Cathy Hopkins - [Mates, Dates 06] (15 page)

King Noz did a
twenty-minute set and the audience seemed to like it well enough. A few minutes
into the first number, they were up and dancing away. I loved it. It’s a real
buzz being up on stage when the nerves disappear, the lights are on you and the
music’s rocking.

After I did my two
numbers with the band, I went and sat with Josh and Spider.

Josh leaned back and
gave me a wide grin. ‘Impressive,’ he said. ‘You’re hot.’

Spider gave me a kind
of grudging smile. I think that meant he liked it as well. At least he didn’t
get up and heckle us.

As we sat to watch the
rest of the set, Spider disappeared outside for a short while, then reappeared
with a joint, which he handed to Josh then Josh passed to me. I quickly glanced
to check that the barman wasn’t looking as I didn’t think teenagers smoking
dope in the pub would go down too well, but he was busy serving customers. I
noticed Nesta staring at me from the other side of the room. I gave her a wave,
then purposely took a puff on the joint so she could see and inhaled like Josh
had told me to do. If you think Josh is a bad influence, then I may as well let
him be, I thought, as my head began to swim. I saw Nesta glance at TJ and TJ
looked over at me and said something to Lucy. I took another puff on the joint
and gave them a wave too.

I don’t remember too
much after that. Dancing with

Josh. Snogging Josh.
Having a laugh with Josh. Falling asleep on his shoulder. The time went so
quickly. The next thing I knew TJ was standing over me. ‘Izzie. Lucy’s mum’s
here to give you a lift home.’

‘Oh, not yet,’ said
Josh as I got myself together to go. ‘It’s too early.’

‘Curfew time,’ I
mumbled. ‘Dragon Mother will be waiting.’

Josh laughed and
walked with me to the car park where I could see Lucy talking to her mum, then
glancing back at me. My God, I thought, who isn’t talking about me? My head
felt really thick and dopey and everyone seemed to be looking at me. Want to go
home, I thought. Go to bed.

Mrs Levering beckoned
me over and Lucy squeezed in the back with Steve and Lai, while I took the
front passenger seat. I closed my eyes and we drove for a while in silence.

‘Tired, Izzie?’ said
Mrs Lovering.

‘Um.’ I replied.

‘Good gig?’

‘Excellent,’ said Lai
from the back. ‘Izzie was a star.’

‘So, you kids,’
continued Mrs Lovering. ‘I remember when I was your age…’

Ah, I thought, opening
my eyes and turning to look at Lucy in the back. It’s the ‘When I was your age’
speech. I knew Lucy had put her mum up to this. She shrugged, smiled weakly and
stared out of the window, trying her best to look innocent.

‘… it was quite a
time,’ continued Mrs Levering. ‘Go to a gig like that and everything would be
on offer, and I don’t mean just alcohol, know what I mean?’

‘No,’ I said, also
trying to look innocent. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Oh, drugs. Pot, acid,
coke…’

I had to laugh to
myself. So, is that what everyone thinks now? Izzie’s a raving junkie. I’ve
only had a few puffs on a joint and now everyone’s on my case.

‘It can be hard to say
no sometimes,’ said Mrs Levering. ‘People can pressurise you to join in, even
when you don’t want to. All I’m saying is, be careful, guys. I know you’re
going to experiment and ultimately you have to make your own choices, but don’t
ever feel you have to do something because everyone else is. Right?’

‘Right,’ said Lucy
from the back.

I turned around and
gave her a cheesy smile. ‘But Lucy’s had Coke tonight, haven’t you, Luce?’

‘Coca-Cola,’ said Lucy
quickly.

For some reason, I
thought this was hilarious and started giggling to myself, then I tried to make
my face go straight. Boy, I do feel a bit weird, I thought, as I gazed out the
window. A man at a bus stop gazed back. Not you too, I thought, as we whizzed
by. I wish everyone would stop
looking
at me.

C h a p t e r
 
1 3

How
Embarrasing !

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When I was in Year
Seven, I used to get a magazine that had a section in it with people’s most
embarrassing moments. People sent in all sorts of anecdotes about being caught
naked, or a bee flying down their shorts, or pulling people’s wigs off, and so
on. I think I now qualify for the star prize.

I’d been home an hour,
all snuggled up in my lovely bed after the gig, when my mobile rang. It was
Josh.

‘Want to live
dangerously?’ he said.

‘Dunurrh…’ I said
sleepily.

‘I’m outside. Meet me
at the bottom of your road in five minutes.’

That woke me up fast
enough. ‘Outside? But it’s midnight.’

‘So? You going to turn
into a pumpkin or what? Come on, Iz. You start school again Monday. You can be
a good girl then. Come on, come out and play.’

I wasn’t feeling too
good after the spiked pineapple juice and the joint earlier, and the thought of
snuggling back down to sleep was very inviting. But so was sneaking out to be
with Josh. I’d never done anything like that before. Why not? I thought.
Everyone seems to think I’m bad. So why not live up to my reputation for once?

I pulled on my jeans
and a fleece, grabbed my mobile and tiptoed out into the corridor, past Mum’s
room where I could hear Angus snoring, then down the stairs and into the front
garden.

Josh was waiting for
me at the gate. ‘Excellent,’ he said, putting his arm around me. ‘Where shall
we go?’

‘Dunno,’ I said.

‘OK. I parked my bike
at the end of the next road. I’ll take us down to Queen’s Wood.’

Five minutes later, I
was clinging on to Josh’s waist as we roared through the empty streets. It felt
totally exhilarating and daring.

When we got to the
park, we found a shelter near one of the gates and Josh produced a bottle of
Malibu and a joint. ‘Picnic,’ he said.

‘I wish,’ I said.
Apart from a piece of toast when I’d got in, I hadn’t eaten since lunchtime. I
suddenly realised I

was starving. I shook
my head when he offered me the bottle.

‘No thanks. But you
haven’t by any chance got a cheese sandwich on you, have you?’ I said, wishing
I hadn’t binned the one Mum had made me earlier. My stomach felt really
peculiar.

Josh pouted. ‘But I
bought it specially for you,’ he said, looking at the Malibu. ‘It’s not my
thing. It’s a chick’s drink.’

I didn’t want him to
feel that I didn’t appreciate the gesture so I took a swig. Then he offered me
the joint.

‘No thanks. I don’t
really like it,’ I said.

‘Give it another go,’
he said. ‘I don’t want to get stoned on my own.’ Then he looked away, his
expression really sad. ‘Dad’s down the police station again. Don’t know when
he’ll be back this time. I’m not ready to go home yet and I… I don’t want to be
on my own.’

Poor Josh, I thought.
It must be awful having to stay out for fear of going home to bad news. I took
the joint and had a quick puff, but this time, I tried not to inhale. It didn’t
seem to make much difference, though, as once again, my head began to feel
woozy.

‘Hmm… it’s weird this,
isn’t it? Makes you feel funny.’

Josh smiled and pulled
me close to him. ‘Yeah, but funny in a cool way. You looked great tonight, did
I tell you that?’ He started kissing me, which felt really nice, then after a
few minutes, I noticed his hands starting to stray from my back and around to
my front.

I pushed him away.

‘What’s the matter?’
he asked.

I felt confused. Ben
had never tried this on with me and I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly I was
aware that I was in a park in the middle of the night and if Josh got annoyed,
he could well abandon me again. Josh handed me the Malibu bottle. ‘Here, have
some more drink.’

‘No, really,’ I said.
‘I don’t want any.’ My head was feeling thick again, my stomach was rumbling, I
was cold and starting to feel a bit nauseous.

Josh moved in and
started the wandering hands act again. Once more, I pushed him off. He sat back
and handed me the bottle. ‘Look, have a drink. Most girls find that it helps
loosen them up.’

Well, I’m not most
girls, I thought. But then I do like Josh, so maybe I should just go along with
it and see what happens. I don’t want him to think that I’m uptight, plus the
drink might take my mind off the fact that I’m starving.

I took the bottle from
him and had a good long glug.

‘Good girl,’ said
Josh, snuggling up. ‘It can help you chill out, that’s all.’ He started kissing
me again and his hands started roaming around again. I could tell he was
getting worked up because his breathing changed. It got heavier and his kisses
got more urgent. At one point, he put his hand on my tummy.

‘Oh, be careful,’ I
said. ‘I’ve got a new stud.’

‘Really?’ he said and
lifted up my fleece. ‘Cool.’

And then it happened…

I threw up.

‘Eeeeww,’ he cried in
surprise and sprang away.

I was horrified. I
leaped up, ran for the gate and scrabbled around in my pockets for a tissue. I
felt awful. My first encounter with a boy that goes a bit further than snogging
and I
throw up
. It’s never like this in the movies. I’ll never live it
down. I’m useless, I thought, as I ran out on to the pavement. My first drink
and I fall asleep behind Nesta’s sofa. My first cigarette and I gag on it. My
first puff on a joint and I think everyone’s watching me. And my first grope
with a boy and I
puke
! How grownup is that? Not at all. I felt close
to tears and anything but fourteen. I felt like sitting on the pavement and
crying like a baby.

All I wanted to do was
get away. I went and stood at the bus stop, praying that a bus would come along
so that I could get home, get into bed, wake up in the morning to find out it
was all a bad dream.

‘A bus has just gone,’
said a lady going by with her dog.

Oh, now what? I thought
as I looked around. The tube would be closed at this time. The streets were
empty apart from the occasional car and the trees seemed alive somehow,
shadowy, monstrous and threatening. I thought about going back to find Josh,
but the woods looked so dense and dark. I didn’t want to risk it.

A black Golf drove
past filled with lads, then it reversed and slowly came back. ‘Want a lift,
darling?’ called one.

I shook my head. ‘My
dad’s coming to get me,’ I said. Oh, where’s Josh? I thought. Why hasn’t he
followed me? Oh God. What a disaster. He’s probably trying to wipe off puke
from his fleece where it splashed him. Luckily the boys in the car drove off
and I sighed with relief. This is really,
really
stupid of me, I
thought. A mad,
mad
mistake. There are stories every other week about
girls my age disappearing, never to be seen again. I’m an idiot to have come
out so late. I
never
do stuff like this normally. I’m not thinking
straight with everything that’s happened and the stupid Malibu and that stupid
joint. It all kind of made everything feel unreal for a while, but it is real.
It’s past midnight, very dark and I’m out on the streets on my own. I wish Lucy
was here, I thought. And TJ. And Nesta. They’ll all be tucked up in their beds,
like I should be, so no way can I call them so late. Dad? No, he’d take too
long to get here from Primrose Hill and I don’t want to stay out on my own a
moment longer than necessary. Then I thought about Mum asleep at home, thinking
that I was safe in my room nextdoor to her. I want my mum, I thought. I wish
she’d just drive by and pick me up. I don’t want to be grown-up any more. I
want to be looked after. Should I phone her? I asked myself. No. No way I can
call her. I’ll be grounded for a decade and never see daylight again. She’d go
ballistic and she’s got good reason, I said to myself as another car drove by
and the male driver looked out at me. What on earth am I doing out here in the
middle of the night on my own?