Bunches (13 page)

He knows what he’s doing, and
again I have that feeling that I don’t belong here.

“You having fun?” Lizzy asks,
while Katie and Sylvan discuss her move.

“Yeah,” I say. My glass is almost
empty, and just as I finish it JJ comes over.

“Hey,” he says. “See, now you
understand what you do when you order a drink. I knew you were a fast study.”

Lizzy giggles. “Just needed the
right person to show us,” she says.

Why can’t I think of stuff like
that to say? Because I’m five years out of practice and was never in practice
to begin with, says my socially awkward subconscious.

“Want another one?” JJ asks,
pointing at my glass. I nod and he disappears.

Lizzy pats me on the shoulder.
“See? This isn’t so bad.”

This is either awesome or an
incarnation of hell. I’m not sure which.

At one point JJ comes over and points
to Sylvan. “He’s good if you need to be left alone,” he says. I’ve already
noticed that.

With Sylvan here, no guys
approach us tonight. He offers a protective shield that I’m glad of.

We have a great time all evening.
Lizzy and Sylvan spend most of the time in full-on banter mode, and Katie and I
talk about her move. She’s super excited. During lulls in the conversation I
look to JJ, not because I’m panicking but because it’s where my eyes long to
be. I have the best night I’ve had in years.

It strikes me that it’s the
second time I’ve thought that this summer.

The next morning I’m feeling a
little woozy. Two drinks is more than I ever had in one sitting before, and
obviously I have no tolerance. I put my head in my hands and frown down at the
breakfast table. I’m making myself try to eat a banana and some cereal, but I
just don’t want it.

What I really want is a chocolate
chip muffin and a coffee. I throw on a hoodie and jeans and head out the door.

I wonder what JJ thinks about
what happened.

I’m in such a rush to get to the
coffee shop I forget my wallet and cell and have to go back to my apartment
twice to retrieve them.

It’s a clear, warm morning and
the sun is bright. There is blessedly little humidity.

In the moment when I’m standing
outside the coffee shop, I’m paralyzed by fear. Just needing a minute to catch
my breath and calm my rushing heart, I spin around on my heel.

And nearly collide with JJ’s
broad chest. I stumble backward and JJ instantly reaches out and gently takes
hold of my upper arms, steadying me.

I’m so flustered I forget to be
uncomfortable at the touch.

I look up into his stormy gray
eyes, but instead of the dark clouds I expect, I see his eyes shining with
amusement.

Instead of calming my heart, that
only makes it beat faster.

“Morning,” he says. He’s wearing
dark jeans and a white t-shirt. “Going somewhere?” He quirks his eyebrow at me
and I flush.

“Um, yeah, I think . . . um,” I
can’t think of a good lie fast enough, and since JJ appears to be willing to
wait for an answer I just shrug. “Thought I’d take a walk before I went
inside.”

“Oh, well, by all means don’t let
me stop you,” he says, stepping aside. “I brought a book to read, so I should
be here for a while.” He holds up a Sherlock Holmes mystery.

“You like mysteries?” I ask.

“Definitely,” says JJ, grinning.
“And these never get old.”

“What did you think of the
movies?” I say.

“Loved ‘em,” he says. “I mean,
the first was obviously the best, but you can’t hold high expectations against
something. They were entertaining. Were you going for that walk?”

“Nah,” I try to say smoothly, but
I’m about as smooth as sandpaper.

“Okay,” says JJ, and he reaches
around and opens the door for me.

Noah is leaning on the counter
flipping through a magazine. He starts to rise at the sound of the door, but
then he sees us and sinks back onto his elbows.

His expression is filled with
amusement. “How’s it going, you two? Good night?”

I flush, realizing that coming in
with JJ makes it look like something it isn’t.

“We just ran into each other outside,”
I rush to explain, stopping to stand awkwardly near the counter.

“Of course,” says Noah, winking
at me.

JJ, looking at the menu on the
wall, doesn’t seem to be paying any attention to us.

“It was fun,” I say, conscious
that JJ is right next to me.

“Did Aimee and Lizzy get home
okay?” JJ and Noah both ask at the same time, then grin at each other.

I nod. “Lizzy sent me a text
saying they got home. Actually,” I say, turning to JJ, “Sylvan drove them.
Lizzy was very excited to befriend a policeman.”

JJ looks like he finds that
interesting, but he keeps his reasons to himself.

“Can I get you coffees? Maybe a
breathing tube?”

“Yeah,” I say. “I’d like mine in
a vat. Only if it’s a pink breathing tube.”

Noah chuckles. “You had that much
fun, huh?” Grinning, he starts in on the coffees.

“I’d also like two chocolate chip
muffins,” I say, and turning to JJ I add, “If we’re going to be friends, you
need to understand that I eat a lot.”

Why did I jus say that?
I want to smack myself the
second the words are out of my mouth. If we’re going to be friends? No one said
anything about being friends! Noah must have seen my consternation, because he
gave me a sympathetic look as he handed me the coffee.

“Eat away,” says JJ. “I didn’t
want any of the muffins anyway.” I blush at the implication that I would eat
all the muffins in the shop.

“I’ll get the muffins,” Noah
says.

“You’re more than welcome to join
us,” says JJ, gesturing to the tables. We’re going to eat together. If I keep
this up I might be socially capable by the end of the summer. Unless I have
another panic attack.

“He has to work,” comes a
familiar woman’s voice from the back. I grin. Noah’s grandmother is a force,
and I know that even though I’ve never even laid eyes on the woman. Noah shrugs
at me and I realize he wouldn’t have joined us anyway. He’s like Lizzy, all for
this JJ thing.

“Where do you want to sit?” JJ
asks as I survey the room.

“By the windows,” I say.

“For the sunlight?”

“For the warmth,” I say. “I’m
always cold.”  My answer surprises JJ and he chuckles.

Once we’re seated, JJ takes a
long sip of his coffee. “Did you have fun last night?” he asks. He must have
seen that Lizzy and Aimee found entertainment pretty quickly. Aimee always
seems to, while Lizzy really did like Sylvan.

“Yes,” I say. “It’s fun.”

JJ eyes me. “You’re always an
oasis of calm in all the noise,” he says thoughtfully. “Whenever I look at
you.”

I stare at him, stunned. First of
all, he looks at me? He usually just looks like he’s concentrating on work.
Second of all, he’s saying the exact same thing about me that I think about
him.

“Thanks,” I say, meaning it.

He nods. He looks thoughtful as
he takes a bite out of his berry muffin, then he says, “Hey, do you remember
Old Man Munster?”

I haven’t heard that name in a
long time, but when I do I let out a laugh. “Wow, yes,” I exclaim, laughing at
the memory of my former math teacher. Rumor had it that he was older than the
high school itself, and just as set in stone.

JJ’s laughing now too.

“I didn’t know you had him,” I
say.

“I didn’t for very long,” he
explains. “But he was hilarious.”

“Yeah,” I say. “He hated when
students were late. There was this ridiculous day when I was only about five
minutes late, and he was so bad. He tried to give me detention.”

“What happened?” JJ asks.
“There’s no way you got in trouble. You aren’t the type.”

I don’t know what he means by
that, but instead of asking I finish my story. “Lizzy was in the class too, and
she wasn’t having it. She said I deserved better. She literally went on a rant.
I thought he was going to try and get her expelled, but the upside was that he
totally forgot about my five minutes of tardiness.”

JJ chuckles. I find I enjoy the
sound. I want to make him laugh again. I want to make him laugh all the time.

I notice that his shoulders and
torso shake when he’s amused, and his eyes light up and fix on my face. I
flush. I like being around JJ even when he isn’t chuckling. Being around him
not laughing is better than being around anyone else laughing uproariously.

“That sounds like Lizzy,” he says
with appreciation.

I nod. “She’s always been like
that.”

JJ cocks his head to the side,
his intense gray eyes still fixed on me. “Like what?”

The question catches me off guard
and I pause. The warm sun is coming through the window and I can hear Noah
talking quietly to his grandmother in the back. He has conveniently disappeared
for JJ’s and my little coffee date. Then it strikes me as strange that I’m
thinking of it as a date.

“Fearless,” I say, hunching my
shoulder in nervousness.

But JJ doesn’t judge me. That’s a
nice thing about JJ. Unlike my parents, or even most of my friends, he doesn’t
argue with what I say. He takes it at face value and gives it serious thought.
I get a serious response. He respects my opinions. The thought that a perfect
stranger, which he basically, is, wants to hear more from me is startling. I’ve
always pushed people away with both hands and a bulldozer.

“You don’t think of yourself as
fearless?”

I give a very unladylike snort,
then chide myself for it; real attractive, right? I just forget to be
self-conscious around him.

“Do you think of me that way?” I
cringe after I ask, but to my relief he still takes me seriously.

“You’re too smart to be
fearless,” he says. “But it takes a brave girl to. . . .”

He stops. His tone has changed
and so has his expression. I’m holding my breath. I know what he’s thinking,
but the moment passes and he shakes his head. I’m still barely breathing.

JJ doesn’t stop there.

“You were always this shy girl,”
he says. “But underneath that you had nerves of steel.”

“What?” I nearly yelp. That’s
definitely the first time someone has described me that way.

“Did I ever tell you about the
one time I saw you?” he asks, leaning forward.

“No,” I say, “because, you know,
we basically just met.”

JJ’s eyes light up at my sarcasm,
but he doesn’t respond.

“I saw you when you were a
sophomore and I was a senior. You were alone. I don’t know where your friends
were, but they weren’t with you and there was this kid-”

I know what he’s talking about
and I flush that he remembers so well.

“Lars,” I whisper.

“Yeah,” says JJ, “Lars. Kind of
an odd kid. Didn’t have friends. Sat alone. Usually played video games. Lars
was getting pestered by a bunch of guys. Bullied, really, and everyone was
standing around watching, not doing anything. Except you. When you saw what was
happening you got this furious look on your face, and I remember thinking,
there’s no way I’d want you to ever look at me like that. I’d be afraid.” He
smiles a little, then continues. “You marched right through those bullies and
told them to stop. Everyone was too stunned to argue. Even Harrison.”

I stare at him. “I had no idea
you were there.”

“Well, you were kind of busy,”
says JJ. “It was lunch and the seniors were just coming back from a trip. Half
of us felt bad for just standing there and watching. I know I did. After that I
promised myself I’d try to do something to impress you, but I heard that you
were dating Michael, and. . . .”

He swallows and gives me a
searching look. It’s the first time my dead boyfriend’s name has been said
between us.

“I’m sorry,” he says, when he
sees that I’m not going to run away crying. “I shouldn’t have said his name.”

“No,” I say. “It’s good that you
did. I loved him.”

“I know,” says JJ. Well, of
course he did. He had to keep me from drowning after I found out Michael had.

“Right,” I mutter, shifting
uncomfortably in my chair. My eyes search the room, looking at anything but JJ.

“We need to hang out,” he says.
“If only to clear the air. How does tonight sound?”

“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” I
say. This was more than I’d hung out with a guy that wasn’t Ellis or Steven
since high school.

“Yeah, but it was accidental,” he
says. “This is a small town, but I’m starting to realize that all I do is look
forward to running into you. I want the best part of my day to be planned.”

He had just admitted something
important. I couldn’t mention that he had a girlfriend. There was nothing I
could say, so I just nodded.