Cara's Twelve (29 page)

He didn't know how long he had stood there, but by the time Finn found him, Peat Harbor was a small speck on the horizon.

“How is she?” Tahdaon asked, as Finn came to stand next to him.

“Sleeping,” Finn sighed, his voice weary with unspent emotion. “She wouldn't eat. I'm not sure she even knows where she is. Efy's with her now.”

“She's safe now,” Tahdaon said, unable to shake the pain that tightened his chest. He cursed and raked his hands over his face. “I should never have taken her to Drumna. I should have gone straight to Muir.”

Finn straightened and turned, leaning against the ship's railing. Neither agreeing with nor denying Tahdaon's statement of guilt, he asked, “Do you know whose body was in her room?”

“She mumbled Callion's name a few times in her sleep. I can only assume by the way she reacted that it was him.”

Finn swore again.

“Edmund will send troops to Drumna when he realizes that Cara is gone.”

“You're worried that Osker won't be able to hold them off.”

“You saw the numbers he had in Knowl. Osker may be able to hold them off for a few months, but not even Drumna could withstand an attack of that size.”

“We need to stay on schedule if our plan is to work.”

“I know,” Tahdaon sighed.

He knew Finn was right, but it didn't stop him from worrying about his family, about the innocent people that made Drumna their home.

The only way they would defeat Ballack and Edmund's army was to wait until the remaining southern army could regroup and move north. Helfrich had sent word that he would arrive with reinforcements, but with winter coming, they wouldn't reach Dalgliesh until early spring.

Edmund wouldn't go down without a fight, but then neither would Tahdaon. He would have his revenge. For Cara. For his mother. For the people of Dalgliesh. Edmund and Ballack would pay for what they had done.

“We've done all we can do for now,” Finn assured, placing his hand on Tahdaon's shoulder.

“And Cara? You saw what Edmund did to her.”

Finn squeezed his shoulder and released him. “She's safe. The bruises will heal. Give her time.”

“I'm more worried about her mind. If Edmund's anything like his father then…”

Tahdaon's voice cracked with emotion, and Finn averted his eyes as if he understood Tahdaon's meaning.

Silence drifted between them.

Finally Finn spoke, “Come below deck and have something to eat. We'll deal with things as they come. For now, there's nothing else for us to do.”

Tahdaon nodded and looked out at the fading Elbian coastline before following Finn below deck.

He wasn't as confident as Finn in Cara's recovery. The look in her eyes when she first saw him continued to haunt him. Whatever Edmund had done had broken her, and Tahdaon knew that it would take more than time to heal whatever wounds Edmund had inflicted.

It was the rocking of the ship that woke her. The sound of waves crashing against the wooden vessel that carried them. Rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hand, she groaned as nausea gripped her. Two weeks aboard the ship and her stomach still hadn't adjusted to the constant motion.

Cara froze as she heard the door to her small cabin creak open.

“You're awake,” Finn said, as he entered caring a tray of food.

The smell made her recoil and stomach twist painfully.

Shivering and lightheaded, Cara sat up slowly. Shaking her head, she pushed the food away.

“You have to eat something,” he insisted, putting the tray down and helping her position the pillows behind her back.

“I'm not hungry,” she whispered, licking her dry, cracked lips.

Finn sat down on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his. She didn't pull away, but her whole body tensed, and she knew Finn felt it. She didn't want to hurt him, but she couldn't shake the darkness that consumed her. His touch only reminded her of everything she lost.

Finn blew out a frustrated breath. “You can't keep doing this. You're starving yourself.”

Cara turned her head and closed her eyes. “You don't understand.”

“Then help me understand.” Finn placed his hand on her cheek and made her look at him. “Tell me what happened. Let me help you.”

Tears welled in her eyes at the kindness in his voice. Kindness she knew she didn't deserve. If he knew what she had done, what she had allowed Edmund to do, he would never look at her the same way again. His sympathy made her guilt so much worse.

Soon they would reach Muir, and she would have to face Reyn. How was she going to tell him that she allowed Edmund to murder his brother? That she was forced to watch as his body decomposed before her, all the while knowing that she could have prevented his death.

Cara closed her eyes and shook her head fervently as memories assaulted her mind. Callion was dead because of her, and for what? Edmund had already won. Even if he didn't have her hand in marriage, his father and Birkita would find some way to convince the people that he was the rightful heir of Elbia.

Callion had died for nothing.

Part of her resented Finn and Tahdaon for rescuing her. She didn't want to flee north like a coward. She wanted Edmund's head. Even if it cost her life, she wanted revenge for what he had done. The closer they got to Muir, the further they were from Edmund, and the further she was from enacting her vengeance. If she had the strength, she would have ordered them to return to Dalgliesh. Her mind fought a constant battle of living for retaliation, or giving up completely. At the moment it seemed as if despair would triumph.

Finn sighed and brushed her hair away from her forehead. “I know he hurt you, but I won't let you give up like this.”

Cara felt something break inside her, as if all the bitterness and anger that she had bottled inside suddenly burst free.

“Hurt me?” A bitter laugh escaped her lips. “Do you think I care what Edmund did to me? It's what I did. What I allowed Edmund to do. And for what?”

Finn stroked her arms as her entire body began to tremble.

“Whatever it was, you had no choice.”

“Choice?” Cara looked at him hard, and when she spoke she could hear the hysteria in her voice. “Edmund
gave
me a choice. Either marry him, or watch my friend die. I could have saved Callion, but I chose not to. So you're wrong. Callion's blood is on my hands.”

It was the first time she had admitted it out loud, and the full acceptance of what she had done hit her hard.

Finn held her as she wept. Her body convulsed in spasms of guilt and anguish. He rocked her until her sobs quieted and she had calmed.

“How can I live when Callion is dead because of me?” Her lips still trembled and tears soaked Finn's tunic, but her breathing had quieted.

“You did what you had to do,” Finn murmured against her hair. He tightened his grip on her when she tried to push away. “Callion knew you loved him, but he also believed in you, in your goodness and in your ability to rule Elbia. He wouldn't want you to blame yourself. None of this is your fault.”

A knock at the cabin door made Cara flinch.

“Sorry to intrude,” Tahdaon said from the doorway, his dark brows drawn down in a frown as he looked between them. “The captain's informed me that we will be making landfall within a few hours. We need to prepare to depart the ship.”

Cara sniffed and wiped the tears from her cheeks as Finn straightened and released her. When he stood, he placed the food in her lap and ordered her to eat.

“I'll be up in a moment,” Finn told Tahdaon, giving him a look that told him he needed a few more minutes alone with her.

Cara saw a muscle in Tahdaon's jaw twitch and his eyes darken before he turned and walked out of the room.

Cara sighed. It seemed that he had reverted back to aloof indifference, not that she deserved anything more, but his anger still hurt her.

“He's worried about you,” Finn said, his expression watchful and knowing.

Breaking off a piece of the bread, he forced a piece into her hand.

She shrugged. She couldn't deal with Tahdaon's moodiness at the moment. If he wanted to stay mad at her then that was his problem. She didn't have the strength to fight with him.

In order to appease him, she bit into the bread and struggled to swallow it. She took the cup of broth he handed her and sipped on it. Her stomach growled in protest, but she took another bite of the bread before handing it back to him.

Standing, he looked down at her. “Things are going to be all right. Once you have time to think about things more clearly, you'll realize I'm right. You're safe now.”

“Safe,” she mumbled under her breath when she was alone.

As long as Edmund lived no one was safe.

* * *

Cara was overwhelmed, not only by the size of Muir, but also by the incredible beauty that surrounded it. Not even the city of Annul could claim such splendor.

The lush green hills that stretched for miles around acted as a natural defense. The city itself was fortified with two stone walls, one that surrounded the perimeter of the city, and another within that encircled the massive centralized fortress that housed Tahdaon's older brothers and their families, as well as the substantial infantry that had yet to head south towards Drumna.

“Cara,” a woman's voice echoed across the courtyard as Finn helped her out of the open carriage.

Cara looked up, recognizing her cousin's voice.

She held onto Finn's hands for a moment as her legs adjusted to the solid ground. Tahdaon had insisted that she be carried directly to her chambers when they arrived so that a physician could examine her, but she had refused. As her legs threatened to buckle under her, she wished she had listened to him.

Maeve ran to her, wrapping her slender arms around Cara in a firm embrace that had Cara's head spinning.

“You look wonderful,” Cara said honestly as she pulled back to study her cousin, whose bright red hair and green eyes seemed even more vibrant then before. Whatever damage Birkita had done to her was undiscernible now.

“I've been worried about you,” Maeve said, her pretty face pinched in concern as she studied Cara. “We've heard rumors about what Edmund and his father have done, but I didn't know what to believe. Is it true they took the Holy City?”

Cara nodded and saw Maeve pale.

“And my father? Is it true that Ballack had him executed?”

“I'm sorry,” Cara whispered, looking around for Finn. He had left her to help with the horses. She wasn't prepared to have this conversation. Not with Maeve, and not in the middle of a busy courtyard.

Cara swayed, and Maeve reached out to grasp her hands.

“Are you all right?” Maeve asked. “You're so thin. Are you ill? Forgive me for being so selfish. I should have seen that you are tired from your trip. Come, let's get you settled.”

Cara shrugged and bit her lip as the world spun around her. “I'm just tired.”

Maeve smiled sympathetically and squeezed her hands.

The courtyard was full of activity and Cara didn't see Reyn until he was standing beside her. In a quick fluid movement, he picked her up and twirled her around as he had done so many times when they were younger. He placed a loud brotherly kiss on her cheek before setting her back down.

“Reyn,” she stuttered, as she glanced up into his smiling brown eyes.

Callion's eyes. Eyes that haunted her every waking moment.

Cara stumbled backwards as if she had been slapped in the face.

Worried voices ricocheted around her. She reached out to steady herself, but her hands grasped air. Her vision tunnelled, and she felt herself being swept up, as if she were suddenly weightless.

She could hear the conversation around her, but her brain didn't register their words. She was so tired. Drained. All she wanted to do was sleep.

“Tell Keghan to send a physician to my chambers,” Tahdaon growled, shifting her in his arms, and cursing under his breath.

Cara could hear Finn talking to Reyn, heard Callion's name whispered, and the felt the mood change around them.

She moaned and pressed her face against Tahdaon's chest. Finn would tell Reyn that it hadn't been her fault, and that she hadn't had a choice, but she knew the truth. How could she ever look at him again, knowing what she had done?

Tahdaon carried her through the courtyard. She should have been mortified at being coddled like an infant in front of so many people, but it didn't seem to matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Everything had changed.

“Enough,” Tahdaon growled, as he placed her on a bed in the middle of a large room. His eyes were angry when he forced her to look at him. “No more. Do you hear me? You're killing yourself.”

“What do you care?” Cara muttered, pushing his hand away from her face.

Tahdaon grabbed her roughly by the shoulders. “After everything that's happened, how can you ask me that?”

Cara looked at him then, and saw the fear behind his anger. He was scared for her.

“I'm sorry,” she whispered, more guilt washing over her. What right did she have to be angry at anyone? None of this would have happened if she hadn't been so naive. “I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I was a fool to go to the stables alone.”

Tahdaon ground his teeth and growled, “Cara, I-”

A knock at the door interrupted him.

Tahdaon swore under his breath and pushed himself off the bed as Maeve walked into the room followed by a stout, elderly man wearing the garments of a healer.

“Frewin,” Tahdaon said in recognition.

The smaller man shook a stubby finger at Tahdaon, and gave him a smile that spoke of paternal affection. “I should have known you'd bring trouble with you. Never a dull moment when you're around.”

Tahdaon huffed at the man's response, but Cara saw him physically relax. It was obvious that he trusted the man, and his response made Cara more at ease.

“But a little thing like you doesn't look like she could be too much trouble,” he said, turning to Cara and giving her a nearly toothless grin. “This young lady said that you needed my assistance.”

Cara looked uncomfortably at Maeve who stood off to the corner, and then at back at the physician. “I'm fine. Really. But thank you for coming.”

“Nonsense,” Frewin responded before Tahdaon was able to interject. He sat boldly on the edge of her bed and began examining her.

Cara tried to protest again, but the man efficiently went about his business. She felt thoroughly inspected by the time he was done.

“You're clearly dehydrated and malnourished, but that's nothing that we can't resolve with a few good meals.”

“I was seasick on the way here.”

The man grunted and pressed his old wrinkly finger uncomfortably around her abdomen. When he was finished he cocked his head and looked at her. “And when was your last monthly bleeding?”

Cara went cold as she realized what he was implying. With everything that had happened with Edmund, she had forgotten that the possibility was there. She glanced over at Tahdaon, whose permanent frown became even more defined at the older man's question.

She tried to count back, but time seemed to blur. “I'm not sure. Three, maybe four months ago.”

“As I expected,” Frewin said, patting her hand reassuringly. “If my calculations are correct, the child should arrive sometime between the spring and summer solstice.”

Cara cringed as Tahdaon cursed loudly.

Something shattered as it hit the wall.

“Cara?” Maeve said tentatively from the far corner of the room, as Tahdaon continued to stalk the room angrily.

Cara shook her head. “Would you both mind leaving me for a moment?”

Maeve nodded, but looked at Tahdaon uncertainly before leaving.

Frewin sighed and eyed Tahdaon severely. “Watch your tone young man. She doesn't need any more stress, and I know your tongue could cause even Annul to weep.”

Tahdaon opened his mouth and then just as quickly shut it.

His face was bright red and the veins on the side of his neck and temple protruded. Cara knew he was trying to restrain his temper, and doing a very poor job at it.

After a few minutes of silence, he turned away from her and muttered, “Finn and Efy will be worried about you. I'll let them know where you are.”

Anger boiled in her as she watched him make his way towards the door. Would he ever stop running away from her?

“Don't even think about leaving,” she shouted, wishing she had something to throw at his head. There was no way she was letting him walk away from her again. She had made the mistake of not protecting herself, but that didn't give him the right to treat her with animosity. He was constantly looking for an excuse to run from her. “You're such a coward.”

He didn't respond. Not verbally. But his shoulders sagged, and when he turned, Cara winced at the self-loathing she saw in his eyes.

“I'm sorry Tahdaon,” she said more gently. “I made a mistake. I didn't mean for this to happen. Don't be angry with me.”

“Angry with you?” He choked on the words as he sat down hard on the end of her bed and placed his head in his hands. “How can you think that after what I told you at the lake?”