying to contact me? Newfound hope surges into my heart. Maybe she’s changed her mind. Could Cassandra want me to be a part of her life, as I always prayed she would?

I draw a breath of air for courage and open the message:

Lexi,

I know I’m the last person you expect to hear from after all this time. I hope all is well with you and your family.

I’m writing this message to let you know of something in my personal life, something that you might see in the media in the next few months.

I’m expecting a baby boy.

I’m overjoyed, as my husband and I have been trying for a year now. Motherhood seems to agree with me at this point in my life, and I’m very excited to bring a child into this world. The magazine is going to chronicle my journey as a working expectant mother, with maternity fashions and I’m going to do an online monthly feature on what it’s like to be pregnant, with all my feelings and thoughts about my pregnancy. I’m sending you this message as a courtesy, if you will, so you aren’t blindsided by the magazine features if you were to see them.

While I’m ready to be a mother to my newborn, I still think it’s best that we maintain our relationship as it is. I have my family and my life in New York, you have yours in Dallas. I do not plan to tell my husband or my future child about you, as we are truly two individuals walking different paths and have been since you were born. I brought you into the world, but your parents are your parents. I can never be a mother to you like I will be to this child, and the children that are sure to follow him.

I won’t be in further contact, as I feel this is best for both of us at this point.

I sincerely wish you a beautiful life.

Cassandra

Tears are streaming down my face. I’ve been rejected all over again, but this time, it’s so much worse. It’s not that Cassandra never wanted children.

She never wanted me.

“Hey did— Lexi? Lexi, what’s wrong?” Kenley quickly puts her hand on my arm.

I can’t speak over the sob that is about to erupt in my throat. I show her my cell phone.

“It’s a message from Cassandra,” I manage to say.

Kenley takes the phone and reads the message. Her eyes grow large, then fill with sadness. “Oh, Lexi. I’m so sorry. Come on, let’s sit down.”

Kenley ushers me toward two arm chairs in the corner of the café. I let the tears fall down my face as Kenley reaches for my shaking hands.

“I know this hurts,” she says quietly. “It brings up the past and rips open that wound. And I know this isn’t the outcome you wanted.”

I swallow hard before speaking. “I always consoled myself that Cassandra didn’t want to be a mother,” I manage to say. “But that’s not the truth. She wants to be a mother to that little boy she is carrying. She just doesn’t want to be mine.”

And as I say the words, I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the heart.

A brother,
I think, reeling.
I’ll have a half-brother, but he’ll never know I exist.

“No, no, don’t you dare put this on you,” Kenley says, squeezing my hands in hers and interrupting my tortured thoughts. “She was a teenager when she had you. She wasn’t able to be the mother you deserved.”

“I wasn’t a baby when she met me,” I say. “And now she wants to make sure the mistake doesn’t come back and ruin her life.”

The words sound bitter off my tongue, but I can’t help it. I’m gutted by the message, and the pain is so intense and raw that I can’t cope.

“Don’t ever call yourself a mistake again,” Kenley says firmly. “
Charlotte
is your mom, and she sees you as a precious gift. Just like I do. Like we all do.”

“I need to go home,” I whisper.

“Of course,” Kenley says. “Let’s go home and cry. That’s what you need. And chocolate. Lots of chocolate.”

I don’t say anything as Kenley gives me a huge hug. The lights of the store blur in my eyes, and the holiday music playing sounds hollow in my ears. I struggle not to completely fall apart.

There’s one more thing I need.

Niko
, I think, forcing the lump in my throat down.
I need Niko.

And I simply pray he’ll be available to video connect when I get home.

Hours later, I’m curled up in bed. I lost it when I got home, and lost it again when I couldn’t get a hold of Niko. I texted him, and he was at the “Rookie Dinner”—when the players and TV crew all go out and order a crazy expensive meal and make the rookies pick up the tab—and said he’d connect with me on Connectivity Video Connect when he got back to the hotel.

Of course, I didn’t tell him what was going on. But I still wish he’d call me back soon.

I need him,
I think miserably.
I need him, and he can’t be here for me.

Kenley is the only person who knows right now. She urged me to call my mom, but she’d go crazy and drive right over here in a downpour to comfort me, and I don’t want that. And I want to protect her from how upset I am, because I feel disloyal even having these feelings.

My phone buzzes and I grasp it, praying it’s Niko.

But it’s CiCi.

Kenley must have told her.

“Hello?” I answer weakly.

“Darling,” CiCi says, “I heard about Cassandra. I want you to know that I love you. You’re one of my daughters, and I
chose
you.”

It’s all I can do not to bawl. Despite her dramatic ways, CiCi has a good heart and I love her for it.

I hear a man’s voice in the background. And the sound of silverware and plates.

“Where are you, CiCi?” I ask, confused.

“Oh, Peter flew me to New York for dinner tonight,” CiCi says easily, as if flying off on a private jet with the owner of the Demons was like going through the drive-through at McDonald’s. “But that’s irrelevant. And I’m going to come home to you. I’m sure Peter can have the jet fired up in no time, isn’t that right, Peter?”

I hear Peter’s voice and then CiCi continues.

“Yes, I can be home in hours
.
”

“No!” I gasp, mortified by the thought of her flying home for me. “It’s all right, I’ll be fine.”

“Don’t argue with me, Lexi.”

“CiCi, please, please don’t.”

I hear more clanking.

“I’m going to let you enjoy your dinner,” I say firmly. “And do not come home, CiCi.”

That comment is greeted with a heavy sigh.

“Fine. We’ll discuss this tomorrow. I love you, sweetheart. And it’s a privilege for me to be your other mother, remember that.”

I disconnect from her as fresh tears swell in my eyes. No matter how badly I feel, I know I have an amazing family to support me. And I wouldn’t have them if Cassandra hadn’t picked them out, so I do feel grateful to her for that much.

My phone goes off again, and this time, I see it’s Niko trying to do a Connectivity Video Connect with me.

I burst into tears the second I see his name on my phone. I accept his call, and he appears on my screen, resting against the headboard in his hotel room.

“Hey, baby, what’s wrong?” he immediately asks, sitting up straighter. “Lexi, talk to me. Why are you crying?”

I try to get the words out, but I can’t.

“Lexi, tell me what’s wrong,” Niko says, his voice growing urgent.

I take a deep breath and force the words out. “My birth mom sent me a message on Connectivity.”

Niko is silent for a moment.

“Come again?”

Fresh tears fall from my eyes. “She’s pregnant and wanted me to know. She . . . she’s writing a series on it for the magazine, that’s how overjoyed she is with this baby. But she told me this changes nothing between us. She’s not telling her husband or future children I exist. I’m still the accident she wishes she could make go away.”

I see nothing but fury flash across Niko’s face. His jaw is set. His beautiful eyes darken like a summer storm rolling across the sea.

“You,” he says, his voice angry, “are not an accident.
”

I begin sobbing. “You’re wrong. I am. Don’t you see that? She only has one child, and that’s the baby that’s growing inside her. The one that doesn’t make her sick whenever he moves, like I must have.”

“Listen to me,” Niko pleads. “This has nothing to do with you. No baby would have been the right baby for her at sixteen.”

“I thought she never wanted to be a mother,” I say softly. “That consoled me. But the truth is, she does, Niko. She does want motherhood and many children. But she doesn’t want me-her accident-to be a part of that.”

Niko takes a moment before speaking. “Lexi,” he says softly, “You have parents who love you, friends who are extended family, and you have me. Cassandra gave you to us, baby. And I know it hurts, but I’m grateful for that. More than you know.”

I lose it as soon as I hear his heartfelt words.

“Niko, why can’t you be here?” I cry without thinking. “I wish you weren’t in Chicago. I need you so much right now. I need you
here!
”

And as soon as I say them, Niko looks stricken. His head snaps back as if I’ve slapped him.

Because I’ve asked for the one thing he can’t give me, the one thing that caused problems with Jessica.

He can’t be here.

And from the look on his face, I don’t know how to undo it.