Cartography for Beginners (2 page)

Micah was smug. "There, you see?"

"I'm getting some food," said Leo and left their little group to go to the buffet table. He filled his plate, and when Tristan joined him he smiled, put an arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. "It's a lovely party."

"Thank you." She leaned her head against his shoulder. "I think my in-laws are even coming to terms with her name."

"She'll never get many personalized key chains, no, but she'll always be the only one in her class. It balances out." He paused, considering. "Of course, you're talking to someone who named his son Dune, so my opinion is suspect."

"Dune is a lovely name, and he turned out no worse for having it. So I'm confident Tommy will be fine, too." She put her arms around Leo's waist. "How are you doing? We haven't had a chance to talk in ages."

"I'm doing just fine." He wasn't fooling anyone, and he knew it.

"Have you talked to Adam lately?" She looked up at him, her expression serious.

"No." Leo smiled at her. "Though everyone is quite keen to tell me how much better off I am without him."

"Oh, Leo," Tristan said in sympathy and squeezed him tight again.

"Though," Leo said and picked up one of the mimosas on the buffet table. "I feel like I should warn the new guy about Adam's poor record with fidelity, but maybe he'll learn for himself."
Like I did,
he thought, and downed half the glass in a gulp.

"So when are you going to start dating again?"

Leo lowered his glass. "Did Dunie put you up to this?"

She replied easily, "The subject has come up once or twice. He worries about you, you know."

Leo picked out his son from among the other guests, slim and tall and handsome, embracing his boyfriend from behind as Micah held his arms and chatted with Laird. Leo smiled with affection. "I know he does. But let me tell you something about gay culture, Tris: once you turn forty, or in some cases thirty-five, you may as well be invisible. I'm not counting on meeting anyone special anytime soon."

Not to mention all the friends he'd already lost over the years, the people who had died or moved out of the city to find new lives elsewhere. Old lovers who had moved on -- he had his share, he supposed.

"Oh, Leo," Tristan said again. "You're not going to be alone. I feel it in my bones."

"If you can find me someone who's remotely what I want in a companion, I'll be happy to meet him."

"We're all rooting for you, you know," Tristan said, and he kissed the top of her head again.

"I think I'd better stop monopolizing you -- your mother-in-law is giving me the stink eye." He let her go and picked up his plate and refilled glass. He could feel Tristan's eyes on him as he rejoined Dune and his friends.

Ben had brought over the baby while Leo was talking to Tristan, and Jamie held her comfortably in one arm. They studied each other seriously. "I always feel like she doesn't quite approve of me," Jamie said.

"Of course she does." Ben rubbed Jamie's back slowly. "She needs to see you more often so she gets used to you."

"Jamie," said Jamie to Thomasina, holding his free hand to his chest. "I'm Jamie. This joker is Benjie. You should remember him -- he's the one who gives you all the best toys."

"Can I hold her?" Micah said. "I haven't gotten to hold her yet today." He held out his arms.

Jamie looked at Ben, who rolled his eyes but nodded, so Jamie handed Thomasina over. The baby's eyebrows furrowed with confusion for a moment, but Micah held her with the confidence that came from experience. "Hi, Tommy," he said. "You and my niece are going to be friends someday, I hope."

Thomasina responded to this by grabbing Micah's glasses. Micah squawked and said, "Dunie! Help!" so Dune took them off for him and tucked them in his pocket. "Sorry, baby," Micah said to her, "not a plaything." Thomasina grabbed his nose instead.

A look passed between Ben and Jamie that Leo couldn't quite read, something both hopeful and uncertain. Ben rubbed Jamie's back again and pulled him closer to kiss his hair.

"Eventually I ought to get her back to her mom," Ben said. "I'm sure her grandmother is worried about us giving her The Gay."

Micah opened his mouth and Dune shook his head. "Not around the baby," he said serenely, and Micah sighed and put Thomasina back in Ben's arms. Ben smiled at them all and kissed Thomasina's head, and took her back to Tristan.

"My niece is smarter," Micah said sulkily.

"She's also older."  Dune steered him towards the buffet table. "You need food. Or at least I need food and we're doing two plates so I don't look like a pig."

Leo leaned back on the stone bench and closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of the party, Tristan's sisters cooing over Thomasina, the children of all the family and guests running around, familiar laughter. He cracked his eyes open as Jamie got comfortable beside him.

"The advantage we have over straight people," Leo said, "is we have to make a deliberate decision to have a child. We enter into parenthood knowing full well it's what we want."

"That's not how you did it."

"You're right," Leo admitted. "Dune can be blamed on high tide, wine coolers and the second side of '30th Anniversaire' by Edith Piaf. But ideally, it's a decision made after a lot of thought."

"Or we talk it to death," Jamie said and Leo raised an eyebrow at him. "I think we're ready. It's been five years. But Ben's not so certain -- both our careers demand so much of us right now. We're both constantly traveling and even when we're home we both work long hours. I don't know how we can fit in a baby. I don't want to have a kid only to hand her over to a nanny all the time."

"You're both still young," said Leo. "There's plenty of time."

"Aye," Jamie said, and Leo patted his messy blond hair to comfort him. "Just as a for-instance, did you know we're going to England for the summer?"

"No," Leo said. "Dune hasn't said anything about it."

"Dune doesn't know -- well, he doesn't know it's definite. We only decided a few days ago. Stuart wants to host a show for me in his London and Paris galleries, and we decided, yeah, it's time for me to take Europe by storm."

"You'll do that," Leo said and hugged Jamie around his shoulders. No doubt the decision had been difficult. Stuart and Jamie had been lovers years ago, and though they were working on rebuilding their friendship, Ben didn't bother hiding his jealousy when Stuart was around -- not that Ben bothered hiding his emotions often, positive or negative. Leo liked Stuart, though. There was something solid and comforting about him, from his broad shoulders to his melodic voice. Stuart made the journey from London to San Francisco four or five times a year and Leo knew it wasn't only to scout for new talent in the California art scene. "You'll do us all proud," he said out loud.

"You should come with us," Jamie said.

Leo blinked a few times, at first too surprised to speak. "To London?"

"Of course, to London. You need to get out of the city for a bit -- and when's the last time you took an honest-to-God vacation?"

"I went skiing with the lot of you last Thanksgiving, and I went to Key West with Ocean and Frances over spring break."

"And you spent the whole time reading."

Leo opened his mouth to deny it, but since it was true, he shut it again.

"Come with us to England," Jamie cajoled him. "I'll show you around and you can find some lovely luscious thing to get your mind off Adam."

Leo looked away, to where Dune was talking enthusiastically to one of Tristan's sisters. "I don't want to get my mind off Adam," he said quietly. "They say it takes half the total time of the relationship to recover from it. I've got another fourteen years and seven months to go."

"It'll take a lot less time if you find somebody else to amuse yourself with. For God's sake, Leo, nobody says you have to fall in love. Just find somebody to keep you warm." Ben was striding over the grass to join them, and Jamie said to him, "Isn't that right?" as Ben settled on the grass at Jamie's feet to eat.

"Yes. What are you talking about?" He gave Jamie a sandwich on a napkin and Jamie kissed him in thanks.

"Leo needs a warm body."

"Yes," Ben said emphatically. "And you should come with us to London to find one. We're going to London, by the way."

"Yes, Jamie told me." Leo sighed, touched and annoyed at once. How could he make these good-hearted boys understand he didn't need a warm body or a fling or anything other than Adam back? "I don't have a passport."

"There's plenty of time to get one. You only need six weeks and we're not leaving until the end of June." Jamie looked hopeful as he bit into his sandwich.

"And we're going to do London right," said Ben. "Jamie's going to show me all his old hangouts."

"The glorious history of my teenage years," Jamie said. "Every place I got buggered by a chav."

"I have no idea what that means," Leo said, "and I suspect I don't want to. It's all right. The station's always so busy over the summer -- we've got concerts and contests and visiting musicians, and all those albums coming out. They need me. You know who should come with you -- Dune and Micah. Stuart asked them to come last summer but they couldn't because of all the-- the Gavin stuff."

Jamie said, "I want them to come, too. It's a matter of convincing Dune he needs to get out of the city. If you ever change your mind, I'll be glad to be your guide."

"Sure, but I doubt I'd like to be buggered by a chav, so I'll take a rain check." He stood and kissed the top of Jamie's head, and bent to kiss Ben as well. "I think it's time I head home."

"See you later," Ben said and Jamie, his mouth full of sandwich, waved an enthusiastic goodbye.

Leo crossed the grass to Dune and Micah, and Micah wrapped his arms around Leo's waist the moment he was close enough. "What's that for?" Leo said.

"You look like you need it." He squeezed tighter. "You're my favorite Leo ever."

Leo kissed the top of his head, and it occurred to him he hadn't been kissing any mouths lately. He sighed and Micah squeezed him again. "I'm fine," he said quietly but left his arms around Micah, glad for the affection. "I'm heading home," he said to Dune, who was smiling at them.

"Already? The party's not over yet. One of Tris's friends told her about this Korean tradition for first birthdays where we all guess an object and the object that the baby chooses will be her career when she grows up."

"I'll pass," Leo said. "I'll see you two at brunch tomorrow, right?"

"Okay, Dad," said Dune, looking disappointed.

Micah gave him one more squeeze. "See you later, favorite Leo." Leo hugged him back, and hugged Dune as well.

He said a brief goodbye to Tristan and Laird, gave the baby his finger to grab, and went out to the street through the garden gate. It wasn't too far to walk to his neighborhood of Bernal Heights, particularly since the weather was fine. He put on a pair of sunglasses and took off at a brisk pace.

It didn't take long to reach his apartment, but when he got there he wondered why he'd hurried so. The apartment seemed too quiet and subdued without Adam's presence, without the familiar clutter of his books and records and clothes. Even when Leo filled it up with friends, the lack of Adam was palpable, at least to him.

He took off his leather jacket, put away his sunglasses, and was filling the coffee pot when the phone rang. He checked the number and smiled, picked up the phone and said, "Perfect timing, as always."

From across the Atlantic, Stuart Huntsman laughed aloud. "It's rather terrifying, how good my intuition is getting. How was the concert? It was last night, correct?"

"It was. It was very good. Loud. My ears are still ringing." He put the pot into the coffee maker.

"And the birthday party for the little Marcus girl?"

"Lovely, of course. She's growing up to be a beautiful child, though most of Laird's family still aren't sold on the name."

"Thomasina," Stuart said with a chuckle. "Given the names in Tristan's family, she's lucky she wasn't named Nigel."

"I'm not one to judge," Leo said. "Dune was my idea."

"It's a charming name. I've grown to like it." He paused a moment and there was the sound of a drink being taken. "And you, Leo? How are you?"

"I'm fine." Leo took a bag of coffee beans from the pantry. He paused and leaned against the counter, holding the phone between his ear and shoulder, and crossed his arms over the bag, holding it to his chest. "No, I'm not fine. I'm old and alone."

"You're not old," Stuart said. "You're younger than I am, and if you are old then so am I, and I am not old. And the alone bit can easily be fixed."

"Not easily," Leo said. "I haven't dated since the Eighties. Everything's different now."

"All it takes is a moment," said Stuart reassuringly.

"I'm still waiting for that moment. Another subject, please. I understand you're stealing Jamie and Ben from us for the summer."

"I am. It's time Jamie conquers Europe. I've been pressing him for a show for the last two years, though I suspect Simon will never forgive me if Jamie decides to stay."

"Jamie won't decide to stay. The city is home for both of them." Leo switched the phone to his other ear. "But I am glad for the opportunity for him. He deserves to be well known."

"That's exactly what I've been saying for years. Why don't you come with them? I won't be able to visit California until the fall and I'd like to see you."

Leo nearly let the phone drop, he straightened up so fast. "Thank you. But I'll be needed at the station over the summer. We're sponsoring half a dozen concerts and we've got the listener appreciation festival and--"

"Yes, yes," Stuart said with a laugh. "You're busy. Then I'll see you in September or October, I suppose." They both were quiet. Stuart inhaled and said, "Well, it's late here and I have a guest. I wanted to check in with you. Take care, Leo."

"You too," Leo said and hung up the phone. It didn't escape his notice Stuart didn't mention his guest until it was too late for Leo to tease him about it. How old was this one and were they watching cartoons and eating pizza before they went to bed?