Breathless Promises (Alluring Promises Series Book 3) (22 page)

I reached for the cap and pulled the clear bottle out with amber liquid almost to the top. Staring at it in my hands I debated on trying my new pills or resorting to my old way of becoming numb.
Of finding my calm.
Just staring at the bottle made my mouth water. My body was reacting to the taste without it ever being near my lips.
Yet.

Licking my lips, I pulled it out from my purse and quickly turned the cap. Swallowing hard, I brought the bottle to my nose and sniffed. Just a whiff of the liquid helped calm my nerves, helped me escape from the reality that I could have saved a girl from…him. Quickly, I wrapped my lips around the opening of the bottle and guzzled it down. The liquid scorched my throat. Burning away the memories of every moment I was with Uncle Chad. With every swallow, I tried to erase what happened. But that didn’t seem to be enough. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that when this liquid wore off, everything would still be there. Nothing would really take away any of these memories.

Nothing.

I glanced back at my nightstand and practically laughed when I saw those “happy” pills staring at me.

Calling me.

Taunting me.

“Jack. Meet Happy,” I whispered. I stared at the prescription bottle in my other hand. Tears streamed down my face as I took another swig from the bottle and then placed it between my legs. I opened the bottle and dumped the pills into my hand.

Clark

It was nice to hang out with Benji again. We were over at his house and I told him a little bit about how crazy Aub was acting. I told him how concerned I was. Corrina chimed in that maybe there was something more than just the break-up and Vanessa’s miscarriage. She could be right. At least Aub finally saw a doctor. Since seeing the doctor, she was back to her old self. Minus the sleeping around part–and that, I didn’t mind one bit. It actually relieved me more than I’d care to admit.

A chill that I couldn’t explain hit me the second I walked in the door. Immediately I glanced at Aub’s door and had a sinking feeling but I couldn’t put my finger on what might be wrong.

I knocked on the door, but didn’t receive a response. I tried turning the knob only to realize she locked it. Maybe she was taking a shower.

Or she was passed out.

Maybe she was just taking a nap.

Or maybe she went back to drinking.
All the other possibilities other than drinking flipped through my mind. I felt stupid for thinking that way. She promised me she wouldn’t drink to pass out anymore.

Pushing aside my feelings, I walked over and sat down on the couch. The more I sat there, the more ticked I was that she locked the door. She could let me in. It’s not like I’m the type of person you can’t talk to. At least I think I’ve got a good ear.

A knock at our door pulled me out of my self-analysis. Opening up I saw Vanessa standing there, tears in her eyes.

“Is Aubrey here?” I frowned wondering if she was upset again about her miscarriage. Not that I could blame her, but it seemed like she hasn't stopped crying since she got back from the hospital.

“She’s locked up in her room.” I let her know.

“Her Dad just called me because he’s worried about her.”

My heart stopped and I waited for her to tell me more.

She sniffled and then swallowed hard. “Her…uncle passed away. That ‘Uncle Chad’ you asked about. Her dad said he died of a heart attack.”

My heart sank for her. She had screamed in her room about him. Maybe she felt some guilt for being upset with him. I’m sure she’d be pretty torn up about him dying. “Wow.” I walked over to the door and knocked. “Hey, Aub!” I called out.

“Aubrey, it’s Vanessa. Your dad just called. He told me about Uncle Chad. I’m so, so sorry, Aubrey.” When we heard no reply, Vanessa spoke again, “I’m ready to talk, if you want to. I’m here for you, you know.” Nothing. No reply. Vanessa looked at me, still tears in her eyes. “You don’t think she’s drinking in there, do you?”

I pulled my brows in. “I hope not. I dumped out all the stuff that we had in the house.” I swallowed hoping that wasn’t the case. “Maybe she just needs to process it for a little while,” I tried to reassure her why her best friend wasn’t answering. Vanessa nodded slowly.

“I’ll call you when she comes out,” I offered, hoping to help reason with her. She gave me a small smile before closing the door to our apartment.

I walked back over to the couch, wondering how Aub was really taking the news. She’d get drunk again. That's what I would do. Cheers to the dead, right? But Aubrey promised me she was going to make an effort to cut back at least.

I sat there and tapped on the remote, debating on how to handle this. I mean she should at least talk to someone, just to yell or cry it out, right?

I got up and knocked on the door again. Nothing. The more the moments ticked by, the more bad thoughts started creeping in. I had no idea what could be happening on the other side of the door. Then again, it could be just nothing. She really could be sleeping.
And not hear my knocks?
I knew that wouldn’t happen.

I knocked again, only this time harder. “Aub!”

I tried the lock again, making sure it wasn’t my imagination or that I didn’t turn the knob hard enough. It didn’t budge.

“Aub!”  I realized I was now pounding on the door. Fucking A, she better just answer the door just to yell at me. “Aub, open the fucking door or I’ll break it down!”

I stared at the door, willing it to open so I wouldn’t have to carry through on my threat. My heart sped up and I wasn’t sure at that point if I was angry or nervous.

“Open the fucking door, Aub!”

Fuck it.
I’m done. I’m done with her bullshit. She wants to be an idiot and try to hide in her room, fuck that. I slammed my shoulder into the door, making a loud sound. The damn door was harder than I thought it would be. Fuck it. I walked back and slammed it as hard as I could with my shoulder, busting the frame as the door banged open and then slammed back into my shoulder.

Right then—everything stopped. Time didn’t move for me. The scene before me was my worst nightmare. My body shook at the sight of Aub lying on her bed—not moving. The city lights were like airport runway lights through the slats of the blinds directly to the bottle of Jack sitting on her end table. And right next to that was what pierced my heart—two pill bottles, one tipped over giving me that eerie feeling of what she might have done.

I ran over to her lifeless body and shook her hard. “Aub!” My hands gripped her shoulders harder as I tried to get any sort of reaction from her again. No movement. My mouth became dry and I felt like I couldn’t breath as absolute panic shot through me.

“No! No, no, no!” I glanced back at her pills and the open bottle of Jack. “No! Dammit Aub, tell me you didn’t fucking…” I couldn’t even finish my thought. I grabbed my cell phone from my back pocket and dialed 9-1-1.

I barely registered the woman’s voice as I continued to try to shake Aub to wake her.

“I…my roommate. I think she took pills with alcohol.”

The whole phone call was a blur as the woman on the other end asked me questions. Each instruction the operator told me to perform, I hoped would bring her back to me.
Just open your fucking eyes!
I wanted to scream at her.

But her eyes wouldn’t open.

******

I paced the waiting room back and forth. The last time I walked this same path, Matt and Z’s dad had a heart attack and we were awaiting the same news. What was ironic was the doctor in charge of his care. Vanessa’s ex, Charles was the doctor on call. And now out of all the doctors in the world, who’d saved Aub’s life? Yep. Charles. What were the odds?

“She’s going to be all right, Clark.” Iz’s soft voice spoke up. I watched her eyes give Vanessa the same reassurance. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I was the one who found her lifeless body. I fought to keep my emotions in check. I was trying to be strong for the girls here. But shit, they didn’t see what she looked like just lying on her bed not moving at all. I swallowed fighting to keep my fucking tears in check and looked away.

I continued pacing when an older couple came running in. I watched Vanessa jump to her feet and run over to them, hugging them tightly. “Have you heard anything else?” the man asked as Vanessa shook her head and looked at me.

“Mr. and Mrs. Baas, this is Clark, Aubrey’s roommate. He…found Aubrey and called 9-1-1.”

What a way to meet the parents, huh? Yep, I found your daughter trying to kill herself. Hell, I could throw in the part about her almost getting raped in a back alley just to round out the whole first meeting.

Her dad walked over to me and surprised me completely by pulling me into a hug. “Thank you,” he whispered and then pulled back. His eyes were glazed over with tears. Guilt for not trying to find help for Aubrey sooner crushed me. This could have all been avoided if I had been a bigger dick to her and followed her around earlier.
Dammit.

I felt another hand touch my arm. Mrs. Baas added in, “Yes, thank you very much.”

My stomach sank. I didn’t feel like I deserved their kindness since we didn’t know whether Aub was going to be okay or not. Feeling completely odd about the whole thing, I nodded my head and stepped back.

Right then, Charles walked into the waiting room. He cleared his throat. “Is anyone related to Aubrey? I can only talk to family members.” He looked at Vanessa with regret.

“We’re her parents.” Mr. and Mrs. Baas stepped forward and they all walked into the hallway. Not a word was spoken as Charles gave Aubrey’s parents whatever news he had while we waited anxiously.

Watching with trepidation, relief flooded me when Aub’s mom clutched her heart and hugged Charles. At least I hoped it was what I thought that meant. When she smiled at her husband and they hugged, I finally felt like I could breathe.

Until I noticed Charles’ stern face as he kept talking. His demeanor and expression put fear back into me.

Aubrey

I’m floating.

There’s nothing around me but air, that feeling of pure comfort.
Contentment.
The night sky above me was black except for the tiny miniature lights. Beautiful stars that shimmered and sparkled like diamonds. The kind I wanted to reach out and touch, but know that I’ll never be able to. They’re way up in the sky, twinkling at me. Beckoning me toward them.

“You love it when I do this to you.” My uncle’s voice cut through my calm.

My heart stopped.

I couldn’t breathe the air that once surrounded me. The same air that had just brought peace to my world was now suffocating me.

“No! Let me go!” I wanted to scream, but the words didn’t come out.

My eyes sprang open, but a hand on my chest held me down. My heart pounded while I peered at my white sterile room. My dad’s warm, loving eyes stared at me in disbelief and something else.
Hope?

“Aubrey?” Tears filled his swollen, red eyes.

I blinked, still trying to catch my breath and take in my surroundings.

“Aubrey? Can you hear me?”

I nodded and watched his face flood with relief causing the tears that were welled up to tumble down his cheeks. “Nurse!” he called out right before he hugged me tight. The comfort of his arms overwhelmed me and tears stung my eyes.

“Oh God, thank you. Thank you,” he continued to repeat over and over again in a whisper. I couldn’t understand why he was saying that. Why was he thankful?

Bits and pieces of memories flashed through my mind.

The bottle of Jack.

The pills.

Deep sleep.

Oh God,
I tried to kill myself.
Then I remembered why. That girl I could have saved from being raped by Uncle Chad. If I had only made someone listen to me, had been able to get someone to at least believe me.

The room was suddenly a bustle of energy as a flurry of nurses surrounded my hospital bed, requesting my Dad to step aside. They were like busy ants as questions flew from their mouths.

How do you feel?

Do you know what year it is?

What was the last thing you remember?

The events after that blurred together and all I wanted to do was close my eyes again. My chest felt heavy with the knowledge of what I’d done, but my conscience weighed heavier of not being able to save that girl from my uncle.

Mindlessly, I was poked and prodded. Questions rang through my head while my friends popped in and out of my room as I answered all their questions and thanked each of them for their concern. My eyes closed and I slipped into what I hoped would finally be a restful sleep.

******

I awoke later to my dad slumped over sleeping in a nearby chair. The room was quiet except for the beeping of my monitor. The lights were dimmed with the faint light coming from the TV that was left on, the volume muted.

Seeing my dad so exhausted added another layer to my guilt. I always tried to keep things from him since he worked so hard. He was a truck driver who just wanted the very best for his family. After my mother had passed away shortly after giving birth to me, he’d worried about how he would raise a little girl by himself when he had to be on the road so often. For years, my grandmother had told me about how he’d worried about me.

Then Paige came along and I had a new mother to take care of me. And she did. I loved Paige even though we weren’t as close as most mother/daughter relationships. But she did the best she could to provide me with kind guidance and a firm hand when needed.

And then I turned sixteen and her brother took over, teaching me the way he saw life. After I told her, our relationship changed completely. She never believed that her fun-loving brother could ever do such a thing. Instead, it was:
me
causing drama,
me
making up this story,
me
who would lie to my father and cause him more stress.

Dad’s main goal, besides providing a nice life for me, was to save up everything he had so I could go to college. When I was sent home in the middle of my freshman year of college, she really let me know how horrible I really was. After all of that, our once close relationship ceased to exist.

My dad’s eyes opened and he smiled warmly. “How’d you sleep, baby girl?”

“Fine,” I simply replied. “Where’s mom?”

“I sent her back to the hotel to rest and change.” I nodded, noting how tired he was, because of me; of always having to make sure I would be all right.

“You should have gone too. You look exhausted.” I barely got those words out as I tried to choke back the tears that threatened. I looked to the flicker of the TV, hoping to avoid his gaze. His strong hand covered mine. His grasp forced my gaze back to his.

“Baby, I had no idea how upset you’d be about Uncle Chad dying.” His voice was quiet. Inside I was screaming to tell him the truth. Could I do it now? “I knew how close you two were. I should have been there for you, Aubrey. I’m so sorry.” My Dad held my hand tighter and began to cry.

My dad never cries. The sound of his tears tore at every fiber inside of me. The guilt compounded as my stomach dropped further. Do you know how scary it is to see the grown man you’ve idolized your entire life completely break down—over you? Over what you did? And he thinks it all happened because I’m upset over Uncle Chad dying.

I swallowed as I rolled toward him. Lying on my side, my tears poured down my cheek. I stared at my dad’s head while he cried into his hand that covered mine. “Dad,” my voice was barely a whisper. He lifted his eyes, red and swollen. I couldn’t get the words out. They just wouldn’t come.

“What is it, baby girl?” He begged me to tell him.

“It…I didn’t do this because of his death.”

I swallowed as he waited and when I didn’t speak he asked, “Why then? Why’d you do it?”

“I…” I squeezed my eyes shut and blurted it out. “He raped me.” I had no idea if he heard me. Had I really said it aloud? I took a deep breath as my heart pounded inside of my chest because I’d finally told my Dad what I’ve wanted to all these years. “Uncle Chad. He raped me,” I repeated.

His head shot up to stare at me. “Chad? Uncle Chad?” He looked crushed, completely bewildered and blindsided. All I could do was nod and look away.

I stared at the TV, watching the actors move about the set using their body language to express their feelings and all I could do was use my words with my Dad. I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t tell if he believed me. I waited to hear the same words that I had heard from his wife, that it was a lie and I was just trying to cause more drama.

I wasn’t sure if he needed more information in order to process what I just told him or maybe I just wanted to fill the silence in the room. “It wasn’t just once. It happened over and over again,” I whispered. I took a deep breath as I finally got the courage to look at my dad. Shock, bewilderment and anger repeatedly crossed paths along his features.

My heart lurched out of my chest the same moment my dad jumped up from his seat. Alarms for my vitals were beeping furiously while my mind tried to keep up with reality. I just told my dad the truth.
Finally.

Air rushed from my lungs as the realization hit that I finally told him. On the same intake of breath, I wanted to run from the room rather than hear the same disappointment and blame I heard from his wife.

I watched with trepidation as my dad ran his hands through his hair and then over his face in anguish. He stopped suddenly, tears and anger mixed in his eyes and I couldn’t tell what would happen next.

I gasped when he turned and fell onto my hospital bed. “I’m so sorry, Aubrey. I’m so sorry. I wish you had told me. You’ve held this in all these years?” I nodded as he closed his eyes, tears falling down his cheeks. His body covered mine in a heap as he pulled me in for a hug despite all the tubes sticking out of me. “Baby, I’m so sorry,” he repeated over and over again.

Hearing his apology and feeling his strength wrapped around me, the burden of my secret seemed to lessen. “I wish you would have told me,” he kept whispering. Finally hearing his acceptance, I wished I had too.

If only I hadn’t been so terrified to tell him. But I was a stupid teenage girl believing what I was told over and over again—how it would break my father’s heart and bring shame to my family; That I was a slut and seduced Chad; That if I told, no one would ever believe that my “cool” likable Uncle Chad would ever have sex with his niece. All mentally beaten into me, making me too afraid to tell.

My dad’s arms tightened and I knew the anger was beginning to take over. “I wish I would have known. I had no clue. Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“He told me that no one would believe me. When I told mom, I realized he was right.” He pulled back to stare at me, his expression rolled with a mixture of emotions—disbelief, anger, frustration and then back to anger.

“You…you told Paige? You told her and she didn’t believe you? She didn’t tell me? All these years, I was on the road and believed my daughter was in safe hands and she turned you over to a monster?”

I had no idea what to say to that. My stomach churned as I started to grasp the full reality of telling him everything. Should I have kept that from him? What would happen to their marriage now?

And the worst was about to happen. It was at that moment when I felt another presence in the room. I watched the glow of my father’s green eyes turn to full hatred as he looked past me. I cringed as I turned to follow his gaze to see my mother standing in the doorway with bewilderment written across her face.

“You!” He spat, causing a noise to escape my throat as my whole body flinched. “She
trusted
you and you let her down.” He stopped speaking for a moment before his brows pulled together. He stood and stalked toward the door. He lowered his voice. “Why? Why didn’t you just tell me? Even if you thought she was making it up, why didn’t you tell me?”

Her gaze fell to mine, confusion swept over her expression as she tried to figure out her husband’s outburst. “What did you tell him?” I began to shake as I realized the entirety of finally telling my secret.
Our secret.

Blue eyes scorched me with hatred as it dawned on her what I must have told my dad. “Lies!” She yelled. “Again, Aubrey? I thought we were way past this and now you accuse my brother again? When he’s dead? Have you no feelings? No shame?”

“What? How twisted are you?” My Dad spat as he lurched at her and pinned her against the wall. I sat up as best as I could, my monitors beeping furiously.

My mom’s mouth contorted as she huffed. “Oh please! Your little girl could do no wrong! Ever!” She chortled as she pushed back on him. My dad stood there as stunned as I was by her words. “Did you ever stop to think about what she used to wear? I insisted she not wear those whore clothes! She pranced around in her little tight shorts, her little tops that didn’t hide any of her chest!”

Another person filled the doorway. “Mr. and Mrs. Baas, you can’t raise your voices in here, much less fight. You need to leave Aubrey’s room now.
Please.
” The nurse pleaded while I wrung my hands.

Completely ignoring the nurse, my dad’s fists were clenched. He’s never had a temper and I had no idea what he would do with the information I just unloaded on him. And what my mother just said about me. “Why would you make up such sick lies?” He started toward her slowly and she backed up. “Why would you ever think this is Aubrey’s fault?” A security guard popped in between them, protecting my mom just in case. “He
raped
her.” My dad screamed out as he tried to peer around the tall security guard’s chest. “It had nothing to do with her clothes or how she acted.”

“Okay, sir. You’ve said your peace. Let’s try to cool down and get some air,” the guard’s voice was authoritative yet calm. My dad’s shoulders slumped as he looked to the guard and briefly nodded.

Immediately my mom began to yell a barrage of things as the guard swung around to grab her by the arms. He pushed her out into the hallway as she screamed, “See. Even now you can’t see anything bad about your little girl.”

My dad left my room in a rush. Whether it was because he couldn’t face me now after learning what happened or from confronting my mom, I wasn’t sure; however, I could hear her continued screams down the hall about what a slut I am and how much of a liar I was.

Overwhelmed by sobs, I placed my face into my hands. After a moment, I took a deep breath and tried to swipe at the tears running down my face. I looked up when I heard someone enter. The nurse returned with an unmistakable look of pity across her face.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie. You’ve got a lot going on and you don’t need to deal with that.” She continued to take my vitals and fluffed my pillow for me. “The doctor said that you’d be released tomorrow. They have a really good outpatient program set up for you.” Her hand covered mine as I looked into her kind grey eyes. Eyes that reminded me of Vanessa, full of kindness I didn’t feel that I deserved.

“Will she have to see someone daily?” My heart stopped at the deep, baritone voice. It both annoyed me and warmed me.  I looked up to see Clark staring at me from the doorway. Concern masked his reddened eyes. I couldn’t recall the scruff on his face being so long before. He’s always kept it shaven or close to a sexy shadow since I’ve met him.