Bring Me Back (14 page)

I turned down the drive, and was shocked to see Ally walking toward me.  She was in her sweats and sneakers.  She had her hair pulled back in a ponytail, and even from here, I could see the slight flush of her cheeks.  I slowed down next to her, “Hey! You’re out walking?”

 “Yes, I needed to get out and moving again.” 

“Can I give you a ride back up?”  I was hoping she would let me; I had missed her so much.

“No thank you Ian.”  She smiled as she kept walking toward the end of the drive.  I sat there in the car, watching her walk away, and my heart dropped.  Maybe I had read her wrong.  I knew what I was feeling, and I could swear she was feeling the same way, but if how she was just now was any indication, I’d say I was mistaken.  I had to explain where I went and why, and I wasn’t about to give up that easy.

***

The next two weeks had gone by without a real chance to be with Ally long enough to tell her how I feel, but not for lack of trying.  It was becoming a major frustration for me.  I had tried several times to catch her when she was outside, and I had even gone to her house a few times, but she always seemed to have an excuse to get back to something or do something.  I had asked her to go for a walk yesterday and she said she was too tired.  It worried me, “Ally, are you sleeping at night?”

“Yes, quite well actually.”  Biting her lip and tilting her head she gave me a small smile. “Thanks to you.”

My heart had done flips, because for one fleeting moment, I saw something in her eyes, and then before I had time to blink, I saw her guard come back up. 
What had happened in the two days I was gone?
 

***

In the next week, I was finally able to gain entry to her house.  The first time she had invited me in for coffee and then proceeded to make small talk about the weather and trees.  I had left feeling more confused than before I had shown up.  The next time later that same week, she had asked me question after question about my work.  I had filled up the entire visit talking about my stupid job and before I knew it, she was sending me on my way. 
I don’t get it.

Ally was always very pleasant, but that was just it, she was treating me like we were just old friends, and quite frankly it was beginning to piss me off!  I was going to figure out what was going on, and soon.  I have seen the way she looks at me damn it!  I
know
she feels the same way! With Christmas just a week away, I had to come up with something good.

***

 I had a lot of work to finish up before the Christmas Holiday.  I was trying to pour myself into that so I could keep my mind off of Ally, but it wasn’t working too well.  I found myself watching her every time she stepped out of her house.  I was so glad she was sleeping at night, and I found myself staying up until she turned out her lights, just in case she needed me.

 I missed her so much!  I missed the way she smelled, like strawberries and crème. I missed her laugh, and the way her eyes lit up when she was working on her mosaics.  I missed holding her and kissing her head, and most of all, I missed sleeping next to her. 
I’m such a mess!

Chapter 34

~Ally

The last few weeks had been difficult to say the least.  I had put so much energy into trying to avoid Ian that I was almost making myself crazy.  I can't help but miss him. He was the one that picked me up when I was down. He showed me that he cared, and made me feel something I never felt before. 

It was a lot harder to be his friend than I anticipated.  I was making our conversations awkward by trying so hard, and the last time he had been over, I actually had to laugh at the confused look on his face when I sent him on his way after he had spent over an hour discussing his work, something I essentially made him do by asking him so many questions.  I just didn’t want him to feel any obligation to me.

***

I was hoping to finish this gift for Ian before the Christmas Holiday in two days.  I had been working nonstop on it for a couple of weeks when I finally realized what I wanted to do.  It was something I could give him from the heart, but also something that wouldn’t require him to feel like it was too much.  I had placed another piece in the design when I heard the doorbell.

Wiping my hand on a towel, I headed to the door, preparing to send Ian on his way, and working up an excuse in my mind, but as I swung the door open, I realized it wasn’t Ian, in fact, I had never seen this woman before.

“Ally?”

“Yes, can I help you?”  I must have had a confused look on my face as the woman took pity on me and stuck out her hand to introduce herself.

“I’m sorry, Ally I am Ian’s mom, Vicki.”  Taking a better look at her, I saw the resemblance.  She had light hair like Ian’s and the same dark eyes, but she was much shorter and slightly full figured.  Her smile was just as genuine, so I felt myself immediately start to relax.  I wasn’t sure how she knew my name though.  I guess maybe Ian had mentioned me before?

“Hi Vicki, please come in, is something wrong with Ian?”  I asked as I stepped aside to invite her in.

“Oh no dear, nothing like that.  I had brought up a few Christmas gifts for him, knowing he wouldn’t be home for the Holiday.  It appears he must be out, so I thought I would take the opportunity to meet you while I wait.” 

“Oh, well you are welcome to stay here while you wait.  Do you not have a key to Ian’s house?”  I asked as I headed into the kitchen. “Coffee?”

“Yes please.  No, I don’t have a key, in truth, this is the first time I have been up here to see Ian’s home.”  I could see a little sadness in her eyes as she said that.

I set down her coffee in front of her and sat across from her with my own cup.  “Really?”  It seemed strange to me that he hadn’t invited her up her, and I started to wonder if there was something wrong in their relationship. 

His mom let out a he sigh, and I could see sadness in her as she spoke. “Ally, other than a short email each week, Ian’s father and I had not spoken to him in several months—that was until the day after Thanksgiving, when he showed up on our doorstep.”  She smiled slightly. 
Day after Thanksgiving? He had gone home?

She could see that I must have been trying to work something out. “Ally, how much has Ian told you about Laney?” 

“Laney?”  He had never spoken about a Laney before.

“I didn’t think so.”  She said knowingly.  “Laney was Ian’s fiancé.”  She paused.  “I will let him share the details with you when he is ready, but I will tell you that she died fairly quickly after being diagnosed with cancer and it was devastating to him.”

“Oh no!”  I gasped. 
Poor Ian!  Is that why he moved up here, to be alone?

It was as if she had heard my thoughts. “That’s why he left Colorado Springs.  He was consumed by grief—shutting everyone out that had been a part of his life with Laney.”  Her eyes had filled with tears, and I handed her a Kleenex as I reached out for her hand.

“I’m so sorry! I had no idea.”  I had been so involved in my own issues that I had failed to see how much he was hurting.  I felt so selfish.

Smiling, Vicki squeezed my hand and let go.  “Ally, did Ian tell you why he came back to Colorado Springs?”  I shook my head, “No, but I haven’t really given him much of a chance, I was a little hurt that he left so suddenly.” Feeling guilty.

She nodded, understanding, “He always has the best intentions, but sometime his execution isn’t the best.”  She laughed before she continued.  “He came back to talk to Laney’s parents.  He was feeling like he had betrayed Laney and them….because he had fallen in love with someone else.” 

My head shot up quickly, meeting her eyes.  She was watching me closely.  “He wanted to tell them—to have some sort of closure so he could move on with the woman he loved. 
With you Ally
.”

“Me?”  I whispered.  “I had no idea, I thought he felt obligated because I had put him in this situation.”  I had my head in my hands, and I could feel them beginning to shake. 

“Ally, Ian told us a little bit about what you’ve been through.”  She paused and took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry for your loss, and what you have had to endure, but I can assure you that Ian does not love you out of pity or obligation.  My boy is head over heels in love with you.”  Now it was my eyes that were filling up.  Without warning, I started to laugh.  I had been so crazy the past couple of weeks, trying to be Ian’s friend that I made a mess of it, and he must be so confused.

“Ally, are you okay?”  Speaking of confused, Vicki was having a hard time figuring me out too.

“I have made a mess of things Vicki.”  Shaking my head. “I though he left that Friday because I had shared too much about my past.  While he was gone, I decided to let him off the hook, so to speak, so I have been pretty much avoiding him.”  I was so embarrassed trying to explain this to her.

“Ally?”  Looking up I saw so much kindness in her eyes. “Do you love him?”

“Oh Vicki!  I love your son more than anything!  He is the most kind, generous and compassionate man.  I was broken, and was waiting for the right person, the one who would be willing to help me put the pieces back together.  I didn’t think it was possible, but Ian did that for me—he brought me back.”

I was crying now, not out of sadness, but out of pure joy. 
The man I was in love with, loved me back!

“Ally, you did the same for him. He was just as broken.  You two just need to remember that you don’t lose by loving, you lose by holding back.” 

I nodded just as the doorbell rang.  Wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, I stood to go answer it.  Before I could get too far, Vicki wrapped her arms around me and enfolded me in the most motherly hug that made me ache for my own mom. “Sweet child, welcome back.”  She whispered before letting me go.   

“Thank you.”  I said softly before swinging the door open to find Ian standing on my front porch.  Looking at me and then his mom, he smiled, “I thought she might be here.” 

“Hi son.” Vicki said as she pulled him into a hug.

“Is everything okay?”  He asked frowning as he noticed my red and wet eyes.

Before I could answer, Vicki stepped out the door.  “Everything is fine Ian, Ally and I were just having coffee and getting to know each other.  Ally, it was so good to finally meet you.  I will see you soon.”  She winked and then took Ian’s arm and led him down the steps.  I could hear him asking his mom what had happened as they walked. “Oh Ian, you’ll figure it out, help me unload the car.  I have to get back home.”  She smiled as they walked back up to her car.

***

I sat at the table after Vicki had left, wondering what I should do.  I had never had a real relationship, not as an adult anyway.  I had very little experience with all of this, and it was quite un-nerving.  I knew what I was feeling, but I had made a mess of things lately, and I didn’t know what to say or do to change that.