Breathe (8 page)

I was afraid to move, so I
lay on my side and watched him. His face was turned to me, and I could study his beautiful features. It was almost painful to watch, and I had to restrain myself from touching him. I lay still for a few more minutes, enjoying the view. But then nature called, I needed to go to the bathroom. I removed my covers slowly, and tried to ease my way off the bed.

The image that met me in the bathroom mirror should have made it crack. I was grateful that I had awakened before he had. My dark make-up was smudge all over, and my braided hair was a mess. I tried to remove the make-up, wishing I could clean my whole body. But I didn’t want to be standing in here naked if he woke. The door didn’t have a lock. I was afraid he would wake when I flushed, and took a quick peek from the bathroom door. He was still lying in the same position, eyes closed. So I took a chance and jumped in the shower, untangling my hair as the warm water hit my body. It felt wonderful. I tried not to think of the last person using my shower. I tried not to think about him naked. I tried to convince myself that I made the right decision last night. After five minutes I turned the water of reluctantly. It wasn’t before I was standing in the towel that I realized all my clothes were in the other room. I could put on the costume again, but decided against it. I wanted clean clothes. I wanted to look good when he woke and when he left me. After brushing my teeth and my hair, I tiptoed into my bedroom with a pink towel wrapped around me. He was still asleep. I got some clean under-wear in my drawer, but all the other clothes were behind sliding doors.
So much for looking good
. I knew that if I attempted to slide those doors, he would wake in a second, and see me in the towel. The doors made a terrible noise when pushed. I decided against it. In stead, I grabbed a short blue kimono-like bathrobe hanging beside the dresser. Then I tiptoed back to the bathroom to remove my towel. 

My head was still throbbing, so my next move was to head into the kitchen and get some Tylenol and a large glass of water. I drank the water by the window facing
Kensington Gardens. It was a beautiful Saturday morning, and a lot of people were already out enjoying the weather. I loved this view, and hated the thought of giving it up. I wondered how long it would take before Alfred called and asked were I would go next, and if I were returning home. I knew it wouldn’t be him wondering.

I was staring out in the park lost in my own thoughts, and didn’t hear him enter the kitchen. I almost jumped as I felt his arms around my waist.

‘
Good morning, beautiful.’ He dragged me away from the window, and I lost my grip on the curtains, creating a dim lightning in the kitchen. He pushed my back against his naked chest and kissed my neck. I felt my body stiffened. I hadn’t expected our intimacy to continue now that we both were sober. Then I realise that I was the only one affected by alcohol last night. My previous behaviour made me blush. I put my glass on the counter and placed my hands over his at my waist. I didn’t know how to react, I only knew that I didn’t want him to let go. My body relaxed and eased into his embrace.

‘
I woke up, and you were gone,’ he whispered in my ear.

‘
I woke up with you next to me. I don’t even remember going to bed.’

‘
I carried you.’             

‘
You carried me?’

‘
Yes. I’m a bit insulted, actually. You fell asleep while I was telling a very fascinating story.’

He squeezed me tighter, and I tilted my head to give him easier access to my neck.

‘It couldn’t be that fascinating, if it made me fall asleep.’ I turned around and had to laugh when I saw his reaction.

‘
You bloody, little funny girl. I’ll get you for that!’

He started tickling me, and I tried to squirm away and hold of his hands. We were standing face to face wrestling when
his expression changed and he kissed me on the mouth. It took me by a surprise, but it felt right. So I kissed him back. My hand moved behind his head, grasping his hair, pulling him closer. His hands were on my back, holding me to him. My heart was raising, and I felt the warmth spread all over my body. My robe opened, and my bra pushed against his naked chest. He gasped, and moved his head lower, and soon his lips were on my breast, nuzzling the skin that was showing. The heat in my body started centring, moving south. I could feel it pulsing. I tighten my grip on his hair and pushed him harder against my breast. My breathing got heavier.

‘
Oh!’ I exhaled as he hand reached my panties, and pushed against my crotch. I wanted him to rip them of.

But the sound of my voice seemed to awaken
him. Suddenly he dropped his hands and stepped away from me. I didn’t understand why. He was breathing as heavily as I was. I could see his reaction were as strong as mine was. He drew his hand through his hair, agitated.

‘
Did I do something wrong?’ I asked.

‘
No, it’s me. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I don’t know what went in to me. It’s hard to control myself when I’m with you.’ He’d turn away from me now, leaning against the kitchen counter. His eyes were locked on the floor. I tried to get my breathing even, and closed my robe.

‘
I don’t understand.’ How could he just stop what he was doing?

‘
I didn’t mean to attack you like that. I know you think it’s too soon, and I don’t want to seduce you into something your not ready for.’ He looked at me now, and I could see pain or frustration in his face.

Too soon? I didn’t think it was too soon. I wanted him, now.
He was irresistible. I felt a strong pull to be near him. But I couldn’t blame the alcohol this time. I was awake, sober, and should be able to have a clear mind. I should be able to be rational. I wasn’t. Every time he got near, I lost my self-control. I needed to get it back. I didn’t hesitate because I didn’t know him. I felt like I had known him my whole life. I hesitated because he had a wife. I didn’t want to be the other woman. I knew better than to screw a married man. I took a step away from him. I didn’t trust myself to be near him. My body was still in a firing heat. He was still looking at me. Like he was waiting for an answer. Maybe he wanted me to deny it, that I didn’t want to wait. I should tell him that it didn’t matter if we waited or not. It wasn’t right no matter what. I didn’t expect him to divorce his perfect wife just so he could get in bed with me, that was a terrible wishful-thinking. And I didn’t want to get hurt, either. I couldn’t imagining letting him in and then have him leave me. He was out of my league, and the sooner I realized that the better. I didn’t bother to respond to his comment, there weren’t any point in that.

I didn’t want to have this conversation. I changed the subject.

‘
Can I make you some coffee or tea? Or breakfast?’

I wondered if I ha any food in the fridge. I was supposed to go shopping for groceries today.

‘Coffee sounds nice.’

I headed f
or my espresso machine and turned it on. There was a rack on the counter with different types of coffee capsules. I picked Caffé Intenso for myself, and held it up for him to choose what he wanted. My robe opened slightly as I stretched and revealed my bra. I pulled my hand back when I noticed, and closed the robe with my other hand.

‘
I can make this if you want to get dressed,’ he said, and picked the same capsule for him self.

‘
That’s probably a good ide,’ I blushed, ‘the mugs are in the cabinet above.’

‘
If you find any male clothes, I would be most happy to borrow some,’ he said as I walked out of the kitchen.

‘
Sorry, I gave them away to the last man I brought home,’ I laughed, relieved that the tension was gone.

I went into my
bedroom, and looked over at the place where he had been sleeping. I wanted to lie down and inhale the scent of him, but I didn’t. I would save that for when he left. I opened the sliding doors and found a pair of navy pants that reached below my knee, and then put on a grey tank top with double-crossing straps in the back. I was in a hurry to get back to him, I didn’t want to miss a single minute before he left. He held the mug up for me when I re-entered the kitchen.

‘
Thank you,’ I said as I grabbed it. ‘Are you hungry?’

I
started opening and closing the cabinets and the fridge, only to confirm that the choices were limited.

‘
I’m sorry, but I only have some cereal and some fruits. Can I make you some?’

‘
No thanks, I’m fine. Have you seen my phone?’ His voice was distracted, and he moved into the living room.

This is it.
My heart sank while I was contemplating saying goodbye to him. I took a deep breath and followed him. He had already found the phone, and was sitting in the same place he had yesterday. I didn’t look up as I sat down beside him. He was reading messages with a frown on his face.

‘
I need to make some calls,’ he said as he rose. I remained seated, aware that he needed some privacy. He was walking back to the kitchen, holding his phone to his ear. ‘Hang on, Anna. Do you have any plans for today?’

I didn’t
realise he was speaking to me at first. But he had turned around and was obliviously waiting for something. He was asking me of my plans. Why?

‘
No, not really. I need to go get some grocery, though.’ My voice sounded as insecure as I felt. Maybe he wasn’t leaving yet. I didn’t let myself hope that. 

He turned
back around and continued to the kitchen. ‘Hey Anna, I’m at Sara’s. In Kensington. What...? No, I had it on mute, I just got up.’

He actually told her were he had stayed the night. My body froze.
I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, it was kind of inevitable. My apartment wasn’t that big. Besides, he hadn’t closed the kitchen door. I continued to listen. Not because I was curious, well maybe that too, but mostly because I loved to hear his voice. The sound of it made me tingle all over. And it was fascinating the way his voice shifted when he talk to Anna, in comparison when he talked to me. It was softer with me and warmer. Or maybe my imagination was running wild.

‘
I know that,’ I heard him continue. ‘You have to cancel it. I don’t care, just do it! And give the message to Jules please.’

The mention of her
stung in me. It was my guilty conscience taking a stab. I knew him being here was wrong, no matter how right it felt. He was about to finish the call when he abruptly came back, holding his hand over his phone, looking at me.

‘
What did you need at the store?’

‘
Just some food,’ I answer, not sure where he was going with this.

‘
What kind of food? Anything special?’ His hand was still covering his phone.

‘
No, it’s ok, I can get it tomorrow.’ My voice trailed of as he hold up his hand to me and spoke into the phone again.

‘
Anna, are you there? Can you please pick up some groceries and have Charles deliver them here? Fine. And I need a change of clothes. Yes, that would be fine. Thank you. Yes, I promise to turn the sound on. But don’t call unless it’s important. … Maybe, I don’t know yet. I’ll talk to you later.’

He
sat down beside me, grinning at my astonish expression.

‘
Did you just ask Anna to buy me food?’

He laughed at me, and I got annoyed.
‘That’s not funny. Did you?’

‘
It’s no big deal, she does that all the time.’ His word didn’t relax me, they got me more annoyed.

‘
So this is usual for you, is it? Seducing innocent women and bring them food the next day?’

He stopped laughing, but
kept a smug smile on his face. ‘Firstly, this isn’t usual, it’s quite rare actually.’

‘
Well, hurray for me!’ I said sarcastically. He ignored me.

‘
I only meant that she’s my assistant, she is paid to run errands for me. Secondly, I hadn’t succeeded in seducing you, I’m still working on that. And I thought that food might change your mind.’ He stopped smiling when I didn’t change my expression.

‘
Joke! That last one was a joke. I wanted to get you food, so I could keep you prisoner here today. Your not throwing me out, are you?’

My mood changed abruptly.
‘You are staying all day?’ Before I could think of my actions, I jumped into his lap.  

‘
Did you notice that I didn’t comment on your innocent-remark?’ His smug grin was back.

I blushed, and started to get off him. He grab
bed my behind, and held me tight.

‘
I think you should stay put, I like having you on top.’ He caressed my back, and I could feel him harden again. Then Christopher cursed as his phone went of. I glanced down at it and saw the name Julia flashing the display.

‘
You better take that,’ I said, and crawled of him back to my side of the couch. He got up and took the phone with him, walking towards the kitchen again.