Breathe Again (17 page)

The head of the rescue team held him back with one hand. Nick pulled up his chin up and narrowed his gaze.

“I can’t let you in,” the man repeated, his gaze never wavering.

His wild glance at the house caused the man to put his hand on Nick’s shoulder. “I’d want to do the same thing if that were my wife and baby. But I won’t presume I can do your job, let these men do what they do.”

Put like that Nick couldn’t argue. No fireman or policeman would come into the emergency department and offer to stitch up a patient. This was no different. He stood aside and let them do their job, closed his eyes and prayed. All he needed to do was see her again.

There was a bang from the left side of the house. Nick’s heart burst. The left side was where Skylar slept. He fell to his knees and didn't breathe. He couldn’t breathe because his lungs wouldn’t take in any air.

The flames were getting higher. Hotter. Redder.

The workers broke down the door. The oxygen caused the fire to burn even brighter. It was like an explosion. Nick watched the flames eat the house as if it was nothing but a pile of tinder wood.

On his knees with nothing left but his grief, Nick called her name. Suddenly, the firefighters broke through the flames and carried her out.

He choked back the sob. The words wouldn't come, but it didn't make his thoughts any less true. His love was alive. And just like that, his heart beat again.

*****

“You stayed,” Skylar said when she opened her eyes and saw that Nick was still there, sleeping uncomfortably in the chair next to her.

“Didn’t have anywhere else to be.”

Stupid, stupid mistake had cost them a home.

“I'm sorry,” she whispered.

He rubbed his hand across the two-day-old growth of beard. “For?”

“For burning down the house.”

He sighed. “The report isn’t in yet. We won't know what caused the fire until the investigation is complete.”

She looked down at her hand with the IV line. “It's my fault.”

She saw him stiffen. “It's not what you think.”

How did he think the house burnt down? He might love her, but what was love without trust?

She pulled the sheet up and fingered the seam. “It was candles. I had candles burning and must have fallen asleep.”

He didn't say he believed her. But he didn't say he didn't. “I’m going to be honest with you, Nick. I am in love with you. Hopelessly, madly in love. Somewhere in there, I know you love me too. I also know this baby of
mine
complicates things.”

He couldn’t tear his gaze away from hers. That was a good sign, right?

He reached out to cover her hand with his. “I—”

She could see it on his face. The confusion.

“All my life I wanted someone to love me so I wouldn’t be alone. I thought that was what true love was. Not being alone.” She turned away from him. How could she explain she was wrong without him getting the wrong idea?

“Nick, I thought being married was the most important thing so I trapped you, to stay with me. That turned out to be a bad idea.”

“Skye, don’t.”

“No,” she shook her head, “I have to. You see, I thought you would change your mind and come to love this child. But I’m okay now. I’ve accepted that you don’t want to be a father. But I’ve spent my entire life searching for that one person who could look at me and see the real me.”

“I love you and I do see the real you.” Nick took her hand.

She caught her lower lip with her teeth. “I really do believe you do see parts of the real me and in your mind, you think you know what’s right.

“I don’t understand,” he said.

She wasn’t sure how she was going to explain this to him when it she only figured it out this moment. “When someone wants something badly enough, all the days of their lives, so bad that they’d lie and cheat for it to happen, then maybe that person needs to do without to find themselves. You know?”

He shook his head. “I think you might be affected by smoke inhalation. I’ll call the doctor and we can get this sorted.”

Skye liked seeing Nick flustered. It didn’t suit him, which made it fun.

“I think I’ll always love you, Nick.”

“Are you feeling lightheaded, weak or dizzy?” He touched her forehead. “You’re serious, aren’t you? This is for real. You’re leaving me. But I love you.”

“I know that too.” She smiled.

“We can make this work. If anyone can, I know you can. You amaze me more every day.”

“I’m glad you’ve said that, but I want you to take that leave and go on that contract you applied for all those months ago. I think the time apart will do us both good.” She took his hands in hers and squeezed.

Was that panic that fleeted by in his gaze? “You can’t make me.”

“When have I ever been able to make you do anything? I can’t make you, but I can ask you nicely. I need this time to think.”

*****

“Lunchtime's over. We already have a line forming outside.”

Nick checked his phone one last time before he put it back in his pocket and followed the nurse out into the hot sun of Western Australia. For weeks, he had hoped for a message or an email, but Skylar made it obvious it was over. It didn't stop him from checking his phone at every break. It didn't stop him from checking his emails every chance he got.

Accepting this job in the Outback was meant to be easy, a way to take his mind off Skylar and their lives together. But everything around him reminded him of her. He thought of how she'd love this weather, these people and the land. Most of all he missed holding her. He missed that the most.

A young girl came running up to him with a flower in her hand, and she smiled as she gave it to him. Something tugged at his heart. Would Skye’s little girl look at him with adoring eyes like that?

“Nick, I think you need to come and have a look at this.”

He took the flower and thanked the girl, rubbing her head before he went back into the small clinic he had spent the last month working in.

“What is it?” he asked Jen, who still had that worried look on her face. After spending weeks with the efficient nurse from Sydney, he knew better than to ignore any gut feeling or suspicion of emergency she might have.

He followed her to the small room they had converted into a makeshift resus area. The room was not equipped to be a resus area, but they used what little equipment they had and did the best they could.

“You're not going to like it,” she said.

They practiced what would commonly be referred to as bush medicine. At best, it was opportunistic care for people who worked so hard, they had limited access to proper health care.

When he entered the room, he saw the woman on the stretcher clutching a too-large pregnant belly. He pulled on gloves and cast a worried glance at Jen. The flying doctor service made regular rounds and had been by already this week. They had access to ambulance services if they needed it, but out here in the boondocks, emergency services were sparse. This would be classed as an acute emergency.

He didn’t like these odds. “Hello, I'm Dr. Delaney, but you can call me Nick.”

The lady looked from Jen to him and screamed out in agony.

“How long has this been going on?”

“About ten minutes. She's from the village. She walked here, so that has helped the labor. She's term.”

Nick looked around for the little black box and when he found it, he grabbed a bottle of gel. “History?”

“She's expecting twins.”

Calm. Keep calm.

He waited for the patient to stop squirming and then he tried to smile. His face would comply. Well, he knew it wouldn't, but he had to try.

With that done, he turned to Jen and found her trying not to laugh.

“Can you help me lift up her gown? I need to check for the fetal heart. Hearts,” he said after a moment’s hesitation.

She slowly lifted the patient's hospital gown and helped him squirt some of the gel onto her tummy. He wished Skylar was here. They worked well as a team. She understood him. Understood how difficult he found interaction and emotions, and she always smoothed things over with the patients. She did it so subtly that sometimes he didn't even notice she'd done it.

“Patty, the gel is a little cold but it's not going to hurt. Nick is going to listen for the babies’ heart rates. Has everything been okay with the pregnancy?”

She nodded. “Can we wait? My husband wanted to be here.”

Nick hesitated. She was young. Looked about the same age as Skylar, but she wore her fear like a cloak. Skye hid hers like a secret.

“I need to make sure the babies are okay. The quicker we do this, the better. I don't want to waste time. If we need to transfer you, time will be important.”

Patty looked at him. Her dark gaze frightful. “I knew something was wrong. The baby turned.”

He didn't like that. “Patty, what do you mean the baby turned?”

“I felt like the baby turned. It was a different feeling, and I felt sick. Upset. That's when the pain started.”

Jen caught his worried gaze.

“What I wouldn't give for a quick scan.”

“You and me both. Would you settle for an awesome abdominal palpation?”

He took the Doppler and started searching for the fetal heart rate. “It will have to do. As soon as I’m sure these babies’ heart rates are stable, I will do the palpation. I want you to inform emergency services of the possible situation and I want you to set up for a twin delivery. Either way, these babies are coming out, and I want us prepared. Okay, Patty. How about we listen to those babes?”

He listened for one heartbeat and then after a lot of turning and twisting of the probe, he managed to get the other one. But it was in an awkward position, which highlighted the possibility this baby may have turned and was now in breech position.

“What does that mean, Doctor?”

He tried to explain to Patty but couldn't explain well enough. Jen was busy trying to get all of the items they would need for the babies’ delivery. She added more items, preparing for an emergency Caesarean section.

The problem they both didn't want to mention was what would happen if they couldn't deliver the second baby.

Patty was wringing her hands, looking from Jen to Nick as her breathing came out in bursts of hot air. Nick had no facilities to perform a Caesarean section. They had no equipment to keep the baby alive, and there were so many things that could go wrong. There was no pediatric team and there was just Jen and himself if that emergency team didn't arrive on time.

Jen tried to put on her best smile. “Baby is bum down, Patty. When he turned, he went bum down.”

Patty nodded as if she knew what Jen meant, but the look in her eyes told her that she didn't.

“I'm going to check on things outside. I won't be long.” Nick gave Jen a reassuring look.

Jen nodded.

When he reached the front, the air grasped him and pulled him out. He took a deep breath and filled his lungs. This could go wrong. He needed backup. He needed to have a plan of action. Safety regulations. Policies. Procedures. Guidelines. Something to make this go right. The responsibility was a heavy weight on his shoulders.

He heard a scream from within, and then Jen's scream followed.

“Nick, get in here. It's time. She's crowning.”

Fuck
.

He went in and pulled on a new pair of gloves as he sat at the foot of the bed. Jen looked as scared as he felt. Patty was freaking out.

“Patty, you need to calm down.”

“Carlos needs to be here.”

“Patty, he is on his way, right?” Nick asked as he pushed aside the blanket. Patty nodded. The room was small and stuffy. It had a bed and two chairs, a small table, no monitoring equipment except a sphygmomanometer—an old mercury one—a baby cot that had seen better years. Jen had found some towels and put them under Patty's body to keep them warm for the babies’ arrival.