Broken Wings (Cruel and Beautiful World, Book One 1) (29 page)

"What the hell is this?" called a voice Xander knew far too well.

He turned to see someone who looked an awful lot like Deryn, only her hair was honey-blonde, for some reason, and her eyes were blue. His forehead crinkled.

"Who are you?" asked his guest, who had finally let go of his shirt.

"Who am
I
?" said Deryn. "
I
am his wife!"

Xander cocked his head. Funny. He didn't remember having a wife.

"Who the fuck are you?" his 'wife' demanded, looking heatedly at the other girl.

"Oh. I'm sorry," she said, holding her hands up defensively. "I didn't realize you were married."

"Well, he is! Now, get out!"

The girl paused, putting her hands on her hips as she stared Deryn up and down. "I don't suppose you two would be up for a three-way?"

Xander raised his eyebrows. Well, that sounded intriguing. He looked at his 'wife' just as she rolled her eyes.

"Get out!" she demanded again, pointing at the door.

"Okay, okay.” The girl grabbed her clothes and shoes, and headed for the front door. She put everything on quickly and gave the weird couple one last scan before exiting.

"Leon?" said Xander as soon as she was gone.

Deryn crossed her arms in a fashion he had become quite accustomed to. "Obviously."

"What are you doing?" he shouted. "And where did you get that fucking hair?" He grabbed at the honey-blonde locks, easily pulling them off of her head. A wig.

"I asked Bronson to get it for me," she said, grabbing it back. "So I can change my appearance quickly, if necessary."

"And the eyes?"

"Drops that change the color. It lasts an hour."

"And why the fuck are you using this shit now?" he demanded. "Why'd you do that? Saying you were my wife!"

"Because you should not be rewarded for worrying me!"

"What?"

"You didn't come home, Xander! You didn't come home and I was worried! Not once in all of my time here have you not come home when you said you were going to be here! What was I supposed to think?"

"I worried you?" repeated Xander, in a bit of a daze as he searched the strange blue eyes for Deryn.

"Of course you did! I thought you were dead!"

"I ... I'm sor -"

"But then I come to find that you're perfectly fine,
and
you sent some hussy up here to prepare herself for you! What if I'd been in the living room?"

"I'm not the one who sent her -"

"I mean it's all so ridiculous!"

"Leon."

"You're nothing but a selfish, inconsiderate, spoiled, ass!" shouted Deryn, turning bright-red.

Xander could feel his heart begin to slow. Those were harsh words coming from her wholesome mouth, and he hated that they were directed at him.

Staring into her flaming, unfamiliar eyes, Xander took a deep breath. "Sounds to me like you're jealous." He immediately knew that this was the wrong thing to say.

Deryn's eyebrows rose to her hairline. "What?"

"You heard me," he said. The words were already out. He might as well stand by them. "If you were paying any fucking attention then you'd know that I was trying to get her out, but you were too distracted putting on that getup. If you were that worried about me then shouldn't you just be happy to find out I'm alive?"

"I ... I was," said Deryn, blushing.

"Then admit it."

"Admit what?"

"Admit that this non-Deryn, rash thing you did is because you're jealous. Just like the last thing."

"The last -"

"The fucking email, Leon! The email you sent Finley! We both know that was not just about your scars!"

"Well, what else could it possibly be about?" she said, standing up straight and holding his firm gaze.

"You
know
! You fucking know! Just admit it!"

"No."

"Admit it!" he repeated louder.

"No!" she repeated, matching his tone. "I'm not jealous, Xander! I love Dax! And you and me ... this whole twisted arrangement is just a matter of convenience! It doesn't mean anything!"

"Really?" said Xander, crossing his arms. "So me sleeping in your bed every night, that means nothing?"

"Yes."

"And the night I held you during the thunderstorm. Also nothing?"

"That's right."

"And that kiss in my bathroom. It really meant nothing to you?"

Deryn finally tore her eyes away from his, letting them fall to the floor. "You said yourself that you feed off of vulnerable girls, Xander. And that night we were both vulnerable."

Xander took a step back as he felt like someone had punched a hole in his chest. Deryn had his heart in the palm of her hand and she was literally squeezing the life out of it. "You're saying I took advantage of you," he said in a strained voice.

"No," she said quickly. "I'm saying we took advantage of each other. We're both lonely and we're stuck here. Together." She gulped. "In these close quarters it's easy to misconstrue feelings. We just need to learn to recognize them for what they are."

"And what's that?"

Deryn finally found the courage to stare back at him, her borrowed eyes looking sad but firm. "Nothing. They're nothing, Xander."

Xander quickly turned away from her. His nails dug into his arms as he tried to fight off any visible signs of what he was feeling. The heart she had been squeezing was now crushed. Nothing but dust in the palm of her hand.

"Fine," he said through gritted teeth. "If that's how you feel then you won't mind if I go out and find someone who actually wants my company."

Keeping his eyes cast to the floor, Xander walked out of his room, making sure to knock her shoulder as he passed.

"You're going out now?" she asked, following him.

"Looks like it.” He took his coat out of the closet.

"But it's only two hours until curfew."

"Then I better be quick about it," he said, giving her a swift wink.

"Xander, wait! I -"

"I'm sick of fucking waiting, Leon. I've been trying to do the whole respectful thing, but now that I know where we stand there's not much point anymore, is there?" Xander's coat now on, he reached down and slipped into his shoes.

"I ... I didn't mean -"

"Don't try to fucking change your answer on me now. It's done." Last shoe on, Xander opened the door. He turned back, smiled and said, "Happy fucking Halloween!" before slamming the door behind him.

There was a small bar a few blocks from his apartment and he headed straight there. Once inside, he was immediately met by an abundance of women in costumes, all eyeing him as he entered. He had put his Guardian trench coat back on for this very reason.

Xander didn't know what he was looking for in a companion that night, but he definitely knew what he wasn't looking for. A woman dressed in a black dress and pointed hat came over to him first. She was pretty and blonde, and he immediately dismissed her.

Then he moved onto a brunette in a costume he did not even really look at. He went up to her and, when he got the smile, started sucking on her ear, only to be thrown off by the strong scent of too much perfume. It was wrong. All wrong.

They all smelled wrong. Every last one of them. Where were the women with the natural, floral aromas?

And then he saw her. Sitting in a chair and chatting with a friend was a simple girl with auburn hair and hazel eyes. She was more made-up than he wanted, but weren't they all? So he grabbed her hand, pulled her against him and placed his head in her neck. Perfume was present, but it wasn't overpowering in any way. And it was floral and feminine and everything he needed to pretend.

It wasn't long before Xander was pressing her against the wall and grinding his pelvis into hers. She moaned into his hair while he kissed down her neck.

There was no protesting as Xander grabbed her wrist and pulled her out of the bar, practically dragging her back to his apartment. The moment they got inside, he kicked off his shoes and demanded she do the same. She obeyed and watched closely as he tore off his coat and tossed it aside.

He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, the two of them kissing fervently as he carried her towards his bedroom, making sure to slam the door loudly behind them, just in case Deryn wasn't already aware of their presence.

But, of course, she was. Deryn sat up in her bed the moment she heard the front door open, hoping since Xander had left only a short while ago that he had come back alone. It didn't take her long to realize he hadn't.

She moved to the edge of her bed and just sat there, unable to tear her ears away as he clearly began to touch his guest.

Deryn didn't even realize she was crying until she felt the drops fall onto her hands, which were tightly gripping her pajama pants.
His
pajama pants. She wiped her wet cheeks.

"Stop crying," she demanded. Nothing happened. "Stop crying," she repeated. She cried harder. "Please, please stop crying."

Without another thought, Deryn stood up and grabbed her bottle of whiskey. She took several gulps before leaving her bedroom and closing the door behind her.

She seized her favorite blanket from the couch and wrapped herself in it, but even its warmth could not bring back the comfort she had just lost.

Deryn wiped her eyes some more as she went out to the balcony, lying down on the cold cement and trying hard not to let her mind wander back to what was happening inside.

Still, the tears flowed, and she was starting to wonder if they would ever stop. She took another sip from her bottle.

"Stop crying," she repeated once again. "This is what you wanted. You can't be attached to him. You have to leave one day. You have to find Dad and Talon and Dax. You love Dax. You can't ... you can't have feelings for Xander. You just ... you can't. You can't."

Back inside, Xander was having a hard time focusing, since the woman he was currently thrusting into kept staring at him. So he turned her around and took her from behind, tangling one hand in her hair before tearing it away. There was too much of some product in there. It wasn't natural. It wasn't soft. It was wrong. It was all fucking wrong.

"Leon ..." he said under his breath as he continued to fuck this complete stranger.

"What?" she asked over her shoulder between heavy breaths.

"Nothing. Turn back around!"

She moved her head so it was once again facing forward.

Xander didn't know what he had to imagine to finish that night, but it certainly had nothing to do with the person he was with. He remembered mumbling something to get her out of his apartment, but he could not for the life of him remember what it was. He supposed it was the wife lie again. That one always worked well.

As soon as she was gone, he sat on the edge of his bed and held his head in his hands, breathing shallowly as it finally hit him.

What the fuck had he just done?

With a frustrated growl, Xander grabbed his nightstand and tossed it across the room. Then he grabbed his chair, his comforter, his curtains. Anything he could get his hands on. He threw it, shattered it, stomped on it, tore it, and destroyed it.

"Fuck! You pathetic asshole! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

He grabbed his clock, the only object still in one piece, and threw it hard against the wall.

Once he was satisfied enough with the destruction of his room, Xander put on some clothes and grabbed his cigarettes. He headed for the balcony, pausing momentarily by Deryn's door. He desperately wanted to knock on it, to have everything be all right and have her follow him out there. But if he knocked now he knew very well that this was not what would happen, so he walked on, his throat raw as he let it sink in how massively he had fucked up.

Xander opened the door to the balcony but was met with some sort of barrier.

Looking down, he found a small body wrapped in nothing but a thin blanket. There was an empty bottle of whiskey in her hand and the faint remnants of tears on her cheeks.

"Leon!" Xander collapsed to his knees and rolled her so her head was in his lap. "Leon, what happened? Are you alright?"

There was some incoherent mumbling he somehow translated to mean that she came outside to hide from the noise.

With a heavy sigh, Xander scooped her into his arms and carried her frozen body inside.

"Mmm ... Xander," she whispered as she rubbed her cheek against his chest. "Smells like you."

Xander kissed the top of her head and breathed her in. He hadn't recognized it before, but this was the scent he had been craving. So sweet. So intoxicating.

Tightening his grip on her, Xander opened the door to her bedroom and headed inside. He lowered Deryn onto her bed and wrapped the comforter tightly around her.

"Xander ... No more hussies," whispered Deryn.