Broken Memphis (5 page)

"Yeah, probably. I can't spell for S H I T. Sorry, but I hated school, and the teachers all hated me. Well, not the one young teacher in high school. Yeah, she wanted to fuck me. I could tell. Women are obvious."

"Sorry we're not as subtle as you."

Grinning, I take her hand in mine. "I won't make your kid sad. Nothing worse than a crying baby."

Bebe studies her daughter then sighs. "I don't want her to get used to nice things then have them torn away."

"It's not so bad. I mean, better to have something for a short time than nothing all the time."

"I guess."

"When I was growing up, Child Services would take us to a foster home. The place was usually pretty nice, and we'd have a normal life. Then Mom would follow some rules set up by a judge, and Child Services would give us back to her. We'd end up in a shitty apartment while she worked a shitty job. The schools always sucked, and we didn't eat some nights. Eventually, Child Services took us away again, and we'd end up in another foster family since the last one didn't have room. It went on for years until Mom stopped pretending she wanted us back. After that, Ford and I got a real home for the rest of high school. Sure, it sucked moving back and forth, but it was still better than being with Mom the whole time." I pause, realizing Bebe is watching me in a tender way like I'm a charity case. "That's how I saw it anyway. Maybe your kid is different."

"What was your mom's problem?" Bebe whispers.

"Crystal meth."

Bebe's pity expression darkens. I know she'll sleep with me out of sympathy if I push the poor-me routine. As much as I'm looking forward to nailing Bebe, I want her to agree out of horniness.
I'm no pity fuck.

Bebe gets quiet, and I know she's thinking about me as a kid. She can't help it. Since crapping a kid into the world, Bebe's always looking at things from a mom point of view. I see her doing the same thing with Ford and Shay sometimes, so it's not just me she needs to pity. I don't like it though. I'm a man, something she's fully aware of too. Hell, I catch her looking at me constantly like she's gone too long without dick.

Before she goes to bed, her last look she gives me is the mom pity smile. I roll my eyes at her concern.

"Ford will be back tomorrow," Bebe says, still working the pity look on her pretty face.

"I know."

"Good. I thought maybe you'd forgotten and that's why you were acting like a D O U C H E all night."

After sharing Bebe's grin, I tell Lula not to snore so loud tonight. The kid looks sad like I'm mad at her until I wink. Figuring me out, Lula grins and says good night to Folgers. In her hand, she's carrying the cup I got her. Man, kids are easy to please.

I'm grumpy after they go to bed because I'm horny and can't get laid. Normally, I'd call up some babe or head to the Suede. Maggie is always easy to talk into spreading. She likes me more than the other club guys, but that ain't saying much.

None of those women will do. The moment I walked into the house to retrieve Bebe from Taz, I've had it in my head that she's my next lay. My brain hasn't worked out how I'll manage to fuck her yet live in the same house as friends. I figure buying her kid's love will do it. If I win over Lula, Bebe won't have the heart to bail on me even after I bail on her.

I'm up for a few more hours before deciding the TV is only pissing me off. Before I go downstairs to my bedroom, I move quietly down the hall to check on Bebe and Lula. Their door is open, and I see them easily with the nightlight on. While Lula is mostly hidden under the blankets, Bebe sticks out on the top and bottom. I notice her feet uncovered and figure they'll get cold.

Stepping into the room, I carefully pull the blanket lower to cover her feet. I return to the door to watch them. I also think about Ford returning tomorrow. He might be a family man now, but he'll be happy to help kill Taz. I'll take the lead, especially wanting a shot at the fucker who gave Lula a beer and slapped Bebe.

Before I go downstairs, I notice Bebe kick her feet back out of the blankets and realize she does it on purpose. I remember how she always wants to go barefoot even in the autumn cold.

Knowing this little thing about her makes my stomach hurt. I'm not looking to marry the chick. I don't even want a girlfriend, but I've been fantasizing about nailing Bebe since our first meeting. Now my dream is making me more than a little fucking nervous.

7

Bebe

Rough Regrets

The painters take only an hour to finish Lula's room. Pax doesn't say much while the men are in the house, instead watching them like they might steal his shit. Once they leave around lunchtime, he mellows out a little, but not much.

Spending too much money on the pink bedding and a few decorative touches for the room, I want everything to be perfect for my baby. Lula bounces up and down once the room is ready.

"Mine," she whispers.

Pax stands at the door and crosses his arms. "That's a lot of pink."

Thinking he's mad, Lula loses her smile. I don't blame her. Pax sounds pissed.

"He's a typical boy," I tell Lula. "They don't like pink."

Lula nods but stares scared at Pax until he sighs. "So you gonna sleep in here tonight like a big kid?"

Her gaze still nervous, Lula nods. Pax finally realizes he's freaking her out.

"One day, you'll have a brother or sister. Then you'll know what it's like to have their stupid asses ditch you."

I shouldn't laugh, but he's being ridiculous. My older sister has been missing for years, and I coped with her disappearance without a single tantrum. Pax, though, can't handle a single week without Ford.

Even angry, Pax smiles when I laugh. Lula does too. She can't help it. My baby always smiles at my laughter. I do the same when she laughs. We're more alike than I wish.

"Pax misses his brother," I tell Lula, who runs her little fingers over the
Strawberry Shortcake
comforter.

"He'll be back soon," she says to Pax even though her eyes only see the new sheets.

"Not soon enough."

I'm still grinning when I hear the doorbell. "How much do you want to bet that's them now?"

"A million bucks and a night with your legs in the air."

Smacking him on the arm, I glance horrified at Lula. Fortunately, she doesn't care about us. She's in love with her room, and everything else is static.

When I punch him in the arm again, Pax laughs. "Puny human."

I follow him out of the room and stop at the stairs while he answers the door. I know even before he answers that his brother will be on the other side. Pax knows too because he turns to me and asks if I'll take a check.

The door opens to reveal a grinning Ford leaning against the outside railing.

"Turd," he says, before giving me a nod. "Look at your new roommate. She's almost prettier than me."

"Shut the fuck up," Pax grumbles yet looks relieved to see him. "Oh, you brought Shay back with you. Too bad."

Her blonde hair swaying in a ponytail, Shay shoves him aside while leading her little brothers Donnie and Devin upstairs. They seem happy after their mini-vacation.

"Hey, Bebe," she says, hugging me to her. "I want details."

I share her smile then direct the boys to the TV. They find juice pouches and chips in the kitchen then turn on cartoons. Ford and Pax remain at the doorway, messing with each other.

Shay and I walk down the hall to where Lula sits on her bed like she's floating on clouds.

"Oh, look at this," Shay coos.

"Isn't it beautiful?" I add.

Grinning from ear to ear, Lula is happier than I've ever seen her. I'll never forget how Pax gave her this joyful moment.

"Devin and Donnie are watching TV in the living room. Do you want to go see them?"

Lula looks around her room then loses her smile. She wants to stay put, but I worry she might overhear us through the wall.

"Please," I say, kneeling in front of her. "After Shay and I talk, I'll stay in here with you and watch a movie. Does that sound good?"

Lula smiles again then walks to the living room. I watch her disappear around the corner then hurry into my bedroom and shut the door.

"You're a good mommy," Shay says behind me.

I don't know what gets into me, but the tears come fast and hard. Shay's horrified expression mirrors how I'd feel in the same situation.

"What's wrong?" she asks, guiding me to the bed.

"I'm not a good mom. Lula could have died because of me. They held a gun to her and made her drink beer and anything could have happened. That was on me."

"They're evil fuckers who will soon be dead fuckers. Ford could barely wait to get back and deal with it."

I wipe my eyes, but the tears keep coming. My mind won't stop showing me Lula's terrified face the night at Taz's whorehouse.

"No. It's me. I should have given her up for adoption when she was a baby. I knew she could get a nice home with a good family. I just wanted her so bad. I was selfish, and she's jinxed like everyone else in my family."

Shay hugs me. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

Leaning my head on her shoulder, I whisper, "That night, I was thinking if I died that Darby could adopt Lula. She'd take better care of her and be a better mom. I'm a maid who can't give my baby anything."

Shay looks around the room as if searching for an escape. I know I'm dumping all my crap on her. Even though she's younger than me by a year, I always think of her as older. She has a man and is raising her little brothers. While she has her shit together, I'm a clueless twit.

"Look you loved your mom, right?" she asks and I nod. "Well she didn't give you the cookie-cutter life. She kept you instead of giving you up for adoption. Do you hate her?"

"No, but I want everything for Lula, and I can't even give her the basics. Look at how excited she is about a pink room."

"I'd have been excited too. The kids who aren't excited are used to getting whatever they want, and they don't turn out so great, you know."

"No," I say, thinking of something Pax said about Trigger's boys having silver spoons shoved up their asses. "I want to do right by my baby, but she's getting older and notices things she doesn't have. One day, she'll notice I'm not so smart, and I won't be able to help her with schoolwork. When she was a baby, I could pretend I hadn't screwed her by keeping her. The lies are more obvious now."

Shay hands me a tissue. "I can't give you advice that'll mean much, because I'm not a mom. I don't know how you feel, but I do know what it's like to feel responsible for someone else. How you get stuck between your needs and those of others. I left my brothers, and they suffered because I wanted more. I was selfish, but in the end, my selfishness benefited them. You never know how things will turn out."

"I guess. I mean, I can't go back and change how I kept her."

"Would you really want to?"

Shaking my head, I dry my cheeks. "That's why I feel bad. Even knowing what I do now, I would still keep her because I want her. She is the best person I've ever known, and she loves me."

"I don't believe in being jinxed. I don't think your family is destined for bad things. People do their best with what life hands them. Some people lose their way like my mom. Some people like your mom never dig their way out of a dark life. Others like you and me try our bests. Sometimes we suck, but I bet we'd suck just as much if we were rich. Stupid people tend to be stupid."

I smile at our shared stupidity. "I once lost my glasses and they were on my head."

Shay grins. "During our vacation, I couldn't find my engagement ring and freaked out for hours looking for it. Turns out, I'd just put it on another finger."

Laughing, I feel my mood improving. "It's not really funny that we're so dumb," I say, tossing the tissue.

"Are you kidding? It's fucking inspiring. If stupid chicks like us can make our lives better, just think what a smart kid like Lula can do."

Hugging Shay, I feel better when imagining my daughter getting out of Little Memphis. Lula will build a better life than any woman in my family has ever managed.

8

Pax

My Brother the Turd

Ford strolls over to me like his dick might be falling off from too much fucking. I consider kneeing him in the crotch, but don't make the move. Ford likely knows I'm gunning for him, so I'd never land a shot anyway.

"You must have done a lot of swimming," I mutter, studying his shoulder length brown hair. "You got a frizz going from the pool crap."

"It's called chlorine. Don't worry, brother, I used extra moisturizer," he says, stretching as if daring me to make my move. "Shay rubbed the conditioner into my hair. She's very thorough."

"It's like she's your mom."

Ford grins. "Trust me, she's not."

"I'm glad you had fun."

"The place has a bunch of waterslides. You'd have liked it. Next time, you should come."

"Maybe I will,
if
I'm invited," I growl, staring into his dark blue eyes with my lighter, better ones.

Ford holds my gaze. "I'm sure Shay will invite you again."

The standoff continues until Ford gives me an asshole smile.

"So you're playing family man now, huh? When you copy me like this, I feel like a freaking superstar."

Ignoring his copying crap, I grunt. "I'm no family man. I'm doing the savior thing. Get it straight, turd."

"Has she thanked you yet?" Ford asks then shakes his head. "No, if you were getting laid, you'd be less whiny."

Shoving him against the wall, I sigh sadly. "Why do you have to be so trashy? It's like you weren't raised right."

Ford laughs. "So now that you're doing the savior thing, does that mean we'll be cracking skulls today?"

I glance back at where Lula is coloring at the living room table. "They made the kid drink beer. They gave Bebe a black eye. Cracking Taz's skull will be too easy. I want him to suffer."

"Wouldn't expect anything less," Ford says. "Joker told me we'll hit the house once I'm settled in. I say we get it done sooner rather than later. We don't want Taz pulling any shit with the extra time we've given him on earth."