Broken Memphis (8 page)

"I'm plenty tall."

"Almost too tall really."

Pax glares at me for teasing him, but I only smile since he makes it so easy. Once inside the restaurant, he proves he wasn't kidding about the good table. Lula can't sit still and keeps staring at the fish tank a few feet from her chair.

"I did good," Pax says, patting himself on the back.

"Yes, you did."

His gaze meets mine, and I know he's about to mess with me. He leans forward and sighs. "I'm paying for dinner, so you'll owe me. I'll take my payment in fucking tonight."

"Maybe," I say, focusing on the menu.

Pax's silence forces me to look at him. His expression is hilarious.

"I only said maybe."

"I expected a big fat no. Now I have hope."

I laugh at how he winks down at his crotch. He's in a weird mood, and I can't stop smiling when he grins so brilliantly.

My fingers skim over his busted knuckles, and he loses his smile. Now he simply watches me in an intense way I wish I could turn off.

"I should help Lula order."

Pax says nothing, but I feel him watching me while I look over the menu with Lula. She decides on chicken fingers and corn then returns to watching the fish. After we order, I study Pax, who exhales as if he's been waiting for me to notice him again.

"What's your mom's name?" I ask and Pax flinches.

His face runs through several emotions then settles on annoyance. "Why?"

"I want to know you."

Frown disappearing, Pax looks me up and down then glances at Lula watching the fish tank.

"Tina. I don't know her middle name."

"Do you look like her?"

"I guess. I mean, Ford and I look somewhat alike. I assume we have different dads."

"I don't know my dad either."

"Was he a…" Pax pauses to glance at Lula again. "Was he a client?"

"My mom wasn't sure. She said it didn't matter. The men she served and the men she dated were the same kind of losers. They didn't pay support or want anything to do with a kid. Same with my sister Sabine's dad."

"Where's your sister now? Shay said she disappeared. What does that mean though?"

"I like to think she ran away and started over somewhere, but I don't think so. She's been gone for too long without contacting me."

"If she died, wouldn't you know? Most people leave bodies where they'll be found. I heard the cops sweep certain rivers and creeks weekly to look for the bodies of working girls."

We both look at Lula, who is ignoring us. Thinking of my sister, I run a finger along with the sweat from my drink.

"I sometimes dream Sabine moved to the beach," I say softly. "She dreamed of living in a resort town. She said her life never gave her a chance to be out in the sun where she could tan. I like to believe she made it to Florida. Maybe she sent me a postcard and it never reached me because of Wolfman or me moving around so much. I still have hope even if I shouldn't."

"Hoping doesn't hurt shit," he says, taking my hand. "Does your sister look like you?"

"A little, but not much. We have the same eyes as our mom. That's about it."

"Lula has your eyes. I don't notice stuff like that usually, but it's real obvious with you two."

Staring into his fair blue eyes, I lose track of everything. I think of how we're alike in a lot of ways. We can make something out of the crap hands we've been dealt. The delusion feels so real that I only snap out of it when the food arrives. Realizing I'm stupid to believe I can satisfy Pax when an entire harem leaves him restless, I avoid his gaze while we eat. He doesn't stop watching me though.

Lula's whimpering breaks the awkward spell, and I turn to find her nearly in tears.

"What happened?" I ask softly.

Lula shows me how she dripped ketchup on her new dress. "I made a mess."

"It's okay. It'll come off in the wash."

My words mean nothing to Lula. She's prickly about messes and likes to keep her things nice. Now her night is ruined because of a small red spot on her otherwise pristine dress.

Already moving, Pax kneels next to a weepy Lula and studies her ketchup spot.

"Are you a messy eater?" he asks.

Miserable from such a small mistake, Lula nods.

Pax sighs. "I'm messy too. Look."

Lula watches him dip his finger into the ketchup on her plate. He wipes the ketchup on his shirt then sighs again.

"See?"

Lula doesn't want to smile, but she gives in when Pax acts like he might cry. After she wipes the mess off his shirt, leaving a spot behind, my daughter hugs him reassuringly.

"Mom will clean it."

"That's what we keep her around for."

Even rolling my eyes, I want to hug him for making her smile again. He returns to his seat then glances at the fish tank.

"I had a fish once when I was a kid, but the cat fell in the tank and killed it. That cat was so mad about getting wet, but he didn't care at all about killing the fish. You ever have fish?"

Lula shakes her head. "I've never had a pet."

"You have Folgers now. We should get fish too. I bet Folgers would like a tank of fish to watch. He gets bored when it's cold out."

Lula's eyes light up. "Can we have orange ones?"

"Sure. After you finish eating, you can point at the ones you like."

Ketchup spot forgotten, Lula returns to eating. Her happiness makes me crave Pax even more. I'd think he was using her to con me into bed, but he's not that kind of guy. I doubt Pax plans anything out. Organizing this table is likely the closest he's come to being romantic in his life.

When I smile at him, he gives me a weird look. He clearly doesn't understand how sexy he is when he's sweet to Lula. Making women swoon normally comes down to Pax flexing his muscles and flashing his baby blues. For me, when he makes my little girl laugh, I want to keep him forever.

By the time we leave after a decadent dessert the three of us share, I'm done waiting for my eye to heal. Pax might not be forever. He might not be a man capable of remaining faithful. My heart might end up broken. I don't care. I just want to fall for a guy. With Howie, I dated him because I couldn't say no. I never found him attractive. The sex was dull. He bored me in every way. The only time I wasn't bored was when I was scared.

With Pax, I'm falling, and I don't want to stop.

Lula is wiped out by the time we get home. I give her a bath before we take her dress to the laundry room where she watches me spray spot remover on the ketchup stain. Once she's satisfied with my work, I carry Lula to bed and read her a book until she dozes off.

Through it all, I hope Pax waits for me in the living room. He doesn't disappoint.

I sit on my knees next to him on the couch while he flips through channels. He's wearing a different tee, and my gaze takes in the curves of his strong chest. Pax stops staring at the TV and notices me watching him.

"What?"

"I like you."

My words are so stupid, but I can't think of anything else to say. Pax tosses the remote on the couch then reaches for me. One hand cups my cheek, guiding me down to kiss him. As our lips meet, his other hand slides around my waist.

I surprise myself when I straddle him. Maybe I startle Pax too, because he pulls away his lips.

"Do you like me?" I ask, hoping he'll kiss me again.

"Shit," he mutters then looks frustrated by his choice of words.

Summoning my courage, I cup his face like he did mine and lean down. Pax doesn't wait for our lips to meet. His arms wrap tightly around my waist.

The world falls away in the heat of the moment. I'm desperate for the taste of him. His tongue still has hints of beer and steak sauce. Sucking hungrily, I can't stop my hips from rolling against him.

When Pax moans, I lose whatever control I have. My hands are under his shirt while his slide up mine. We're halfway shirtless when I pull away and he hears it too.

Lula cries out for me from the bed. I exhale roughly, wanting to remain where I am. Pax studies me, and I know he's wondering how to keep me wrapped against him. We need this moment, but her cries don't stop, and I climb off him.

"You'll like me tomorrow, right?" he says, running his hands through his blond hair.

"I'm sorry."

"For being a good mommy? I find that shit sexy as hell."

Giving him a grin, I hurry down the hallway to where Lula sits up in bed. I crawl in next to her, and she cuddles against me.

"I dreamed of big fish."

"It's okay. Fish can't get out of the tank."

"I want fish. Pax wants them too."

"We'll talk about fish in the morning," I whisper, stroking her hair.

We rest quietly for nearly ten minutes before I sense Pax at the door. Lula sees his shadow and tenses.

"It's just Pax," I say, holding her.

After calling for Folgers, Pax shuts the bedroom door then walks to the bed. I notice him set down a gun on the side table before he slides into bed. Lula stares at him, unsure about him joining us.

"Bad dreams suck," he says, pulling a blanket over himself.

Lula nods and scoots over so she's in the middle of the bed. They watch each other for a few minutes before she closes her eyes and returns to sleep.

Even in the dark room, I feel an anxious Pax focused on me now. I wiggle my feet out of the blankets and get comfortable. Before I close my eyes, I reach over and let my fingers slide from his cheek to his throat. He doesn't react, but I feel his tension easing away. My touch calms him much like his presence calms me. With the four of us in this room, I finally feel at home.

13

Bebe

Just a Kiss

With Pax spending the day out with Ford, I take Lula to Darby's before heading to work. The college girls are still around, and they wave at me when I see them in the parking lot. Perri is working the front desk today, taking an extra shift for Christmas money. When we chat, I struggle not to gossip about Pax. He's all I can think about, and I'm disappointed when he doesn't get home until late.

Lula is already asleep when he arrives at the house. Imagining Pax at Suede with another girl, I struggle with both rage and the ache of losing something I don't really possess.

I know I should avoid him in case he's brought a woman home. My curiosity demands I face him instead. If he smells like a girl or has a hickey, I can't hide from the reality of our living situation.
We're housemates, not married.

Shuffling out of the bedroom, I smile at him casually. He's wearing his usual tee and jeans, but this black shirt seems especially tight. Or maybe I'm just especially horny.

"Hey," I say then lean down to pet Folgers.

"Where's the kid?"

"Asleep," I say, walking into the kitchen. "She missed you today."

"Really?" he asks, sounding shocked.

"Yeah. Lula is pretty crazy about you."

Pax is suddenly behind me. "How does Mommy feel about me?"

I stop playing with the dog and smile at Pax. "She thinks you're D A M N weird but really F U C K I N G sexy and generous."

"I
am
really generous. Let me show you."

Pushing him away, I open the fridge and keep the door in between us. "No."

"I had a long day. I need a hug."

Even grinning, I dodge his hands and move around the kitchen island to remain out of reach.

"No."

"I can't keep jacking off," he whines, and I instantly roll my eyes. "I'm going to tear the damn thing off. You need to help me with this problem."

"Not yet. Especially when you're acting like a horny N U T J O B."

"When we fuck, can you promise you won't spell at me?" he asks, following me as I back away. "I want to know what the hell you're saying."

Hands out, I shake my head. "We're not F U C K I N G tonight."

"Then let me go down on you. I could feel how wet your pussy was the other night, and I've been dying to taste it."

"Eww," I say while laughing. "Just back off."

"I'm not doing anything."

His innocent expression makes me laugh harder, but I keep dodging him. "Stop following me."

"You want me."

"I know."

"I want you. What's the problem? We'll keep the noise down. I'll even ball gag you, if you're worried about waking up Lula."

"Weird F U C K E R."

"I'm going to make you come," he promises. "I won't make you beg though. I'll never make you work for it. I'll give you everything you need and make you feel good without you even asking. All you have to do is say yes. No, not even yes. Just let me catch you."

I stop fleeing, and Pax wraps me in his arms. "No."

"I want you."

"Not yet," I say, turning my head when he tries to kiss me.

Pax brushes my hair from my throat and whispers hot against my skin, "And why the fuck not?"

"I haven't been with anyone for a long time, and I want my first time to be sexy."

"Oh, it will be," he says, running his tongue up my neck and sending my pussy into overdrive.

"You'll be sexy, but I don't feel sexy with this ugly eye."

"You're beautiful. So sexy I'm about to tear through my jeans."

"Please, Pax. I've never been with anyone good before. I want to wait a few days until I feel sexier."

Pax rests his head at the curve of my shoulder and sighs painfully. "I hate how I care what you want. Cheap fucks come with no strings, and I get what I want. With you, I have to have feelings and shit. I really don't like that."

"I'm sorry, but you need to think of it from my side. I've only slept with Howie, and he wasn't good."

"How could he be any good when he has all that hair?"

Grinning, I run my hands up Pax's hard chest to his soft hair. He lifts his gaze to look me in the eyes.

"I'm going to kiss you. We'll wait for the fun stuff, but I can't go downstairs alone without having a kiss."

"Just a kiss?"

"Just one kiss that'll make your panties damp."

Without thinking, I lift my lips. My body is desperate for relief from the pulsing hot flesh between my legs. His cock could give me everything I need, but I'm not ready. It's not the pleasure I fear, but what comes afterwards. I fear when he wants another woman.