Breathe Again (10 page)

His silence was a painful reminder of the lie still between them.

His jaw was a solid mass. “You can’t put this on me. You lied. I joined the Marines to get away from the lies and betrayal. Because if you don’t trust the man next to you, you lose your life.”

Skylar folded her arms, making sure she shielded her unborn child. If Nick had physically used a knife to slit her open, and take her insides out and put her back together in the wrong order, it would feel like this. Exactly like this.
There was no way out of this
. No way back.

It was time to make the decision, do what she knew was right. Only she still needed time. “I have an afternoon shift, so I'll see you later.”

He took his towel and wiped his neck. “I'm on nights, so probably not.”

She didn't bother to respond. Grabbing her jacket, she made her way out.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid
.

If she thought this would work, then she was stupid and then some. She put a hand over her tummy and sighed. The only problem was, it wasn't only her this time.

*****

“You need to take a break, honey, or you're not going to be good to anyone. You're running on empty.”

Skylar turned to Judie and pulled out a smile from deep within. “I'm fine.”

“You’re clearly not. Come on, let's go grab a cuppa. This lot can wait,” she said, casting a glance to the boxes of unpacked stock on the bench.

After they were both sitting down with steaming cups of tea and a couple of chocolate cookies, Skylar couldn't help but sit back and sigh. It was either that or become a blubbering mess.

“Nothing like chocolate to put things in perspective. From that expression on your face, you haven't told him yet.”

“No. It's difficult.” Skylar pulled her shoulders straight.

Judie took a sip from her mug. “The longer you wait, the harder it becomes.”

“I know that. Believe me, I know that.” Skylar turned her mug and took a sip. “I lied to him. I hurt him and in the process, I lost him.”

Judie tut-tutted. “Do you know what they call him? Everyone around here, do you know what the staff around here call Nick?”

“I can’t say that I do.” Judie wasn’t making much sense.

“Terminator.”

Before she gave an emphatic ‘No’, she realized it fit. He had the same determination, and Lord knew he acted like a machine.

Judie knocked her knuckles against the table, catching her attention. “Except when he is with you.”

“Uh?” She looked at the older woman in confusion.

“He might act like a machine who doesn’t care about feelings, except when it comes to you.”

“But—” Was she right?

“I have to get back to work. You take it easy now.” She squeezed Skye’s shoulder as she past her.

Skye drummed her fingers on the table. What if she came clean and told Nick everything? What if he could forgive her? If he loved her, really loved her, then he would. Wouldn’t he?

*****

Skye glanced at the clock feeling time-warped.
Was that really the time?
Or had the hands of the clock jumped forward? Her gaze settled on the team around her. She wiped her face with the back of her arm, feeling as despondent as they looked. After spending forty-five minutes trying to bring their patient back to life, defeat was inevitable. From the moment the medics had brought the cold, unmoving patient through their doors, they were fighting a lost battle.

The fifth-year resident looked at her as if waiting for a sign. She gave a slight nod.

“Call it.” He pulled off his gloves in frustration.

Her nails bit into her palm. “Time of death, ten fifty-five.”

Reluctantly, the team drifted away from the man on the stretcher. The sound of the ambulance siren in the distance meant it would be moments before they were called to another emergency. Another possible battle. But a chance to do better the next time.

Skylar unhooked the tubes, making sure she left the breathing tube in. The patient had been pronounced dead within a few hours of coming into hospital, and now he would need to go to the coroner.

She brushed his brown hair aside. The lump in her throat was hard to swallow past. A light tap on the door caught her attention.

“Skylar, I know you're about to go off, but we have a patient coming in, full-term and about to deliver. I only have Katie on, and she has no experience with maternity. Can you stay for this case?”

The charge nurse put her hands together as she pleaded. Skye nodded. Anything to get away from the finality of death. She never got used to it. No matter how many times she had to deal with it, she hated it. Hated it with a vengeance. Avoided it at all costs. It took her back to when her dad died.

She went into the next resus room to prepare. Checking the oxygen and suction, she made sure all of the equipment was ready for the baby’s arrival.

“What are you doing here?”

Great. Her night couldn't get any better.

She shook her head as Nick surprised her with the iron control he had on his emotions. “I'm assisting.”

The Terminator
. They really called him that. She could see why. He had a button that switched his emotions on and off.

“What's wrong with you?” he asked.

She smiled. A false smile. “Nothing.”

The doors opened and the patient, medics and a man who looked as if he was about to faint came through and into the room.

A pile of notes were handed over by the medic, who gave them a brief handover. “This is Anne. She is full-term and in labor. Baby has crowned, and she is about to deliver. This is her first baby.”

Skylar helped the paramedics get the patient settled onto the hospital stretcher. “Is that Dad?”

The medic looked in the direction she pointed. “Yes. That's Mike. I'll leave you to it.”

The medics left. Skylar quickly attached the monitoring equipment and listened to the baby's heartbeat. Anne was arching her back as a pain gripped her. She started pushing.

“Anne, you need to pant through this, okay honey? If you push while the baby's head is there, you could tear.” Skylar held Anne's hand and panted with her until the pain subsided.

Nick pulled on his gloves, went to Anne and lifted her gown. “The head is definitely crowning.”

Skylar introduced herself to Anne before starting her examination. “Has the pregnancy been okay? Any problems with baby?”

Anne shook her head. “Everything’s been fine. No problems. Scans been normal.”

Mike looked even paler than he did when he came in.

“He doesn’t look too good. We might have to help him along too,” Skylar said to Anne.

Another contraction started, and Anne was having difficulty in talking.

“It's okay, sweetie. Just breathe through this, okay? We are going to pant again. Once we’re ready, then the baby will be out. Baby looks to be a good size.”

“They said he was a big baby. I was worried I may not be able to deliver naturally. Is Mike okay?”

Skylar looked over and found Mike sitting in a chair with his head between his legs. A student nurse was helping him breathe.

“He looks fine,” Skylar reassured Anne.

“Bad timing,” Anne said.

“It never is good timing for a baby.” Nick came forward.

Skylar caught his gaze. Her chest felt tight. Her attention turned to the patient. “It's almost time, Anne. You're going to hold your baby soon.”

As each contraction came, Anne pushed hard, and Skylar helped her count, but the baby was stubborn and refused to move. Skylar looked at the monitor—the dips in heart rate showed the baby was getting tired.

Nick followed Skye’s gaze as he noted the slow recovery response time for the baby. “Anne, they were right about the baby being too big. If we don't get him out, he’s going to get tired. I might have to give you a hand to get him out. Did your midwife explain this might happen?”

Anne nodded. “You might use forceps or I might have to go for a Caesarean section.”

Nick squeezed her hand. “It might be too late for a Caesarean section.”

Anne shook her head. “That’s not true. They do Caesarean sections all the time when the baby is in trouble.”

Nick pursed his lips. Skylar sensed his frustration. He was wary of the explanations. She knew how his mind worked and knew what he was thinking. He wanted to get the baby out. It wouldn’t work without a co-operative Anne.

She took her hand. “Yes. Most times when the baby is having problems, we can take you to theatre to perform a Caesarean section. But this time the baby’s head has crowned. It means the baby has travelled down the birth passage.”

Anne’s gaze went from Nick to Skye. “But you can save him.”

Skye squeezed her hand. “Yes, we can. His head is almost out. He needs some help and the best way to do that is with forceps or a ventouse. It’s too dangerous to perform a Caesarean section when the baby’s head is almost out.”

Unconvinced, her gaze sought her husband’s.

Skylar could feel Anne’s abdomen getting hard once again. “Okay, Anne, let's give it one more try.”

Anne nodded.

They waited for a contraction, and as soon as she was ready Skye counted whilst Anne pushed hard. After counting to ten, she looked at the fetal monitor. The fetal heart rate was dropping.

Nick followed her gaze. They both knew the baby was getting tired.

“Forceps?” Skylar asked.

He nodded.

Mike got up from his chair and came forward. His face was flushed with a thin sheen of perspiration over his skin.

“Mike, maybe you should stay over there. The last thing we need is more than two patients in this room.”

Mike shook his head. “But I promised Anne I would be there for her.”

Skylar’s gaze went from Anne to Mike. “You are here for her, but I need you safe too. You will make things worse if you collapse. Mum and baby need to be the stars of this showroom.”

With a reluctant nod, he went back to his corner.

When her gaze settled on the forceps Nick held, her eyes widened.

Skylar rubbed Anne’s hand. “Did you know there are so many babies born with the help of these, that Nick over there can do this procedure in his sleep? But I’ll make sure he doesn't. Do it in his sleep, that is.”

Anne licked her lips before turning to Nick, who had on his serious face.

“It's going to be okay. I'm not going anywhere. I promise.”

“Mike would be right here next to me, if he could. It was bad timing for us to get chickenpox like this.”

Skylar flinched. Damn.

“You have chickenpox?” She gnawed her lip.

“Yes. They said it was fine in the last trimester for the baby. We don't have to worry about any defects the baby will get from chickenpox. Apparently it’s worse in the beginning.”

Skylar swallowed past the hard rock in her throat. Nick, who was applying gel to the forceps, was oblivious to the torment shadowing her gaze. She gulped empty air.

She thought of everything she’d done while the couple was there. Everything she’d touched. Could she have contaminated herself? Her heart rate shot up.

How could this be happening?

“Okay, Skylar, I'm ready,” Nick said.

“I'm not.”

She saw the confusion in his eyes. What did she expect? She was making no sense.

She couldn't back out now. There was no one else to take her place. She ripped off her gloves, squirted alcohol gel on her hands, did a quickie hand wash. She rattled in the drawer next to the stretcher until she found a plastic apron. Armed with a mask and new set of gloves, she faced him.

 His chin lifted, and his gaze grew weary.

Fifteen minutes later, the baby was out, cleaned and with the parents. Her notes were done, and Skylar was in the staff shower, scrubbing herself from head to toe, trying to go over clinical immunology in her head. She couldn't remember ever having chickenpox as a child, or as an adult. What if she was exposed? What if she had just put her baby at risk?