Cara's Twelve (25 page)

“So we head south. Towards Crantock,” Cara said, agreeing that Gorlos needed to be informed of what had happened.

Finn frowned at her and then looked at Tahdaon. Something passed between them that she didn't understand.

Finn glanced at Efy and asked, “Will your grandfather give us aid? Will he fight against Ballack?”

“Of course,” Efy sighed, his face drawn with tension.

“After we speak with my father we will head east and speak with Lord Wilber before heading to Meall.” Finn turned to Helfrich. “Take two soldiers with you. You're sure that your travel arrangements have already been settled?”

“There's a boat waiting for me at the harbor of Clearwater,” Helfrich said, glancing nervously at Cara.

“A boat?” Cara squeaked, looking between the men for an explanation. “Why do you have a boat waiting for you? Did you know this was going to happen?”

Finn shook his head sternly. “We weren't sure, but we wanted to be prepared if it did.”

“So you are going to send Helfrich off alone? Without even consulting with me? Don't I get a say in what happens?”

Finn looked at Tahdaon as if for help, but found none in the man's hard gaze. Finn pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply. “Tahdaon and Hauk will head north——”

“North?” Cara sputtered. “You want them to leave us as well?”

Finn's grim expression softened a little as he looked down at her. “Tahdaon believes he can convince his brothers to lead their army against Hellstrom. With an attack from all sides, we may be able to defeat Ballack and take back the city of Annul. I don't like it either, but it's our only chance.”

Cara glanced at Tahdaon who stood with his arms crossed, a deep frown lining his brow.

“You think that you can convince the Dalglieshan army to fight for Elbia?” Cara asked, not convinced that Dalgliesh would pick up swords to protect the crown.

Tahdaon's scowl deepened. “They will fight for their freedom. If Ballack succeeds he will force Dalgliesh into further subjugation. Our men are strong. We have an army in the far north ready to fight. Finn is right. The only way we can win this is if the northern and southern provinces form an alliance.”

Cara didn't like it. There was too much that could go wrong. She trusted the men to fight for her, but separating themselves when they had an army after them just seemed foolish.

She turned to Helfrich. Of all the men she knew, he was the most reasonable. But as she looked at him, she saw the resolution in his gaze. “And you would cross the sea alone? For what? You have already said that Drumlish has no army to speak of.”

Helfrich smiled sadly. “Our army is small, but Drumlish will fight, and our men are well trained with the bow. Elbia cannot fall into the hands of this usurper. I will do what has to be done to protect your crown.”

Cara sighed and turned to Finn. “So we head south?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head.

She frowned at the pain she heard in his voice. “But you just said——”

He took her hands in his and stopped her. “It is too dangerous to take you to Crantock. Ballack needs you to legitimize his son's claim to the throne. We know he has spies everywhere, and I can't be certain that they haven't infiltrated Crantock already. I won't risk your life. The only place where we can assure your safety is Dalgliesh.” He took a deep breath before continuing, “You will go with Tahdaon north, to the city of Muir.”

Cara gapped at him, stunned to the core of her being. He meant to leave her. “You can't be serious.”

Finn motioned to the men, and she watched as they dispersed. He took her by the elbows and drew her close. “It's the only way I can make sure you're safe.”

“You think I'll be safe without you?” She tried to push away from him, but he held tight.

“Tahdaon will be with you. It's only for a short time. Once I have informed my father of our plans, and the alliance with the Northern provinces, I will head north.”

Cara shook her head and covered her face with her hands. She wanted to scream at him, but when she finally spoke her voice came out in a harsh whisper. “You made a vow. You promised you would protect me.”

His voice was strained with emotion. “This is how I honor that vow. Do you think that for one second I want to be away from you?”

Tahdaon whistled to get their attention and barked, “We have to go.”

Cara closed her eyes and rested her forehead against Finn's chest. She didn't know when or if she would ever see him again.

“I love you,” she whispered. It was the first time she had spoken those words, and now she regretted not telling him sooner.

He placed his hand under her chin and forced her to look at him. His eyes searched hers and a single tear slid down his cheek, but his resolve was clear. There was nothing she could say to change his mind. She could argue with him, demand that he take her with him, but it would only waste valuable time.

Reaching up, she wiped the tear from his cheek and wrapped her hands around his neck to draw his lips towards hers. Unshed tears pricked her eyes as she kissed him one last time.

Pulling away, she nodded, and drew a trembling breath as he led her to her horse. There was no time for sentimental goodbyes, and she nodded solemnly at Helfrich and Efy before allowing Finn to help her remount.

She looked down at Finn, his eyes stoic, tears glistening in his eyes.

“I will come for you,” he whispered.

Inclining her head, she sank her hands into the horse's mane to stop herself from reaching out to touch him. If she did, she knew she wouldn't have the strength to leave him.

“Until then,” she said despondently.

Clutching at the reins, she choked back a sob, and forced herself to follow Tahdaon and Hauk northward through the forests of Ashwater towards the province of Northlew, and for the first time since they had met, Cara was glad for Tahdaon's sullen silence.

Hauk guided Cara and Tahdaon through the dense forests of Ashwater and over the rocky hills of Northlew. Their supplies were limited to the generosity of the people they came across, and the game that the men were able to hunt down. They camped overnight wherever they could find an abandoned dwelling, barn or cave, and when there was no shelter to be found they rode through the night.  

Two weeks of tormenting travel brought them to the small town of Torii, where the Viceroy of Northlew kept residence. Cara and Tahdaon stayed less than a week before continuing northeast towards Dalgliesh and leaving Hauk to recruit the men of Northlew to join the Dalglieshan army. Cara wondered by the vacancy of the towns that they had passed if there were any men left in Northlew to join his ranks, but Hauk maintained that those who had survived had gone into hiding, no longer living in towns that were easily raided and overly taxed, and she believed him when he told her he would have an army armed and ready by midwinter.

Despite his limited resources, the Viceroy of Northlew was generous in providing the necessities that Cara and Tahdaon would need to continue their travels. He insisted that they take a handful of his men with them for protection, but Tahdaon refused, contending that the men would only slow their progress, and put them in more danger once they reached the hills of Dalgliesh.

Cara and Tahdaon barely spoke as they left Northlew. Since the events in Ashwater, he had become even more reticent and morose than usual, and in the silence that accompanied them Cara found her mind constantly drifting to Finn. There was no way of knowing if he and Efy had made it to Crantock safely, and as the days and weeks passed she became more uncertain if she would ever see him again. Having to cross through both Ashwater and Bere Alstern, Finn and Efy's passage was far more dangerous than hers, especially since Edmund would most likely suspect that they would head south and send his men after them.

“Do you think they made it?” Cara asked one night as they sat around the fire eating rabbit stew that Tahdaon had prepared.

Tahdaon nodded, staring into the flames. “I have no doubt.”

Cara exhaled a deep breath and looked down at her empty bowl. Shivering, she wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and closed her eyes.

Tahdaon stood abruptly and took the bowl from her. “Go to bed. I'll clean up.”

Cara shook her head and looked up at him. “I'm not tired.”

It was a lie. She was exhausted, but every time she tried to sleep her dreams were haunted by images of death and blood. Since they had left Ashwater she had barely slept an hour each night, and her body was starting to show the effects of her lack of sleep. Early that day she had fallen asleep while riding. She had nearly fallen off the horse, and would have if Tahdaon hadn't caught her. For the rest of the day he insisted she ride with him.

“You're dead on your feet,” he snapped. “You nearly killed yourself today. Go lie down.”

She shook her head and looked away. It seemed like he was always angry with her about something. He used silence as a weapon and it was all Cara could do not to break down in front of him. Blinking back the tears that threatened to fall, she stood and retreated to the tent that she shared with him. His own bed mat was pushed to the opposite side of the small shelter as it always was. For her safety, he insisted on sharing a tent with her, but not once had he tried to touch her, not even when her nightmares came and she cried out did he seek to comfort her.

She expected no less from him, but there were days when she felt as if it would have been better to be alone than with someone who clearly didn't want to be near her. She should have insisted on going with Finn. Even the dangers of Edmund's army would be better than spending another day with Tahdaon. If his own attitude towards her was any indication of how his family and people would treat her, she wondered if she wasn't in more danger in Dalgliesh than in Hellstrom.

Laying down on the hard bedroll, she stared into the darkness.

She was still awake when Tahdaon entered the tent some time later. She heard him lie down on top of the blankets, and knew his hand rested on the hilt of his sword. It was the way he always slept, as if he expected to be attacked at any moment.

She shifted to her side and looked at his faint silhouette. His breathing was even and deep as if he already dozed, but Cara knew better. Tahdaon slept almost as little as she did, and it was a wonder to her that it never seemed to affect him the way it did her.

“Tahdaon?” she said in the darkness.

“What?” he grunted.

She bit her lip and hesitated before asking, “What is it about me that you dislike so much?”

There was a long silence and Cara thought that he wouldn't answer. He placed his forearm over his eyes and let out a slow deep breath.

“I don't dislike you Cara, but you have to understand that I've spent my entire life fighting against the oppression of the Queen and her council, and against the hatred of the southern provinces. I can't just let that go.”

“I'm not Birkita,” Cara whispered, sitting up and wrapping her arms around her knees.

“I know that, and I saw what she did to Crowthorne. The poverty your people live in.”

“Then how are we any different? We both want the same thing. I've seen the way you are with Helfrich and Finn. You've changed towards them. You trust them. I know you do. Why can't you extend me the same courtesy? After all that we have been through is friendship too much to ask?”

“Friends,” he said and laughed harshly as if it were a ridiculous concept.

“Never mind,” she said, glaring at him through the darkness. “I don't know why I even bother trying.”

“Cara.” She heard him, rather than saw him sit up and turn towards her.

“It's fine Tahdaon. I can't say that I understand why you hold onto your anger and resentment, but I won't bother you again.”

He rustled around in the darkness and Cara blinked at the sudden light as he lit an oil lamp and set it between them.

Sitting back on his bed roll he watched her, and Cara shifted uncomfortably under his dark gaze.

“You want to know why I hold onto my anger?” he asked through clenched teeth. “Before I was born, the Queen and the council gave Ballack permission to crush any uprisings along the Dalglieshan borders. Of course Ballack wasn't content with just the borders, and soon his men pushed further north, raping and pillaging the towns that they came across. My father rode south to seek the Queen's audience and inform her of what Ballack was doing. No help was given. She claimed that unless he had evidence of his complaint, it was him who stood on grounds of treachery for falsely accusing Ballack.”

He closed his eyes and ran his hands through his dark hair. Cara didn't say anything, worried that if she did he would stop talking.

“After that the attacks on our land increased. Not knowing what else to do, my father went to Ballack and tried to reason with him. In return Ballack killed him in cold blood, and then rode to our home in Drumna with his severed head as a gift for my mother.”

Cara drew a breath in sharply. “The council did nothing?”

He shook his head. “Ballack maintained that my father had assaulted him, and he had reacted in self defense.”

“I'm so sorry Tahdaon.”

“That would have been bad enough, but Ballack wasn't satisfied. His men stormed the castle where my mother slept. He——” Tahdaon laughed bitterly and shook his head. “Wanted to make sure my mother never forgot what he had done. He forced himself upon her, planting his bastard seed in her womb, so that whenever she looked upon the child, she would be reminded of the power that Hellstrom possessed.”

“Your mother bore Ballack a child?”  

Tahdaon looked at her, his scowl deepening. “I am that child.”

Cara stared at him in shocked horror. If Ballack was his father that meant Edmund was his half-brother.

“My mother, she never told me. Not until I was an adult. I had heard rumors when I was a child, but I never believed them. It wasn't until I saw Ballack that I knew the truth. It is my shame that I bare the face of a monster.” Pinching the bridge of his nose, he closed his eyes and grimaced. “I don't know how my mother did it. Even now, when she looks at me, she sees the face of the man who killed her husband, the man who raped her and took her honor. She should have drowned me at birth, but she raised me and loved me. It's more than Ballack's bastard child deserved. But I promised her, promised myself, that one day I would kill him for what he did to her. That I would take my revenge on the Queen and the council who stood by and did nothing. On the man that destroyed her life.”

Cara stood and crossed the tent. Sitting beside him, she took his hand in her own. He didn't pull away from her as he usually did, but sat still staring intently at their entwined fingers.

“When I found out that I had been chosen as one of the Twelve I thought I would have my chance. At the dedication ceremony, I would be close enough to the Queen, to Ballack and the council members to strike. I could have killed them easily. Taken my revenge.” He glanced up at her, his blue eyes moist with unshed tears. “But I couldn't do it. Something held me back. I failed my mother. Myself.”

She cringed inwardly at his confession. “And now you're sworn to protect the future Queen. It's your vow you hate. Every time you look at me you see your failure to avenge your mother.”

“I told you, I don't hate you. If things were different——”

She stopped him with a kiss. Taking his face in her hands, she placed her mouth gently against his and kissed him softly. When she pulled away she held his gaze and stroked his cheeks with the pads of her thumb.

“Whether you believe it or not, I am on your side. I can't take away what they did, but together we can make sure that it never happens again. Just trust me Tahdaon. Let me in. Don't let Ballack take anything else from you. Don't let him take what we can have together. Even if it's just friendship.”

She watched his expression and saw the inner battle in his eyes. The fact that he had shared so much with her gave her hope, and that was more than she had had in a long time.

“I don't know what I can give you,” he said finally, removing her hands from his face. “But I'll try.”

“That's all any of us can do.”

Taking off his scabbard, he laid down on the hard bed roll. Lifting his arm, he patted his chest, coaxing her to lie with him. “We can start with a good night sleep.”

She smiled as she snuggled against him, and he wrapped his arms around her. She could feel his heart beating against her cheek, and she closed her eyes, savoring the closeness of his body.

Within minutes they were both asleep, and for the first time in weeks she slept soundly.

* * *

Tahdaon shifted in his saddle and tried to calculate how many miles they were from Drumna. He had planned on heading straight to the northern city of Muir, but he knew with the limited resources that the Viceroy of Northlew had given them, they would run out of food well before they reached their destination. They would make a short stop in Drumna, where his older sister Tia and her husband Osker, the current Viceroy of Dalgliesh, took up residence.

If they continued at the pace they were going, he believed they would reach Drumna within a fortnight, just before the summer solstice.

“There's a small lake just a few hours from here,” Tahdaon said over his shoulder. “We'll make camp there for the night.”

Cara's face lit up. It had been over a week since they had been able to bathe properly, and he was just as eager to clean the stench from his body as she was.

“We can make it in two if we hurry,” he said, and laughed out loud as she took off in a full gallop ahead of him.

They rode as hard as the horses allowed, and Cara gasped in awe when they arrived at Laodore Falls. Spring flowers were just beginning to fade and the summer foliage blossomed in a vast array of colors around the small lake. Tahdaon had come there often when he was a boy. It was one of his and his older brother's favorite places to camp, but never had he been so happy to be there. For the first time in over a year he was truly at home.

“It's beautiful,” Cara said, as Tahdaon dismounted and walked towards her.

“Go,” he said, grinning up at her as he took her reins. “I'll get the horses settled and set up camp.”

Unabashed, Cara dismounted and ran towards the lake's edge, stripped fully and dove into the cool water. He heard her laugh as she came up for air.

He tried to divert his eyes, but it was difficult to tear his gaze away from her.

“Hurry up and join me,” she called before she started swimming towards the cascading water of the falls.

He took his time unsaddling the horses and setting up their tent. Things had changed between them since the night in the tent when he had confessed to her who his real father was. It was a secret he had kept from everyone, only those who had been there when it happened knew the terrible truth. He didn't know what had made him tell her, but he knew that she didn't judge him for it, and that had been his worst fear.

His body had hardened at the sight of her naked flesh, and even as he finished preparing the campfire, and unpacking their gear, he couldn't get the image out of his mind. It had taken all his willpower not to touch her the past weeks that they had been travelling alone together. It had become even more difficult not to push himself on her since she had started sleeping in his arms. He knew she slept more soundly when he allowed her to curl up next to him, but his own rest was disrupted by the raging hard on he had whenever she touched him.

He saw the way she watched him. Knew that she desired him, but he couldn't bring himself to give into the hunger. The couple of times that they had been together had proven that sex only confused their relationship, and there was no room in either of their lives for more complications. He needed to keep his head clear when he was around her, and he definitely needed to keep his heart out of it. Both were becoming more difficult to do. As much as he hated to admit it, she had gotten under his skin.