By Force of Instinct (38 page)

230

By FoRce oF InstInct

The novelty of his current situation lent a new aspect of pleasure and freedom to their encounter. she was his, this cottage was theirs, and there was no one to answer to or be responsible for, no one for whom standards must be maintained, no rules to be followed except their own.

He felt an intense rush of desire at this realization. He met her eyes and held them as he unfastened her garter and drew her stocking down and off, allowing his fingertips to skim her warm skin as he did so. returning for the remaining stocking, he paused to caress the tender skin of her inner thigh, watching her expression as the firelight flickered over her face.

He wanted more than cooperation and desire from her—he wanted an intimacy with her in body like that in spirit he had found so fulfilling at netherfield. The second stocking joined its partner on the floor, and he let her skirts fall to their natural position once more, only keeping his hand resting lightly on the tender skin of the top of her foot. There was something very arousing, he thought, about seeing elizabeth unshod, a familiarity that spoke of closeness and confidence.

There was still little physical contact between them, yet their desires seemed to forge a powerful connection—it was almost as if she already felt his touch and the fiercely pleasurable sensation of having him inside her.

she was almost shaking with need, and they had not yet truly begun.

Darcy put his hands up to her waist. “come to me, then,” he said. she expected he would take her to bed, but instead he brought her down to sit between his legs on the floor, her back resting against him. He did not kiss her or caress her, but merely leaned his head against hers, and with his hand began to kilt up her skirts until he could see her shapely legs. He had more than looking in mind, however, and began to brush his fingers lightly along her thighs, moving ever higher until with a moaning sigh she parted her legs to allow him the pleasure of access to her.

He slid his fingers between her legs, seeking her pleasure and finding it.

As he moved his finger against her, she began to moan and to press against him. He found it arousing indeed to be touching her so intimately while they were both still clothed, when he had barely even kissed her. The trust with which she gave herself over to him, here in their own private place, was something he craved; that sense of absolute union and understanding that provided such nourishment to him. He could not resist sliding his fingers deep inside her until she gasped with the pleasure he was providing 231

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her. He stroked her delicately until she reached the pinnacle of fulfilment and then returned from it once more, trembling in his arms.

He simply held her to him for a brief interval, allowing her time to recover, but her response had driven his need, and he sought her lips with a passionate urgency. His desire to delay his gratification had fled, and his fingers rapidly dealt with the fastenings of her dress, pushing it down her shoulders as his lips followed with a hungry need to taste her skin. she arched into his hands as they reached her breasts.

He reached behind her to unbutton her dress. she slipped her arms out of her sleeves, then stepped out of the skirts until she stood before him.

His eyes roved appreciatively over her, and elizabeth began to feel the deep arousal that comes only with such intimate and honest exposure.

“your hair. Will you let it down?” His voice had become almost hoarse.

With a bewitching smile, she unpinned her hair and shook it free over her shoulders. emboldened by his heated look, she stepped towards him. she slid her hands under his driving coat, encouraging its removal, and then applied herself to his shirt, a matter which required a certain amount of cooperation from Darcy, who was finding great pleasure in her ministrations.

she hesitated a moment before touching his trousers—even in London she had felt too much modesty to look at him directly—but found her courage to continue in his eyes. As she unfastened them and let them drop, on inspiration she took into her hands that part of him which still provoked her blushes. His clear response gave her confidence, and she watched his pleasure as she caressed him.

Before long he moved to stop her. “come, my heart,” he said, leading her to the bed and drawing back the bedclothes. she slipped in, her feet discovering with pleasure that his valet’s preparations had extended to warm bricks in the foot of the bed, and held her arms out to him. Her longing to have him within her was increasing rapidly, but he would not be satisfied until his hands had the opportunity to rediscover all of her body. He was determined to know that her urgency matched his, and he delayed to suckle at her breasts.

ripples of desire tugged through her at the touch of his mouth, and she arched against him, holding his head to her as he increased the intensity of the stimulation he was providing her. she moaned his name as her hand sought out his arousal.

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He could wait no longer; he broke off and poised himself above her, his eyes claiming hers with a near desperate need. He had meant to go slowly again, lest he hurt her, but he could not hold back, and he thrust himself deep within her.

elizabeth gasped as he connected to her in the most intimate of ways, she pressed herself against him as he began to move slowly within her. As he shifted to hard, rapid strokes which claimed her as his own, his arousal grew until he found his release and collapsed in her arms. He was not so spent, as not to hope for more, and his fingers travelled to that spot which gave her pleasure so easily and caressed it for the brief time needed for her to be overtaken by waves of pure satisfaction.

she could not say why it was she felt so very close to him at these moments, but the truth of it could not be denied. He could have asked anything of her then, and she would have given it with love; had he once again tried to persuade her to an immediate marriage, she would have agreed just to see his happiness in it. It was a fortunate thing, she reflected, that he did not know the power he had. she nestled in as close to him as she could, and was pleased to feel his arms tighten around her.

He felt all the comfort of holding her close, and thought of his good fortune in having won the love of this woman. Her generosity and freedom with him could not but amaze and delight him anew. “My heart,” he whispered in her ear. He could have happily stayed in that moment forever, but eventually elizabeth pulled away from him far enough to raise herself up on her elbow, her fingers tracing the lines of his face as she honoured him with a gaze of deep affection. He felt her absence acutely, and held out his arms to her. “come back to me, Lizzy,” he said, a certain seductiveness evident in his look.

she looked amused. “It is a tempting an idea, but if I did, I would relax too much. It is very late, and I would be all too content to be in your arms the whole night through—I doubt that I could stay awake long.”

“All that is true for me, too,
and
you have pleased me enormously as well; I can think of nothing I would like better at the moment than falling asleep with you,” he said engagingly. “I know that must wait—but must you leave so quickly, then? I am enjoying having you to myself, far from family and servants, nothing but you and I in the world.”

she could not resist him, and settled back into his arms. “Very well, sir, 233

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but I am relying on you to keep me awake,” she said teasingly.

“I am certain I can think of something should I become desperate,” he said dryly, running his hand down her side suggestively. “I think that perhaps I shall build a cottage just for us at Pemberley, where I can steal you away and we can be completely alone together. Would you like that, my Lizzy?”

The thought raised associations she would rather not consider at the moment, but once they were in her head, she could not force them away. Her feelings of closeness to him began to vanish, and sadness started to pervade her. Her natural instinct was to try to put it aside and make a light response, but she checked herself, recalling that he wished her to share her concerns with him. still, this might be a subject he would rather
not
hear her thoughts on; yet she did not want it to stand between them. Before she could reconsider further, she said slowly, “sir John Hennessey, in Letchworth, has such a honeymoon cottage. I know girls are not supposed to know such things, but it is where he keeps his mistress.” she knew from local gossip that it was far from an unusual use for such a hideaway.

Darcy kissed her forehead. “Well, fortunately, you need not worry about such a thing,” he said readily. “It will be solely for you and me, my sweetest, loveliest elizabeth.” He tangled his hand in her hair comfortably, enjoying the feeling of the silken strands between his fingers. He was so deep in his own contentment that it was a few minutes before he realized she had not replied, and when he looked at her, he could see a certain unhappiness in her eyes. concerned, he thought back over what had been said and, in a moment of realization, said with dismay, “you
do
worry about it! Dear heart, how can you think it? Why should I ever wish for another woman when I have you?” He could not imagine how she could possibly under-value herself so; but then again, as he thought of her father’s behaviour, perhaps he could.

“I am not completely naïve, Fitzwilliam,” she said reluctantly. “I am aware of the realities of life, and that you will likely not always feel this way. I understand the … expectations for such a situation, and I know it is my role to accept it—but no, I would prefer that you not build such a cottage; I doubt I could enjoy it.”
The price of honesty is high indeed,
she thought, her throat tight. she wished fiercely that the subject had never arisen; she wanted only the comfort of the closeness to him she had felt a few minutes earlier.

Darcy pulled away from her just enough to be able to look at her directly, 234

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the light of the dying fire casting shadows across him. He was silent for a minute, his face troubled. “elizabeth,” he began, then paused again. “I cannot deny that there have been women in the past—I doubt any gentleman could—but only within limits; I have never ruined a woman, nor have I been with a married woman, though God alone knows there has been more than enough opportunity! no, my heart, the sanctity of marriage is a boundary I would not bridge—and I cannot tell you how desperately unhappy it would make me if
you
ever did.”

“Hush,” said elizabeth with embarrassment. “How can you say such a thing!”

“Just as you did, because the very idea of your even looking at another man is more than I can tolerate; and because I do know how very lightly many of the ladies of the
ton
hold their wedding vows, once they have produced the obligatory heir. so have no doubts of me; if that were the kind of marriage I desired, I could have had it anytime in the last eight years, but I did not.”

His words had the unmistakable ring of authenticity, and provided some relief to elizabeth. she could not be completely reassured so easily on a subject of this magnitude, though; he had become so important to her that the very thought of him looking elsewhere was enough to make her miserable. she asked quietly, “Why did you not? certainly that would have been by far the easiest course for you.”

He held her tightly to him, having some idea of what exposing her insecurities like this must cost someone as self-sufficient as elizabeth. He could understand all too well how such fears could arise; he had certainly suffered enough agony over the possibility of losing her to know the feeling well.

“Why did you not marry Mr. collins, my heart? He would have been considered a good match, after all,” he said gently. “no, my dearest, I know what it is to live without affection, to think that caring and concern are a paid duty of servants, and that familial love was a luxury that no one had any interest in affording. I decided long ago that I would not marry a woman whom I could not respect and care for—though I confess that I had not expected to find her where I did, so far from the society of London; though perhaps in hindsight I should have been looking there the whole time.” He smiled at the conceit. “And you, dearest Lizzy? you taught me some time ago what qualities you did
not
value in a husband—but what did you
want
?

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she was quiet for a moment. “I always hoped to marry for love and knew I could not marry without respect, but in truth I do not think I knew what love meant. I had to
experience
it to know its power.”

His dark eyes looked deeply into hers. “And having known it, how could you doubt me?”

she could not be anything but honest with him. “Because I know you are a man of the world, and that your entire life has been lived by rules different from the little society I have known here, and that I am moving into your world without knowing what it is I do. In truth, I do not know what it is
you
want from a wife.”

“you—nothing but you,” he replied instantly, but his thoughts were un-quiet. The moment she had spoken, it was obvious to him—how could he have failed to realize that along with the very practical benefits this marriage offered her came a difficult change? He was asking a great deal of her, while thinking only of what he offered. “I cannot say that we will not face challenges, but as long as we face them together, I have no doubt of the outcome.”

“Thank you,” she said softly.

He could feel her body gradually relax in his arms, but his mind was now less pleasantly occupied, as her very doubts led him to question his security in her affections. “elizabeth?” he said abruptly.

she kissed his shoulder. “yes, my love?”

“I …” he began, then stopped again. Damn, but he hated this vulnerability! “Lizzy, I would be happy if you were to tell me that you care.”

she raised her head to look at him, finding that same distress she had felt earlier now on his face. “oh, my very dear! I could never imagine loving anyone as I love you; you are my joy and my delight. I wish I could always be with you, and that we should never be apart,” she said. As she saw his relief, her spirits turned to playfulness, and she daringly pinned him to the bed with her body. “And does my presence here tell you nothing?”