Cailín (Lass) (Anam Céile Chronicles) (23 page)

T
he trek home ‘twas quiet.  I aside him,
just enjoying lying me head upon his shoulder, relishing the last bits of
uninterrupted moments I would spend with him.  I closed me eyes and all too
soon we were before the grand manor house. 

As Donovan pulled the cart up, Deirdre came running out of
the house.  “Aislinn, Donovan!  You must move inside quickly!”  Not accustomed
I be to seeing her in any sort of frantic state.  I hopped down, and she
swiftly clutched me by the arm, dragging me along toward the front door.

Donovan secured the horses and followed after. 

“What be this about, Deirdre?” Donovan demanded in a tone
that I also not be accustomed to hearing.

“Aislinn’s father, he was here, not long ago.  Fortunate you
are not to have passed him on the road!” she explained anxiously.

Hardly able to believe me ears, I just gaped at her. 

Me father?  Here?

It had been two years since I had left his home and he had
not made the effort to come after me.
 
So why now?

Donovan spoke up, “What say he, Deirdre?”

“Calm he was at first, so I came to the door to attend to
him.  Aislinn he wanted, naturally.  However, when I assured him you were not
here, rapidly he became belligerent.  Starting ranting about requiring a
negotiating tactic with the English and how you were finally going to make
yourself useful,” Deirdre described breathlessly.

“Frightened me poor baby, he did!  He would not accept that
you were not here and was attempting to barge into the house when Fergus arrived
home at a most fortuitous time and commanded him to depart from here.  Bitterly
he departed, shouting all the while that everyone within this house would
regret it if he discovered you to be here.”

Donovan remained composed.  I, on the other hand, was
trembling with distress, me belly tied in knots. 

What if he came fer me again?  I’d rather die than have him drag
me back there fer only God knows what purpose he has in mind!

“Do not
fret, me love,” Donovan assured me, taking me in his arms.  “It will be fine. 
I will see to it.”

I
buried me face in his chest fer one second and then pulled away suddenly.  “How
do you know it will all be
fine
?” I demanded skeptically.  “Precisely
what
do you presume to be able to do to stop me father?”

To me
dismay, he did not have an answer.  Me heart sank a little.

“Donovan,
the only thing you can do to save me from him is to marry me. 
Now
,”
I
stressed.  “Elope tonight, we must!  Then far away we can go from here where I
cannot be found.”

“Aislinn,
we cannot rightly do that.  Me apprenticeship I still have to complete.  Moreover,
still I would not have the means to support you,” Donovan answered, caressing
me arm apologetically.  “Besides, deprive you of the real wedding
you
deserve, I will not.”

“You
know I do not care fer that in the least!  To become yer wife, Donovan, be all
I have ever wanted.  It not matter to me
how
that transpires.”

Gazing
into his eyes, I comprehended there would be no persuading him.  Distraught, I
pulled out of his grasp and ran to me room, leaving him to look after me in
bewilderment.

E
ver
thereafter, that shade of blue has provoked emotions in me that be difficult to
endure, still to this day.  ‘Tis the reason I can scarcely withstand sunlit,
blue sky days.  I have now tallied that there be over fifty thousand shades of
blue.

After having
slept alone every night of me life preceding that monumental day, spending the
night within his arms served to be the most profound experience.  Subsequently,
I could not imagine reverting to sleeping without his arms to hold me, though
endure it fer nearly two more years I thought I would have to.  Oh, how I wanted
to beg him to stay as I watched him go . . .

Oh, to
have known the true measure of what I would truly be forced to endure.  Always
affects me now it does still— ‘tis difficult to sleep, feeling so very alone,
wishing his arms about me.

T
he year
be 1710.  At long last, our wedding day be imminent, arranged to be on the
twenty-second of June, harmonious with Litha, the summer solstice.  ‘Twenty
years old I be then, and in that day, ‘twas nearly a right old maid I be, at
that!

“Aislinn,
I have arranged for my seamstress to make your dress,” Deirdre haughtily
announced one day a few months before the wedding.

What?
 
Though I be already exceedingly grateful to her fer all she had done fer me, I
did not wish to be further indebted to her.

“Deirdre,
that be most gracious of you, still accept that kind of generosity I cannot.”

 
“Now Aislinn, don’t you go being all humble with
me!” Deirdre scolded.  “
You
may not have a shred of dignity, but if I am
going to hold this wedding here at
my
home, I’ll not have the star of my
festivity dressed in rags!”

She be
resolute in her insistence, staring down at me with her hands upon her hips,
brows raised and mouth tight.  Although, to her, the definition of
rags
be
something entirely different than it be to me.

Fully
aware that arguing with her would be a futile effort, I sighed brashly, rolling
me eyes.  “Certainly, then.  After all, I wouldn’t want to spoil
yer
shindig, Deirdre,” I agreed less than eagerly.

She
clapped her hands and squealed with glee, excited to undertake yet another
project toward me refinement.  “She will be here tomorrow morning to fit you. 
Oh, Aislinn, it is going to be amazing!  You will be the most stunning bride
ever there was!” she beamed, her enthusiasm animating her into motion.  “Well,
with one exception . . .” she added vainly.

Already
concerned with the monster I had unleashed, I decided I had better rein her in
before this got out of hand overnight.  “D-e-i-r-d-r-e,” I pronounced, grabbing
her hand in an attempt to still her dancing.  When I be certain that I had her
attention, I bade me request.  “Please!  I do want to keep it unpretentious, as
I wish to still feel as meself— the lass Donovan fell in love with,” I entreated
her implicitly.

“Fine,”
Deirdre groaned, her enthusiasm promptly swapped with a little frown.   “Nevertheless,
I do not see why you would want to look the same
when you could be
absolutely divine?  After all, you get to look as
you
every other day,”
she uttered, pouting.

I
snapped me head round to look her way me mouth gaping. 
How could she utter
such a thing?
  I be shocked by how utterly insensitive she could be
sometimes!

“Well,
heaps-o-thanks to you!” I barked at her, grimacing.  Deirdre always did have
just the knack fer making me feel small in her presence.

“Oh,
Aislinn, do pardon me.  I did not mean it like that,” she stated sincerely,
grasping me by the hand gently and looking at me with her big blue eyes.

To me
vexation, remain angry with her I could not.  I smiled softly and leaned into
her to offer a hug.  The thing be, I recognised that do it intentionally she
did not.  Yet still, always she did manage to do it, nonetheless.

“I know
you didn’t, Deirdre.” I offered in consolation.  “Only please do allow me to
contribute in the matter of selecting me own dress.  I promise I won’t
embarrass you.”

She
cocked her head at me comment, looking penitent.  “Naturally, Aislinn.  I want
you to have it just as you wish.”

Feeling
contrite, I endeavoured to change the subject.  I decided to broach something I
had been intent upon asking her fer some time.  “Deirdre,” I started timidly.

“Yes,
Aislinn, what is it?” she responded openly.

I felt
the heat flooding me face.  Taking a deep breath, I whispered, “What it be like
to be with a man . . . you know, in
that
way?”

Her
eyes lighting up, a broad smile spread across her face.  “Oh Aislinn! 
Absolutely wonderful ‘tis!” her voice took on a musical quality.  “Believe me,
it will change you forever, change how you perceive yourself.  In the course of
one night, you go from a lass to being a full-fledged confident woman!”

“Indeed,
that does sound lovely.  God knows I could stand to be more confident and less
silly.  Still, how does it actually
feel
, to have a man enter yer body?”

Now she
be blushing.  “Oh.  Well, it is truly indescribable!  The feel of it is
amazing, to be certain.  You feel as you never have before.  You will discover
for yourself soon enough.”  She gave me a wink.

“Will
it be painful?” I probed, never having given much thought to that aspect before
then.

“Oh, I
suppose the first time a bit uncomfortable it is.  Naturally, that largely
depends upon the sympathy of the man.  And I’m sure Donovan will be most
sensitive to you.  I know how he loves you.  Never would he willingly hurt
you.  And then, beyond the first, it is naught but spectacular; that is, if the
man takes the pleasure of the woman into consideration, which again, I have not
a doubt that Donovan will.”

I
beamed at her appraisal of Donovan, as I knew ‘twas precise.

“Thank
you, Deirdre,” I said sincerely.

“Of
course, dear Aislinn!  And so joyful I am for you, that it is finally
happening!”

She
gave me a brief hug and rising, walked toward the door.  I smiled at her kindly
as she left the room. 

I must
remember how much she has done fer me and be careful not to be too impatient
with her overbearing enthusiasm.
 

I
walked to me bed and plopped down with a cleansing sigh and began envisioning
me gown and how I would appear in it.  Never dreamt I would have these sort of
choices before me, rather resigned to the thought of wearing me mother’s gown— as
it be, a third generation hand me down undoubtedly.

I
didn’t know where to start!  I had not even attended but a couple of very
modest weddings. 

The
wedding will take place in summer, so then perhaps I can bare me arms a bit.  Something
open in the back may be lovely; still, would that be too brazen? 
I
scolded meself silently fer still allowing the ever present voice of me father
to influence me thoughts and decisions.
  Already he has cast me out, what
more can he do?  Moreover, a grown woman I be now! 

I fell
asleep exhausted from the countless images of possibilities whirling in me
head.