Burning Attraction (11 page)

             
I roll my eyes at him. "What do you approve of? Mason and Aubrey?"

             
He laughs, shaking his head. "Well, sure, why not. But I'm talking about your outfit. You look, er, you look fuckin' hot."

             
I smile at him for a moment, starring in his eyes, then take a look at his costume. He is dressed as a basketball player. It's cute on him, I like him in a jersey. "Thanks," is all I say, not sure what I should say to him. He makes me happy and angry every time I see him, so now I'm lost at what to say to him.

             
"Any reason you're a boxer?" he asks me, looking me up and down for the fourth time.

             
I shake my head. "Nah, I just saw it in the store and thought I'd look good in it." I shrug my shoulders like it's no big deal.

             
He smiles knowingly. "Well it works. I bet you'd give me a run for my money in that."

             
"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask, confused.

             
"Because we both look fuckin' sexy in our fighting attire."

             
I shove his shoulder. "Cocky much?"

             
"Nope, just being honest," he chuckles. I roll my eyes again and stand up to walk off, but Avery pulls me back to sit again. "In all seriousness Angel, you're the best looking one here. It makes me wish I could jump into your arms and kiss you this time."

             
I swallow hard and give him a look of frustration. "Can we not talk about that please?" I bite out.

             
His eyebrows raise at me. "We don't have to talk, we can-"

             
"Screw off Avery. You know, you're kind of a dick. I didn't mean to kiss you, I was caught up in the moment. I'm with Carson and I love him. You need to stay the fuck away from the both of us unless you can stop being an ass. Stop hinting around about crap."

             
His smile fades some, but there is a small smirk still in place on his lips. "Sorry Cassandra, I don't mean to be an ass. It just," he pauses, running his hand through his hair, "it sucks seeing you two together."

             
"What?" I ask, completely dumbfounded by his response.

             
He looks down to the ground before looking me in the eyes. "Cassie, I have been in love with you since I was probably eight. I haven't stopped and I never will. But I'll leave you alone." Avery stands up and walks off, not looking back at all. I just sit here and stare, unsure if I should chase after him or ignore his words. What does someone do in a moment like this? Why didn't he tell me this before now? I knew I shouldn't have kissed him, I knew I shouldn't have gone to that damn fight. I'm so lost and I can't even ask Aubrey for advice right now.

             
I sit outside alone for a few minutes before I finally get a grip and head in. Carson's game of beer pong is just ending, so I walk up and wait next to him until he finishes. I take a glance around the room and spot Avery staring at me with a sad smirk on his lips before he turns around and goes into the other room. I feel like a bitch for some reason, even though, I'm not the one to confess my love while he is in a relationship. I shouldn't feel bad, I should be angry, but I can't be. Those words didn't give me the butterflies and fireworks that it did when Carson said it, but it did give me a slew of emotions I couldn't begin to explain.

             
Carson puts his arm around my waist, startling me from my thoughts. I smile at him as he pulls me towards the dance floor. We dance together for a while, and my thoughts are just on him. This feels right, I know deep down Carson is the one for me, and I've never been happier with someone. I need to swallow the emotions Avery has placed deep inside me. Right now, being with Carson, it's easy.

             
"I need a drink," I yell out to Carson after nearly an hour of dancing. I'm starting to sober up, and I don't want to, because reality will sink in. I want to enjoy my night the best I can. He nods and pulls me alongside him until we're in the room where pledges are handing out the Solo cups of booze. Carson grabs each of us one and when we turn to go into another room, I spot Avery. My stomach sinks as he is making out with some cheerleader. They look perfect together how they're dressed, and it hurts more than I thought it would. I had never seen him with another girl before, but all of a sudden it feels like someone just punched me in the heart. I shouldn't feel like this, it's not right, not at all.

             
I down the beer I have and before we're even out of the room I tell Carson I need another drink. He laughs and walks me over to the pledge. He must not have seen my expression, or he does one hell of a job ignoring it. I drink down that beer in moments and ask for another. "Baby, slow down, you're going to get sick," Carson says as I start sipping on my third drink.

             
I pull the cup away and look at him. "Sorry, I just feel like letting loose." He smiles at me, but it's a sad smile. I nod towards the dance floor again, and he follows after me. We start grinding in to each other, and after a few minutes I'm nearly having sex with Carson on the dance floor. I don't care who sees or what people think, I just feel like I need him right now. Before the first song is even over he starts shaking his head at me. "What?" I ask him.

             
"I think you're done drinking, come." He takes the drink out of my hand, setting it on the mantle and pulls my hand, so I follow behind him. I'm too drunk to argue with him, plus I'm hoping we're going to have sex. Once we get up into his room, I pull off my beater and start pulling off my shorts before Carson stops me.

             
"What? You don't wanna have sex?" I slur out.

             
The look Carson is giving me makes me nervous all of a sudden. I don't get why he is looking at me like I'm in trouble, like he is disappointed with me. It almost makes me want to cry. "You're drunk so this may not be fair for me to ask, but what is going on with you and Avery?"

             
I bite down on my lip, staring at him, trying to process what he knows and what he is saying. Did I give it away that well? I thought I did pretty well, but I'm also really drunk, so maybe not. "Nothing," I say, shaking my head back and forth.

             
"Honestly Cassandra? Because I keep hearing from people you kissed him last weekend, but I ignored it, thinking it was just a friendly kiss, even though everyone is telling me it was far from it. Now you see him kissing someone else and you get drunk and start fucking me on the dance floor. I try to trust you, I want to trust you, but you're not giving me a reason. Do you love him?"

             
Fuck, fuck, fuck! What do I say? Yes? Because I do! I know I do. But I love Carson too. They're different kinds of love though. I can't explain it, I never will be able to. I just keep starring into Carson’s beautiful blue eyes, trying to think of words to say. What do I say? He is right, it isn't fair he is asking me while I'm this drunk. While Avery's words are still fresh. Moments right after I just watched him make out with a whore.

             
Carson starts nodding his head slowly in understanding. "That is answer enough for me. Have you only kissed him?" he asks cautiously.

             
I press my lips together, not looking anywhere but his dark gaze. "Yeah."

             
He runs his hands over his face in frustration. "Shit," he breathes out. He bends down and grabs my shirt off the floor, passing it to me. "You can sleep in my bed tonight, we're too drunk to get you home. We can talk tomorrow." He walks out of the room and I just look after him. I'm just fucking up over and over.

             
I put my shirt on then fall down into Carson's bed and ball my eyes out. I don't know if I just lost him but I can't. I love him too much, I can't lose him. I won't lose him. I'll fight for him, no matter what it takes. If Avery really loved me he wouldn't have gone and made out with someone just minutes after telling me he loves me. He is probably doing more than that at this very moment. I know, right this moment, that Carson is the man for me, and I'm going to make sure he knows that. I'll explain it all tomorrow, the very best I can.

             
When I wake up in the morning, Aubrey's arms are around my waist and I look around. This is Carson's room yet he isn't in here and Aubrey is. The both of us still in costumes. I stare at the ceiling, remembering the night before. Shit. I'm not ready for this day to start. I close my eyes, urging myself to fall back asleep, but my head is pounding and I feel nauseous. I jump out of bed and run down the hall until I'm in the bathroom, making it to the toilet just in time. Everything from yesterday comes out until I'm dry heaving.

             
There is a knock on the door. "Cassie, is that you?" I hear Carson's voice call out.

             
"Yeah," I half moan. My stomach is doing flops and I'm not sure if it's because I have to face Carson right now, or if it's because of how sick I am.

             
He walks into the bathroom and looks at me with sad eyes, seeing me leaning against the cool wall. I point to the cupboard the washcloths are in and he nods, understanding what I need. He grabs a washcloth and runs it under the faucet before bringing it to me. "Here baby," he says, handing me the damp washcloth. I get butterflies hearing him call me baby, hoping that means he isn't going to break up with me.

             
I wipe around my mouth before placing the cold cloth on my forehead. It feels amazing already. Carson walks back over to the sink and fills up a Dixie cup with water, and brings that over to me. I drink it down in a second, so he refills it for me once more.

             
"I'm sorry about last night," I say to him.

             
He leans against the sink and stares at the wall across from him. There is a long, awkward silence between us, neither of us moving. Finally Carson sighs and looks at me, a small smile on his face. "Me too. I shouldn't have said anything to you."

             
I shake my head. "Maybe not while I was drunk. But you should have. I should have said something to you before last night. I'm sorry I kissed Avery, I was caught up in the moment. It was only once, I promise you. I would never ever do that to you, Carson. I love you so much."

             
His smile grows, and he looks completely understanding. "I love you too, beautiful. It hurts but I'm not angry at you. But," he rubs his hands over his face the same way he did last night. I can tell he is frustrated by the way he does it. He looks at me again before continuing, "you love him too, don't you?"

             
I have to swallow before I can answer. I stare in his eyes and sigh, "not the same way I love you Carson. I can't explain it. He was my first love when we were kids and he left out of state. I hadn't seen him in years, and after I met you is when he came back into my life. The feelings I have for him, they're, I don't know, old I guess. I have love for him, I want him in my life, but not the same way as you. I'm in love with you, I want to be with you and only you. I'm not sure if that makes sense, and I'm sorry if it hurts, but it's the truth Carson. I want to be honest with you." I bite down on my lip, awaiting his answer. Our eyes not leaving each other.

             
"Maybe," he sighs and closes his eyes, "maybe we need some time apart."

             
I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces and a sob comes out of my mouth before I can even stop it. "No Carson, no, please don't leave me. I'll make it up to you, I'm so sorry, please." Tears spring free from my eyes and I get up off the floor to make my way towards him.

             
Carson puts his hand out to stop me from coming any closer and it causes me to cry even harder. "Cassie, just time. I love you so much, and I need to make sure we're strong enough. I can't give you my all if you can't return it. We'll both end up heartbroken that way. You need to figure things out as much as I do."

             
It makes sense but it hurts. I'm too scared this is our goodbye. I can't let it be. "I'm not giving up Carson. I'm going to prove to you how much I love you," I say.

             
He pulls me into his arms, and hugs me tight. "Good," he whispers in my ear. "Now, let’s go get Aubrey and get the two of you home." I nod in answer, crying too hard to say anything more.