Broken Things (Faded Photograph Series) (13 page)

* * *

Logan yawned as he turned the key and entered the bi-level apartment he shared with his father. Once inside, he closed the door behind him and walked up the beige-carpeted stairs where he heard a familiar drone from the living room.

“Hello? Dad?” He set his briefcase and laptop computer on the oak side table in the hallway. “You home?” Had his father left in such a hurry that he’d forgotten to shut off the television?

“In here.”

So he was home after all. Logan made his way through the narrow foyer and into the adjacent living room. The room was dark except for the glow from the console television set.

“What are you watching?”

“Quiet.”

Somewhat taken back by the brusque reply, Logan regarded his father, noting he still wore his uniform. Then he glanced at the TV.

“Breaking news, or what?”

“Sort of. Steve called to say Allie was on the news so I thought I’d tune in and find out what kind of trouble she got herself into this time.”

Relieved that it wasn’t something more serious, Logan collapsed into the plaid sofa beside his dad. Out of curiosity, he “tuned in” as well.

“We at Lakeland Enterprises are committed to excellence,” a man with reddish-brown hair said. “We will assist the police department in its investigation any way we can.”

“You assigned to this case, Dad?”

“Nope. Not our jurisdiction.”

Returning his gaze to the TV, Logan saw Allie standing off to the left and behind the speaker. On the right, stood three impeccably dressed businessmen.

“What’s going on?”

“Some patients were allegedly assaulted at a local nursing home and this is a replay of the press conference earlier this afternoon. I’m not really sure how Allie’s involved, though.”

“Hm…”

The man finished his tidy speech and left the microphones. Allie followed him, and the other businessman walked off camera after her.

“A rose among the corporate thorns.” Logan grinned at his own jest.

“Ha!” Dad gave a wag of his head. “If she’s in business with those guys, they have their hands full.”

Logan grinned. “On second thought, I might agree with you there. Allie said she’s a consultant, so I imagine she’s uncovering all kinds of dark secrets at that place.”

“Could be.” Dad’s gaze remained fixed on the television.

The anchorman in the studio wrapped up the story and promised to keep his viewing audience informed.

“She’s a consultant, huh?” Dad finally looked Logan’s way.

“Yeah. That’s what she said that first night I met her at Uncle Steve’s.”

Dad stood and turned off the TV. “Whatever happened to Mr. Littenberg?”

“Who?” Logan frowned.

“Allie’s husband.”

“He’s dead. Marilee told me that Allie said the guy was involved in a lot of illegal activity and that Allie knew nothing about it until he was killed in South America.”

“Doesn’t surprise me. The imbecile carved up her cheek.”

Logan winced. He’d glimpsed Allie’s scar, but hadn’t heard how it got there…until now.

Dad rubbed his jaw. “So Allie’s a widow, huh?”

“You interested?” Logan couldn’t help teasing him.

Dad replied with a quelling glance. “Please.”

“I’ll bet she’d go out with you if you asked really nice.”

“Don’t you have something to do?”

“Nope.” He grinned and crossed his leg, ankle to knee, and observed his father pulling several ingredients out of the fridge.

“It’s nine-thirty at night. All good youth pastors are supposed to be sleeping.”

Logan chuckled. “Yeah, sure they are. Hey, are you making sandwiches?”

“Yeah. Want one?”

“I’d love one. Make that two.”

His father sent him a quizzical look. “No supper tonight?”

“No, I stayed at church and surfed the Net.”

“Sounds like an oxymoron―the church and the Internet.”

“You’ve got a point there,” Logan agreed. “But you’ve got to admit, the Internet’s a great resource.”

Dad said nothing as he smeared mayo and mustard on four large bagels.

“You think you might look into what happened with Allie’s deceased husband?” Logan knew he would.

“Why should I? I could give a rip. Besides, I’m not surprised she married someone like that. Allie always had a knack for getting herself mixed up with the wrong kind of guys.”

“Would that include you?” Logan couldn’t keep the smirk off his face.

“I suppose it would.”

Honesty. How refreshing!
“Well, listen Dad, I’ve been doing some research of my own. I think I’d like to locate my biological mother.” Logan hadn’t intended on blurting out the news, But there seemed no way to soften it. Pushing to his feet, he walked slowly towards his father. “I’m going at it whole-heartedly. I believe it’s something I need to do.”

“Let me guess. This was Allie’s idea, right?”

“Allie? No, this has nothing to do with her.” He tipped his head curiously. “Why did you think it would?”

“Oh, because Allie has these fairytale fantasies about happy reunions.” Dad slapped on slices of American cheese while he spoke.

“Got any tomatoes?”

Dad sent him a dark glance. “What does this look like? A deli?”

“Lettuce?” Logan persisted.

Muttering under his breath, Dad turned back to the fridge and pulled out half an onion, pickles, lettuce, and tomatoes.

Logan chuckled. “All right, now we’re talkin’ sandwiches!”

Dad grinned in spite of himself.

“Back to my quest—” Logan pulled out a knife and sliced the onion. “—I want to find my birth mother because I seem to have some kind of…oh, I don’t know… some phobia, I guess, when it comes to relationships.”

“Baloney.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” He nodded toward the refrigerator.

Dad chuckled. “I didn’t mean that kind of baloney, you knucklehead. I’m referring to that pseudo-psychological nonsense about relationships. You’re a well-adjusted male. It’s just that, like every guy, you’re nervous about getting married.”

“Were you?”

“Heck, yeah!”

“Will you tell me about it…and about my mother?”

“Must I?”

Logan met his father’s unwavering gaze with a firm one of his own. “I’d hate to do anything to hurt you, Dad, but at the same time, I need to know.”

“And Allie didn’t put you up to this?”

“Nope. The topic never came up.”

After regarding him a moment longer, Dad shrugged in resignation. “I guess I always knew this time would come. I suppose I’m fortunate to have held out this long.” He sighed, sounding weary. “So what exactly do you want to know?”

“Did you love her?”

“Who?”

“My mother!”Logan widened his eyes. “Dad, get Allie out of your head for right now, okay?”

“She’s not in my head…
okay
?”

Logan refrained from any further teasing. Might not be in his best interest, seeing as his father was suddenly willing to broach a subject that he never before agreed to discuss.

“Did you love my mother?”

“No.” Jack tossed him the tomato. “Slice that up, will you?”

“Sure.” Two slices later, he spoke again. “Why did you marry her if you didn’t love her?”

“Because I got her pregnant.”

Logan knew this already. He’d heard about the circumstances under which his parents had met. He knew his mother had been expecting at the time they were married.

“And don’t ask me how it happened either. At your age, you ought to have some idea―even if you are a pastor.”

“How it happened is irrelevant at this point.”

“Maybe so. But I will say this much―it was a one time mistake that cost me a lifetime of consequences.”

“Yep, that sounds just like sin. Wrecking lives. Destroying people’s faith.” Logan pursed his lips thoughtfully while several passages of Scripture ran though his mind.

“Don’t preach to me,” Dad warned. “I’ve heard it all before.”

“If that’s true, why haven’t you done something about it? You must know that God is ready and waiting to forgive you if you’d only ask.”

“Who says I haven’t asked, and since when do you speak for God?”

“I speak from―”

“Don’t go there, Logan.”

Faced with the choice of challenging his father about his spiritual condition or pursuing the topic of his birth mother, Logan decided he’d make more progress with the latter…for now.

“Dad, why did you marry her? I mean, surely there were other alternatives.”

“There weren’t. Trust me.”

“But―”

“Your mother wanted an abortion. But I didn’t want to add murder to the mess I’d made―and, yes, it’s my opinion that abortion is murder. Was then and still is.”

At his father’s pause, Logan looked up from the now sliced tomato.

“So I promised your mother everything I could think of in order to get her to marry me and have the baby―you.”

Logan thought he detected the edge of remorse in his dad’s tone. “Were you ever sorry you didn’t let her go through with it?”

“Never.” Dad looked him square in the eye. “Let’s settle one thing here and now. I’m not sorry you were born. Got it? And if it ever seemed that way, well…I’m sorry.”

Logan almost fell over from shock. His dad? Apologizing? This was a rare moment, indeed―and an answer to a decade-long prayer.

“I hated myself for my mistake,” Dad continued. “I never hated you. Ever. You’re my son. My flesh and blood. I…I’ve always loved you.”

Setting the tomato slices on the sandwiches, Logan wrestled with his sudden onset of emotion. He wanted to bawl like a little boy―except his father had told him he loved him before. Logan never really doubted that while growing up.

“I love you, too,” he managed to eke out.

“Good.” Dad’s gruffness returned. “Let’s eat.”

Chapter Ten

As he and Dad ate their sandwiches in silence, Logan gathered enough steam to press on with his impromptu interrogation.

“So my mother agreed to marry you and give birth to me…and then what happened? Did you guys have a bad marriage from day one or what?”

Dad shrugged, chewed his mouthful and swallowed. “I wanted it to work and I think she did too…initially. Your grandma, my mother, used to stop in everyday and try to encourage Roxie―your mom. I don’t know if you remember, but your grandmother loved being a homemaker. She had it down to a science. Martha Stewart could have taken lessons from her. But Roxie couldn’t adjust. She was bored and she started to resent me because I was used to Mom who enjoyed her domestic role.”

Logan watched as his father seemed to wrestle with the remainder of his reply. He sensed how difficult revisiting the past must be. On the other hand, Logan needed to know about it.

And suddenly it occurred to him that all these questions, like a modern day leprosy, had been eating at him since he was old enough to know to ask. This conversation should have taken place a long time ago.

“I assume that after I was born, my mother’s boredom and resentment escalated until she…just left?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“Well, therein lies the basis of my problem!” Logan dropped his stuffed bagel onto his plate. “What kind of mother abandons her child?” He shook his head. “None that I can think of. I mean, even in the abuse cases I’ve read about―”

“Logan, use your brain. What’s my profession?”

“A police officer. So?”

“So what do you suppose a guy like me would do to an irresponsible woman who took off with my son?”

Logan blinked as the reality of it set in.

“You got it. I would have gone after her, number one. I would have pressed kidnapping charges against her, number two…”

“I get the picture.” Logan couldn’t suppress a smile at the ferocity of his father’s feelings. Sure, he’d guessed they were there all the time―somewhere. But hearing it made every difference in the world. “Why didn’t you tell me this when I was a teenager and wanted to know? Don’t you remember how angry I was, and how I blamed you for everything that went wrong in my life?”

“Yeah, including your team losing the football game on Friday night,” Dad retorted. “Sure, I remember. And maybe I was selfish to hold out on you, but I figured I would just look worse in your eyes if I told you the truth, not better. Your mother clearly left
me
, Logan, not you. But I did warn her that I would get custody if she divorced me.”

“Why were you so confident of that?

“Just was.”

“Dad, don’t clam up on me now.”

“Oh, fine.” He sat back in his chair. “If you must know, your mother went behind my back and got a job as a stripper at a nightclub in downtown Chicago. Given her occupation, past and present, and the fact that she’d left you unattended for hours―a fact to which your grandmother would testify to―Roxie knew she didn’t stand a chance at obtaining custody.”

A sense of peace came over Logan. “You could have told me this sooner―like when I was in high school. Things are making more sense to me now that I know the truth.”

“Logan, if you’ll recall, we went through a period of time where you habitually accused me of lying. Why would you believe anything I said back then? I figured you’d just think I was trying to make myself look good.”

Logan grimaced inwardly. Dad was right. “I was a rebel who took on any cause back then. What can I say? I hope you’ve forgiven me.”

“You were a kid, trying to find your place in the world. Nothing to forgive.” Dad stood. “Want something to drink?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

Logan mulled over he’d just heard. It shed a whole light on some things, but it cast long shadows on others.

“So you got awarded custody just as you predicted. Did my mother ever request visitation rights?” Logan accepted the cola his father handed him. For himself, Dad selected two cans of beer. “Dad, you don’t need that―the alcohol.”

“Who says I don’t?” He flipped open the tab and took a long swallow.

“And, no, she never requested visitation rights.”

Logan threw his hands in the air. “See, this is what I mean…what mother doesn’t want to see her own son?”

“A mother who’s in trouble with the law.” Dad took another drink of beer. “And one whose ex-husband is a cop.” Giving Logan a wry grin, he added, “Bad combination.”