Breathless Promises (Alluring Promises Series Book 3) (19 page)

The second she peered up at me, I wanted to hit something. I wasn’t sure if I was pissed at her or the guy who let her walk around this way. Her blouse was ripped open with her bra fully exposed. All her makeup was smeared and if I didn’t know her any better, I’d swear she was on drugs. I could tell she was drunk and it wasn’t even eight in the morning. Still holding her by her elbow, I pulled her into the apartment.

“Mm. Thanks.” Her speech was slurred again and it only fueled my anger. Placing my hand under her chin, I tilted her head back to see her face. I could barely see her brown eyes as they seemed to roll back in her head. Her eye makeup was smeared so bad that she looked like a raccoon. Let’s not even talk about the lipstick streaked across her mouth. How the hell did she make it home?

“Aub. Where’ve you been?”

“Date.” Her answer was clipped and barely audible. What the hell is going on? Questions rolled through my head wondering what I should do. How to help or even if I could help her.

“Aub, it’s eight in the morning. Did you stay at some guy’s place for the night? Did he drive you back?” I couldn’t help but fire off questions at her.

She shook her head as she pushed me away and stumbled toward her bedroom. She shoved her door all the way open, which made it bang against the wall and pop back at her. I watched her trip forward and fall onto her bed, face down. Panic shot through me as I stood over her and tried to flip her over. She felt like dead weight and was completely passed out. I checked the rise and fall of her chest and relief washed over me.
At least she’s breathing.

I shook her hoping I could ask her how much she had to drink. “Aub.” I nudged her body trying to get some sort of response. “Aub!” I was glad that the intensity and volume of my voice made her finally move. Her body broke out into a fit of coughs and I wasn’t sure if that might agitate her stomach. I scooped her up in my arms and hurried her to the bathroom in case she was going to get sick. I was almost hoping she would get it all out of her system since I had no idea how much she’s had to drink. As I leaned her against the wall, I wondered yet again what the heck was going on with her.

Aub’s body slid down the wall. Her head rolled back, her eyes doing the same and a new wave of fear gripped me. I dropped down next to her and took each arm, praying not to find needle marks. God, I hope not. Although drugs made sense, considering how out of it she had been lately. As I held her other arm and ran my fingers over her skin, she coughed and then started laughing.

“Are ya tryin’ ta read m’palm?” I could barely make out her words.

“No, I’m checking to make sure you’re not stupid enough to be shooting up.” Annoyed, but also relieved not to find any needle tracks, I dropped her arm. It landed with a thud in her lap.

I shook my head in frustration. Sitting on the cool tile with my back against the wall, I ran my hands through my hair, completely annoyed and unsure of what to do with her. “What the hell is up with you, Aub?”

She could barely turn her head as her eyes started to close. “Just finding my calm ‘nother way,” she whispered. I jerked my head up, surprised and worried by what she just said.

“What’s that supposed to mean? What kind of calm? Are you trying to kill yourself or something?”

She didn’t answer me and seemed like she was going to pass out again. I stood up and paced back and forth, trying to figure out what to do.

I ran across the hall to Vanessa and Matt’s apartment and pounded on their door. No answer. I checked my watch and realized they probably already left for work.

Walking back into the apartment, I heard a coughing noise and immediately panicked that she might choke on her own vomit. I cursed myself for leaving her and ran in. Fisting her matted black hair to hold it back, I glanced at the contents. Clear. Completely clear. I wasn’t sure if that relieved me or angered me, but I knew immediately that she had nothing but alcohol in her.

“What’d you have to drink, Aub?” I asked in between her bouts.

“Vodka. Stron’ an clear,” she answered in between coughs. At least I had something to tell the paramedics if I had to call them.

Finally finished, she slumped on her heels. I pulled her back to lean against the wall in case she might pass out again. I sat back next to her and just stared. My stomach churned seeing her sit there like a rag doll. How could she do this to herself over and over again without talking to any of us?

“What’s going on with you Aub? Can you let me in? You haven’t been the same since the asshole in Atlanta. He’s not worth all of this, Aub.” Her head rolled toward me and I watched her eyes blink slow and deliberate. I watched her lips smack and knew she probably needed some water.

I shot a text to my boss as I ran off to the kitchen to grab a glass of water for her. I knew I’d be late today, if I even made it in.

I reached the bathroom and Aub’s head was all the way back with her mouth completely open.
Passed out.
I set the glass down and pulled her up into my arms and carried her to her bed. I stared at her. I was full of questions, but without an answer in sight, I felt helpless.

It dawned on me that Izzy and Z don’t usually head to the bar until around noon or later. I put in a call to Z to see if he and Iz could help out. I wasn’t sure what was going on with Aub, but I was worried about how much vodka was in her system. There was no way I’d want her to be left alone.

As I sat there waiting for Izzy and Z to arrive, Aub woke briefly. “Hey…Clark,” she sputtered and gave a short laugh.

“Aub, Iz, and Z are coming over to be with you. Okay?” She laughed and then pressed her lips together before finally nodding.

I swallowed wondering if I should ask about her uncle. I felt like pressing to see what her reaction might be. “Is your uncle a cool guy?”

She gave a short laugh again. “Yep. Everyone loves him,” she whispered with her eyes still closed. Her mouth was pressed in a tight line and I watched tears begin to slip from the corners of her eyes.

I nodded, but something seemed off. “Do you like him, Aub?”

When she didn’t respond, I realized she passed out again. I pulled her blanket up over her and smoothed out her hair.

“What’s going on with you, Aub?” I whispered, knowing she wouldn’t respond. Maybe Iz could use her bartending skills and pull something out of her. Izzy’s good at things like that.

All I could do was just hope that Aub will let her in.

Aubrey

Only minutes ago I’d woke to find Izzy and Z staring at me, but my watch told me it had been hours. At first, I wasn’t even sure I was in my own bedroom. After several questions from Izzy, I realized my new babysitters had been sent by Questioning Clark.

I managed to ignore Izzy’s interrogation. Man, she would really make a great therapist. Too bad I wasn’t willing to be one of her patients, especially after she kept asking about Uncle Chad. There was no way I was telling anyone else about him. My own mother didn’t believe me, why would anyone else? Not that she’s my “real” mother. Maybe that makes a difference?

I did the same thing to them that I did to Clark the other day. I threw on some clothes and grabbed a taxi to a bar several streets away.

Foggy.
Everything I saw was covered with a haze as I lifted another glass up to my lips. I closed my eyes enjoying the sensation of my body floating away. I opened them to see a handsome guy across the bar watching me. His blonde hair flopped in front of his eyes and he quickly swiped it away. He held up his glass and smiled at me. I returned his smile and then licked my lips seductively.

Use me.
Use me just like all the rest of them.

Nothing matters.

Just numb me.
I looked into the clear liquid in my glass searching for that feeling I craved. It was there, I knew it was in there. I lifted the glass of vodka to my lips and tossed it back, letting the liquid burn my throat.
Damn, I can still feel it.
Not good enough. I needed to be numb.

I watched my new drinking partner get up from his bar stool. He walked toward me and started up a conversation. The next thing I knew, we were sitting at a table because he said he wanted to buy me dinner.

More vodka. The room became more of a blur. My body became more numb.
Perfect.

“You ready to leave?” I heard the guy ask through my fogginess. I don’t even remember his name and I wondered if I’d even asked. I nodded knowing I couldn’t care less. His would just be another cock shoved in me.
Using me.

We started to leave the restaurant and I had no idea if I even ate anything. I glanced back at the table and laughed when I saw the clean place settings. Untouched. He didn’t even bother buying me dinner. Not that I’d remember ordering anything. Hell, maybe we had ordered and we’re leaving before the food was served.

“Something funny?” he asked as he put his hand on the small of my back, claiming me.

I shook my head. “No. Just keeps getting faster and faster,” I noted.

“What’s faster?” He asked as he opened the door. Sunlight hit my face and I shielded my eyes from the blinding light emanating from the sunset.

“Nothing. How far do you live?” I asked. His face lit up with a smile.

******

I woke the next morning feeling like I always do.
Used.
But that was what I wanted, wasn’t it? That’s all I was good for.

My next thought came all too quickly—I was no longer numb. I felt the pain in my body and the soreness between my legs. I looked over to the guy next to me who was still asleep.
Huh.
He seemed like a normal guy. I sat up, aching all over. My feet even seemed sore and I knew the reason why when I looked down at them. I still had my heels on. The four-inch stilettos must have been put to good use last night since the straps were too tight and askew on my ankle.

After adjusting my heels, I stumbled around the bed in an attempt to find the bathroom. A shiny silver wrapper caught my eye on the floor. Good, he actually wore a condom. I used the toilet and then walked back out. The man was still asleep so I went ahead and dressed. There was no need to feel shame; I was used to this feeling. I’d become immune to it.

My heels sunk into the rich cream carpet as I shuffled out to his living room. Looking around the luxurious apartment I spied my purse laying on the ground haphazardly. After stooping down to grab it, my eyes caught the small wooden cabinet in the corner with an array of bottles lined up.

Walking over, I decided I might as well get numb again. I poured myself a drink and gulped it down. Opening my purse, I stuffed the bottle in. Another token from another “date.” Not that I didn’t have the money to buy more thanks to dear ol’ Gregory, but the liquor stores weren’t open this early in the morning.

In the elevator, I took out the bottle and chugged a couple more swigs, the burn fading each time I swallowed. It would really hit hard by the time I got home. Which was good because then I wouldn’t have to answer Clark’s questions. He’s getting to be nosy. The guy’s notorious for using women. I would think he’d just leave me alone by now. When I remembered how he rejected me last week, I gulped down more of the clear liquid from the bottle.

My phone rang out and I ignored it, like always. For the last week, Clark feels the need to call me each morning. I took another swig knowing he’d start in with the same old questions as soon as I walked in. I probably should have stayed at my
date’s
house until it was time for Clark to go to work.

And then there was Vanessa also calling me nonstop. Clark must have told her to call me too. For the first time in our relationship, I didn’t want to face my friend. Between all the lies and self-loathing, I couldn’t tell her all the accompanying thoughts of suicide I’ve had. I’m sure she wouldn’t understand anyway.

Walking down the street, I could feel the sting of each passerby’s eyes burning into me. I faintly remembered that from the other night. It was then that I felt the cool air hitting my body. When I checked my clothes, I noted a rip in my blouse conveniently right where my breasts were fully on display through my lace bra. I began to bring the material together, but what does it matter now? I don’t know these people so why should I care?

I reached my apartment building, pulled the door open and headed for the elevator. The lobby was a flurry of people, mostly going. Leaving for their jobs, I assume. I pulled the bottle out of my purse and took another swig as I heard my phone ring again.
He’s relentless today
, I thought as I vaguely remembered my phone ringing out last night too.

When I reached my door, I shook my purse hoping to hear the clanging of my keys. The door flew open and I lifted my head to see Clark’s eyes penetrating into mine. I laughed. It was a game now. I realized I didn’t even really have to try digging through my purse because Clark would always know when to open the door.

“I’ve been calling you, Aub. Why won’t you answer your phone?” The door wasn’t even all the way open and he was already starting in on me.

I continued laughing as I stumbled in, pushing past him. “Because you’re just going to ask the same…”

“No! This time, I really needed to get hold of…”

“What? Like you need ask me how much I had to drink?” My interruption stopped him from saying anything else, but the scowl on his face made me laugh. “Ohh, I’m in trouble now,” I teased as I started to my room. Before I knew it, I was shoved against the wall, knocking the breath from my lungs. I was just about to shove him back when he yelled at me.

“Aub. It’s Vanessa.” I stared at the muscles of his jaw, flinching in anger. The way he blinked his eyes and paused for that moment sobered me just a bit. But not enough for what he would tell me. “She had a miscarriage.” Clark’s voice softened just a little on those words and I repeated them over and over again in my head trying to understand their meaning. His expression softened as I continued my attempt to process what he just said.

My heart felt like it stopped. My thoughts sobered immediately. “The baby?” I swallowed as I tried to process his words. The alcohol was still coursing through my veins and with this horrendous news I fought the fogginess that tried to surround me. “When?” My question rang out as if someone else had asked it.

“Matt took her to the hospital last night.” He released his grip on my arms as I stared at him. I felt it then. The sweep of coldness accompanied by the sweat from my pores. My stomach rolled as I ran to the bathroom. His voice echoed, mocking me, “You’re drunk again! Your best friend needs you right now and you won’t be able to talk to her. That’s great! Just fucking great.” He continued to yell at me while I hugged the toilet as clear liquid poured into the bowl.

Vanessa lost the baby
. I kept repeating in my head as I tried to make sense of it. My stomach muscles clenched again while my stomach churned thinking about the pain Vanessa must be in.
And I was out getting drunk and laid.

Clark sat next to me as I slumped against the wall, not really wanting to believe what he just told me.

“How?” I asked hoping he’d just answer my questions.

“She started bleeding last night and they went to the hospital. They did that ultrasound thing, but couldn’t find a heartbeat. She and Matt decided to have one of those D&Cs instead of waiting for it to happen naturally.”

My stomach dropped again. Tears stung my eyes for the loss Vanessa must be feeling. “Are they still at the hospital?”

“No, they got back a little while ago. I’ve been waiting for you all night.”

“They lost the baby,” I repeated as I stared into space. My head was still swimming, half numb, half feeling the pain in my heart. The need to be completely numb again flooded me. Unsure of what else to do, I stood quickly. The action left me lightheaded and I swayed, losing my balance. I shot my hand out to touch the wall for stability and instead, my hand grasped Clark’s chest. His strong arms surrounded me, lifting me up and carried me to my bed. Sitting me down on the edge, I glanced at his expression. Worry marred his features, which only heightened the same feeling in me.

“Maybe you should try to sober up before you head over there.” His voice was soft, while the words seemed to cut at me.

He stood up and began pacing. I could feel his frustration emanating from his body. He was tense, as evidenced by the hand that ran through his hair several times as he paced. He clenched his fists tight and then released them again. With every stride he made across my room, I became more annoyed with the fit he was throwing in front of me. I wanted him to leave so I could take a drink and feel better.

“Aren’t you going to work?” It didn’t come out sincere like I was going for, instead it sounded like I felt—irritated.

Wrong thing to say
, I noted to myself as I watched his face contort in anger.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Aub? Are you even here with any of us? Or do you just want to check out?” He glared at me with fury in his eyes and I had to look away. I had no intention of letting him get close enough to me to care that much. He sat on the bed and I could feel his eyes pierce into me. “Is that what you’re trying to do?” I swallowed. I wasn’t about to have this conversation with him. Now or ever.

I flopped back onto the bed, immediately feeling woozy. I rolled onto my side and stared out the window.

Vanessa’s not pregnant anymore.
We were all so excited to have a baby in our little group. And I knew how much they wanted to start their family together. Matt had been so proud when he’d told our group that he’s going to be a dad with Vanessa looking at him just as excited about becoming a mom.

This is all so fucked up. I needed to be there for my best friend. I bolted upright, but quickly knew that was a mistake. The room started to spin and my stomach felt the same way it had just moments ago. A glass of water appeared in front of my face. I looked up to see Clark’s stern expression, accompanied by the disdain he had for me. My hand grasped the glass from his and I began to sip the cool water slowly, hoping to sober up fast. I needed to see Vanessa and hopefully be there for her. I couldn’t fathom how heartbroken she must be.

I ignored Clark. His huffing and pacing as I sat there annoyed me. I stood up, successfully this time and started to the bathroom.

“Where are you going?”

I rolled my eyes as I pointed to the bathroom. “I need to brush my teeth so I can go talk to Vanessa.” He looked at me warily as he followed me into my vanity area. I brushed my teeth with good ol’ Clark watching me. I checked my face in the mirror. My mascara was smudged and my lipstick smeared my lips. I took out a washcloth and began to remove my makeup. Clark stood against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest as if he were my bodyguard or something. I was pretty sure he’d watch me change clothes too.

I was right.

I glared at him as I took out my yoga pants and a top, silently praying he’d leave.

“I’ll turn my head, but there’s no way I’m leaving this room so you can find something other than that water to drink.” I rolled my eyes, but didn’t say anything. After all, he was right about that.

Finally dressed, I felt like I could try to console my best friend.

“Hey.” I walked into their bedroom slowly, unsure of how to greet her. I didn’t have a plan of what to say. I decided just being there might be all she would need.

“Hey,” she replied with a meek smile. The pain in my chest constricted and my heart ached when I saw her red swollen eyes. She rolled to her side and patted the space next to her. I climbed onto the bed crawling over to that spot, lying down to face her.