Cara's Twelve (31 page)

Something felt wrong. Cara didn't know what it was that needled at her mind, warning her of some imposing danger, but she couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was about to happen.

“Everything's fine,” Maeve assured, patting her hand.

Cara shook her head and looked down at her hands that rested on her slightly rounded belly. “Tahdaon should have been back a week ago. What if something happened and they weren't able to leave Drumna? What if—”

“It isn't good for you or the baby to worry so much.”

“I know,” she muttered.

“Maeve's right,” Finn said as he entered the room. “There's no need worrying yourself. Keghan just informed me that one of his ships was spotted entering the harbor a couple of hours ago.”

“Tahdaon?” Cara asked anxiously, ignoring the frown Finn gave her.

“Keghan believes so. He sent some of his men to the harbor. They should be returning within the hour.”

Cara let out an elongated. “We should go down to the courtyard and wait for them to arrive.”

Finn knelt beside her and laced his fingers with hers. “There's a chill in the air. You should stay inside by the fire.”

Annoyed with his coddling, Cara pulled her hand free from his grasp. “I trekked across the entire country and survived. I think I can handle some fresh air without catching my death.”

Finn stiffened, but his voice remained calm. “Don't be angry with me. I just don't want you to get sick.”

“I know,” she said regretting her outburst.

Brushing a strand of blond hair behind his ear, she offered him a small smile.

Maeve cleared her throat and stood. “I think I'll go and see if there is anything that needs to be done to prepare for their arrival. I'm looking forward to having Tia and her children here.”

Cara nodded and followed Maeve with her eyes as she left the room. She had thought the same thing. Her own experience with children and infants was limited. It would do her good to spend time with Tia's children before her own was born.

Finn stood, pulling her off her chair and wrapping his arms around her in an embrace.

“Is it wrong that I'm disappointed Tahdaon is back so soon?”

Cara rolled her eyes at him. She didn't know how he could be so confident and yet so possessive at the same time.

“Perhaps he has news about your father and brothers,” she said, changing the subject.

“If they are following our original plan, then we shouldn't hear from them until spring. We need Ballack to think that the southern provinces have retreated for the moment.”

“Which places Dalgliesh as his prime target,” Cara murmured, as a wave of guilt washed over her. “I just pray that the men Keghan sent will reach Drumna in time.”

“Ballack has numbers on his side, but the city is fortified and Osker is smart. Drumna won't fall easily.”

“I hope you're right.”

* * *

Tia offered Cara a warm but cautious smile as she exited the carriage holding a small squawking bundle. Wynne followed behind her, Duffy's chubby hand in tow.

Cara glanced among the faces that had arrived with them, but none of them belonged to Tahdaon. Cara bit her lip as her apprehension returned.

“Can you take her for me?” Tia asked, holding the infant out for Cara to hold.

“Oh, I—” Cara didn't get the chance to protest as the crying infant was thrust into her arms.

“Thank you,” Tia said, stretching her neck and shoulders. “Pray that you never have to spend two weeks on a ship with a newborn and toddler.”

Cara managed to smile as she cradled the infant and tried unsuccessfully to soothe her.

Wynne smiled at Cara as she approached. In a swift glance, the older woman examined her head to toe, and then pulled her into an embrace that only made the infant cry louder.

“I'm glad to see you safe my dear. You had us all worried when you disappeared. Tahdaon said you had been quite ill, but you seem to be doing much better.”

“I am.”

“Good girl,” Wynne said, patting Cara's cheek affectionately. “It doesn't feel like it at the time, but sickness early in pregnancy means that the child is strong. She'll need that strength in the difficult years ahead.”

Not sure how to interpret Wynne's comment, Cara looked down at Tia's daughter and asked, “What's her name?”

“Her name's Shanlee,” Tia answered.

“Shanlee,” Cara repeated, as she studied the tiny fingers that flayed wildly.

“Gramma,” Duffy said, pulling on her skirts with his chubby hands. “I'm hungry.”

“All right dear, let's get you inside.”

“I'll take her now,” Tia said, carefully transferring her daughter back into her arms. “Come inside so we can talk.”

Cara frowned as she glanced once more around the courtyard.

“He's not here,” Tia said softly.

“What do you mean? Where is he?”

“Come inside,” she repeated. “It's freezing out here.”

“Has something happened?” Cara asked, fighting to keep her voice steady as raw panic tore through her.

Cara held her breath as she waited for Tia to answer her. The woman's uneasiness and unwillingness to answer only increased her apprehension.

Tia studied her for a long moment and then shook her head and sighed. “He chose to stay in Drumna.”

“What? Why?”

“He wouldn't tell me, but I can only assume that he is going back to Knowl to confront Ballack and Edmund.”

“He wouldn't!” Cara cried, her anger replacing anxiety. “How could you let him go?”

Tia gave her a hard look. “You know as well as I do how pigheaded that man is. Once he has his mind set on something, there is no reasoning with him.”

“I just heard,” Finn said as he approached.

“We have to go after him,” Cara demanded. “We have to stop him before he gets himself killed.”

Placing her hand on Cara's shoulder, Tia spoke calmly. “The window for travelling down the coast by sea has passed. No one is going anywhere until spring. Even if you were able to make it to Drumna, you have your child and your kingdom to worry about.”

Cara shrugged Tia's hand away. “You left him there to die.”

Tia's eyes darkened and she started to retort, but Finn put his hand up to stop her.

“Tia, go inside. The cook has some warm stew on the stove. We'll be there in a moment.”

When Tia was gone, Finn turned on her. “Don't blame Tia for Tahdaon's choices. You had no right to speak to her that way.”

“Did you know about this? Did he tell you what he was planning?”

“No,” Finn said more gently.

Cara cursed as she realized what Tahdaon intended. “He's going after Ballack. Alone. He plans on assassinating him.”

“You don't know what he's planning. Tahdaon isn't stupid. He wouldn't attempt to go after the man alone. What possible reason would he have to do such a thing?”

“Revenge. Believe me, Tahdaon has more reason to hate Ballack then anyone.” She had only hoped that his love for her was stronger than his need for vengeance.

Finn's eyes went round and his jaw went slack. “The rumors are true then? Ballack is Tahdaon's father?”

Cara neither confirmed nor denied the statement. “Edmund will kill him. Finn, you saw what he did to Callion. A man he barely knew. What do you think he will do when he catches Tahdaon? You know how much he hates him.”

“There's nothing we can do now,” Finn replied. “He left you here because he knew you would be safe.”

“He left me here to give birth to his child while he goes off to die.”

Finn drew her towards him.

“The men have news,” Efy said as he approached. “It appears that Edmund is leading the assault against Drumna. Ballack has returned to Knowl, and there are rumors that he has declared the city to be the new capital. His entire army has retreated from the Holy city and returned north.”

“Why would he do that?”

“The city of Annul has been decimated. Ransacked and looted,” Efy said, his face pale, his eyes filled with regret. “Even if we win this war, there's nothing to go back to.”

A wave of nausea washed over her.

“Was there any word from Helfrich or Hauk?”

Efy shook his head.

“I need to lie down,” Cara insisted, suddenly feeling the cold more deeply, as if it had seeped into her bones, causing her muscles to ache.

She needed to be alone, needed time to think.

How could Tahdaon leave her when he knew how much she needed him? How much his child would need him?

He had chosen revenge over her, over his unborn child.

The truth left a bitter taste in her mouth.

She had struggled with what she would do if and when they won the war and she was crowned queen. She knew everyone expected her to choose Finn, as it was the only logical choice. Still, she had struggled with what her heart wanted and what she knew was best for Elbia. If he had confessed, even just once, that he loved her, she would have found a way for them to be together.

What a fool she'd been.

Even in her anger she knew she would always love him, but she didn't have the luxury for such daydreams.

Elbia was all that mattered now.

* * *

Winter passed slowly in Muir.

Once the snow began to fall, Cara wondered if it would ever subside. While there were a few months of the year when snow fell in Crowthorne, it was rare for it to settle, but in Muir, the snow gathered, sometimes piling so high that it came up to a grown man's waist.

Months went by without any word from the outside world. Any movement in or out of Muir would have been treacherous, as large parts of the harbor were covered in ice, and the surrounding hills were blanketed in a white covering of snow.

Finn had taken to staying with her every night, but not even the comfort of his arms could keep her nightmares at bay. Asleep and awake, images of death assaulted her.

As time went on without any word from Tahdaon, Cara became convinced that Edmund had captured him, and the thought terrified her, but there was nothing that she could do except sit and wait.

She was trapped in Muir.

Cara knew Tahdaon had brought her there to keep her safe, but to her the isolation seemed more like a prison than a refuge.

There was little to do, and Cara often found herself sitting idly in the company of the women and children.

She had grown more comfortable with Tia's children, but despite her efforts, Cara didn't feel the same maternal instincts that the other women seemed to have in abundance.

Cara watched Maeve, the way she naturally bonded and cared for the little ones, and Cara couldn't help but feel ashamed and guilt-ridden for the ambivalence she had towards the child she carried.

Maeve would have been a wonderful mother, and Cara saw the yearning in her cousin's eyes, every time she held little Shanlee or bounced Duffy on her knee.

As her own body grew heavy with child, Cara felt nothing but fear and anxiety over her own impending motherhood.

Wynne tried to reassure her, but her cryptic words laced with hints of prophecy only gave Cara more apprehension, and there were many dark moments when Cara found herself wishing that she had taken the herbs that would have ended the pregnancy when she had the chance.

What kind of future could Cara give the child, and what was she supposed to do with a newborn when she had a war to fight?

Cara began to retreat further into herself, spending hours alone sitting by the fire, reading the histories of the queens and kings of Elbia. Looking for answers in the yellowed pages of the ancient books.

As the snow melted and the weather warmed, Cara finally knew what she had to do. It was a difficult decision, and one that she imagined would haunt her for the rest of her life, but it was a choice that would give her child its best possible outcome.

“A ship arrived this morning,” Finn said from the doorway of her room.

Lost in her thoughts, Cara looked up at him puzzled.

“The harbor has been opened, and a ship has docked carrying a messenger from Drumna. Keghan is meeting with the men now.”

Cara nodded and allowed Finn to help her from her chair.

Stiff and aching, she rubbed her protruding stomach and felt the child kick. Her stomach tightened painfully and then relaxed. If the midwife was correct, she had a little less than a month before it would be born. Less than a month to make the proper arrangements that Cara hoped would secure its future.

As she walked down the corridor towards the great hall, Cara kept a slow pace, anxious to hear the news that the messenger had brought.

Months had gone since they had heard anything. So much could have happened during that time.

Did Drumna still stand?

Had Helfrich and Hauk's army arrived?

Was Tahdaon still alive?

The mood was sober as she entered the hall. Keghan sat at the large table, his hands steepled in front of him, and his dark brows drawn down in a frown.

Cara didn't speak as she took a seat at the far end of the table. Efy and Reyn joined them, sitting on opposite sides of her. Finn didn't sit, but stood behind her chair.

“We have received news,” Keghan began, his gaze focused on Cara. “Drumna still stands. The walls have been damaged and the surrounding villages pillaged, but Osker still holds the city. For the time being, Edmund has retreated.”

“Retreated?” Finn repeated.

Keghan nodded, not taking his eyes off Cara. “It appears that his father, along with the old queen, were found assassinated. Ballack and Birkita are dead.”

Cara sucked in her breath.

“Tahdaon. He did it,” Cara breathed.

Keghan nodded somberly. “It would appear so.”

“Then he's all right? He escaped? Is he with Osker in Drumna?”

Keghan shook his head. “Osker hasn't seen him. Not since he left Drumna with Tia and my mother. He never returned to Drumna.”

Cara went cold inside. “Then where is he?”

Finn placed his hand on Cara's shoulder and squeezed.

Drawing a deep breath, Keghan answered. “We don't know for certain, but there are rumors that the man who assassinated Ballack and Birkita was captured while attempting to flee.”

Fear tore through her. If what Keghan said was accurate, there would be no mercy for Tahdaon. Cara shuddered as images of Tahdaon being tortured assaulted her.