Breathless Promises (Alluring Promises Series Book 3) (23 page)

I swallowed, unsure how he felt about me as I watched him run his hand through his already disheveled dark hair.

“Sir, you’re not allowed to be in here.” The nurse started to the door with her hands waving in the air. “You’ll have to leave.”

Clark held his hands up in the air as he looked to me. “He can stay. Please,” I begged. “Please let him stay,” 

The nurse stopped in front of him with her hands on her hips and let out an irritated huff. “Visiting hours end in ten minutes. You’ll have to leave then.”

Clark nodded and stepped aside to let the nurse out. She was shaking her head as she exited. Clark took a step toward me. “Wow, she’s a tough one.”

I offered a quick smile before letting it drop. What do you say to the guy who saved your life when you’re not even sure you were worth saving? I cast my glance back to my hands now sitting in my lap.

“So, you’re getting out of here tomorrow. What are your plans?”

“Plans?” My mouth went dry and panic swept through me. He wants me to move out. Of course he does. Why would he want a suicidal drunken whore in his apartment? No one needs to deal with that.

“Well, yeah. She said you’d be doing some sort of therapy. Do you go live at a nut house for that?” It was crude Clark and he was smiling. I knew he meant it to be a joke and as odd as it was, I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Nut house?” I quirked my head to the side, letting him know how wrong that sounded. At least the nervousness of being kicked out had been set-aside for a moment.

His face fell. “No, I’m sorry. That sounded shitty. I meant, you know for that therapy…”

“I know what you meant, oddly enough.” I gave him a small smile. “It’s outpatient therapy. I just go to a facility for four or five hours a day.” I pressed my lips together and swallowed hard. It was tough enough to face him, let alone realize he didn’t want me as a roommate anymore.

“I’ll find a new place and move out as soon as I can.” I wanted to leave this whole situation and not have to deal with it. My mouth was dry and I wished that I had something to drink. Then it dawned on me; that was how I got myself into this position.

“Why would you move out?”

“Well, I can’t blame you for not wanting me as a roommate anymore.” I swallowed hard. “I’m a little fucked up, you know?”

He chuckled as he approached my bed. “You’re actually a lot fucked up, Aub.” I looked up to see him smiling when all I felt like doing was crawling back into my skin.

“At least you make things interesting.” He sat down on the edge of my bed and shrugged. “I mean, I had just been going along banging girls with Tina thrown into the mix once in awhile.” He tilted his head as he quipped, “You shook things up a bit.”

“You still want me as a roommate?”

“Well, you sure as shit need some ground rules. I’m not going through this crap on a weekly basis. I sure as hell don’t want to have to follow you around to make sure you won’t get attacked again.” He huffed and then looked at me again. “And that coming in every morning, puking ritual has to go, too.”

“That’s a lot of rules. I thought you were an easy going guy.”

“I’ve been a pushover when it comes to you, for some reason.”

“It’s just because you like seeing me run half naked to the dryer when I need my clothes,” I teased. I liked how he broke any tension there might be between us with his new rules. I couldn’t really argue with any of them either.

A knock at the door pulled us away from our back and forth. On one hand, I didn’t want him to leave, but I wasn’t ready to discuss what happened either.

“Visiting times are over. I’m sorry, but your friend will have to leave.”

Clark rolled his eyes as he stood up. The nurse seemed to inhale all the air in the room when he reached into his back pocket for something. He immediately smirked and shook his head. His brows quirked up as he chided, “Relax. It’s not a gun or anything.” I watched the nurse’s shoulders relax just as I felt something land on the sheets of my bed.

I narrowed my eyes as I picked up a pocket-sized notepad. My questioning continued as I stared at the butterflies and flowers on the pink cover. He tossed a ballpoint pen down next to it. “What’s this?” I asked as I picked the pen up to examine both of them.

I looked up in time to see him shrug and scratch the back of his head. “That’s all they had down in the gift shop. I had to fight off a thirteen-year-old girl to get it too. You better appreciate it.” Again, I questioned him with my eyes having no idea what he was talking about. “Just joking about the kid.” He took a deep breath. “Umm. I just, well, in case you wanted to write stuff that comes to mind.” He turned to walk away. I vaguely remembered him telling me about how he used to write down his feelings when he was little. I wondered if he still did that.

“Clark?” He stopped walking and turned to me. I noticed his reddened face and ears and smiled. “Thanks.” I held up the notebook and pen. He swallowed, nodded quickly and walked out without another word.

******

“I’m excited to see your apartment.” My dad’s voice was ridden with guilt. The more he spoke during the ride home from the hospital, the worse it became. He ignored all my questions about where mom was and avoided the huge issue that loomed over us like a dark cloud. I continued to look outside my window as the voice from his map guide advised him how to get to my apartment. As if I weren’t stable enough to tell him how to get there myself.

He parked at the curb and ran around to open my door, which I was already in the process of opening. “Dad, please stop. You don’t have to pretend I’m going to break down at any moment.” He swallowed and looked to the ground, caught in the act. He nodded as he gestured toward the lobby doors.

I think I was so focused on my dad acting odd that I hadn’t thought about coming back home. By the time we reached the elevators, I began to have heart palpitations. Is it possible to have a heart attack right after leaving a hospital? I tried to swallow, but my mouth went completely dry just as the elevator bell rang. My dad didn’t make it any easier. He was quiet as we rode up to my floor. It was even worse walking down the hallway. The emptiness was more apparent as the sounds of our feet shuffling along the tiled floor seemed to echo more than usual.

“So, this is where you live, huh?” My dad gave a nervous smile as I put my key into the lock. Clark had been kind enough to bring my purse and keys to the hospital. He had taken enough time away from work and didn’t need to take another day off just to be here when I got home. I opened the door and heard its familiar faint creek that’s always annoyed me when I wanted to sneak in and out.

“Home sweet home,” I lilted as we walked into the empty apartment. I tossed my keys into the clear bowl by the door, dropped my purse to the floor and continued to the living room.

“Wow. Look at that skyline.” He whistled low and then smiled proudly. “Honey, you always did love big cities and now look at this.” 

“Well, it’s not really a big city, but I do love that view. When I lived with Vanessa, we had a similar view, but I think I like this one better. There’s more lights at night.” It felt good to talk to my dad without it feeling forced. Unfortunately, as soon as that discussion was over, we went back to the same awkwardness.

“Are you thirsty?”

“No, nah. I’m good, thank you.” I nodded.

“Do you want to see my room?”

“Yeah,” he nodded eagerly and followed me toward my bedroom.

The fumes assaulted me the moment I opened my door.

“Whoa! Have you been painting, honey?” My dad asked as I stared at what I believed to be my room. Previously stark white walls were now the faintest light, sky blue. My furniture was still pulled away from the walls and I wondered if the paint was even dry yet. A small plastic fan set on top of my dresser also accompanied the whirl of my bathroom fan in the distance.

“No. I haven’t.” My mind searched for a reason why someone would paint my room. And who did it. Looking around, I also realized how clean it was. My heart flipped knowing my friends had been in here painting and cleaning up the mess while I was in the hospital.

After I tried to kill myself.

“This is a really nice room,” my dad said, taking me away from my thoughts. He walked over to my huge windows and looked back at me. “I always wanted you to have nice things and now look at this.” I walked over and he pulled me in for a hug and kissed the top of my head. “I’m worried about you. Don’t you dare try that again.”

All I could do was nod into his shoulder. He was holding me so tight, I never wanted him to let me go. I squeezed my eyes closed as the tears threatened to come, but I was so tired of crying.

“Honey, I’m home!” We both heard Clark shout, followed by some odd whispers and the sounds of shuffling. I assumed it was Clark wrestling with his workbag. Dad and I both chuckled as we pulled away from our embrace. I swiped at my eyes just as Clark appeared in my doorway. Immediately, the awkwardness was back. This time it included Clark.

“How did check-out go?” Clark asked my dad. Suddenly, I wasn’t even in the room.

“Good. They seemed pretty quick.” Dad tilted his head to me. “I’d say it was good, wouldn’t you?” I shrugged. This conversation was going nowhere.

“How was work?” I asked, adding into the silly humdrum discussion they seemed to want to have.

It was Clark’s turn to shrug. “Fine.” We all nodded. Everyone seemed uncomfortable.

I watched Clark give my Dad a pointed look that I couldn’t figure out.

“Am I missing something?” I asked. Clark didn’t give me a response, but continued to look at my dad. I expected at least a smart-ass response. 

My Dad began to wring his hands. “I guess we should all sit down and have that talk,” my dad said as he started to the door. Clark stepped aside as I narrowed my eyes at him.

“What talk?” I asked as I looked at Clark.

“
The
talk,” he said as he waved me through the door. I crossed my arms and stood there staring at him. “This isn’t debatable, Aub.”

I wondered which they’d start in on first: my drinking, my promiscuity
(because I really wanted my dad to hear that)
or how often Uncle Chad raped me. I wanted to discuss absolutely none of those issues.

I weighed my options. I could stand here like a child not wanting to talk with their parent and roommate. Or I could go out there and be an adult. I really was tempted to just sit on my bed, but knew my dad was out there waiting for me.

I dropped my arms and my shoulders as I began to walk past Clark. I started to the living room when a room full of people caught me off guard. My heart pounded and my stomach felt like it was caught in my throat.

“What is this? Is this an intervention?” I halfway joked, but then realized that’s exactly what it was. I turned back to see Clark blocking the doorway, his eyes bore into mine. My palms became cold and clammy as my nerves spiked higher than I’ve ever remembered them.

Everyone was there—Vanessa, who couldn’t look me in the eyes, Matt, Izzy, Z, Mel, and Flynn. Of course, my father was there, standing by the windows since my friends had taken up all the seats on the couch and dining room chairs.

I swallowed as I felt a hand on each of my shoulders, nudging me forward. “We just want you to know we’re here for you. That’s all.” Clark spoke low, but with purpose. My eyes darted to each of them as waves of emotions swept through me. You name it. I ran the gamut of them.
Damn, I really am a basket case.

“Aubrey, you’re going to the best outpatient group there is in the city,” Izzy spoke up for the group.

“And we’ve got the schedule all worked out,” Mel added. I noted Matt shook his head as if she spoke her turn too soon. As if they had rehearsed this already.

“Schedule?” I asked. I was pretty sure I didn’t want to know the answer.

“Well, yeah. I mean. I don’t want you to be alone during the day. I got your therapy times from your dad.” Clark’s hand motioned toward my dad before he continued, “Izzy, Vanessa and I all worked out the slots of your day so you’re not alone.”

“What am I a child?” I spat. I couldn’t help it. No one had bothered to discuss any of this with me. It had all been done behind my back. I felt like a caged animal with nowhere to go. My mouth was dry and all I wanted was a drink.

Which was why they’re all here.
Shit.

“You’re not a child, Aubrey,” Z said as he stood and started walking toward me. “Not in the least, but we do want to help you.”

“Then why did you all meet behind my back to discuss all this without me?”

“Because you were in the hospital after you tried to kill yourself. Or did you forget that part already?” Clark asked. His tone was sharp and accusatory and it felt like a stab to my heart. I couldn’t deny it, but he just seemed so callous.

Z and I both glared at Clark, who just shook his head and shrugged. “It’s true.”

Z turned me by my shoulders back to the group as he led me to them. I felt like I was marching to some cult, waiting to be sworn in. Z sat me in the chair he had occupied and then sat on the arm of the couch.

“We just want you to know that you’re not alone. You have all of us, if you ever need to talk,” Izzy explained, her blue eyes full of warmth and love.