Breathless (8 page)

She looked as
though he’d struck her. “How can you say that? Every challenge
you’ve ever faced, I’ve been right there by your side.”

“Yeah, as my
friend
.” He chuckled to mask the pain. “Well, guess what?
I’ve decided I don’t need any more friends. I’ve got enough.”

Tears filled
her eyes. “What are you saying? You don’t want me in your life
anymore?”

Eli had never
planned on that, never believed it would come down to that. But if
he had any hope of getting on with his life and falling in love
with someone else, cutting Jamie out of his life might be the only
way. “Maybe it’s for the best.”

“You can’t mean
that.”

He reached for
her hand, but she retreated. Eli said, “I didn’t want it to be this
way, but we can’t go on like this. Belinda cares about me, and I
think we could have a real shot at a future together.”

Tears spilled
over her lashes, and she swiped at them. “But not while I’m in your
life? After everything we’ve been through, you’re cutting me out
for a woman you just met?”

“You did the
same thing to me when you met Brent. He hated how close we were, so
gradually, you shut me out. The only time you called me was when
y’all had a fight, which toward the end was every other day.”

“You don’t
understand--”

“No, you don’t
understand. I would have done anything to make you love me the way
you loved him.
Anything
.” His ego wouldn’t allow him to
admit it back then, but if they were having their last
conversation, he wanted to say everything.

“Eli, I did
love you. I just--”

“Please, let me
finish,” he said, holding up his hand. “I loved you enough to let
you go because I knew that’s what you needed. Now I’m asking you to
love me enough to do the same.” He never thought he’d have the
courage to ask that, but in his heart, he knew the time had
come.

“You want me
to…” Her voice broke. “Let you go? So you can be with her? That’s
really what you want?”

No, he didn’t
want her to let him go so he could be with Belinda. He needed her
to let him go because she could never love him the way he loved
her. “Yes, it is.”

She stood up,
sweeping her hands over her face. “Fine. If that’s what you want, I
won’t bother you again.”

When she
stepped past him, he grabbed her hand. “Jamie--”

“I just hope
she’s worth it, Eli.”

“You seem kind of
distracted tonight,” Belinda said, sliding her hand up Eli’s
leg.

She’d been
touching him all night, and instead of turning him on, it made his
skin crawl. He needed to get out of her house. He’d barely taken
time to breathe after his argument with Jamie. Eli knew he needed
to go home and process what he’d done. He told Jamie he didn’t want
her in his life anymore. He said he didn’t need her friendship.
What the hell had he been thinking? He’d die without Jamie.

“I’m sorry.” He
tried to focus on the movie, hoping Belinda would assume he was so
interested in it he didn’t want to talk. How could he focus on a
movie when the drama playing out in his own life had the potential
to destroy him?

“Does this
having something to do with
her
?” Belinda asked, crossing
her arms.

He didn’t have
to ask who she meant. It always came back to Jamie. “We kind of got
into it tonight.”

Her eyes lit
up. “Really? What happened?”

“She showed up
at my house asking about you and us.” He pressed his thumb and
forefinger into his closed eyes. “I kind of lost it.”

“Maybe it was
time you put that woman in her place. It sounds like she’s been
trying to control your life for too long.”

Eli had always
been fiercely protective of Jamie, and that would never change.
“Jamie isn’t like that.”

“Please, she
keeps you dangling just in case she doesn’t get a better offer. How
long will you let her do that?”

“You don’t
understand--”

“I understand
perfectly. My ex is the same way. He wants me when it’s convenient
for him. When he’s busy with his friends, he expects me to give him
space and sit at home waiting for him.”

Eli didn’t care
to hear about Belinda’s problems with her ex. “I should get
going.”

She reached for
his hand when he tried to get up. “What she’s doing isn’t fair. She
doesn’t love you. If she did, she’d see what this is doing to
you.”

He hadn’t laid
his cards on the table since Jamie came home. He’d been too afraid
she would retreat or cut him out of her life entirely. So he’d
remained silent and tried to be a good friend, hoping she would
eventually realize he was everything she needed.

“I can’t talk
about Jamie with you, Belinda. I’m sorry.” He withdrew his hand and
leaned forward.

“What kind of
hold does this woman have over you?” When he didn’t respond,
Belinda said, “You could have any woman you want. Why the hell have
you wasted so many years on this one?”

He couldn’t
explain it. No other woman made him feel the way Jamie did. She
filled his heart with love, made him laugh, held him when he needed
a shoulder, and encouraged him to dream bigger. She was everything:
the best lover he’d ever had, the face he saw in the delivery room
when he imagined his babies being born, the hand he was holding
when he took his last breath…

“I have to go.”
He felt as if he couldn’t breathe.

“Please,
don’t.” Belinda pulled his head down to meet hers and thrust her
tongue into his mouth before Eli could pull away.

“I can’t do
this tonight,” he said, gripping her upper arms.

“Are you ever
gonna be able to do this?” she asked, glaring at him. “Or is that
bitch always going to get in the way?”

“Don’t.” He
held up a finger to silence her. “Just don’t.”

***

After driving
aimlessly for an hour, crying along with every sad country song on
the radio, Jasmine went to the only place she could think of:
Nellie’s.

Nellie’s mouth
dropped open when she looked at Jasmine. Nellie tugged on her hand,
pulling her inside the small bungalow. “What the hell happened to
you?”

“I had a fight
with Eli.” Just when Jasmine thought she’d run out of tears, two
more slid down her cheeks. “He doesn’t want anything more to do
with me.”

Nellie led her
into the tiny kitchen and pointed to a stool at the breakfast bar.
As a graphic designer, she had a good eye and made the most of her
small space. Nellie took a bottle of white wine out of the fridge
and reached for two glasses in the overhead cupboard.

“I can’t
drink,” Jasmine said. “I’m driving.”

“So you’ll
crash on my couch. No big deal.”

Jasmine didn’t
protest. She needed to dull the pain and wine seemed like the
safest bet.

“Okay, start at
the beginning.” Nellie handed her a glass of wine and stood at the
end of the breakfast bar, sipping from her own glass as she waited
for Jasmine to collect herself.

Jasmine took a
deep swallow of the cool wine, savoring the taste. She took one
more, hoping it would have the desired effect soon. “He’s seeing
someone new. Ava set them up. He told me the night he came to
Jimmy’s to drive us home.” She clenched the delicate glass and
wondered how her life had spiralled out of control so quickly. She
used to know exactly what she wanted. All she could focus on
anymore was the fact that she was alone, and the one person who’d
always supported her didn’t want her in his life anymore.

“Is it
serious?” Nellie asked hesitantly. She obviously knew she was
treading into dangerous territory.

“It must be.”
Jasmine took another drink before Nellie topped up her glass. “He
told me he couldn’t move on with her until he got me out of his
life for good.”

Nellie frowned.
“That doesn’t sound like E. Maybe he was just upset or having a bad
day.”

“He meant it.”
Jasmine thought about the look on his face. She knew it was
difficult for him, but he must have been thinking about cutting her
out for a long time. Eli wouldn’t have made that kind of decision
on the spur of the moment.

Nellie put an
arm around Jasmine’s shoulders. “Honey, I hate to say this, but you
had to know this was coming sooner or later. Put yourself in his
position. You know exactly what it’s like. Remember how Brent felt
about your relationship with Eli?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s only
natural the new woman in his life would feel threatened by
you.”

“I know.” But
that didn’t make it easier. Her life without Eli seemed
unimaginable. Even when she’d been living in L.A., they’d spoken
several times a week on the phone. They’d decided to take a “break”
from their friendship once, and it was hell for them both. And a
break wasn’t what he was proposing. He wanted to cut her out of his
life. Permanently.

“Maybe this
thing with what’s-her-name won’t work out. Maybe he’ll have a
change of heart and realize you’re more important than--”

“He won’t.”
Jasmine couldn’t get her hopes up. He’d already made himself clear,
and she just had to learn to live with that. Somehow. Reaching for
the bottle, she topped her glass up again. “I’m sorry to lay all
this on you, Nel.”

“Hey, what are
friends for?” Nellie kissed the top of her head. “I can’t remember
how many break ups you’ve seen me through.”

“Yeah, but this
isn’t a break up.”

“No, it isn’t,”
Nellie said softly. “It’s worse, much worse, right?”

In spite of her
vow to keep it together, Jasmine broke down again, sobbing softly
as she bowed her head. She hadn’t told Nellie the truth because it
seemed irrelevant after Eli’s decision to turn his attention to the
new woman in his life.

“It’s gonna be
okay, baby,” Nellie said, stroking Jasmine’s hair. “You’ve still
got me.”

“I know, and
I’m so grateful for you.” Jasmine reached for a paper napkin. She
wiped her eyes and blew her nose. “I’m sorry. I just needed to get
it all out. I’m okay now.”

“No, you’re
not,” Nellie said with a sympathetic smile. “Tomorrow’s going to be
even worse.”

“Please don’t
say that.” Jasmine prayed how she felt was as bad as it would get.
She didn’t think she could handle sinking lower into despair.

“Tomorrow
morning, you’re going to reach for your phone to call him and
you’ll realize you can’t… because he won’t answer.”

Jasmine’s
stomach churned. Her friend was right. It would get worse before it
got better. How would she get through it? “Maybe I should get away
for a while.” She had several projects that required her attention,
but much of the work could be done from anywhere. Client
consultations, unfortunately, required her physical presence.

“You can’t run
away like you did when you and Brent broke up. That won’t solve
anything, hon.”

“I didn’t…”
Jasmine wanted to claim she hadn’t run away, but that’s exactly
what she’d done. Brent didn’t want anything more to do with her,
and Eli was due to return to New Jersey. Looking back, she hadn’t
wanted to stay in Nashville without… Eli. It wasn’t Brent she’d
been trying to get over, it was Eli. Brent was right when he told
her she was in love with her ex-boyfriend, that she’d always loved
him. She didn’t want to admit it because that would mean her
relationship with Brent had been a lie. If she’d been honest then,
they wouldn’t be here now.

***

After going
home to shower and change, Jasmine still wasn’t ready to go into
the office. She needed to confront her past. The elevator carried
her to the top floor of her ex-fiancé’s luxury office tower, and
she chastised herself for showing up unannounced. Brent Armstrong
was a busy man. He didn’t have time to take a trip down memory
lane, no matter how much she might need to. She stepped off the
elevator and paused mid-step when Brent’s receptionist shot her a
curious glance.

“Can I help
you, miss?”

“Um, I was
wondering if Mr. Armstrong might have a free minute to see me.”

The attractive
receptionist smirked. “He rarely has a free second, let alone a
free minute.” She picked up the phone. “But I’ll ask him. What’s
your name?”

“Jas-” She
cleared her throat. The young lady looked at her as though she
suspected Jasmine may be under the influence. Jasmine was the girl
she’d tried to become when she was trying to escape who she was.
She didn’t want to be Jasmine anymore. “Jamie Taylor.”

“One moment,
please.”

Jamie wandered
over to look out the window. She wanted to give the woman a little
privacy in case Brent told her to get rid of his unwanted
guest.

“You can go
right in, Miss Taylor.”

“I can?” She
must have sounded surprised because the receptionist smiled at
her.

“That’s what
Mr. Armstrong said.” She gestured to the closed door. “Right
through there.”

“Thank you.”
Jamie straightened the blazer of her black, two-piece suit, hoping
she looked more confident than she felt. Brent wasn’t an easy man
to get along with, and given the way their relationship ended, she
couldn’t expect him to be receptive to talking about it. But she
had to try. She’d been hiding from the truth for too long. She
tapped her knuckles against the solid wood panel and waited for
Brent to invite her in.

“Jamie,” he
said, getting to his feet when she opened the door. “This is a nice
surprise.” He beckoned her inside. “Ava told me y’all had a nice
lunch together.”

That’s why he’d
warmed up to her, because he appreciated the effort she’d made to
get along with his fiancée. She wasn’t doing it for his benefit,
but he didn’t need to know that. “I hope I’m not disturbing you,
Brent. I know how busy you are. This won’t take long.”