Broken Wings (Cruel and Beautiful World, Book One 1) (46 page)

"Xander, no," she said, tracing her fingers down his face. "I don't need a safety word. I trust you."

He smiled again. "Then let's start with something simple." Climbing off of her, Xander lifted Deryn and positioned her so her back was to him. With one quick flick of his wrist, her bra was off and discarded somewhere on the floor. "Put your hands on the headboard," he instructed.

Deryn did as she was told, suddenly feeling very nervous as Xander crawled up behind her. Until now he had always been somewhat gentle with her, letting her keep a certain amount of control even when he was on top. But tonight was going to be different. This was the first time they would ever be doing this in a position where she couldn't look into his eyes if she needed to. Maybe a safety word really wasn't such a terrible idea.

Then Xander moved her hair off of her neck, pressing his lips to it while caressing her hips. Deryn closed her eyes and sank into his touch. She knew the feeling of those lips, that tongue, those hands. They belonged to Xander and he would never do anything to harm her.

"Move back a little."

Deryn did just that, letting herself relax as he entered her.

Xander started out slow, running his hands along her thighs while thrusting inside of her, his lips never leaving her skin as she became putty in his hands.

It wasn't long before their movements became erratic, the two of them changing positions like it was a dance, and their hands and tongues everywhere they could touch.

There was a brief stint on the floor after they accidentally fell onto it, Deryn having her second orgasm of the night as she thrust her hips on top of him.

When it passed, Xander tossed her back on the bed and took his turn in control. Deryn writhed and moaned beneath him in ways she never had before, their wild sex causing the bed to bang hard against the wall and scrape the floor. Had the bed frame not been made of iron, it surely would have broken.

Deryn screamed his name, tossing her arms back and grabbing onto the headboard.

Xander put his arms behind her knees and lifted her legs over his shoulders. Placing his hands beside hers, he used the headboard to brace himself while he thrust mercilessly.

Xander was clenching his teeth so tightly together they may very well have cracked. If he lost any concentration then he was done, and he knew Deryn wasn't quite there yet. Just a little ... bit ... longer.

"Xander!" she screamed as her third orgasm washed over her, her body tensing and then falling weak as he gave two final thrusts.

Xander let out his own scream, along with a heavy breath he hadn't realized he was holding in. His body began to slow as Deryn ran her hands along his arms, rubbing them soothingly as he lowered her legs. He gave her body one last caress before pulling out of her.

Even though Xander and Deryn were both still out of breath, they managed to meet for a kiss as his body slackened on top of hers. Xander kissed her lips, her cheek, her forehead, jaw, neck, collarbone, anywhere he could touch, yet, somehow, it was never enough.

"So what did you think?" he asked once they had had a moment to catch their breath.

Deryn smiled. "Well, now I know why those girls you brought here always screamed so loudly," she said with a slight chuckle.

"I assure you, it's never been quite like that," he said, kissing her again. "That was -"

"Amazing," she finished.

Xander grinned and shook his head. "No. I've had amazing sex before, and that was beyond amazing, love. That was phenomenal."

Deryn blushed. Xander wasn't sure why until he replayed his words in his head. He had called her love. It was a complete accident, but one he hardly felt ashamed about.

Xander traced her lips with his thumb, tempted to say the word again. "Deryn, I -"

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Both of them shot up as they realized the knocking was on their bedroom door.

"Xander, if you're quite finished in there, I would like to have a word with you," called a familiar, deep voice.

Shit
.

"Did I ever say your name?" asked Xander frantically while Deryn's fingers dug into his arms.

"N-no," she answered in a weak, terrified voice.

"Good.” He reached down, pulled the comforter up from where it had fallen on the floor, and threw it on top of her. "Stay here. I'll get rid of him."

Xander kissed her forehead and hurried to get dressed. He looked back at her one last time before opening his door just enough to slip out.

In the living room, his guest had made himself comfortable on the couch and was flipping through the pages of one of Deryn's books.

"Father, what are you doing here?"

Without turning to look at him, Atticus said, "Is it not customary for a father to come and visit his son every now and then?"

"Not in our family."

He shut the book and put it down on the coffee table. "I'm worried about you, Xander. Everyone is."

Xander raised his eyebrows. "Are they?"

Atticus stood and turned to face his son. "Yes. They say you haven't been yourself lately. Do you have any idea as to why they might think that?" he asked, his eyes glancing slightly towards Xander's bedroom door.

"No," said Xander. "If I'm acting unusually, it's only because I'm being cautious. Several of our Guardian friends have made it very clear that they no longer want me in power, and I don't plan on letting them usurp me anytime soon."

"What? Xander, if someone's threatened you then I have a right to -"

"It's nothing I can't handle. Don't worry yourself too much or you might get wrinkles." Xander pointed at his forehead and made a face.

"This is no laughing matter," said Atticus, walking towards his son. "If those people have it out for you then it's only a matter of time until -"

"While they may have it out for me, it's not my life they're threatening.”

Atticus stiffened.

"Don't concern yourself with this. Just make sure to watch your back when alone." Xander smirked. "Are we done?"

"Not even close," said Atticus. "I've been informed that Lona Von has reached out to you several times since moving to Middle City, but she has yet to receive a response."

"So?" He recalled seeing a few emails from her but never took the time to read them.

"Why haven't you contacted her?"

"I have no interest in Lona, though that doesn't seem to matter to you much, does it? Considering you're too busy making engagement deals behind my back."

Atticus was taken aback for a moment but quickly composed himself. "You know as well as I do that I have no say in such things. Any arrangements being made are done by President Saevus."

"But you knew about it, and you chose not to inform me."

"I was
ordered
not to inform you."

Xander shrugged it off. "Well, do me a favor and let those making the arrangements know that I will never agree. Marriage isn't in the cards for me."

"I'm afraid it's going to have to be."

"Nope."

Realizing he was standing a bit protectively in front of his bedroom door, Xander decided that it might be best to move away from it, so as not to arouse suspicion. Feeling his cigarettes in his pocket, he headed for the balcony. He kept the door open and leaned against the railing, keeping a sharp eye on his father as he took one out and lit it.

"It has also come to my attention recently that you cut Finley Scout out of your life in a very cruel fashion."

Xander took a drag of his cigarette. "Why should that matter?" And how had it come to his attention?

"Everyone says you've been going out less. And that, in recent days, you haven't been seen with your usual bevy of women."

"I don't see how my personal life has anything to do with -"

"Who is in your bedroom, Xander?"

Xander tensed. "What?"

"Is it someone important to you?"

"Of course not."

"Because if it is -"

"It's not!" shouted Xander, a bit too eagerly. He took another drag to calm himself. "I'm not going to lie, I have my usuals, and the girl in there is one of them, but that doesn't mean she's someone important."

"Good," said Atticus, walking towards the balcony door. "Because falling for someone right now would be very foolish of you."

Xander took a deep breath. "I know."

"I truly believe you should rethink your decision about Ms. Von. She would make a fine wife, and since you have no existing feelings for her -"

"Are you actually telling me to marry her because I
don't
have feelings for her?"

"Marrying for love only complicates things."

"You did," said Xander slowly.

"Yes, and look how that turned out," said Atticus, looking sadly at his son before heading for the door.

Xander put out his cigarette and followed him.

"Tend to your guest," said Atticus. "We will continue this discussion at a later date. I will see you soon."

Atticus opened the door and left quickly. Xander locked it behind him. He hadn't realized his father had access to his apartment. That would need to change immediately.

He stood by the door for a moment, staring at nothing while he thought about Atticus's words. His father had loved his mother, and when she died she took a part of him with her. He had never been the same since that day, which was perhaps why Xander loathed him so much. For letting her death break him. But now Xander was starting to understand what he must have felt. A world without Deryn didn't seem right, which was why he didn't plan to live in that world for very long.

Finally returning to the here and now, Xander went to his bedroom. When he opened the door, Deryn was running around in a panic, dressed messily in day clothes while she threw everything she could find into her bag.

"Deryn."

Her head shot up and she looked at him, her eyes filled with tears and her cheeks flushed.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I ... I need to leave. If he's here then -"

"He's not here. He left."

She shook her head frantically. "No. He'll be back. He can get in. He'll -"

"Deryn, calm down," said Xander, walking over and putting his hands on her shoulders.

She flinched.

Xander pulled away, his heart sinking as his old suspicions arose once more. "You're being irrational. I'll make sure he never comes back here. I promise." He reached out to stroke her cheek. "I -"

"Xander, no!" Deryn hurried away from him. "There have been too many close calls lately! I'm not safe here anymore!"

Xander took a step forward. She took one back. This repeated until she was against the wall. Tears poured down her cheeks while he looked sadly at her. She knew what was coming. She had brought it on herself. But how could she act normal when that
monster had been so incredibly close to her?

"Deryn, I need you to be honest with me," said Xander, standing close but not touching her, even though he desperately wanted to. "I've been afraid to ask before now, but I need to know."

Deryn whimpered, scared to look into his eyes but unable to look away. A shade lighter with a gold ring around the pupil. Xander's eyes. She reached out and grabbed his hand.

Feeling her fingers interlace with his, Xander feared he already knew the answer. "Did my father ever ..." He gulped. "Did he rape you?" he asked in an almost whisper, his voice hoarse.

Deryn didn't answer, just continued to cry while squeezing the life out of his hand. He reached up and wiped her tears away.

"Deryn, please," he pleaded, his eyes becoming glossy as she kept staring back at him.

She nodded slowly.

Xander's tears spilled over. His eyes clenched shut as his fingers tensed on her cheek.

"No," he cried as his whole body began to shake. "Please, god, no!"

"Xander, I'm sorry," said Deryn as his forehead fell against hers. "I meant to tell you. I did. I just -"

"It's not your fault," said Xander, shaking his head while his hand moved into her hair, gripping it hard as he tried with everything he had to stay in control. "I should've known. I saw the signs. I even suspected it in the beginning. The way you always looked at me after your nightmares. But I didn't want it to be true."

"Neither did I," she said, leaning forward just enough to brush her lips against his.

He pulled away. "Please, don't. How can you look at me? How can you be with me after what my father did to you?"

"Because I don't see him when I look at you, Xander. Not anymore. You're not like him."

"Yes I am," he said, yanking his hand out of hers. "I'm exactly like him. I pushed you into this."

She shook her head wildly. "No. No, you didn't."

"Yes I did! You didn't want to so I tricked you and forced you into this!"

"No, that's not true!" she screamed. "I wanted to be with you! I -"