Bring Me Back (10 page)

“How’s your stomach feel Ally?”  I ask as soon as the credits come on.  She sits up and looks up at me, stretches a bit and smiles. “Not bad, considering you threw me down in the snow today.”  With that she stands up and walks to the bathroom, and to add insult to injury, before she closes the door, she sticks her tongue out at me.  I burst out laughing.

***

  It is somewhere around 3:00 a.m., and I have finally finished the last of the documents I needed to edit.  I close my laptop and pack the paperwork back into my folder.  Before I seek out Ally, I decide to stoke the fire.  The snow has slowed down, but it is still falling, and the accumulation has been significant. This is my first big snowstorm since moving here, and I am a little excited to see what we have to deal with when the sun comes up.  I better ask Ally what kind of snow removal equipment we have up here.

I stop at the kitchen and grab a couple cups of coffee and go looking for Ally.  “Ally?”  I holler as I walk down the hallway.  She doesn’t answer, and for a minute my heart beats faster as I wonder if she may have fallen asleep.  When I don’t find her in her bedroom, I walk to the last door in the hallway.  I haven’t ever been in there, but having looked everywhere else, I can only assume she is in there. 

***

I knock and don’t get an answer, so I open the door and peek in.  There she is, sitting at a workbench with headphones on and her iPod next to her.  I lean against the door jam and look around the room.  There are small buckets all along the shelves on the wall.  Each of them is full of everything from colorful glass to stones, to what looks like broken pottery.  I see the bag of grout that I brought from the hardware store and on the other side of the room is a large tool chest.  I don’t want to scare her by walking up behind her, so I try to call her name again, this time much louder. “Ally!”  She drops the tool she had in her hand and turns.  When she sees me hold out the coffee, she smiles and pulls her earphones off.  “Hey.”  She says as I walk to her.  “What is all of this?” I ask, handing her the coffee.  She takes a sip and looks around.  “
This
—is my hobby.” She smiles.
God I love her smile!
  “Hobby? Geez Ally, this looks like more than a hobby, this stuff is amazing!” I hold up a round mirror surrounded by navy, turquoise and crème colored glass.  The pattern is so complex, and must have taken hours to place these tiles like this.  “What do you do with all of the pieces you make?”  I ask, leaning over her as she uses a glass cutter to shape the broken pieces to the right shape and size for placement.  It’s fascinating to watch her work.  “I sell them at an art boutique in town, Ronnie delivers them for me.”  She seems almost embarrassed as she looks up at me. “Hey,” I say softly as I reach out and lift her chin with my finger, “These are really good Ally, you should be proud of yourself.”  And there it is again…that smile.

As impressed as I am with what she is doing, I can’t help but just watch
her
instead.  She digs in a bucket, pulling out several pieces of glass, throwing some back and keeping others for reasons unknown to me.   As I watch her work, I realize that when she is really concentrating on something, she gets these two little lines between her eyebrows, and she bites her bottom lip.  It’s so cute, and warms my heart to see her so relaxed. 

I sit down—still watching, and can’t help but laugh as she tries repeatedly to blow a strand of her hair out of her face, watching it fly up and then land right back on her nose, and then laugh even harder when she turns and glares at me.  “Okay, okay.”  I say as I stand up and back away.  As I walk out of the door, I swear I hear her giggle.

***

The sun is just starting to come up when Ally comes walking down the hall.  Sitting down in front of the fireplace, she angles her head, looking out the window.  “Wow, that’s some serious snow, huh?”  I stand and walk to the window. “Do you have a snow blower?”  I ask, looking over my shoulder.  “Yes, it’s in my garage.” She says as she lays back and stretches her hands over her head.  I raise my eyebrows and smirk at her, “You mean the garage with no car?”  She looks over, rolling her eyes at me, “Ha, ha, Ian.” Her tone is dripping sarcasm.  I wink at her and walk until I’m standing over her.  “Hungry?” I say, holding out my hand to help her up.  She reaches out and grabs my hand, pulling herself to her feet.  I notice her breath catches as she winces in pain.  “Still hurting?”  I ask, my voice filled with concern.  She nods, “Only sometimes, come on, let’s get some breakfast so we can tackle the snow.”  I watch as she walks off toward the kitchen, feeling a bit of dread in my stomach because I just know there’s another argument coming on—there is
no way
she is tackling
anything
if she is in pain.

Chapter 27

~Ally

After breakfast, I head into my bedroom to get dressed in my coveralls so I can clear some of the snow. 

Pulling my hair back, I slip on a hat and walk out the front door.  I can see footprints leading over to my garage, so I head that way.  Opening the side door, I see Ian standing over a plastic tote.  “Ian?  What are you looking at?”  I ask, walking over to stand next to him.  He cautiously turns and holds out a picture frame.  “Oh!”  I gasp and Ian grabs my arm, fully prepared for me to have a complete breakdown, but I don’t.  I just stare at the picture inside the frame.

***

It is my dad, mom and me on our last vacation just months before they died.  We were in Playa del Carmen, Mexico.  I all but forgot about that vacation until I saw this picture.  In the picture, my dad and I are getting strapped into the harnesses to go parasailing together. Mom had refused to try it, stating that someone would have to be able to keep an eye on the man driving the boat, so that dad and I didn’t become fish food.

Dad and I both knew mom was scared of heights, so we didn’t push it. I close my eyes, remembering the exhilaration I felt as we started to climb through the air.  Dad was giggling like a child, and it made me giggle.  There we were, flying through the sky with huge grins on our faces and giggling like school kids.  I remember the moment when we reached as high as we were going to go, and the peace we both felt as everything became so quiet.  “Wow Dad!”  I remember saying as I grabbed his hand. “Baby girl,” He said, looking me in the eyes.  “Peace of mind should never be taken for granted. You will never understand until it is taken away from you.”  Squeezing my hand he continues, “Never give up, never lose hope, don't look back at yesterday, but remember these memories, and make new ones. I love you.”  My heart swells, “I love you too dad!”

When we were set back on the boat, mom rushed us and throws her arms around us. “Mom!  You should have done this!  It was amazing!”  I gushed.  “Baby,” She said.  “I feel it too, just by looking at you—I don’t need to strap myself into a harness to fly with you two!”

***

When I open my eyes, I realize that I am hugging the frame to my chest and Ian is staring at me.  “I’m sorry.” I whisper.
Wow, how embarrassing
.  I turn away, setting the picture frame back on top of the plastic tote. 

When I turn around, Ian is so close that I can feel the warmth of his body.  Reaching out, he takes a hold of my shoulders and gently slides one hand up to my neck.  He carefully cradles my head, looking into my eyes the whole time, he leans down and kisses me so softly on the forehead, letting his lips linger there for an extra second or two before breaking our embrace.  Without another word, he grabs a hold of the snow blower and pushes it out of the garage.

I have to remind myself to breathe, after he disappears through the garage.  I can’t bring myself to move until I hear the roar of the snow blower come to life. 

***

What was that about?
 I wonder as I move a few things to get to the snow shovel.  My heart is still beating fast, and I have a strange tingling in my stomach as I remember how good it felt to have Ian hold me, to kiss me—something I haven’t felt in years.

After my parents died, I couldn’t let anyone touch me or hold me.  I felt like I was being smothered, like I couldn’t breathe.  Eventually, everyone I knew stopped trying to touch me.  I didn’t realize how much I craved it until recently with Ian.
What are you doing Ally?
I asked myself as I grab the shovel and head outside, looking around to deciding where to start. 

Heading toward my front porch, I notice that Ian is working a path to his house with the snow blower. 
He must be anxious to go home
, I think. The poor guy has been staying with me since I came home from the hospital.  I’m sure he probably feels a sense of obligation; after all, I didn’t really give him much of a choice by showing up on his front door step.  

Although it has been so nice to have someone around—someone who didn’t pressure me into talking about things or explaining things, someone who wasn’t afraid to show his own weaknesses—someone who could make me laugh, It’s been great, but I really need to let him get back to his own life, and the only way to do that is to let him know I
don’t
need him—even though I think in some way, I
really
do.

***

I start to shovel the snow, ignoring the slight pull in my side as I do it.  I am over half way done when I feel the shovel pulled out of my hands. “Ally, what are you doing?”  I turn and see Ian standing with my shovel in one hand and the other hand on his hip.  Cocking my head to the side I answer him. “What does it look like Ian?  I’m cleaning off my porch.”   I state simply, raising my eyebrows in challenge, not sure I like the tone in his voice. 

He takes his hand and drags it through his hair, damp with sweat.  “Listen Ally, I don’t think you should be doing this.  You’re not strong enough yet.”  He says, trying to sound concerned, but it sounds more condescending to me. Feeling myself getting mad, I grab the shovel back.  “I’m fine Ian, and I don’t think it is your call whether I should do this or not.”  I look at his face and see the shock register, and also what looks like hurt too.  I
can’t
give into him, if I do, he will never feel like I’m well enough for him to go home.  “Ally,” He says, reaching out to me, “Look, I’m sorry, I don’t want to make you mad, I just don’t want you getting hurt.”  Looking into his dark eyes, I realize why I’m really doing this.  Not only am I pushing him away so he doesn’t feel any obligation to me, but I’m also doing it because I am falling for this man, and I can’t take the chance of losing someone else I care about.  I need to protect myself before this gets too far. 

“Ally? Let’s go inside and talk about this.” He says grabbing my hand.  Taking a step back, I look at him and shake my head.  Rubbing my hands over my forehead, remembering his kiss—and how much I loved it as I do it, I begin to speak.  “What are we doing Ian?”  He looks confused, so I continue. “
This
,” Pointing between us, “Well, I think it’s time to stop playing house.” He raises his eyebrows, “Is that what you think this is Ally, a game?”  I sigh, “I don’t know what it is Ian, but I just think maybe it’s time for you to go back to your own house. I’m much better now, and while I appreciate everything you’ve done, I really don’t
need
you here anymore.”  His face turns from concerned to angry, and I mentally prepare myself for a fight, but instead he simply says, “If that’s what you want Ally.  I’ll just get my things.” And he turns and walks into my house. I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut, and I can’t catch my breath.  I know if I stay right here when he comes back out, I’ll cave.  I have to get away, so I grab the shovel and walk back to the garage, closing the door behind me.

Chapter 28

~Ian

I can’t believe what just happened.  I stand in the middle of Ally’s kitchen, not sure what to do first. 

When I saw the picture in the frame sitting on one of the totes in the garage, I couldn’t help but pick it up and examine it.  She couldn’t have been too much younger than she is now, but the difference was astonishing.  There was so much life in her eyes.  She looked so beautiful standing with her parents in her bathing suit and harness.  She had her head thrown back—laughing—and her parents were looking at her with such love.  It was obvious they were all very close.