Broken Memphis (3 page)

"Do you have anything to eat?" I ask.

"No. I was waiting for you ladies to get up so we could head over to Denny's."

"I don't have money for that," I grumble.

"I'll pay. Ready to go?"

"When can we go back home?" I ask, picking up Lula.

"You are home."

Lula looks at me like he's ripped out her heart and shit on it.

"She thinks of Darby's place as our home."

Pax gives the dog a look then stands up. "Come here, ladies."

I follow him back down the hall towards the bedrooms. He stops at the smaller one and opens the door. The room is empty except for a bunk bed.

"What do you think, little one?"

Lula still looks ready to cry when Pax takes her from my arms. He plops her on the top bunk where she stares at me in horror. Hiding under her dark hair, Lula is too afraid to speak.

"You like pink?" he asks her. When she doesn't respond except to stare at me, he continues, "Girls like pink, don't they? We can paint the walls in here pink and get lots of princess crap. You like girl stuff or are you a tomboy?"

"She's three," I mutter. "Let me get her down."

"Hush," he says, waving me off. "The kid and I are talking."

He taps Lula's hand, and she finally looks at him. "It was crowded over at Darby's place, but you can have your own big girl room. I never had my own room when I was little. Always had to share it with stinky Ford."

Lula smiles at the stinky part. She looks around as Pax fills her head with the fantasy of pink. Even though he's always been a rude fucker, I can't deny I've nursed a crush on Pax. Now, though, I fucking hate him.

"She needs to eat breakfast," I say, shoving him aside and taking her down from the bed. "You have bread. I'll make us toast."

Pax follows me out of the room then grabs the loop in my jeans and makes me stop.

"We're gonna out to eat. Don't be a bitch."

Spinning around, I glare at him. "Don't you F U C K I N G call me a B I T C H, you S T U P I D A S S H O L E."

Smiling, Pax leans in close enough for me to feel his warm breath on my skin. "I can't spell for shit, so I have no idea what you just told me."

My rage makes me shake. Sensing my anger, Lula wants to cry. I set her on the couch and turn on cartoons.

"Wait here while I talk to Pax outside. I'll be right back, and we'll have breakfast."

Lula watches me shove Pax out the back door and onto the deck. I shiver at the late autumn weather then smack his arm.

"You F U C K I N G suck."

"What is your problem? And feel free to stop spelling so I can figure out what you're bitching about."

I want to punch him, but I don't because he's Pax. I can never tell if he's really so dumb that he doesn't even know he's dumb. If he's that stupid, I don't feel good about messing with him.

"We're not staying here."

"Why?" he says, crossing his arms over the strong chest I used to fantasize about. "It's nice here. Look at this fenced yard. A kid could have fun out here. Get a swing set and shit. I'd have killed to have that as a kid."

"Me too, but that's the point. She won't have it. You'll have it. And what happens when you stop doing whatever you're doing now?"

Deciding I don't care if he doesn't know he's stupid, I shove him without much effort. Sitting on the deck's steps, I mutter, "You're messing with my kid's head."

Pax sits next to me. "I'm trying to be nice."

"No, you want something."

"To fuck you. No biggie."

Rolling my eyes, I shove my elbow into his gut. He grins at my lame attempt to hurt him.

"I could explain, but you'd have to fucking promise not to tell anyone."

Glancing sideways at him, I realize he's serious. "Okay."

"Pinkie promise this mutherfucker."

"Stop cussing so much," I say, even while linking my pinkie with his.

"I like cussing."

"Me too, but I don't want Lula cussing."

"You worry too much."

Sighing, I shiver again from the cold. "So what's your big secret?"

Pax gets up and opens the door. He tells Lula we're almost done then shuts the door and returns.

"Here," he says, handing me his jacket.

"Thanks, but you ought to wear a hat over your damp hair."

Pax grins at my concern but doesn't go back inside. Instead, he sits next to me again.

I slide into his jacket then frown. "Spill your guts."

"I'm lonely."

"B U L L S H I T."

"Girl, I seriously can't spell for shit. Every time you spell something, it's gibberish to me."

"I don't believe you're lonely."

"It's true. Ford ditched me. Now, he vacations with his new family, and they didn't even invite crazy Uncle Pax along."

"Did you want to go?"

"No, but they should have asked," he says, nearly pouting.

"Wait, I thought Shay asked."

"She doesn't count."

Struggling against the urge to laugh at him, I only nod. "You're like a little boy."

"You mean adorable?"

"No, stupid."

"And adorable."

"You're a little adorable, yes."

Pax scoots closer to me, and I pretend he's just cold. Thinking of him wanting to be closer for any other reason makes me too nervous.

"Last night, I thought of you being in that dollhouse with all those hookers and their kids and Darby. Then I thought of me being all alone here, and I figured I would take advantage of your situation to get what I wanted."

Frowning at his honesty, I hope he'll keep telling the truth. "What happens when you're not lonely anymore?"

"Ford ain't ditching Shay. He's talking marriage and baby carriages now. Well, Shay's talking about that and he nods, but it's the same thing. He isn't coming back."

"But you bring women here."

"I'll keep the fucking quiet. Ball gag them, if necessary. Or take the loud ones somewhere else. Bathroom stalls are handy."

I roll my eyes. "Not that you aren't charming with all the ball gag talk, but I still don't think we should stay here."

"Your kid would have a nice place to call home. I even have a lady who cleans and a guy who mows."

"I know it's nice. That's the problem."

Annoyed, Pax frowns at me with his pale blue eyes. "You're making as much sense as when you spell at me."

"Let's say you do what you say and she gets a pretty little girl room. How could I not want that for her? I never had my own room, and I never lived in a house like this one. I want that for Lula, but what happens when you find some woman or you get sick of us being around? It's not like I can move her somewhere nice. She'll lose everything, and I'll have to see all that disappointment on her little face."

Crying now, I know there's no stopping the tears. "Those fuckers made my baby drink beer. When I tried to stop them, they hit me in front of her. I act like I'm better than my mom because I don't hook for money, but my little girl is growing up knowing the same kind of fear and poverty as I did. I suck as a mom."

Pax wraps an arm around my shoulder. "You're a good mom. I like how you protected her from me."

"I knew you wouldn't hurt her. Not on purpose, but you're making her feel special and giving her ideas about how she can have things. I can't give her those things. You can, but you can also change your mind. Then I'll be the loser who cleans toilets and barely has enough money for Christmas presents. At least at Darby's, we'll have a tree and nice things even if I wasn't giving them to her."

Sobbing now, I whimper, "She's such a good little girl, and they made her drink beer and called her a little slut. I couldn't stop them. I just stood there like a loser."

"I'm gonna kill them."

"That doesn't change what happened. Besides, you're the one killing them. You're going to give her a room. I don't do anything."

"Yeah, but I only do that stuff because I like you. You're funny even though I don't understand half of what you say with all the spelling."

Wiping my eyes, I sigh. "You'll break her heart. I know you will. I do it all the time."

"You're a good mom. That stuff with Taz isn't your fault. It's her dad's fault, and I'm gonna kill him too. It's what I do. I have money and buy things. I have a bat and kill assholes. You can stay here and help me stop feeling lonely. I don't like feeling this way. It makes me hate Shay, and I don't want to hate her. She's funny and Ford loves her. Do me this favor and move into the house. I promise I'll do you the favor of keeping my hoes away from here."

Studying Pax's handsome face, I realize he's genuine. He really wants us to move in with him.

"We can give you privacy when you need it," I say, wiping my face on my tee.

When I grimace from the pain of my eye, Pax reaches over and brushes his fingers against my bruised cheek.

"Did Taz do that, or one of his little shits?"

"One of the shits. Don't ask me which one. They all have those stupid Mohawks."

"I'm gonna burn them all down."

"If you let them live, they might kill Wolfman."

"Why would I want that? I'm looking forward to killing the fucker. I wanted to kill him before last night. He was the fucking fucker who beat on Folgers when he was a pup. My dog needed vengeance. Now you'll both get it."

I grin because he's serious about wanting payback for his dog. "Thank you for coming last night."

"What else was I going to do? If I didn't go, Darby would have."

I hold his gaze. "That's not the point."

"Why do things need a point?"

"I don't know, but I'm thanking you, and you should just say you're welcome. It doesn't need to be a big deal."

"Fine. You're welcome. Now you remember how things don't need to be a big deal when I pay for breakfast or get the kid a pink room. Just say thanks, and don't get all pissy about it."

"With your way with words, it's no surprise you get so much pussy."

Pax gives me a dazzling smile, and I know exactly why he gets so much pussy.

"Let's go eat. I'm about ready to puke I'm so hungry."

Standing up, Pax pulls me to my feet, and we walk inside the house, where Lula remains on the couch. She's always so sweet, and I want her to have everything in life. Despite fearing Pax will steal away all the promises he's making, I want to believe in him.

4

Pax

Gonna Lose a Leg

Bebe gets plenty of weird looks with her swollen and bruised eye. People don't look at me though.
Who wants to piss off the scary guy capable of punching his woman in the face?
Their assumptions mean nothing to me. People have been judging me all my life.

Child Services came into my life early. Even seeing my mom for the junkie loser she was, they gave her more chances than she deserved. Over and over, they pulled us out of safe foster homes to go live with Mommy Fuckup again. Those days are long ago, and I rarely think about them. They did teach me to ignore the opinions of strangers. No one knows half of what they think they do.

"I'm a waffle guy," I say when Bebe gives me her pouty look. "Don't know why they taste so much better than pancakes. I think they make it all out of the same shit."

Bebe doesn't like that I bought her kid a cupcake cup. Even if it only cost three bucks, her panties are in a bunch. She ain't mad at me, just sad at how she doesn't have three dollars to piss away on a silly cup. I should ignore her depressed eyes, but her unhappiness makes my stomach hurt.

"You like pancakes?" I ask Lula who sucks milk through the pink straw of her cup.

The little girl nods then looks at her cup. I'm Santa Claus for buying the damn thing. I wish her mom was so easy to please.

"We can stop by the store and get groceries," I say, digging into my waffles.

Once Bebe finishes helping Lula with her food, she looks at me. Feels good when her gaze is focused on my face. She doesn't just look. She dissects, memorizes, and owns what she sees. I give her a grin, and she finally shares it.

"Can we go to Darby's and pick up the rest of our stuff?"

"Naw. I mean, you can take my SUV and go. I need to get some guys to come over and see about painting the kid's room."

"Are you going to pick the paint color?"

"I thought you said she likes pink."

"She does, but there is more than one kind of F U C K I N G pink. Like there's bright Pepto-Bismol pink and light pink and lots of in-the-middle pink."

"You're real pretty when you spell like that."

Bebe rolls her eyes before grimacing in pain. "Ugh, Darby told me to put ice on my eye, and I didn't. I'm paying the price now."

Lula stands up and kisses her mom's face. "Feel better?"

"Yes, baby."

Watching them, I feel a little left out. Same way as when Ford and Shay goof around. They're a part of something, and I'm on the outside. Loner isn't a part I want to play. I was always half of a duo, and now I stand alone.

"What's wrong?" Bebe asks when I glare at her for too long.

"Nothing."

"Are you changing your mind about us moving in with you?"

"No. I don't change my mind so willy-fucking-nilly. I'm not a girl."

Bebe narrows her eyes at me then grimaces again. "You're in a B I T C H mood now."

I glance at Lula eating her food again. She looks so little holding the fork and shoving pancake chunks into her mouth. I think about when I was that little.
Would I want to live with a club killer?

"Can I get you folks anything?" the waitress asks.

I focus my gaze on her and smile really big. Chicks like when I smile. They say it makes them hard and soft at the same time.

"No, we're okay. Thank you for your fine service," I say, taking her hand.

The waitress flushes bright red and smiles sweetly for me. When I let go of her hand, she hurries away, only peeking back at me once.

I turn back to Bebe, who sighs. "I swear you're a lame M U T H E R F U C K E R.

"How do you figure?" I ask, gulping my coffee. "Don't tell me you're jealous of the pretty waitress."

Bebe leans forward. "She thinks you're a S C U M B A G who is flirting with her in front of your kid and woman. A woman that you beat up. I bet she's in the kitchen talking about what a L O S E R you are."