Breathless Promises (Alluring Promises Series Book 3) (43 page)

Pushing his tip into me, we both seemed to be holding our breath, hoping this was exactly what we both wanted. Slowly, he pushed into me. So excruciatingly slow that I wanted to drive my hips to meet his greedily. Filling me with everything he had, we both exhaled knowing we were joined like we’ve never been with anyone else. Our hearts pounding through our chests as one and feeling the rhythm between us, we both rolled our hips, pushing both our bodies, needing to be even closer than we were. Lifting my legs and locking my ankles as tight as I could, I noticed a small smile reach his lips. Neither of us moved. We both held that moment as long as we could. Our lips seemed to tremble.

Beautiful brown eyes began to moisten as he lowered his head ever so slowly with uncertainty. His soft lips brushed mine before tasting me with his tongue. It didn’t even seem like a kiss as our mouths explored each other. As if it were the first time either of us had ever kissed. Deep wanting, desire to be one with each other as our mouths glided and melted together.

A deep throaty moan from him and a small shift of his hips sent me into pure bliss. My lids began to flutter closed feeling the intensity of what was happening between us as our hips rolled as one, slow and hard. He barely pulled out of me before pushing harder back in. This time, our kissing was pure passion. As I felt him inside of me, our bodies pressed tightly against each other as our mouths continued to elicit every emotion we’ve felt for each other.

All our problems and issues that we ever had fell away and it was just the two of us, just our bodies our minds, our souls feeling everything we ever desired. My hands roamed through his thick hair, pulling him closer to me as he did the same with me. My heart beat faster feeling the intensity inside of me surge. He began to grind slow and hard into me. My hips met his as his hands glided down the side of my breasts before clutching my hips and pulling me harder to him. 

I moaned into his mouth and he pulled back to stare at me again.

It was that connection with someone else. I finally had that connection with Clark that I’ve never had with anyone else. We both tried to keep our gaze on each other as he continued to push into me. Slow and hard he drove himself into me, barely withdrawing but the intensity building as if he were slamming into me.

Pushing me higher and higher with every undulation of his hips, I squeezed my legs tighter around him needing him to fill me. Any movement from him pressed against my perfect spot. His arms wrapped around me tighter, holding me like he never wanted to let me go.

Right there, we were both right there as we gripped each other’s body tighter. The intense release ripped through me so much harder and quicker than I’ve ever felt any orgasm before. I cried out, “Oh, yes,” just as I felt him shudder at the same time. Both our moans were needy and low as we came down from that perfect high together.

He held me closer than I’ve ever been held before and his grip didn’t loosen after. My lips pressed against his neck as a tear slipped down my face and into my hair. My breathing was out of control, but even his was so erratic it didn’t seem to matter. His lips pressed against my neck as his hand that was threaded through my hair gripped tighter.

It seemed like forever we were joined like that, neither of us wanting to let go of the other. Neither wanting to end this perfect sensation that I was sure he had never felt either.

Without a word, he pulled himself from me and rolled next to me. I wanted to look at him, I wanted to see what he was thinking, but knew that would put him back on edge.

He had to admit it now. There was no way he couldn’t. What we just did was so intense, so powerful that I knew there was no way he had ever had that with another woman.

The quick motion he made to sit up shot fear through me. He sat on the edge of the bed with his head hanging low as his elbows rested on his knees. My heart pumped furiously inside my chest as I reached out to touch his arm. His whole body tensed, fighting something deep within him. Even after he made love to me, he still wanted to push his feelings for me away.

I lifted myself onto my elbow, watching his every move, wondering what he was thinking. I was too afraid to ask. This should be happiness for us, something we’ve both been searching for.

Until I realized right then—that maybe I was the only one doing the searching. What if this wasn’t really what he wanted at all? Flashing through our whole relationship together, I realized that maybe he never even hoped for what we have between us.

Panic set in as he stood up quickly without saying anything. I watched him as he pulled his boxers on quickly and heard him sniffle. Every action he was doing was with his back to me. As his jeans glided over his hips and he grabbed his shirt, he never once looked at me. Not once did he say anything to me. The last thing he did was grab his glasses—those frames that he finally removed for me last night. I bit my lip, fighting the tears that were welling up. Different tears than the ones I just shed out of pure love.

What I thought would be love.

My breath and my heart seemed to stop as I watched him walk out of his bedroom door. Hearing the front door close to the apartment was his final answer to what I really questioned. The question? Was it possible for Clark to actually truly love me? His answer was clear as I hugged the pillow close to my body and released tears. Tears that I thought were going to be shed from pure bliss were instead attempting to fill the emptiness that was rolling through me.

He doesn’t love me.

Clark

I walked around for hours, searching for some sort of answer. I found none. I was drifting as if I were in some sort of foggy dream where I wasn’t sure what to do or how to feel. What I experienced with Aub and how I felt with her was so overpowering, it was almost indescribable. I needed to clear my mind right now.

I just walked out on her. I couldn’t say anything to her at all. If I had, I’d have fallen into her trap. That trap all women have—luring you in so you trust them, begin to need them. For what? So they can just leave you when they want.
Fuck that.

I left her before she could do that to me. Shouldn’t that make me feel better? Instead, I felt like shit. I fought everything in me not to turn around and beg her for forgiveness. I didn’t ask for her love. I didn’t want to love her. Or need her.

I feel like I need her.

Fuck.

I feel like I don’t want to miss a day without her.

I searched my mind for something I hated about her.
Anything.
Anything annoying that would help fight this feeling for her and I couldn’t come up with a fucking thing. Instead, I kept coming up with all the things I loved about her, including all the silly comments she has to my idiotic blurts.

I looked up to where I was. The park. A gorgeous day and I’m walking around aimlessly like an idiot. I sat down on a park bench, resting my elbows on my knees and stared at the ground. Stupid ants ran around frantically. Just like me. What the hell was I doing? Is this love? I didn’t ask to fall in love.
Is she trapping me? Is she lying to me?

Okay, idiot—why?
Why would she trap me? Maybe it’s a game for her. See how she can make a guy fall in love with her just so she can fuck with him. That’s gotta be it, right? She doesn’t want to be alone. That’s it. That’s the reason. It has to be the reason. I sat up knowing deep down that may not really be the answer, but I needed it to be.  

A couple on roller blades skated by laughing and holding hands. Another couple jogged by, smiling and laughing about something. I swallowed recognizing that was how Aub and I must have looked like the other day. Did we look that happy? Were we really happy? I thought back to when we walked down to the corner for breakfast just yesterday. We didn’t hold hands, but we were laughing. I was so content with her. Just yesterday. And then she had to go ruin it by telling me I loved her. I don’t love her. I
can’t
love her. Can I?

Sitting here staring at these couples made me feel like shit. I missed her. I want what we had just yesterday. The joking around, making up stupid rules. Why did she have to go and fuck it all up? Yes, dammit. She did. Maybe I was just blissfully ignorant, but I’d rather stay that way—a fucking idiot walking through life happily.

Never let a woman in your heart.
Shut up! I wanted to scream at my Dad’s voice in my head. Over and over again like a broken record. 

I looked at my watch and realized it was already five. Five o’clock on Sunday was always dinner at Mel and Flynn’s. I debated going there. Would Aub go? Was she already telling them how I walked out on her? After we…made love.
Fuck.
Even that sounds pathetic.
Make love.
Intense sex. That’s what I’d call it. Something I’ve never had with any other woman. There was probably a reason for that. So they can’t take my heart.

Standing in front of the townhouse, I stared at the red door. I ran my hand through my hair quickly, hoping I didn’t look like shit. Why was I here? Because these are the only friends I’ve ever really had besides Benji. Maybe I should go to his house.

My phone rang out a text from Mel.
We’re starting to eat. Get over here.

Was Aub in there? I swallowed and realized I almost hoped she was. Just thinking about her made my heart throb. I just wanted to go back to yesterday, to where we didn’t have this hanging over us.
This.
What was “this?”

I put my hand on the doorknob and started to turn it as my heart beat faster wondering if Aub might be in there. I wanted her to be in there. I smiled to myself as I realized—I just wanted to be with her.

Her words rang through my head:
Don’t love me.
Shit, she even gave me permission not to have to feel this for her. Maybe she’d let us go back to just being together without having to feel like we need each other? Without feeling like we need to love each other? I pushed the door open before I could ask myself any more idiotic questions.

“Where’s Aubrey?” Vanessa asked as I walked in, shutting the door behind me. I barely looked at her assuming she probably already knew. Aub would have called her best friend after what I had just done to her, right?

They were all seated at the dining room table, food all doled out. I had heard them laughing about something when I walked in. My eyes swept over the table hoping that Aub were actually there so I could face this.

Her seat was empty.

I shrugged and avoided Vanessa’s eyes. “Don’t know,” I replied, as a horrible feeling rolled in my stomach.

“What do you mean? You two have been practically inseparable for months now,” Izzy asked as she stopped laughing. I couldn’t meet her eyes as I grabbed an empty seat at the table next to Z.

“Yeah, well, now we’re not,” I replied a bit too harshly. I looked at the bowls set in the middle of the table and grabbed the spoon for the bowl full of mashed potatoes. I scooped up a blob and plopped it onto my plate, realizing the whole table was quiet. I could feel all their eyes on me too.

“What happened?” Izzy’s voice was soft and caring, stabbing at my gut. They’d really hate me after they find out what really happened. I reached over for the bowl of green beans as I tried to look anything but nervous.

They were waiting for an answer, so I tossed one out, trying to appear confident as I glanced Vanessa’s way. “Nothing. You haven’t talked to her?” I probably shouldn’t have asked her that since it was obvious she hadn’t. Unless Aub would lie to her best friend about what happened.

Vanessa pulled out her phone. “What’d you do to her?” she yelled as she held the phone up to her ear and got up from the table. She started walking toward the kitchen.

I continued to try to be nonchalant. Not caring. On the inside, my stomach was rolling and panic was setting in. Was I panicking because of our friends hating me? Or because I wasn’t sure what I did to my relationship with Aub?

There wasn’t a sound at the table and I stopped fighting my urge. I looked around the table.

Everyone stared at me. The room was deathly quiet. “Seriously, man, something happen? Aubrey’s not in the hospital again, is she?” Matt asked me, complete concern written on his face as I glanced at him.

I shook my head, at least calming their fear about that. “Nah, she’s ok…”

“Oh my God!” Vanessa shrieked, still holding the phone to her ear as she stalked to me.
Shit.
Seeing the look on her face, Aub told her exactly what happened.

“You fucking prick!” Vanessa spat as she slapped me across the face and continued yelling. “She trusted you! She gave you her heart, you jerk!” The burning sensation on my cheek was nothing new. It wasn’t the first time I’ve been slapped by a woman. But this time it was different. Vanessa hit me because I hurt her best friend.

Matt jumped up, running behind her and grabbed her hand attempting to stop her from hitting me again, which by the look on her face, she clearly wanted to do. Matt held her in his arms calming her with “shh” as she continued to try to break free from his hold.

“What happened?” Izzy asked as she jumped up from her seat.

“He broke her heart! That’s what he did! She’s moving out right now,” Vanessa started screaming attempting to come at me again, but Matt pulled her to him still holding her tight.

My heart sank hearing that and I swallowed before asking, “She’s moving out?” I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, why wouldn’t she after I broke her heart?

Fuck.
I broke her heart.

We weren’t going to be able to go back to what we had just yesterday. I stood up knowing that Vanessa was probably going to attempt to break free again. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel like I deserved her anger.

“You didn’t know she’s moving out?” Izzy asked softly.

“She told him she loves him and he told her to get out!” Vanessa yelled, again attempting to try to come at me.

Frustrated, I tried to explain my side of things. “I didn’t tell her to move out. I just…” Why was I even bothering to tell them this? Why am I the bad guy here? Because I don’t want to love her.
But you do,
that stupid fucking voice in my head kept repeating. Then the other motherfucker started in,
you can’t trust a woman. Ever.

Izzy’s soft hand wrapped around my arm and pulled me toward the kitchen. I felt a lecture coming on, but for some reason, I was actually looking for some sort of advice.

We walked into the kitchen as I overheard everyone asking Vanessa questions before I heard the front door close. Knowing Vanessa would run to Aub, I relaxed slightly. Until right then, I hadn’t even thought about what Aub did all day. What an asshole I am. Maybe it was best this way. Then I wouldn’t love her. Fuck.
I love her.

“What really happened, Clark?” Izzy asked carefully as if I were a wounded animal. I probably seemed it. I walked over to the other end of the island and placed my hands flat on the counter. Staring at the floor, I took a deep breath. My heart stuck in my throat as I tried to process my thoughts to tell her.

I looked up at her and told her what I really knew deep down. “I think I really fucked up, Iz. I think…shit.” I looked around the kitchen as I felt my eyes well up.
Men don’t fucking cry—
another great lesson from Dad.

I turned around and rubbed my eyes quickly and cleared my throat.

“Why do you say that?”

I exhaled before answering. Still facing the living room, I let her know the shitty thing I did this morning. “I walked out on her after we…made love.”
We made love.
I turned around as I told Izzy what I’ve never admitted to anyone. “That one emotion I’ve fought my entire life so someone couldn’t walk out on me. And here I walked out on her first.” I shook my head as I locked my hands behind my head, looking up at the ceiling. “Congratulations, Clark. You left someone first and didn’t let them in.” I laughed at the irony and then felt a stabbing pain in my heart. But this time, it wasn’t for me. It was for Aub. It hit me hard how badly I must have hurt her. I fought back the annoying tears that kept trying to surface. I looked right at Iz. “I really fucked up this time. I don’t know if I really want to fix it or just let her go.”

“What are you going to miss if she leaves?”

I looked around the room, my eyes fixed on nothing as the memories flashed through my mind. “I’ll miss wondering what plans she wants to try to make that I can try to change just to mess with her. I’ll miss her teasing me about stupid things. I’ll miss waking up in the middle of the night holding her tight in my arms. I’ll miss that stupid quirk she does when she’s pissed at me for opening my stupid mouth.” I took a deep breath and swallowed. I looked right at Iz as I realized the truth. “I’ll miss her. Just her.”

“Did she ask you to love her? Did she tell you that you had to?” I shook my head. “So you left this morning to prove to her or yourself that you could leave this relationship?”

“I guess both of us. I didn’t want to face the truth.”

“Do you want to fix it now?”

I smiled lightly as I knew right then what I really wanted. I wanted Aub back. “Yeah.” I swallowed as I beamed at Izzy that she helped me figure out the truth. “I love her. I want her back.”

I think it was the first time I ever received an approving smile from Izzy. I’d have to make sure I don’t have moments like this too often with her. I prefer to rile her up instead.

I turned and started for the door passing Z on the way. I felt a slap on my back and laughed, realizing he had probably heard the whole conversation. I glanced at Mel and Flynn as I passed and knew by their expressions they had heard me too.

Standing outside my apartment door, I froze. My stomach was all in knots, my heart was pounding and I realized I was also sweating. I can do this. I can tell her I love her. She told me earlier she loves me, so this should be no big deal, right? So she’s trying to move out, I’m sure it’s just a knee-jerk reaction. Once I tell her I love her too, everything will be like it was yesterday again. Right?

I put my hand on the door handle and was about to push it open, but suddenly felt the urge to knock. What the hell for? This is my apartment too. Maybe I wanted to warn her I was coming. Should I warn her? Nah, she knew I’d have to come back at some point, right? I live here. I took a deep breath and realized my freaking hand was shaking on the door handle. Gritting my teeth and pushing back all that I was feeling I turned the knob and pushed the door open.

Three boxes sat on the floor before me. I felt as if they were staring at me like I was a bad guy. I swallowed and peered through Aub’s doorway. When I didn’t hear anything, I took a few steps forward, put my hand on the doorframe and looked in her room. Wearing cut off jean shorts and a tiny white tank top, her blue bra strap draped off her shoulder. Her black hair piled high on her head into a disheveled ponytail that swung when she turned her head. Hatred filled her gorgeous brown eyes, glaring at me with venom.