Broken Holidays: A Broken Series Novella (The Broken Series) (8 page)

It shouldn’t have affected me that he wasn’t wearing any underwear, that he was barely covered, that he had drunkenly kissed me because I’d taken care of him…

But it did.

Goddammit. It did.

Waking up with a hangover sucked. I never wanted to do it again. And yet, I clearly still hadn’t learned my lesson.

Groaning, I fumbled on the nightstand for my phone, dead set on throwing it across the room to make the god-awful noise of my alarm stop. The pale light streaming in through the curtains told me I’d survived Christmas Eve, but I wasn’t quite sure how it had happened. My brain was a foggy haze of nothing and my head hurt too much to think about it. Especially, since I had to work.

Once I finally silenced the offending device, I slowly and carefully rolled to my side. I needed water and Ibuprofen first thing. As I sat up and reached for my glasses, I noticed the glass and the pill bottle on my nightstand. Water and Ibuprofen. Had I really thought that far ahead? Grabbing the bottle carefully, I popped a few of the pills into my mouth and reached for the glass. The fact that the water was still cold told me someone else had put it here. My mind immediately brought up a picture of Lili standing over my bed. A pair of hot pink underwear. Lili helping me under the covers. Lili brushing my hair off my forehead.

Fuck.

What the fuck had I done?

As my head continued to pound, I glanced around my room, trying to put together any other pieces of the puzzle. The clothes I’d worn last night, including my jacket, were folded on the edge of Conner’s bed. I didn’t see any other clothes, but that didn’t mean there hadn’t been any.

“Fuck,” I muttered, feeling the need to say the word out loud this time. I started pushing myself to my feet, being careful as I headed toward the door with my now empty water glass. Shuffling down the hall, I heard soft voices in the kitchen. Good. Tish was home; I could’ve done too much. He may have even been the one to leave the water.

As I crossed into the kitchen, the conversation ceased. I blinked against the brighter light in this room and realized Lili wasn’t in here with Tish. It was Kas. The kitchen was a mess of food prep. I’d completely forgotten that she had asked to cook Christmas dinner for all of us.

“Damn. You look like shit,” Tish said as the smell of all the food hit me. I swallowed hard, fighting back the instant wave nausea that rolled over me.

“Feel like it,” I said, moving to the refrigerator to grab some more water. “Did you bring the water to me?”

“No. Lili checked on you about fifteen minutes ago. She was worried that you hadn’t gotten up yet,” Tish answered, his arms still around Kas as she tried to cook.

Lili.

Dammit.

“Damn. What time did I get in last night?”

Tish shrugged as I downed the water. “Hell if I know. We only got here about an hour ago.”

The nausea returned, this time for a completely different reason. “You weren’t home last night?”

Tish raised an eyebrow as he studied my expression. “No. Why?”

I shook my head, trying to stay calm. “Where’s Lili?”

“She just went to bed. She looked worse than you. Said she had a bad night at work and was dreading another tonight,” Tish said, still eyeing me.

I nodded, glancing over at the clock. “Fuck,” I muttered, realizing it was already seven-fifteen. I had to leave for work in half an hour. “I have to go to work.”

“Yeah, Lili told me to wake you up at seven-thirty if you didn’t get up on your own,” Tish said, his feigned attempt at casualness completely transparent. “She seemed a little off.”

“Huh,” I said noncommittally, passing Tish to make myself a cup of coffee after I finished the second glass of water. Caffeine would be necessary to make it through the day.

I headed back to my room, my mind starting to buzz. What had I been thinking drinking so much when I knew I had to work and go get Conner today? Well, that was easy. Obviously, I hadn’t been thinking or I wouldn’t have somehow ended up doing God only knows what with Lili. I needed to talk to her, clear things up, but that was second. First, I had to make it through this shift.

Work
was just as horrible as I’d imagined. This year, it seemed that people were forgetting the fact that cabbies didn’t give a flying fuck about pedestrians. The number of auto versus pedestrian accidents Jackson and I responded to was sickening.

But, it kept me busy and I made it through. Now, I was stuck in traffic on my way to pick up Conner and I was thrilled. I knew he’d want to tell me all about the presents he got from Santa and his excitement would help me forget about the pain in my chest over missing this time with him. He was the best kind of medicine. He always made me smile and feel like I was loved in a way no one else really did.

Kids needed and deserved unconditional love, but sometimes, it was their unconditional love that healed us. At least, that’s how it felt to me.

My excitement dissipated the second I turned onto Lizzie’s street. Adam’s car was parked in the driveway. The anger I felt when it came to his threats simmered. He was going to try to start something, I could almost feel it coming as I parked behind his car. I took a deep breath as I stepped out, hoping Lizzie was smart enough to keep him away since she knew I was coming by. Unfortunately, I knew better.

Adam was a master at confrontation and since we’d finally dropped any pretense of actually being friends, it was as if he lived to find new ways to push me.

I tapped my knuckles against the door three times and listened, in hopes that Conner was waiting and would answer. He made it infinitely easier to deal with Adam, or just easier to keep my temper in check. The door swung open and I kept my expression smooth as Adam crossed his arms over his chest.

“Well, well, well,” he said, a cocky smirk on his face. As much as I hated violence, I was starting to think that I hated this asshole even more.

I cleared my throat, lifting my chin and squaring up to Adam, showing him I wasn’t afraid of him in the slightest. Because I wasn’t. He was a pansy-ass and we both knew it. “Is my son ready to go?”

He laughed, the sound mocking and cold. I clenched my hands into fists at my sides, and somehow managed to keep them there, staving off the anger yet again. “
Your son
? I’m sorry, do you have a son?”

My anger boiled, my body trembling as I stepped closer. “Daddy?” Conner’s small voice came from behind Adam and I closed my eyes, releasing a heavy breath. I had almost hit him…right in front of Conner. I was exhausted and in a piss poor mood from lack of sleep and I’d let Adam goad me, as always.

“I’m more of a father than you’d have any idea how to be,” I whispered as I glared at Adam. “Now, get out of my way.”

Conner’s footsteps across the entryway tile got louder as Adam leaned into me. “Maybe
your son
will be able to handle losing his father better than you did.”

“Motherfuc—”

Adam stepped back as Conner crashed into my legs, wrapping his arms around them in his customary greeting. I smiled down at him, lifted him in my arms, and walked past Adam into the house. “Little man! I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too, Daddy. But did you know that Santa came? He came last night…” Conner rattled on as I walked through the living room. I wanted to find Lizzie so I could have a talk with her. Finally hearing her in the kitchen, I put Conner down at the door to his room.

“Okay, I want you to pick two toys, your two favorites, and put them in your bag for tonight. I’m gonna go talk to Mommy and I’ll be right back,” I said the words with a smile, but his face fell. He knew. I hated that he knew it meant a fight was coming. I hated that he knew I was putting him in his room to shield him from it. He nodded and moved to close the door, the understanding on his face enough to break my heart. He shouldn’t know. He shouldn’t live through what I’ve lived through. He shouldn’t be afraid or have to hide away in his room because Lizzie and I couldn’t get through one conversation civilly anymore.

I scrubbed my hands over my face, determined to do better for him, as I was every time. It didn’t work. When Lizzie looked up from the table where she was struggling to remove the packaging from some toy that must’ve been secondary to all the bigger toys Conner received, her eyes were glassy.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” I hissed, moving closer to the table in hopes I could keep my voice down. “It’s Christmas.”

“Stop acting like you’re so much better than me. Look in a fucking mirror before you judge. Late night?” Lizzie spat, shoving the box away from her as she stood, leaning across the table toward me.

I narrowed my eyes. “What I do when I don’t have my son isn’t really any of your concern, just like what you do when Conner isn’t here is none of mine. But when
my son
is home, he doesn’t need to see it.”

“Like he has any idea what I’m doing,” she scoffed, crossing her arms.

“He’s smarter than you give him credit for, even with his poor genes,” I said, grabbing the box and letting out some of my frustration as I easily popped the packaging loose. “It needs to stop, Lizzie. Period.”

“Or what?” Adam’s voice came from behind me. I wanted to turn around but that was exactly why I didn’t. “If you take her to court, you know you’ll lose.”

I ground my jaw, narrowing my eyes at Lizzie. “Get your shit together. He deserves better than this.” I turned, staring down at Adam. “Your threats are getting really old. You think you can strip my parental rights? I fucking dare you to try.”

Starting past him toward the hall, my thoughts were on Conner. I just wanted to get him out of here and spend the next twenty-four hours focusing on having him with me. “You know, Daniel said he saw you last night.” Lizzie’s words stopped me. I glanced over my shoulder at her, trying to remember anything her cousin might’ve seen. “He said you were leaving a bar draped all over some tiny girl with a name tag on. You wouldn’t be screwing around with Tish’s pet, would you? Because I’m pretty sure if you’re living with someone, the courts are supposed to know…” she trailed off and I took a deep breath. She was apparently learning how to threaten my rights from Adam. I had to keep my calm. Plus, I really couldn’t remember leaving with Lili. Actually, I couldn’t remember getting home at all. I knew I wouldn’t drive, but my car was home, so someone drove it there. Was it Lili? It must have been because the seat was further up when I tried to get in it this morning.

“Like I said, I’m getting sick of the threats. What I do when I don’t have Conner is none of your business.” I continued to the hallway, ready to get the hell away from here.

I knocked on Conner’s door, surprised to see him sitting on his bed with his legs crossed as he leaned on his backpack. He lifted his head to look at me and I saw something that looked almost like disappointment on his face.

“You ready to go? I know Uncle Tish is looking forward to seeing you,” I said excitedly. He smiled, but it was half-hearted. “Come on.”

“I’m pretty sure the fire marshal would shut us down if he wandered in right now,” Nikki said, rushing past me yet again. I’d never seen so many people in this bar and just the sight of the crowd had me on edge. I didn’t have a problem with crowds, but it was Christmas. Plus, if there were this many people in here, I could only imagine how many were still outside on the Strip.

It was a madhouse.

I’d worked at three different bars this year before finding myself here. This place was still, by far, the classiest I’d worked in. That included the times I had to stand on the bar and receive catcalls while I poured shots into the mouths of horny college guys or business men looking to score while they were away from their wives.

After all, what happened in Vegas…

“Hey, somebody is here asking for you,” Missy said as she brushed past me, carrying three bottles between her fingers. She’d been here longer than Nikki and I combined, but from the way the bouncer, Donovan, talked, she was one step away from getting her ass canned.

I followed the direction of her nod, searching for a moment before a familiar face appeared in the sea of madness. I felt my brows furrow as I approached the side of the bar where Lizzie sat. I looked around for a second, wondering if she’d shown up with Zane. Remembering that Zane had Conner for Christmas, I was right back to being confused.

“Hey,” I said, nodding to Nikki as she called my name. “Can I help you with something?” Over the past year, I’d intentionally avoided being around when Lizzie came to pick up Conner. After finding out that she managed to dig her claws back into Zane, I’d lost any desire I might have had to be cordial. It wasn’t that I disliked her, I still didn’t know her, it was really more along the lines of I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel around her. And I wasn’t really sure what to expect since she showed up here this way.

The disdain in her expression as her eyes traveled the length of my body immediately had me on edge. “I don’t know what it is about bitches like you.”

“Excuse me?” I lifted an eyebrow, crossing my arms over my chest defensively. I’d never done anything to Lizzie, never even looked at her wrong, and here she was, trying to start shit with me out of nowhere.

“You heard me,” she said, leaning forward on the bar. “He’ll treat you just like the rest of these skanks. You know that, right? That’s all he sees you as.”

“Who?” I asked, feigning confusion. I could lie, it was a quickly acquired and necessary skill when you lived on the streets, but it didn’t fool her. It was too obvious who she meant. I still had no idea why she was here, though.

“Zane belongs with me. He knows it and so do I. It’s the reason he ends up back in my bed, over and over again. I’m the only one he keeps coming back to. The rest of these bitches, you included, are just wasting your time.”

I’d known that Zane had slept with Lizzie last year around Christmas, he’d told me as much on the roof, but over and over? I thought the point of telling me was a hope that he wouldn’t make the same mistake again. “Well, for starters, who I fuck and don’t fuck isn’t really any of your concern. As far as Zane goes…” I stopped myself, getting ready to throw in her face how big of a mistake he told me sleeping with her was. What if he’d changed his mind? What if, now, he didn’t see it as a mistake? I didn’t want to be the one responsible for telling her he’d hated her if he ended up wanting her back. “We’re just friends. It’s all we’ve ever been.”

I tried not to think about the kiss last night, tried with everything I had to keep it from my face, but I felt like it was obvious. It felt like a shining beacon. It wasn’t even the first time we’d kissed, but it was the only time in that sort of…situation.

“Right. Because I believe a whore can just
be friends
with a guy like him,” she laughed and turned like she was about to walk away.

“At least I’m not the one who got knocked up by another man when I had him,” I snapped, not thinking about whether Zane would be mad; not really caring anymore. “I’m not sure what your definition of whore is, but I’m pretty sure that tops mine.”

She lunged across the bar, surprising me and the patrons who had been watching the end of the interaction with interest. Her hand made contact with my neck as Donovan pulled her away from behind. I’d seen him coming up as the scene escalated but he didn’t catch her before she drew blood. I hissed as her nails tore skin, jumping forward to reach for her. My arm was caught before I could climb over the bar, Nikki pulling me back as Donovan and Lizzie disappeared through the crowd.

“Fuck,” I hissed as my fingers touched my jaw. I shrugged out of Nikki’s grip, heading toward the bathroom to clean up. As I took in the sight of the two matching scratches from below my ear to my chin, my anger flared. It wasn’t like me to stand there and not react when I was attacked, but I was at work. She had shown up here, at my fucking job, and lunged at me. I grabbed paper towels and wet them under the faucet, thinking back on her words. It was like she somehow knew that some line had been crossed last night.

But how?

I froze with the paper towel halfway to my wound. Zane. He had to pick up Conner today, that’s the only way she could’ve known.

I’d stayed in his room for a while last night, making sure he didn’t get sick again while I waited for the laundry to finish. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that kiss, but I’d gone to bed in an attempt to avoid him. I knew Zane. I knew him well enough to know he would freak out about what happened and I wasn’t ready to hear him talk about how much he regretted it. Now, I was ready to talk. I was ready to give him an earful.

When the water from the paper towel was running down to my elbow, I finally lifted it to my face, covering the marks to wipe away the blood. I definitely had something to say about this.

It
was late when I made it home Christmas night and Zane had already taken Conner home on his way to work by the time I got up. I shuffled into the kitchen and made a plate of leftovers from dinner, thankful I had the night off. I just wanted to sleep. We’d gotten our asses kicked last night at the bar, which I still found amusing given that it was Christmas.

The house was quiet after my shower. Just as I was debating on whether to take a nap, the front door opened and Zane came in. We paused when we saw each other and he sighed before heading to his room. Great. That little moment of eye contact made it obvious that he regretted whatever happened between us.

It hurt worse than I thought.

“That’s just perfect,” I muttered to myself, starting to stand. We were back to square one and Zane would go back to avoiding me and treating me like a nuisance. We’d be tiptoeing around one another and I’d end up hiding in my room rather than dealing with his coldness.

I remembered this place. And I fucking hated it.

“What’s perfect?” Zane’s voice stopped me. I looked up as he leaned against the wall, arms crossed.

I could blow this off, walk away, and keep my head held high, or I could lose it at the antagonistic look on his face and drive the final nail deeper in the coffin.

“You’re such a prick,” I sighed, the words coming out almost defeated, like I knew what I was going to say but I couldn’t stop it. Which was almost how it felt.

“I’m a prick?” He grinned, amused. “And this surprises you?”

“I guess it shouldn’t. This is who you are, right? You live to push everyone away, no matter how hard we try to stay.” I could feel myself getting emotional and I stopped, pulling back and reigning it in.

“Yes. And I take what I want from women and discard them. You knew that about me before.” He’s voice was tight, almost strained.

I stared at him, my mouth open as I tried to find words. “What does that mean?”

“What do you think it means? You can’t walk into a situation and expect someone to change who they are. I told you that a long time ago. Women try to attach feelings to sex, but it’s just that. Sex. It’s a physical act—”

“I’m well aware of what sex is,” I snapped, feeling embarrassed and angry. “Do you remember
anything
from the other night?”

He lifted his chin but didn’t answer. I nodded, having gotten all the confirmation I needed. In his eyes, I could what he assumed happened and how he felt about the fact that it had. I hated it. I hated that he was angry about what he thought happened. Worse, I hated that he thought it happened because it meant that Lizzie was right. He just saw me as another one of many.

I started past him, pausing when I was just far enough down the hall that he was out of my line of sight.

“Next time you need someone to clean you up when you’re drunk,
don’t
call me. I’m done.”