Burned (Beautiful Mess) (7 page)

“I bought it for my nephew for her 15
th
birthday. Because stuffing your bra with tissue paper is so outdated,” she rolled her eyes. “But it turned out that she didn’t need it at all,” she said proudly. “This,” she gestured her upper body, “runs in the family. I gave her my bracelet instead.”

“That’s a more appropriate gift,” I commented.

“Now, you are putting them on,” she put the box on my desk.

“No, why?”
I watched the box out of the corner of my eyes.

“Because all men like boobies!”
She took the box from the desk and stepped closer to me.

“But that’s vanity.” I felt back against the wall.

“Vanity shit! You can say that on your philosophy essay, but you are not getting any boys with that brilliant brain of yours, are you? I am helping you to bust your chance. Just let your breasts pop-out a bit, you need to give guys a sexy impression,” she put the box in my hands.

Vicky was not going to let me walk out that door if I didn’t put those things on. I couldn’t believe I really let her persuade me. But it was true I needed to increase my chance to get a boyfriend since I had a statistically 0% success rate.

Shaking my head, I put those gel pads in my bra and adjusted them. The pads felt cold and a little bit sticky but they did stay in place and fit in the bra. I took a look at the mirror. Now my curve was fake and perfect.

“Ah, don’t you look fine!” Vicky cheered. “I knew you are a beauty underneath those old rugs. That’s it. You are wearing this dress no matter what tonight.”

“I looked fine anyway,” I mumbled. The weight of the pads in the front was strange. This was going to make walking on heels even more “fun”. Nevertheless I appreciated Vicky’s support. I needed it. 

***

Ethan texted me just after 7:00 P.M. He picked a place I was familiar with this time – the student library only two blocks from my doom. I sighed in relief. Then I realized I was going there with breast enhancement pad and Vicky’s dress.

I usually went to the library with my comfortable sweatshirt. Wearing anything other than that to the library was definitely out of my “comfort” zone.  But it was spring time, and girls on campus were wearing colorful dresses everywhere. I figured it would be fine for me to go the library in this dress.

I walked slower than usual after I got out the dorm. I didn’t want to trip on my high heels because of the extra weigh on my chest. The pads itself didn’t really weigh a lot at all but the mental weigh I put on them were messing with my balance. Vicky told me these were lucky pads and warned me not to take them out or I would be out of luck. I was worried about the opposite, walking as clumsy as I already was.

I entered the library as quietly as I could. Students actually studied here. I was thankful that the floor was carpeted so my heel didn’t make much noise. But something strange was happening. People were noticing me. Their glanced over me and their stares lingered. Weird, I was not even with Ethan this time. What was so interesting to stare at? A thought chilled down my spine. Did something wrong happen to my pads? I kept walking and quickly looked down at my chest. Nope, they were in position and well hidden.

“Dude, look.” I heard someone whispered as I walked passed a group that was clearly freshmen.  I looked over them and saw the guys looking at me, drooling. Oh my gosh, I was having the Vicky-Effect. I broke eye contacted with the boys and walked on. Vicky was right. This make over thing was working. I picked up the pace. I couldn’t wait for Ethan to see me.

I walked all the way to the study rooms at back of the library, enjoying the cheerleader-passing-through treatment. Ethan was already there. He had his cellphone to his ear, talking to someone. I walked toward him and let the dress swing with my steps. His gaze met mine and he looked stunned for a second, just as I expected. I smiled at him.

“I will call you back,” he said and hung up the phone. “Dana,” he opened his arms and rushed toward me.

“Hi,” I opened my arms to him as well. He hugged me tightly and I hugged back. In fact, I squeezed him a little. I was enjoying the contact and his warmth. I didn’t want to let go.

“You look so beautiful in this dress,” he pulled back and squeezed my shoulders. “And even more beautiful with that blush on your cheeks.”

“You need to stop making me blush,” I pushed him gently, giggling.

“Never!” He exclaimed and winked at me.

“One of these days I will make you blush, too,” I pouted. Ah, that didn’t sound right. Oh no.

Ethan grabbed my arms gently, pulling me toward him. His face leaned in – so close I could count his eyelashes. I stared at him with huge eyes and stopped breathing. He wasn’t going to kiss me, was he?

“I would love to see you try, Miss Proper,” he whispered with a smirk and slowly backed away.

I remained there for a few second to register what happened. And I couldn’t figure out which would be worse-he taking my first kiss right there and then or the fact that he didn’t kiss me.

“Shall we start this chess challenge?” Ethan asked, awaking me.

“Oh yes,” I almost forgot the reason we were being here. “Where do we set up the chessboard? Where is the chessboard?” I looked around. I remember Ethan said he would bring his but it was not with him.

“I reserved a study room to work on my law project. I already set the chessboard up. We are taking a study break in there,” he gestured the door to a study room.

“You actually study at night? Not playing any ‘sport’?” I meant to tease but I sounded harsher than I intended. Darn, I just killed the mood.

Ethan looked blank for a second. But he soon turned to give me a charming smile. “I used to. But then I met a smart girl. So now I am playing chess instead.” His eyes held mine, making sure I got his point.

I couldn’t help but smile. But the tight feeling in my lungs didn’t go away. Maybe Ethan did like me, but I knew there were a lot of hot girls out there far more experienced in dating boys and they just couldn’t wait to get their hands on someone like Ethan. I wasn’t convinced that my liking for chess could so easily compete with all the temptations out there. Still, I had no idea why Ethan would spend time with a girl like me at all.

We entered the study room and sat on the opposite sides of the chessboard. Tension instantly filled the atmosphere. I wanted to figure Ethan out. Perhaps this chess match could help me get some insight about him.

“After you,” Ethan nodded at the white chess pieces in front of me. He had made himself comfortable in the chair, leaning back and relaxing.

“All right,” I moved a pawn forward.

“Hmm, just like I thought,” Ethan smirked. “You are cautious.”

“Cautious?” I blinked. I positioned my pawn at the beginning so I could be better prepared for defense later. 

“Yes, you are cautious,” Ethan advanced his knight on first move. “Sometimes you have to be bold and take risks to get what you want.”

I couldn’t tell if he was talking about chess or me as a person in general. “But if you take risk, you can lose a lot.” I continued to position my pawns.

“True,” Ethan said, examining the chessboard. “But you might regret never finding out what would happen, because you don’t take the risk.”

For a second, I thought about how I regretted the things I did not do with Ethan when I thought I would never see him again. But who knows, he was still here. I didn’t have to regret yet. “Sometimes you
don’t even have to take risks. Just go with the wind, and stuff will happen,” I look at him. Gosh, talking to a law school student was mentally taxing.

“Go with the wind, huh?” Ethan looked amused, playing the bishop in his hand. His face was perfect, especially when he was thinking. He was eyeing for one of my pawn. But he had no way to take it without losing his piece too.

“Does law school teach you these philosophies?” I asked. The topic was making my brain hurt and I wanted to talk about something lighter.

“Law school is a lot of reading. I have to memorize a lot cases every day. It’s not the most exciting stuff,” he shrugged and moved his bishop.

“So how did you end up in law school?” I asked curiously. I watched the board attentively and started to plan a series of moves to lure Ethan’s Knight into a trap.

“You want the answer on my resume or the real answer?” Ethan leaned on the table.

“How about you tell me both?” I looked up from the board. Ethan’s eyes were focused on the board, clearly he saw something. I just hope he wasn’t planning to trap me too.

“The formal one is that I want to help people and make a difference,” he raised his eyebrows.

“You can if you are going to be a good lawyer,” I looked at him. I didn’t know Ethan’s characters well enough to know if he was going to be a good lawyer or a bad one. As a date, he had been swinging in both directions confusingly enough.

“There are different kinds of ‘good’ in my books,” Ethan shifted his attention back to the chessboard. “I have not determined which one I am going for.”

“So what’s the real reason of you being in law school?” I asked. I had heard some people went for the flame and income but it seemed Ethan already had both somehow, before he even graduated from law school. So why was Ethan even here?

“My Dad is a lawyer. And a very good one,” his tone contained a mix of admiration and reverence. I imagine Ethan probably got quite the influence from his father just like how I was with my Dad.  “It was…expected of me to go into law,” he chuckled. “So I guess I just kind of had to go with the wind.”

“Expected to?” I pondered. “Like a thing runs in the family? Are you the only child?”

“The one and only Lancastrian heir,” Ethan teased, shrugging.

My goodness, he made a reference to the War of the Roses. My inner historian was doing happy tap dance in my stomach. I grinned so widely my face hurt.

“Now what is that evil grin about?” Ethan joked. “You are planning moves to knock me down, Dana?”

“Maybe,” I tiled my head and made my move on the board. “Are you planning to build the Tudor Dynasty on the board, heir of Lancaster?” I challenged him.

Ethan laughed. And I laughed with him. The next half an hour we chatted about history-the Mad King and the Princes in the Towner. We discussed and argued about medieval wars. And we had good laughs making fun of Kings and Queens. I began to let go of my defense and started to be myself and relax around Ethan. I even forgot that I was wearing those sticky pads on my chest. I was actually having a good time.

But as the chess game progress, Ethan began to frown. His bold moves weren’t working so well for him and my chess pieces were slowly advancing toward his King as I turned defensive to offensive.

Ethan ran his hand though his hair. I was distracted by how his gorgeous hair gathered then fell into place. I wanted to run my hand through his hair all the sudden. I took a deep breath to stay put.

Ethan took a deep breath as well. “Hmm, not what I expected,” he said quietly, studying the chessboard.

“What did you expect?” I asked.

“Get you undone in less than ten minutes,” his gaze met mine and I couldn’t look away. I had provoked a sex god and he was undressing me with his piercing eyes. I felt naked, conquered and longing for his touch. I blinked rapidly to shake the feeling away.

“Well, looks like it won’t be that easy,” I moved my bishop and took his knight.

“Impossible!” Ethan sat straight and exclaimed. He didn’t see that coming at all. He ran his hand though his hair. His expression was grim.

I felt the room temperature dropping as he leaned back to his chair, creating a distance between us. I had predicted the chess moves but I hadn’t predicted this sudden change of moods. Ethan probably didn’t expect me, an undergraduate student, could beat him.

“Okay,” Ethan put his queen in a defensive position. It was a smart move but hardly changing the situation. I was still winning.

But I didn’t felt the thrill of victory. Just a moment ago, I was losing myself in laughing with Ethan. I could still felt the heat on my cheeks because of our delightful chats. Now Ethan was not even smiling anymore. He was bracing himself for a defeat. His muscles were rigid and his frown was deep. The silence starched between us. No matter what people say about equality, I supposed losing a match to an underclassman who also happened to be a girl must feel awful to a guy in the competitive law school. I just wanted us to go back to laughing again. I wanted to see Ethan smile. I wanted this to be a happy chess game for the both of us, and I didn’t want Ethan to feel bad. Then, I saw a move that could accomplish that.

I moved my knight closer to his queen. It might seem like a good move now, but in a few moves Ethan would be able to checkmate my king. He wouldn’t even notice I cheated-so that he could win. “Your turn, Ethan,” I gave him a smile.

Ethan’s tactic for chess was actually impressive. If I wasn’t so careful at the beginning, he could have taken me by surprise. My guess was that he had seldom actually come close to an unexpected lost before. That was why he was taking this so seriously. Now he was focusing on the chessboard. He rubbed his chin with his hand. Picking up his bishop, Ethan made the right move to the eventual checkmate. “Miss Proper, I have to admit I have never dated a woman that challenges my intellect this way,” he looked up from the chessboard. His expression was soft. His eyes searched my face, like he was looking for something. He looked…human for a second, approachable. I felt like if I hold out my hand and cup his face, he would lean in to me. And we would find peace in each other’s comfort.