Burned (Beautiful Mess) (5 page)

I nodded at her with thanks.

“You guys look cute together,” She said to Ethan. Her comment sounded genuine.

“Yeah?”
Ethan held my hand and pulled me closer. “I think so too.”

We finally walked out the department store after Ethan insisted to shop a necklace to go with that dress.

“Well, Dana,” Ethan said. “Did you have a good time?”

“Yes, thank you.” I said. There was no way I could say that I didn’t. Ethan worked hard taking me shopping. He probably thought I would enjoy it. And he would be right if I was into shopping. Most of my friends were. Vicky would be ecstatic shopping at a department store.

“Really?” Ethan didn’t seem to be convicted.    

“Well, we could do some activities you like, too,” I said.

“You know what activities I like, Miss Proper?” Ethan smirked. He put his hand on my waist and pulled me closer. My body leaned toward his. I felt the warmth of his palm and the temperature rose in the small space between us. I breathed in sharply and smelled mint and lavender. It must be Ethan’s cologne and I might be addicted to it. 

Darn it. I needed to stop unintentional flirting with him.

“You mentioned in your email that you like chess?” I tried my best to speak with a straight face.

“
Chest
?” Ethan looked down and looked up. “Oh chess!” He let go of me and laughed. “You’d rather play chess?”

“Why? You do like chess right?” I was puzzled.

“Yeah, I used to play chess with my best friend Blake all the time,” Ethan was still laughing. “I just never played with a girl before.”

“Yeah, newsflash.
Girls can play chess, too,” I grinned proudly. “What do you do with girls anyway?” I regretted asking that question as soon as I asked. I should already have guessed what a hot guy like him did with girls.

“Usually shopping.
Then sport…” He raised his eyebrows.

I raised my eyebrows with him.

“Sport between two people,” he finished. “Miss Proper.” He waited as I came to an understanding of his analogy.

“I don’t play sport,” I looked away and took a step back from him. So he took me shopping because he expected to sleep with me? Just like what Vicky expected. I was offended and disappointed regardless. I thought I made it cleared to him that I was not into casual sex or the sort.

“No, Dana,” Ethan sighed slightly. He put his hand on my shoulder and massaged it gently. His hand felt amazing. I almost fell for it. “My intention is just to make you happy. I know you are not like that.”

I looked at him. Gosh, I thought his usual face was handsome. Now his puppy-eye face was just pure cuteness. I saw a hint of insecurity flashed in his eyes, but it was most likely just my own reflection.

“Dana, it’s cool you want to play chess with me,” Ethan said after a long pause. He was now playing the fingers of my hand, like they were a fascinating puzzle. “I can’t do that with you today. I have to go to a meeting with my study group at the law school. But I will call you when I have time, okay?”

“Okay,” I answered with a small voice. He was bailing out on me, I knew it. I couldn’t give him what he wanted. So I was no longer a good sport.

He handed me the dress and the necklace. We hugged good-bye, gently and politely this time.

Good thing there was a bookstore nearby. I needed to drown myself in some medieval literature.

Chapter 8

When I got back to my dorm, Vicky already had her hair ready for her night out.

“Look who is back later than usual?” Vicky stood up from her chair and ran to hug me.

I dodged her. I felt cold and I wanted to keep it that way.

“What happened?” She frowned. “He didn’t touch you, did he?”

“What?” I dropped the shopping bags on the floor and sat down on my chair. “Exactly, he didn’t touch me,” I sighed heavily. “I wouldn’t let him.”

“Ah, it’s okay. Nothing wrong to play a little ‘hard to get’,” Vicky came sit by me. “So what happens next?”

“I told him I wanted to play chess with him,” I said.

“Strip chess I hope?” Vicky teased.

“Darn, Vicky,” I picked up a pillow and threw at her. “Why do you have to be so bad?”

“Why do you have to be so good?” She threw it back at me.

Her words shot straight through me. Why did I have to be good? I could be bad. I could drink myself to death tonight and do something crazy. I wanted a boyfriend so bad. I had to get one. If being bad was what it took to get a boyfriend, I would do it. I just didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t believe I had to do certain things just so a guy would stay with me. I wanted a guy to stay with me because we could make each other happy. It shouldn’t be this hard.

Then there was another reason. I wouldn’t allow myself to be bad. I didn’t want to be a disappointment.

“Because I promised my Dad I will always be good after he fell ill,” I gripped the pillow with my hands. I was crawling myself into a ball now. I couldn’t break my promise to the man who showed me everything about this world.

“Oh Dana,” Vicky warped her arms around me. “I am so sorry, I didn’t know. How bad is it?”

“Bad,” My voice was weak. I held Vicky’s arms with my hands. “On my birthday, he made a joke that he wanted me to find a man with a good heart like him…bring the guy home so he could have a chance to give my boyfriend ‘the talk’ before he…” I was sobbing. I could taste my tears.

“Hush, Dana. Your Dad is strong like an ox. Tell him he has to wait for many many years before he could give that talk,” Vicky hugged me tighter. Her massacre was melting.

“He wanted to make sure there’s someone here for me after
he…”I wanted to stop thinking about the future. “I just wanted him to stop worrying about me. He needs to focus on his treatment.” Dad always worried about me. I was his only child. My mom and I was his everything.

“Well, maybe I can send one of my boys to be your fake boyfriend?” Vicky cracked a smile.

“I wouldn’t risk it,” I shook my head. “My Dad is sharp with his Special force experience. I have yet to fool him once.”

“I was joking, Dana,” Vicky chuckled. “None of them will be a match for you anyway.”

I laughed dryly. “Yeah, because I am one boring bitch.”

“Wow, wow, wow,” Vicky opened up her hands. “Watch your language young lady. What I meant was you are too good for those clowns, get it? ” Something on the floor caught her attention. She was staring at them like a cat sighting a bird. She sucked in air sharply. “Is that what I think it is?” She sat up straight and extended her neck for a better view.

“What?” I traced her eyes. Ah, she saw the bags from the department store. “Ethan brought those for me. I wouldn’t let him, but he insisted.”

“You
fool, you should let him buy more. Oh my! I wouldn’t be able to stand if a guy buys me these shiny things,” Vicky got up and peaked into the bag, like a pirate spotting golden treasure. “Can I have a look?”

“Help
yourself,” I felt a strange sense of supremacy. Never the less, this was the first time the fashion queen Vicky ever wanted to look at my shopping bag. If I was still in high school, I would be the popular kid for once. Maybe Ethan was expecting me to have an excited reaction like Vicky. Too bad his charm wasn’t working on me.

Vicky pulled out the dress from the bag. “This felt like silk, let’s see,” she found the tag.
“Made in France. 100% silk. This is gorgeous, Dana. And what’s this in the small box?”

“Ethan picked out a necklace to go with the dress,” I said.

“What? You also got a necklace?” Vicky was beyond excited. “This Ethan really fancies you huh?” She said it in a British accent.

“It was said, back in accident time, the tribal victors declared their claims on female prisoners of war by putting a chain or mental jewelry on their necks. And that evolved into necklaces later,” I muttered.
“Sounds hot!” Vicky smirked, completely missing my point. She opened the box and little dots of reflected light shined on her face. “Oh my my! Is this sapphire?” She went for the tag again.

“Sapphire?”
That caught my attention. I might be ignorant about fashion accessories but I was well aware of the value of gems.

“You didn’t know your date bought you a sapphire necklace?” Vicky held the necklace in both of her hands like it was a sacred object. Now I saw it. Eight sapphires shaped like rain drops formed the triangle shape design with small diamonds between them.

“Well, I just wanted to get the shopping over with and didn’t pay attention,” I murmured. If I knew I wouldn’t accept it. In my Dad’s word, this felt like “corruption”.

“Then what were you paying attention to?” Vicky looked at me like I was an alien. “This thing almost blinded me.”

“My date?” I shrugged, thinking back to the moments I remembered. “Ethan has the most gorgeous hair. And his eyes are jade green. And his voice, gosh, his voice. I could only focus on one of them at the time.” I just wished I could see him again.

“Ah, Dana,” Vicky giggled.  “You are a woman after all.”

“I just think he’s a playboy and he is done with me already,” I sighed. Why was I so guarded? I could be missing out. I might regret never doing anything with Ethan other than hugs. I might never get to go on dates with a guy as hot as him again. I should have at least got a feel of that abs though his shirt. Vicky was right. I was a woman after all.

“No playboy will give out sapphire necklace for free,” Vicky was still holding the necklace, examining each side of it. “The chain is white gold, you know, it’s real. Did he even give a hint about what he wants?”

“He said he wanted to make me happy,” I recalled his words. I wished I could tell how genuine he was as easily as Vicky could examine the authenticity of a necklace.

“Maybe he really likes you,” Vicky said hopefully. Her tone sounded like she was comforting a kitten that just dropped her favorite toy down the kitchen garbage disposal.  “He could be just buying you stuff because he didn’t know how to be romantic and all that jazz to keep you interested. Men do stupid things to get girls.”

“Then I am not smart enough tell if he’s really into me,” I hopped what she said was right.

Chapter 9

I hadn’t been sleeping well since I met Ethan. I thought about our dates all the time. The way he so confidently held my hand and the warmth of his palm filled my thoughts. I wanted to look into his astounding green eyes and knew what he was thinking. Why did he took me to a nice restaurant and buy me fancy stuff, however, he never called or texted me? I was ecstatic to see him but I felt cold after he left on our last date. He was not a regular guy. He had a perfect body, got into law school and apparently had too much cash in the pocket. But there was more about him. I saw something in his eyes that day at the mall, when he was trying to tell me he did not want to “play sport” with me. I just didn’t know what exactly he was trying to tell me.

It had been two days since Ethan took me shopping. I had been keeping my cell phone with me every single second. I even put it in a waterproof sandwich bag when I went to shower so I wouldn’t miss a call.

No word from Ethan.

Last time he said he would email me, and then he really did. I tried to comfort myself. Maybe he got very busy. Maybe he gave up. Maybe he started to see other girls. Maybe he had been seeing other girls the whole time.

I wanted to throw my cell phone into the wall and scream. I gripped the phone tightly in my hand. 

My phone ringed. Panicking, I pushed the answer button before checking who was calling.

“Hello?” I tried to steady my voice. But I still sounded like a rasping duck.

“Dana? Are you sick?” My Dad’s voice came from the phone. His voice didn’t sound much better than mine. But I found so much comfort in hearing his voice.

“Oh no,” I cleared my voice loudly. “See, much better. I was just waking up from a nap. How are you, Dad?”

“Good,” My Dad said. Then there was this long pause. He wanted to tell me something. I could hear his hesitation. “Can’t compliant,” he finished the sentence.

I wanted to ask him about the details to find out the progress of his treatment. But mentioning his sickness made us both depress. We had been carefully dancing circles around the subject for a while now. The doctor said it was important to avoid stress and depression, as good mood and positive attitude were needed for his long suffering treatment. It’s hard to pretend everything was all right when we knew time was going against us. “Okay, Dad,” I said, forcing myself to sound normal.

“Anything new from you,
cookie jar?”  He asked. He was calling my childhood nickname again. When I was little, like most kids, I loved to steal candies and cookies from the kitchen. I was greedy and really skillful too. I could took the entire cookie jar from the top of refrigerator and hide it somewhere my Mom could never find. But my Dad was smarter than me. At the time he just retired from Special Forces in the Army to be a shooting range instructor so he could stay home and be close to my mom and me.  He could always find my cookie jar in less than five minutes. He had earned my respect as a father and a solider since then.