Cathy Hopkins - [Mates, Dates 06] (13 page)

I did remember. It was
a good session and everyone was in a really good mood, playing well and in
tune. There was a possibility that a talent scout might be at the gig tonight
and Ben wanted to be ready with a demo CD to give him.

‘I’ve looked
everywhere,’ Ben continued. ‘And I’ve spoken to the other lads. No one’s seen
it.’

I felt my stomach
churn. I had a feeling that I knew
exactly
where it was. Spider. He
must have taken it last night.

‘No, I haven’t got it,
Ben,’ I said. ‘Haven’t you got another copy?’

‘No. I was going to do
some today. Never mind. It’s got to be here somewhere. I’ll carry on looking.’

I felt rotten when I
put the phone down, but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him that I’d taken
two boys back to the garage. Even though we’re not an item any more, I didn’t
want to hurt his feelings. I’ll kill Spider, I thought. I have to get the CD
back, but then I’m not going to see Josh again, am I? So how am I going to see
Spider? Luckily the phone went again and this time it was Josh. He asked if I’d
meet him in Highgate. My first reaction was to say no, as I still felt bad
after being abandoned last night, but I wanted to get the CD back from Spider in
time for the gig, plus I wanted to get something for Mum’s birthday tomorrow,
so in the end, I agreed.

I set off for
Highgate, thinking that I’d be really cool with Josh this time. I’d ask how I
could get the CD back and I’d let him know that he couldn’t just see me when he
chose, then abandon me when he had a better offer.

He was waiting for me
in Costa on the High Street at a table at the back. I sat opposite him and
resolved that I wasn’t going to gabble away and do all the talking. If he was
going to be mysterious, then so was I.

‘Hi,’ he said.

‘Hi.’

He looked up at me,
then down at the floor and shifted uncomfortably. He fumbled in his jacket
pocket. ‘First of all, let me give you this back.’ He handed me Ben’s CD. ‘I
wanted to hear what your band sounded like. I know I should have told you, but
I know a few people in bands and it can be so embarrassing if they’re rotten
and you have to fake what you think. I wanted to listen to you in private. It’s
good. Genuinely. And you have a great voice, Izzie. Real talent.’

Thanks. I…‘

‘And second,’ he
interrupted. ‘I was a real shit last night and I want to apologise. I shouldn’t
have left you on your own…’

My jaw dropped. This
wasn’t what I expected.

‘So sorry,’ he
continued. ‘I don’t know why I did it. It’s weird sometimes with girls. It’s
like… I dunno, like when I really like someone, sometimes it does my head in
and I cut off. I know it’s mad…’ He shifted in his seat again. ‘Plus things
have been crap at home, you know, lot going on…’

‘Tell me about it,’ I
said. ‘I seem to have been in the doghouse all summer. So what’s happening at
home?’

Josh hesitated. ‘Oh,
the usual - parents, school, exams, life,’ he said finally.

‘Yeah. Same ole, same
ole,’ I said. ‘Do you have brothers and sisters?’

Josh shook his head. ‘Just
me.’

‘So what’s been the
problem?’

Josh hesitated again.
‘It’s my dad, really…’ He seemed reluctant to carry on, so I reached over, took
his hand and squeezed it.

‘You don’t have to
tell me if you don’t want,’ I said.

Josh shrugged. ‘No,
it’s not that I don’t want to tell you, just that a lot of people don’t want to
know when they find out what my dad does.’

‘Why? What does he
do?’

Josh glanced around
him, then sighed. ‘Let’s just put it this way: he spends a lot of his time in
police stations.’

Even though I tried to
look cool about it, I think my face must have registered surprise. Josh scanned
my face for a reaction, so I gave him a sympathetic smile as if to say, what
his dad did wasn’t going to put me off him.

‘Ever since I was a
kid,’ he continued, ‘I never really knew what my dad was up to. Out nights,
didn’t know where he’d been when he finally did come home. And the stress it
causes my mum — the atmosphere at home is rotten. She wants him to get a normal
job, live a normal life, but nah, what can you do?’

‘Oh, I’m so sorry,
Josh. It must be hard having a dad who’s been inside…“ I began.

‘Inside?’ Suddenly he
grinned as though he found it funny. ‘Yeah. My dad’s a right dodgy geezer, but
once someone’s turned rotten, you can’t change them.’ Suddenly, his expression
changed to sadness. Ah, I thought, so that’s it. His devil-may-care attitude is
a cover for how he really feels. Poor Josh. It must be awful having a dad who’s
in and out of prison.

‘I try and keep out of
his way as much as I can,’ said Josh. ‘Not that he’s got much time for me. All
he cares about is the latest job he’s on. That’s why I don’t like going home
much. I don’t want to get into it or know what he’s up to.’

‘Where do you live?’

He jerked his thumb
north. ‘Up near Whetstone. But I tell you, I’m off the minute I can leave. I’ll
find a way to support myself. I mean, who wants to live somewhere where your
dad’s dodgy and your mum is paranoid that you’re going to end up the same way.
Like, I didn’t get the grades I needed in my GCSEs this summer and now she’s
convinced I’m going the same way as my dad and won’t get off my case. It’s
hell.’

I put my hand over
his. ‘I’m really sorry. I haven’t been getting on with my mum lately either.’

‘Yeah, but I don’t
think my dad even likes me. He’s always picking on me, then mum stands up for
me, then they start rowing. I mean, I’ve no intention of ending up like Dad —
no way.’

He looked so
vulnerable sitting there that I desperately wanted to make him feel better. All
my resolve not to get involved went flying out the window. I felt the total
opposite of how I felt last night. Then I’d felt used and discarded, now I felt
needed. He was confiding in me and

I wanted to show him
that I was there for him. He lit up a cigarette and offered me one.

I took one and told
him I’d have it later.

‘Want to hear
something funny?’ I asked.

He nodded.

‘I wrote something
about meeting you in my diary and my mum read it. She said she wants to meet
you. As if.’

He looked chuffed.
‘You wrote about me in your diary? What did you write?’

‘None of your
business.’

He laughed. ‘I hope it
was flattering.’

‘Might have been. You’ll
never know.’

He looked at me
seriously. ‘I will come and meet her, if you like.’

I shook my head. ‘No,
don’t be mad. She’s just being over-protective. Worrying that I’m seeing some
maniac.’

‘I’m good with mums,’
he said. ‘Honest. I can be very charming when I want to be.’

‘I’m sure you can, but
no, forget it.’

‘Oh, come on, it’ll be
a laugh. I can tell her all about how I want to be a doctor when I leave
school.’

‘You never told me
that…’

He laughed. ‘I have no
intention of being a doctor, but that’s the sort of thing mums like to hear.’

‘So, you’re good at
telling women what they like to hear, are you?’ I teased.

Josh shrugged, then laughed
again. ‘Yeah. Sometimes all you have to do is feed them a line. They hear what
they want to hear and run with it. Anyway, the offer’s there and if it gets
your mum off your back, then why not? It would also mean we could see each
other without her giving you any hassle.’

That made sense. ‘OK,’
I said. ‘But I’m warning you. She can be major inquisitive.’

‘No problemo. So, you
all ready for tonight?’

I nodded. ‘Sort of,
but I always feel a little nervous just before.’

‘So how about I come
over this evening before the gig and help you chill. We could go together.’

On the way home, I put
the cigarette that Josh had given me in the bin, then quickly called in at
Ben’s. No one was there, so I posted the CD through the letter box with a note
saying, ‘
Sorry, found this in my bag. Must have picked it up by mistake.
Sorry, sorry. See you later
.’

Phew, that’s sorted, I
thought, heading home to meet Lucy. She was coming over to help me put my
outfit together for the gig, plus I wanted to look good for Josh. I was glad he
was the one who had taken the CD, as I wouldn’t have liked a confrontation with
Spider and I felt flattered that Josh had wanted to hear what I sounded like
with the band. He was different today, I thought, as I walked towards the tube
station. All his defences were down and I realised that he’s as insecure as the
rest of us. It must be rotten for him. Even though Mum and I have been at war
lately, I know that she’s there for me in her own uptight way. I decided I’d
give her a hug when I got home.

She was in the kitchen
making a sandwich when I got in, so I went over to her and put my arm around
her waist.

‘Hey, Mum,’ I said.
‘Had a good morning?’

‘You’ve been smoking,’
she said pulling back.

‘No, I haven’t,’ I
said.

Mum sighed. ‘I can
smell it, Izzie. In your hair.’

‘I’ve been in a place
where people were smoking, but I didn’t. I don’t even like cigarettes.’

‘So you
have
tried one, then?’

‘No. Yes, well only a
puff, but never again. They stink.’

‘What is it with you
lately, Izzie? Drinking, smoking. Hanging out with strange boys. What next?’

How can parents switch
moods so fast? I wondered. Last night she was being so nice before she went out
and now, she’s back on my case. It’s so unfair. I don’t smoke. I
won’t
smoke. I try something and make a decision that she’d approve of and still I’m
in the doghouse.

‘Life is about making
choices, Mum. To make choices, you have to know what’s on offer. I did try a
cigarette and I’ve decided not to smoke. Everyone my age tries one at some time
or other.’

‘But some choices are
dangerous, Izzie. What else are you going to try?’

‘Give me a break, Mum.
I know what not to mess with.’

‘Do you? Do you? How
do I know that?’ she said as she took a seat at the table. ‘You’re still young,
Izzie. You need my protection.’

‘Protection, yes.
Suffocation, no.’ I was starting to feel annoyed. Then I remembered what Angus
had said about how watching your daughter grow up can be a difficult time of
readjustment for parents. Slow down, I told myself. Be patient and meet her
halfway.

‘Mum, you
can
trust me.’

‘I hope so, Izzie,
because…’

‘Oh, and that strange
boy,’ I interrupted. ‘His name’s Josh. He lives in Whetstone and he said he’d
love to meet you. He’s coming over this evening.’

Ha. That shut her up.

The
Big Night

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True to his word, Josh
arrived on my doorstep early evening, carrying a bunch of flowers. I was
feeling really good, as Lucy had popped over earlier as promised and we’d put
together an amazing outfit for the gig. She’d lent me a black corset-type
basque that she’d made. It had criss-cross laces at the back, was low at the
front and looked great with my tight black jeans and high boots. Nesta lent me
a black beaded choker and I did my make-up darker than normal. When I’d
finished, I thought the whole effect looked very rock-chick and cool.

Josh let out a long
whistle when I opened the door. ‘Whoa, you look
amazing
,’
he said, looking me up and down. Then
he laughed and indicated his jeans and fleece.

‘And look at me,
dressed all safe and normal, ready to meet Mummy dearest.’

‘You look great,’ I
said, then I showed him into the hall. He
did
look good — even out of
his usual bike leathers, he still gave off a vibe like he was all coiled up
with energy, raring to go. And so sweet, he’d brought me flowers.

‘Those for me?’ I
asked, pointing at the flowers.

He shook his head.
‘For your mum.’ Then he whispered, ‘From the garden on the corner of your
road.’

At that moment, Mum
came out of the kitchen. She looked a bit shocked when she saw me, but didn’t
say anything. Instead she focused on Josh and shook his hand. ‘So you’re Josh,’
she said.

He smiled back at her.
‘And you must be one of Izzie’s stepsisters.’