Breathing For The First Time (15 page)

“I know it’s hard, hun, well, I can see it is. I guess I don’t really know. But maybe it’s better that he doesn’t call you. I mean if the city reminds you of him, hearing his voice might rip you apart.”

“I know. I guess I just hoped he would decide to be with me. It’s selfish, but I hoped he would pick me instead of Rachel and the baby.”

I cry again, for probably the hundredth time in the last few weeks. Tiffany pulls me into a hug and tells me her parents invited us over for dinner. I don’t know Tiffany’s family well, but she’s always been close to them. She has three younger brothers that she is fiercely protective over.

Tiffany tells me she has some friends that are dying to meet me also and that she has lots of fun planned for us over the next few days. I’m honestly looking forward to new people, new situations, and hopefully starting to heal.

Shit, Tyler is hard to get over.

Dinner with Tiffany’s family is a blast. Her mom, Barbara, reminds me of Peggy, Diane, and Terri, the women we shared a table with on the cruise. She is warm and friendly, so kind and welcoming. It feels like being home with my mom for how much she’s doting on me.

Tiffany’s brothers are hysterical. Tom, Tim, and Travis, yes, their parents liked T, are typical boys. Tom is going into his senior year of college, Tim will be a senior in high school, and Travis will be a high school sophomore this year. They spend most of the time we’re there wrestling, arguing, and throwing a football or baseball around. At least until Barbara throws them outside before they break something.

Their dad, Tony, is a big strong guy, a mechanic at one of the car dealerships in town. He taught all four of them everything he knows about cars, which came in handy more than once in college. Being with the Wright’s really shows me Tiffany can handle being a teacher without any issue. Although I imagine it’s weird teaching her brothers.

A family dinner is exactly what I need tonight. I laugh, talk, and learn more about Tiffany than she probably ever wanted me to know. It’s nice to have a low-key evening after traveling all day. Tiffany is just as tired as I am after working all week so we go back to her place before her brothers head out to various friends’ houses.

We spend the night in our pj’s. It’s great to climb onto the couch to watch movies and forget life for a few hours. It’s a good end to the day, and even though I think about Tyler, I still feel better being with Tiffany.

The next day Tiffany insists on visiting the local landmarks, especially Niagara Falls. I didn’t think to bring my passport so we stay on the US side of the Falls, riding the Maid of the Mist boat into the Niagara River up to the base of the Falls. We walk around the casino and wander the grassy area around the Falls, enjoying the beautiful late spring weather.

Sunday we spend on Lake Erie, riding along with Tiffany’s friend, Sean, on his boat. Three other friends of theirs join us. I’ve never been to the Great Lakes, but I don’t think I could have imagined them. Sean drives us out onto the Lake where we go tubing, water ski, and swim in the lake. It’s beautiful out here, and I’m stunned that once we reach the middle, the shoreline disappears.

A day of sun and fun is nice, and Sean is sort of hot, too. For the first time since I met Tyler, I’m attracted to another guy. I’m not sure how I feel about that, but hell, Tyler slept with Rachel, and I’m just looking.

Tiffany said one of the guys, Henry, rents a house with his two brothers and they’re having a party tonight. I find myself looking forward to a little fun, and seeing Sean again.

Tiffany and I fall into her apartment when we return, worn out from the sun and water. Tiffany takes a shower first, leaving me to think about Sean.

He’s not Tyler, but he’s also not committed to a woman he got pregnant after they split up. At least, not that I know of. Sean is cute, and he lives here, so there’s really no hope for a future, but flirting is harmless, right?

I shower and paw through my suitcase to find something cute. Tiffany sees what I’m doing and asks if I want to borrow something of hers. I browse through her closet and find a pastel pink belted dress. It feels a little dressy for a backyard party though, so I keep looking.

Tiffany pulls out a sea-foam green strapless shirt with elastic around the top, but loose and flowing at the bottom. It’s gorgeous. I grab my chocolate shorts and ask Tiffany how I look. She pants at me, pretending to be a lovestruck boy. I guess that means I look good.

I dab on some lipgloss and mascara then pull my hair into a loose ponytail. I slip on my sandals and am ready to go.

The driveway is crowded when we get there so Tiffany parks on the street. She leads me to the backyard where I see Henry at a huge grill. There’s a fire pit in the center of a concrete pad and people scattered throughout the large yard. Music is drifting up from near the deck and voices come from every direction.

Tiffany wanders off to talk to someone and I look around, feeling very out of place. A beer appears in front of me and I turn to see Sean standing next to me. I smile and thank him for the drink. He twists the top off before handing it back to me.

Sean motions to a pair of chairs next to the fire pit and I follow him, realizing the air is quickly cooling off. I shiver before sitting down, but the heat from the flames wraps me in a warm blanket. I guess I’ll be here for the rest of the night.

“Is this your first trip to New York?” Sean asks me.

I hate small talk, but know it’s inevitable when I’m surrounded by people I don’t know. “Yeah, it is. I’ve always wanted to see Niagara Falls, and New York City, of course, but this is my first trip.”

“I love your accent,” Sean tells me.

I screw up my nose, I never hear my accent, but have to admit that I sound different than everyone else around here. In college Tiffany and Paige would pick on me, but since we were in the south I always reminded them that they were the ones with accents. Now, I’m the one that’s odd.

“It’s funny, I don’t notice it. But you certainly have one.” Sean laughs at me, but I know it’s a friendly laugh. “So, which one of these lucky ladies is your girlfriend?”

Sean meets my eyes and I know I’ve crossed a line before he answers. His gaze holds me steady, “I’ve been holding out for a sweet southern girl.”

My breath catches in my throat. It’s strange having him flirt with me, but also a little exciting. After all, just a few hours ago I was picking out something that would draw his attention. “Too bad I’m not sweet,” I tell him, leaning toward him.

Sean closes the gap between us before I can react and his lips meet mine. He reaches up and brushes a hand across my cheek.

I forget where I am and what is going on for a second as I kiss him back. Then my brain re-engages and I pull back from Sean. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. I’m seeing someone. I mean, I think I am.”

Sean sits back in his seat, looking foolish and upset. “I had no idea. You were flirting with me so I just thought...”

I sigh, feeling like an idiot, but force myself to look at him. He’s staring into the fire, poking at it with a stick. “It’s not your fault, it’s mine. Things are really complicated with me right now. You don’t want to hear my sad story, but it felt good to have a hot guy flirting with me. I’m sorry I got carried away. It’s not fair to you.”

Sean’s eyes sparkle in the light of the fire, “You think I’m hot, huh? I knew I wasn’t crazy.”

He laughs and the tension evaporates. I still feel bad for leading him on, but I realize Tiffany has a great friend in him. “Why don’t you tell me about the someone you think you’re seeing? I could use a good story.”

I wince, unsure if I can talk about Tyler, but I see something in Sean’s eyes. “You had your heart broken, didn’t you?” I ask him. I shouldn’t be probing into his life so much, but I see a familiar pain in him.

Sean nods and drops his head. When his eyes meet mine, I know I’ll tell him all about Tyler, even if it’s just to help him feel better. I jump into the story of how Tyler and I met, getting together before the cruise and seeing him there with Rachel. He listens patiently when I relay the basics of our time together after the cruise, and the bombshell Rachel dropped into our lives.

When I finish the story he asks why I’m sitting here with him.

“What do you mean?” I ask him, unsure of what he’s really saying to me.

“I mean, you love him, right?” I nod. “So why are you here? You should have gone to Texas with him. Tell him you love him. Figure out a way for the three of you to work things out for the baby. Don’t sit around and wait for him to figure it out, go tell him.”

“He needs to figure out what he wants. He needs to decide how things are going to go with him and Rachel. I can’t be a part of that.” I drop my hands to my lap and pick at my nails.

Sean sticks his finger under my chin, forcing my head up to meet his eyes. “Fight for him, trust me. Men, we’re pretty dense. If you don’t tell him that you want to be a part of his life, he’ll just assume you don’t want him. Call him and tell him how you feel. And when he gets back from Texas, ask him about the trip. Better yet, fly straight there from here, don’t even go home.”

I smile but know it’s not going to happen. Then I get it, “That’s what happened to you, isn’t it? You didn’t fight and she found someone else?”

Sean nods and returns his focus to the fire. “And I live every day wishing I had fought for her. Don’t make my mistakes. Go fight.”

Sean and I sit staring at the fire for a while. I know he’s right. I need to fight for a life with Tyler. I’m not going to let this ruin what we have. It might be hard, but we need to figure it out, together.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Tyler

Rachel asked me to be here today. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to come, but I’m glad I did. I’ve been home for a little over a month, but Rachel is going in for an ultrasound today. I’m nervous and a little excited.

I pick Rachel up from her parents’ house. She is staying with them until the baby comes and then plans to find a job and a place to live. She hadn’t gotten a job when she found out she was pregnant and her parents offered to help her out until after the baby arrives.

We drive in silence to the doctor’s office, except for the directions Rachel gives me. It strikes me as odd that only a few months ago we imagined a life together. Now, we’re wrapped into a life neither of us wants.

I pull into a parking space and Rachel climbs out of the truck. I follow Rachel into the waiting room and find a seat while she signs in. She falls into the chair next to me, just barely beginning to show a belly under her fitted shirt. I came to her appointment a month ago, just after I got to Texas. It was fairly boring, and I was kicked out for half of it. Today, Rachel tells me, I’ll be in the room the entire time.

The door opens and a nurse calls Rachel’s name. I follow the women, pausing for Rachel to use the bathroom and weigh in. The nurse makes notes while I shift uncomfortably in such a private setting. Then she leads us to a small room and asks Rachel to sit on the table. She indicates a chair in the corner where I can sit.

The nurse closes the door and leaves us alone.

I look at Rachel and she gives me a timid smile. I can’t tell if she’s anxious about this or about me being there. I ask her if she’s okay, but the door opens before she can answer me.

A blonde woman walks in, dressed in the same purple scrubs as the other nurses. Her hair is pulled into a tight bun that stretches her face, making her look older than she probably is. She looks tired, which also adds to the age she’s portraying.

The nurse extends her hand to Rachel introducing herself as the radiology tech, Brooke. She turns to me and shakes my hand, asking if I’m the daddy. I nod, but my words are caught in my throat. Nothing like bringing up Brooke at a time like this.

My mind shifts away from Rachel and our child for a moment and drifts to another time, when I’m sharing this moment with Brooke. I’m not even sure if we’re still together, but I dream about making babies with her.

I called her a few times over the last two weeks, but we haven’t had much time to talk. She went to visit Tiffany a few weeks ago and came back sounding like she’d changed. At first I was relieved because she seemed interested in being together, but now I’m not sure. When I call her she talks for a few minutes before claiming she has to go. And she doesn’t call me anymore. I don’t know what’s happened.

Thankfully I’m going home, to South Carolina, in a few days. Once I’m back in the same town as her we’ll get back on track. I know it.

Brooke, the technician, is pulling Rachel’s shirt up to reveal her belly. She produces a towel from an unseen basket below her computer and tucks it into Rachel’s unbuttoned shorts before sliding them low on her hips. Brooke squirts gel on Rachel’s belly and lowers the instrument to her.

I watch the monitor instead of looking at Rachel’s body. She’s a beautiful woman, but she’s no longer mine, and never will be again. I’m happy about that, but it puts me in a strange position right now when she’s exposed.

I search the screen for something that makes sense. Technician Brooke is clicking and moving around, typing on the screen. She’s making me nervous and I look to Rachel. She has a look of terror on her face. Instinctively I reach down and take her hand in mine. Rachel looks up at me and smiles but the anxiety doesn’t leave her eyes.

“Brooke, can you tell us if everything is okay?” I finally ask her, not knowing if this is normal or if we should be worrying.

“Oh, yeah, everything is fine. I’m just measuring the size of your uterus, the amount of fluid in the sac, and the length of the baby. Right here,” she points to a small flicker on the screen, “is the baby’s heartbeat. It’s very fast, but that’s normal.”

Rachel squeezes my hand and I look down at her. There are tears in her eyes as she watches the screen, captivated by our child.

Technician Brooke continues, “We can’t tell the gender this early, but we’re really only looking for a heartbeat and that the sac is in tact. So far, everything looks good.”