Cailín (Lass) (Anam Céile Chronicles) (34 page)

There
with Donovan I laid fer suppose ‘twas a couple of days— I do not know, fer time
meant naught to me at that point— until the sounds of people in the distance I
heard.  Somehow through me haze, I realised ‘twas a search party coming to look
fer him.  Knowing it would be the last time ever I may, I turned to gaze upon
his handsome face, and kissed him tenderly upon the lips fer the last time
before rising to me feet.

Swiftly,
before I could be seen, I shifted back into me horse form, embracing the heat
which traveled down me back directing the spasms to move through me limbs in
the transformation.  I remained with Donovan to be certain that they would find
him. 

Too
soon they did approach, in awe of the wild
aiteann
at his side.  As they
watched, I nuzzled his cheek and hair, absorbing the scent of him fer what I
understood would be the last time.  Then, I spun around and galloped off swiftly,
me tortured shrill whinny piercing the unusually still air surrounding.

Disappeared
without a backward glance I did, running after the rain fer which I prayed. 

Somewhere
it must be!  Let me find it so that it may wash away me grief.
 
This
pain, oh let it bleed out from me.

Though
the day surrounded me with its warmth, still ‘twas the coldest day ever I had
experienced, especially in the midst of summer as ‘twas.

Perhaps
I should not have, but I fled to the valleys of our memories and wandered over
it fer days, wallowing through every special time we had shared together, me
mind whooshing and cluttered in me grief.

I
remember how you appeared in the morning at daybreak.  The sweetness of yer
skin . . .
 
So silent you stole from me . . . 

His
voice echoing in me mind, I ran to his heart to be near in the only way I
could.

Will me
love melt away?  Me voice I hear it cry out . . .  crying fer the death of me
heart.

How
could this be, that I have brought this upon him?  He, a blessing to me life;
I, but a curse upon his.

Everything
appears the same, yet me whole world it has altered!

I came upon
a picturesque meadow, bourgeoning with summer wildflowers.  ‘Twas just the kind
of setting we would have cherished together and made the most of . . .  I
ambled to the innermost part of it and stood motionless fer some time staring
out— thinking of us, of him.  Then I lowered meself to be seated in the midst
of it, the long grasses blowing in the fragrant summer breeze tickling me
skin. 

At a
time such as this when I would much rather feel numb, be oblivious to the world
about me, instead painfully I be noticing every minute feature in all of their
precisely clear details.  And I find that each and every single thing carries
me back to thoughts of him; fer the beauty I see before me I should be sharing
with him, his arms about me, his lips brushing me cheek, his smile I would feel
upon me neck, giggling, exultant to be alive in this moment, in this wondrous
place and together . . .

I do
not know how long I remained there in that agonizingly beautiful meadow, quite
possibly ‘twas fer the greater part of that day— and then it may have just as
easily been fer only a few minutes.  With naught more to look onward to in me
life, time had lost its importance fer me.  Still, the evening sun glinted
beautifully off the wildflowers. 

After
staring at it fer quite some time, I believe, I plucked up a spectacular blue
iris and held it in contemplation, caressing it, examining it: the soft blue of
its distended outer petals, revealing the exposed white inner side with its intricately
delicate lace-like veining. 

As I
held it by its long firm stem, I realised the colour of it be near the same as
that of Donovan’s sweater the splendid day that we were caught in the storm . .
.  The folds of the flower harkening me thoughts of me relentless desire fer him—
desires which I had still, although he not be here to satisfy them.  This
insight tore at me— that stunning flower the dagger which pierced into me
chest, slashing it wide open to bleed interminably, the wound never to heal,
the pain to grow only more potent. 

Unexpectedly,
a long and deafening guttural scream erupted from deep within me soul and I commenced
to ripping apart that beautiful flower, tearing every delicate petal from its
body, ripping them to shreds fer the pain they caused me, wishing to obliterate
it.  Rapidly, the fragments of that flower were too insignificant to hold
between me fingers to destroy any longer. 

Adrenaline
swiftly coursed its way through me veins, me heart racing, me breathing ragged
as I detected that I be surrounded by innumerable clones of that same flower in
that meadow.  To me feet I leapt, screaming as I tore through that meadow,
ripping the heads off every flower within me grasp as I fled passed them,
flinging their remains into the air, the tears gushing down me face.

I ran
as the wind all the way to the water’s edge.  And I cast me bitter tears to the
sea, but the tide brought them all back to me, as no end to them there be. 
Compared to me grief, that sea it may as well have been a mere drop.  Desperation
setting in, I needed to hear the warmth of his voice.  Me thoughts carried me
back to the last time we were at that place.

“Reach
out your hands.  I be just a step away.”  Donovan, ever attentive, offered to
steady me with his hand.

In
spite of the thoughts assaulting me mind, in that perfect world of the here and
now, our love be raw and young, alive and real.

Ours be
a love so strange and unreal, and yet at the same time, absolutely familiar and
comfortable.  I belong to you, and you belong to me, too.  Before you, ‘twas as
though I be blind.  You opened up me eyes, removed me veil.  I’ll live me life
giving you the most in every way. 

“Trust
in me and you will find a heart so true,” Donovan promised.  “All I wish is to
give the best of me to you, be the man you deserve, if you’ll allow me to be by
your side always.”

Beaming
I be, as ‘twas the first time I had absorbed the rays of the sun.  Watching the
sunlight dancing upon the water, the winds blowing through our hair . . . 
Beauty as never I had imagined . . .

Those
were the moments I have remembered all me life.

I
lifted me hands from touching him to feel the wind whispering through me
fingers, leaning me head back to feel it brushing me hair back.  His eyes still
affixed upon mine, Donovan grasped the back of me head, bringing me face
forward to meet his lips fer a deep kiss.  As always, me head set off
spinning.  I kissed him back fervently.

Slowly,
I lifted me lips from his, allowing me eyes gaze upon his divine face, tracing
along it with me finger.  “Here in this very moment, ‘tis exactly where I be
meant to be, right here with you.”  I confided to him. 

Will I
ever find the words to completely convey me love to him?  I know now that
nothing could ever take his place.  I honestly do not know how I ever lived
without him.  Proper comprehension I had not of what it truly meant to be
alive, to feel.  I want to preserve these feelings deep within me.  Curious how
all this sentiment now be flourishing in me, blossoming where once not so much
as a seed of something existed in its place.  The love I feel fer him could
amass the skies!  How then, be it possible that it all fits here within me
heart?

“Aislinn,
your hair be magnificent with the wind in it, your eyes as bronze jewels, your
lips a magical world, me escape.”  Donovan’s blue eyes deepened so as he said
that, ‘twas as though he presented me a glimpse all the way into his soul!  “A
goddess you be!  And I cannot believe I be lucky enough to have you to love
me!”  Me eyes were liquefying under the intensity of his.

That
propelled me to find the courage to say what be in me heart, to make certain he
knew just how I felt about him.

“I want
you infinitely in me heart, Donovan.  When I look into yer eyes, I see all I
need.  The person I aspire to be is everything you are.  I know all I need is
this.”

“Oh,
Aislinn!  You be so much more than you know,” he told me, whispering the words
to emphasise how they mattered.

Oh, only
that you could peer into me . . .  

“I’ll
remain beside you ‘til the last beat of me heart . . .”
Donovan
affirmed. 

I was
taken aback by his words.  Instead of the heartfelt sentiment he intended, the
utter significance of them gripped me as a prophecy of heartbreak.

What say
you?  Last beat of yer heart?  How ever can I wish fer that?  Surely to be torn
apart?!  How would I go on living without you?  Know you not how much I need
yer love?  Yer love it be me religion.  Yer kiss, me prayer.

“If you
were to cease to exist,” I said clearly, “so would I.”  Dreadfully serious I be!

Donovan
scoffed.  “There be no if,” he stated plainly.  “Just when,” his voice
poignant.

“No!” 
I cried.  “Together forever we must be!”

And fer
the first time ever, I wanted to shake him, to scream at him fer uttering such
wretched things.  Instead, overcome with the harsh reality of his words, I
simply buried me face in his chest, wishing to drive away the thought of such a
horrid occurrence.

“We
will always have forever in each moment we share together.  Fer these moments be
all we truly have.  In the end, life is merely just a collection of moments, is
it not?” he disclosed encouragingly, trying to rescue me mood from its descent,
though fruitful in his attempt he not be.

“Aislinn,”
Donovan said tenderly, lifting me chin to look at him. “There be something I
need to say to you.” 

I
lifted me eyes to his and waited.

“Incredible
‘tis!  To see the sunrise in your eyes, no matter the time of day!  I aspire to
awake to
that
sunrise each day of me life.”  And then, taking me
hand delicately within his, he dropped down to one knee, clutching onto
something small in his hand.  “Aislinn MacAuliffe, I love you with all I be and
promise to fer all the days of your life.  Will you do me the grandest honour
of becoming me wife?”

“Donovan!”
I squealed.  He embraced me as I dropped to the ground to fall into his arms. 
Even as I be kissing his face profusely, I cried, “Do you mean it?  You truly
wish me to become yer wife?”

“Of
course I do, Aislinn!” Donovan responded.  “I could not have hoped fer a more
beautiful, more perfect woman to make me wife.”  Then a look of apprehension
washed over him.

“What
it be, me love?” I searched, suddenly worried he had thought better of his
proposal.

“You do
know how to keep a fellow on his toes.” 

I
peered at him curiously. 

“You
have yet to respond to me proposal,” he elucidated.

“Oh
Donovan!” I cried.  “Indeed, I will marry you!  And to have you fer a husband
will make me the most fortunate lass that ever lived!”

At me
response, his face beamed with that dazzling smile that captured me soul long
afore even we met. 

Then
Donovan looked down, opening his hand.  Within it be a dainty gold ring. 
Nipping it between his fingers, he picked it up and held it before me fer a
moment. 

Donovan
picked up me other hand and found the fourth finger upon me left hand.  He
carefully slid the ring onto it, gazing deep into me eyes and whispered,
“Aislinn, I love you more than me own life.” 

T
he hope
of all we might have been had filled me with the hope to wish impossible
things. 

The life
we had lost.

Taken.  

Stolen. 

The
dreams we shared, shattered and broken. 

All I
lived fer had vanished. 

Desperately
I searched through me mind fer a way to turn back time, to make yesterday merely
an unsettling illusion.