Cardinal (27 page)

“Jen?” Pete sticks his head out of his room. “I
thought you went upstairs.”

I look down to hide my face. “I’m back. Goodnight.”

“No.” He steps in front me and his face fills
with concern. “Why are you all red?”

“It’s nothing. Just –”

“How’d it go?” Jules joins us, way too perky. “I
didn’t expect –” She stops talking and narrows her eyes. “What happened?”

I can’t help it. The tears I was holding back
spill over. Pete sets his jaw before pulling me into his arms. “What did he
do?”

“Nothing. It’s my fault,” I say against his
chest. “I messed up.”

Jules rubs my back to soothe me. “It’s okay. You’ll
work it out.”

I close my eyes and remain silent. I can’t
bring myself to say I don’t think so.

Oh, Ed. How I’ve missed you.

The soothing sound of my boyfriend’s voice
travels from my phone to my ear buds. He’s kept me sane over the last three
weeks, reminding me that everyone falls in love and everyone gets lost. I may
be biased in thinking I get hurt more than others, but one look at my love life
proves it hasn’t been stellar. I’m grateful my pretend boyfriend hasn’t
abandoned me because I’ve needed him.

I’ve needed him ever since Latson slammed the
door in my face.

With my eyes closed, I curl on my side in my
bunk. We just left Pittsburgh, and Beau is driving us to Ohio. When we’re
finished playing Columbus and Cleveland, the tour will end in Detroit. My rock
star life will be over two months earlier than planned. It’s perfect timing really;
Tricia called and my apartment is ready. I have a home back in Michigan.

Too bad my heart is in Illinois.

Sensing someone behind me, I roll over. Ariel
pulls out one of my ear buds. “I need to interrupt your time with Ed for a
minute.”

She knows I’m obsessed. I sit up and scoot
back, so she can join me. “What’s up?”

“I’m staging an intervention.” She pulls her
legs beneath her and gets comfortable. “I miss your smile.”

I look down at my lap. “Me, too.”

“I think you should know,” she pauses, “Dean
and the guys are concerned.”

“Why?” I frown. I’ve hidden my feelings pretty
well on stage. So what if I don’t go out to bars and parties?  The tour’s
almost over.

Ariel tips her head. “When’s the last time you
played the Fender?”

Ugh. “Last week.”

“Why?”

“Because I figured after two weeks of silence
we were done.” I pull out my other ear bud and wad the cords up in my hand. “Latson
doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

Ariel studies me in silence and crosses her
arms. “You know I disagree.”

“Yes, oh Wise Sage.” I roll my eyes. This isn’t
a new conversation. “I told you I wish things were different, but they’re not. I
lost his trust. There’s no coming back from that.”

“Your brother said he’s miserable.”

“Probably because Pete threatened his life.” I
knew my brother would stand up for me, but I didn’t realize he would hold it
over Latson every single day. Jules sent me a screenshot of the reminders on Pete’s
phone. Each day there is an alert for
Remind my boss he lost the best thing
he ever had.
I don’t think my brother’s behavior is helping any.

“Let me ask you this.” Ariel shifts her weight.
“If Latson called you right now and said he was sorry, would you take him
back?”

“Of course I would, but …”

“But what?”

“We’d have to have a serious discussion about
jumping to conclusions.”

If Latson has a fault, it’s thinking everyone
is out to get him. I understand why he feels the way he does; a lot of close
people have betrayed him. Yes, I missed the funeral, but he has to realize accidents
happen. He can’t hate me more than I hate myself for that mistake. On the other
hand, the situation with Caleb was coincidental. Should I have stayed in my
room and tried to ignore the sex-a-thon?  Given the outcome, probably. However,
I was standing up for myself and Roxanne. I won’t ever stop defending what I
believe is right, regardless of who is involved. Whether it’s loud neighbors or
Ariel’s right to choose or Gwen’s small chest, it’s part of who I am.

“He does tend to think the worst,” Ariel says. “He
needs to move past the Caleb thing.”

I nod. “I don’t think it will be easy for him,
though.”

“I don’t think anything worth fighting for is
easy.” She pats her still-flat belly. “Case in point, Lil Munchkin.”

I smile.

“There it is!”  She grins. “I knew you could
smile.”

“Only temporarily.” I smirk on purpose.

She groans and then bites her lip like she has
a secret. “What if … what if I had news that might make it more permanent?”

I’m intrigued. “Keep talking.”      

“What are your plans after the tour ends?”

My shoulders sag. I’ll be right back to square
one. “To find a job so I can refurnish my apartment. Why?”

“If you say yes,” she taps her chin, “I’d like to
make you my primary songwriter.”

I stare at her, stunned.

“I’ve talked to Mason, and he thinks my
publishing company would take you on after hearing “Fairytale.” If it works out
–”

I launch myself forward and hug her.

“Ah!”  She squeals.

“Oh my god, yes,” I say over her shoulder.

She laughs. “Do you want to hear the rest?”

I try to contain my enthusiasm and lean back. “Sorry.”

She smiles. “I’m not exactly sure how
everything will play out, but there could be yearly advances on top of
royalties. You’ll have to discuss the business stuff with them, but I know
several people in the industry who make a good living writing songs. I can’t
give you an exact amount of money, but –”

“I still say yes.” Is this really happening? 
Is Ariel Allyn asking me to write songs for her?

“Excellent.” She extends her hand. “So, we have
a deal?”

I reach for her hand, but stop short. “Wait. You’re
not doing this because you feel sorry for me, are you?”

She gives me a pointed look. “Your songs will
directly affect my career. I can’t make a call like this out of sympathy.”

“Noted.” I shake her hand and let a smile sneak
out. “Thank you.”

She smiles back. “No, thank you.”

“Time to celebrate!”

Paul leaps in front of us and we both jump. I smash
my shoulder against the side of my bunk. “Don’t scare us like that!”

“Gotcha.” He winks.

Drew appears behind him with Dean. He grabs onto
the bottom of Roxanne’s bunk and hangs there. “We were eavesdropping.”

My pulse races from the scare. “Are you bored?”

“A little.”

Dean points his phone at me. “Jen Elliott! 
You’ve just been offered a new career!  What are you going to do next?”

“Is this where I say I’m going to Disney World?”
I hold up my hand to block the camera. “Are you recording this?”

“Damn straight I am.”

“Stop!  I look like crap. There are enough bad
pictures circulating of me as it is.”

“Hey. You might want to watch this one day,”
Dean jokes.

Roxanne appears from the back of the bus. “I’ll
get some drinks. What does everyone want?”

My eyes get wide. “You were listening, too?”

“It’s kinda hard to avoid in this space,” she
says. “Besides, I finished the book I was reading. You want the regular?”

We nod and the guys follow her toward the front
of the bus.

“So,” Ariel pushes on my knees, “I think you
should call Gunnar and tell him. It will give you something to talk about.”

I shoot her a skeptical look. “Are you sure you
didn’t do this to be nice?”

“No, but it’s a conversation starter, don’t you
think?”

“I think you’re trying to play matchmaker.” I find
my phone. I won’t text Latson, but I will send a message to Pete and Jules.

Dean reappears and hands Ariel a ginger ale. I
get my Angry Orchard. My phone sounds with an alert and I look down.
No
way Little J. Congratulations!
 
It’s my brother.

Ariel’s eyebrows jump. “What did he say?”

“My brother says congrats.”

“You didn’t tell Gunnar?”

“No.”

She groans. “Why?”

“Because.” How can I explain this?  “Contacting
him is all I have. If I call him now and he doesn’t respond, it will kill me.” I
meet her eyes. “It will be confirmation, you know?  If I put it off, it seems …” 
I shrug. “It seems like I still have something to hold on to. Like I haven’t
burned my last bridge.”

Ariel’s expression falls. “I get it,” she says.
“It’s your last card to play.”

I nod. This fight, this break up, whatever it
is, it’s different. I’ve left guys before and they’ve left me. It wasn’t fun,
but it didn’t hurt this much. I never felt like a part of me was missing. Losing
Latson … I feel like there’s a huge hole in my chest. If I let myself think
about him too much, it’s hard to breathe.

“If you could tell him anything what would it
be?” Ariel looks genuinely interested. “I need to know for when I find the love
of my life.”

The hole in my chest aches. If Latson is the
love of my life I would hope we’d have a happier ending than a fight over a
mistake and a misunderstanding. Since my apology didn’t work, the only thing
left to share is how I feel.

“I would tell him I love him,” I say quietly. “It’s
the only thing I never got to say.”

~~~~

“Come on, guys. I want a picture.”

Rox, Dean, Paul, and Drew all gather around as
I try to fit us in the frame. I’ve never been good at selfies; I don’t think my
arms are long enough.

“Let me do it,” Paul says. “I’m taller.” He
takes my phone from me, and we all pose for a few fun shots. I’ve been taking a
lot of pictures over the last week – my last week on tour. I’m going to miss
these guys something fierce. I can’t believe it’s all ending tonight. After
Ariel’s encore, everyone in this room will go their separate ways.

“Send me some of those,” Roxanne says. “I’ll
put them on Dean’s website.”

“Will do.” I nod and start typing.

“So,” Dean approaches me, “you using the Fender
tonight?”

I look up at him and frown. “No. Why?”

“I don’t know.” He leans against my vanity
table. “We’re in your home state, your parents are here, and it’s your last
show.”

I narrow my eyes. “Do you want me to use it?”

“Would you if I said yes?”

Why does he care?  He hasn’t over the past few
weeks. “I guess so,” I answer. The whole Latson thing is still a sore spot for
me. I was planning to send the guitar back to him when I got home and settled.

“Good.” Dean’s eyes light up. “I thought you’d
agree, so it’s already backstage.”

“What’s going on?” Yes, I’m suspicious.

“You want to impress your family, right?  Plus,
it’s the last show. I like the sound better.”

“Now you tell me?” I make a face.

He smiles as Roxanne gets our attention. “All
right, lady and gentlemen. Let’s head to our final meet and greet.”

The five of us file out of the room and down
the halls of the Palace of Auburn Hills. I’ve been to countless concerts in
this arena throughout my life; it’s only thirty minutes away from my home. Never
once did I think I’d be playing on stage here, though. The farther I walk, the more
mixed my feelings become. Excitement, intimidation, a little bit of sadness … they’re
all there.

When we
enter the room to meet the fans, I spot my family right way. My parents faces
light up when they see me; they wave and I wave back. My eyes find my brothers Adam,
Josh, and Pete, then Jules ... then Carter, Felix, and Gwen. Holy shit. I
wasn’t expecting them. Adrenaline surges through me and my heart dares to hope
a certain someone else is here, too. My eyes search the room, but they don’t find
him. I hide my disappointment. Did I really think he’d show up?

No. Not
until I saw everyone else.

Roxanne and
the Palace staff start to let people through to meet us like usual. Attendance has
picked up during the tour like Rox had hoped; there have been at least a
hundred fans, if not more, at the last several meet and greets. Mid-way through
the signing, my parents make it to me.

“Baby girl.”
My dad looks at me out of the corner of his eye before opening his arms for a
hug. I gladly sink into them. It’s been months since I’ve been on the receiving
end of a Dad Hug.

“Hey, Dad,”
I say against his shoulder before he steps back and holds me at arm’s length. He
looks me over, and I do the same to him. What the hell?  “Who dressed you?” I
ask.

He chuckles.
“Jules got ahold of me.” He looks down. “You don’t like my jeans?”

“They have
holes in them.” They’re distressed and ripped, very hip for a fifty-five year
old English instructor. He’s also wearing a vintage, little-too-tight Moody
Blues tee.

“Let’s get
one with my girl!”

My mom’s
hand slides around my shoulders as she pulls me into a picture with her and
Drew. She pops one knee and winks as Jules takes the picture, a total confident
fan-girl pose. I look at my dad. “What did you feed her?”

“I’m just
excited,” she gushes and leaves Drew to hug me. “I’m so proud of you!  This is so
big time.”