Breath of Scandal (50 page)

"Since Hutch had proven himself, he was feeling frisky. 'Hell, we might have known the little faggot would chicken out.' 'I'm not a faggot,' Lamar shouted. I suppose that even then he was struggling with his sexual ambiguities. He must have realized that he either had to perform or be the brunt of their ridicule, so he ... performed.

"When he pulled down his pants, the other two applauded his erection. I know it was Lamar's first time. He didn't know where to . . . He kept ramming into me. It hurt, because I was bruised and sore. Once he got inside, he

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thrust at me frantically and quickly, like a rutting animal. Sweat popped out on his face. Neal kept cracking jokes and making fun of Lamar's 'technique.' Finally he climaxed.

"He was laughing with relief when he pulled away from me, but the moment he looked into my face, his sn-file collapsed. I think Lamar realized the extent of what they had done. His eyes silently apologized. But I didn't forgive him then or when I saw him years later."

"When was that?" Dillon asked.

She briefly told him about Mitch Heaton's funeral and Lamar's unexpected appearance. "I don't forgive himany of them-to this day."

yo After an extended silence, she raised her head. "Will u pass me a Kleenex, please?" Dillon located a box of tissues on the edge of her desk. He reached for it and handed it to her. "Thank you."

She didn't use the tissue to blot her eyes, because, throughout the entire recital, she hadn't shed a single tear. She used it to wipe the perspiration off her palms.

"Did they leave you out there, Jade?"

"Yes." She laughed bitterly. "Like a cruel clich6, Neal smoked a cigarette before they left. I remember smelling the sulfur of the match and the burning tobacco. I had rolled myself into a tight ball. At that point, I was numb. I don't remember feeling pain so much as numbness.

"They discussed what to do with me, and decided that I was resourceful enough to find my way back into town. Lamar asked, 'What are we going to say if somebody finds out what happenedT Neal said, 'Who's going to tell? YouT 'Hell no.' 'Then what are you worried aboutT

"Hutch asked what they would do if I told. Neal simply laughed. He said I wouldn't tell because I wouldn't want my 'lover boy,' meaning Gary, to know about it. He said I had asked for it, that I'd been flirting with all of them.

"Of course Hutch and Lamar agreed with him, chiefly because they knew that's what he wanted them to do, but also to justify to themselves what they had done.

"I don't believe that Neal has any remorse or feels any guilt. He's amoral. He has no conscience. He wanted to

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teach me a lesson for loving Gary instead of him, and he ing him in a silly wanted vengeance on Gary for outsmart

fight. He saw a way to do both with one act. Because his name is Patchett, he considered it his right."

"You should have gone to the authorities immediately." Again, she laughed without humor. "Dillon, you don't know me very well, do you? As soon as I could move, I crawled to the highway. I didn't care if I died afterward, so long as I lived long enough to see them punished."

She recounted her visit to the hospital and all that had happened the following day in Sheriff Jolly's office. Dillon was incredulous. "So a gang rape was swept under the rug and forgotten?"

"Until now."

"Here, fifteen years later, you've come back with a vengeance. You want to make them pay for raping you." "Not just for that."

"You mean there's more?"

41 Gary.-

"Oh, right. I forgot. " Gently, he said, "Boyfriends often have a tough time dealing with something like that, Jade." "Gary certainly did. Especially when Neal and the others

painted me as a scarlet woman. Neal couldn't leave it alone. He taunted Gary with innuendoes until he couldn't take it anymore. I I

When she told him what Gary had done after seeing her at Georgie's house, Dillon was stunned. He plowed his fingers through his hair again and searched for something to say. He thought better of saying what had first occurred to him: that Gary should have had more faith in the woman he loved. She wouldn't welcome hearing that.

"I couldn't stay in Palmetto after Gary's suicide. But I swore that one day I would come back, and that when I did, I would be in control."

"You've already constipated Ivan and Neal. They see the handwriting on the wall. They know what a new industry will mean to them."

"They've got a lot to answer for. I'm not the only one they've hurt over the years."

"Did you know before you came back that Hutch was sick?"

No. I planned on exposing the corruption in his sheriff's department.

"Is it corrupt?"

"I would bet my last nickel on it. He covers the Patchetts' tracks just like his father did."

"The point is moot, anyway, isn't it?" "I suppose so."

Early indications were that Hutch's kidney transplant had been successful. His doctors were being conservative until the threat of infection abated, but their initial prognosis was good. Organ rejection was being combatted with drugs. Reportedly, he hadn't suffered any negative side effects. Even so, it was doubtful that he could ever hold public office again.

"What about Donna Dee? She's as much to blame as any of them."

"She's always loved Hutch. If I had exposed his corruption, she would have suffered disgrace along with him. As it turned out, she had to come to me, begging for his life, just as I begged her to tell the truth in Sheriff Jolly's office.

"That's not why I refused to consider Graham as a donor, but now she knows what it feels like to be desperateabandoned by your last hope."

"Does Lamar have a family here?"

"A mother. To my knowledge, she never knew about the rape."

"Any form of revenge would be ineffective then, wouldn't it?"

"Except that Graham might be her one and only grandchild. "

"You honestly don't know which of them fathered him?" "No.-

"Graham doesn't know about-" "No! And I don't want him to know."

"Surely he's asked where he came from, who his father was. 1,

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"I diminished his importance. Graham accepts the fact that I'm his only parent. "

Dillon frowned doubtfully. "For the present, maybe. But what about tomorrow, and the day after that? The older he gets, the better the odds that he'll demand to know who sired him."

"If that time comes, I can honestly tell him that I don't know. "

"There are ways of detecting it. Genetic fingerprinting, it's called."

"I don't want to know. It makes no difference. He's mine. Mine," she stressed, her voice cracking. "if I had known about Hutch's illness, and Neat's sterility, I might have considered keeping Graham in New York. I never guessed that he would be a pivotal factor in their lives. It frightens me, Dillon. You think I overreacted this afternoon, but I know the kind of treachery that Neal and his father are capable of."

Her fear was obvious. Instinctively Dillon reached for her. Just as instinctively, she recoiled. "Dammit, I wish I didn't represent such a threat to you. I'd like to hold you." The darkness seemed to intensify the huskiness of his voice. "Just hold you, Jade. That's all."

After several moments, she whispered, "I don't think I would mind if you held me."

"I would never hurt you," he said as he eased himself out of his chair and onto the sofa beside her. "Never." "I believe that."

He placed his arms around her and leaned back, carrying her with him until they were settled against the cushions of the sofa. The intimacy of the position alarmed her. She clutched his biceps. "It's okay," he murmured. "It's okay. I'll let you go anytime you say. Do you want me to? Tell me."

After a tense hesitation, she shook her head and relaxed against him. Apparently the brevity of his tank top didn't offend her. She laid her head on his chest. Her hair slid across his skin, causing him almost to groan out loud with pleasure. Her hand remained trustingly on his arm.

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"Jade?" "Hmm?" "Since that night, you've been unable to make love?"

"Unable and unwilling." "Unwilling to even try?" "I have tried. With Hank."

"Hank Arnett?" Jealousy StUng him.

"He was in love with me, I knew it, but didn't want him to be. I didn't want to hurt him, either. I kept telling him it was no use, that I couldn't change. I urged him not to place false hopes in my recovery. Hank's got a real stubborn streak. He wouldn't listen."

"Obviously he was finally convinced."

"Not for years. I wanted to return his affection, so I started seeing a psychologist. Eventually I was able to kiss him without freaking."

"Did you enjoy kissing him?" "As much as I'm able to."

Dillon's jealousy was somewhat mollified. She hadn't qualified it when she had told him she liked his kisses. "About that time, Mitch died," she continued. "Lamar

showed up at his funeral. Seeing him again brought back all the horror. I finally told Hank that I couldn't have a sexual relationship with any man. It was impossible.- "Did you tell him why?"

"No. And because I didn't, he got angry and stayed away for months. One day he came back, and we've been good friends ever since. He finally accepted it."

Dillon didn't want to champion Hank's cause by saying that he was a swell fellow and that she should have given him more of a chance. Hank was in New York; Dillon was here with her, holding her.

"Why did you tell me about the rape, Jade?" When she raised her head and looked at him, he knew he had no reason to feel jealous of Hank or anybody else.

"You wouldn't accept the way I am without an explanation. "

"And?"

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"And because . . . because it was important to me that you understand why I am the way I am."

To keep from kissing her, he tucked her head beneath his chin. "What happened to you was a crime. It was spiteful, and mean, and violent. It had nothing to do with sex. ,11 know that, Dillon."

"Sexual intimacy between two people who care about each other-"

I I Is something altogether different," she stated, finishing his sentence for him. "Don't you think the psychologist reiterated that until I was sick to death of hearing it? No, I didn't subliminally blame myself. Yes, I was as angry with the sexist legal system as I was with the men. No, I do not believe that all men are barbarians. No, I do not feet any leanings toward lesbianism. No, I do not want to see all men castrated - "

"That's a relief."

She tilted her head up again, and, when they made eye contact, she began to laugh. He joined in. They laughed for several minutes, and it was cathartic, because neither could cry. Their laughter made them weak. They clung to each other for support.

Then they seemed to stop laughing at precisely the same instant. One second, they were rollicking with it. The next, they were staring deeply into each other's eyes, breathless and tense.

Dillon's chest felt tight. His eyes dropped to her mouth. He watched her lips move. "Dillon?"

He closed his eyes quickly. "Christ, I want to kiss you. I want to make love to you for the first time in your life. I want to show you what it really is, what it can be. I want you to make love to me."

When he reopened his eyes, hers were startled, her lips tremulous. He was tempted to lift her mouth against his and find out why she was gazing at him with that particular expression. He hoped it was because he had aroused hernot repelled her.

He stroked her hair. He longed to soothe away the timorous quavering of her lips with soft kisses and massage

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the worry line from between her brows. He wanted the catchiness in her breath to come from passion, not apprehension. He wanted to give her the gift of sexual discovery, of which she'd been robbed.

But if he didn't do it right, it was liable to be irreversibly damaging. So he eased her away from him, stood up, then helped her to her feet. Ruefully he said, "Some other time.

The house was dark.    Dillon, who had insisted on following her home, didn't drive away until she was safely inside. Cathy had left her a note on the kitchen table explaining that she had gone to bed early with a headache. There was a casserole in the refrigerator, the note said. All Jade had to do was warm it up in the microwave. She decided she wasn't hungry enough to bother. After securing the house for the night, she went upstairs.

Light shone beneath Graham's bedroom door. She knocked, then pushed it open. He was lying in bed, watching TV with what appeared to be little interest. "May I come in?"

"It's your house."

Ignoring that crack, she moved to the foot of his bed and sat down. "I get the hint. You're mad at me."

He battled over whether to continue sulking or to vent his anger. The latter won. "Wouldn't you be mad at me if I had embarrassed you half to death? Jeez, Mom, you treated me like a kid in front of Dillon and Mr. Patchett."

"What I did might have appeared unreasonable to you, Graham, but I was extremely upset."

"You had a total cow over nothing! I wasn't even that late getting there."

"That wasn't entirely it. I was upset because you were with Neal."

"Why? He was nice. And you know him, so what's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that I know him all too well. He is not nice. "

"He seemed to be," he muttered belligerently.

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"I'm sure he did. He oozes charm, but he's rotten to the core, Graham. You'll have to take my word on this. Stay away from him. He can be dangerous." He made a scoffing sound. "I mean it. The next time he comes near you, I want to know about it immediately."

Swathed in teenage obstinacy, he studied her for a moment. "You've changed, Mom."

"Changed?" I 'Ever since we moved here, you're uptight all the time. -I've got an enormous job to do, Graham. In addition

to the TexTile plant, I'm acquiring property for the parent company, doing all the-"